The Wedding Album

My first time on a film shoot in a while and it was nice to be back in the saddle again. Today I was on Wall Street shooting some scenes for a new television pilot (I believe for FOX) entitled The Wedding Album. If I am correct, its a romantic comedy about the ongoing adventures in love of a wedding planner.

We shot in a huge building (used to be a bank, I don't know what they use it for now) that was all set up and decorated for a wedding party. Call time this morning was 7am. YIKES.

I got up extra early to ensure I would find my way there. They gave us the address to check in at but didn't tell us that the actual address was a block and a half away on a different street. Good thing I left early.

The last few times Ive been on a shoot Ive played attendees of high-class occasions so I had to wear a suit and tie. It was nice today to be playing an electrician so I could wear the same crappy jeans and T-shirt Id wear on any other day.

It was an interesting psychological study to see people dressed in cool hip clothing playing floral designers gathering together in one clique and looking down on the people dressed as caterers or servers. The guy who was chosen to be the head Floral Attendant, with his gaudily bleached hair and Im-Jonathan-from-Bravos Blow Out attitude, believed he had been cast as the King of the World (or, more appropriately for him, the Queen) and began to prance about the set ordering people around. I enjoyed watching people roll their eyes at him and defying his power.

The first half of the morning was a little boring, as I didn't do anything. Usually I dont mind doing nothing as its a movie set and nothing is usually what happens, but they had us waiting on set away from the holding area, which means away from my Soduko puzzle book Id brought along.

We broke for lunch and imagine my horror when they announced they werent providing lunch for us. That was a first. And, of course, the reason for my horror was I was carrying zero money. So during the lunch hour I did Soduko puzzles and secretly wondered why the lady in charge of the extras was in such a bad mood.

After lunch they put me in the background of a scene featuring a rigged table that crashed to the floor (with wedding cake on top of it). I don't care if I am ruining the storyline or giving something away by revealing the cake doesn't make it to the end of the show. Maybe next time they'll think twice about not getting me a sandwich for lunch.

After that, they grabbed me out of the bunch to carry some flowers in a scene. According to the onlookers I got some good screen time in that scene so that was nice. After that they had me in a scene working on a speaker and in another scene working on a table.

All in all it was a good day. I was a little grumpy for a bit because I was hungry but I still enjoyed myself. I was on the set until 8:30PM and I didn't mind a bit. A lot of people were ready and eager to leave, but since we get paid overtime I didnt see what the big rush was.

Needless to say I came home exhausted. I have a 3-day shoot coming up next week for the new Robin Williams movie, August Rush. I don't know if hell be in any of the scenes were shooting but they are overnight shoots and take place in Central Park. I wonder if anyone will be there to walk me home.

Fair Warning

If you're going to walk through Times Square holding someone's hand, I guess that's OK.

If you're going to walk through Times Square holding someone's hand and take up the entire sidewalk during rush hour, that's annoying.

If you're going to walk through Times Square holding your spouse's hand who is holding your child's hand who is holding your cousin's hand who is holding their friend's hand and you're going to take up the entire sidewalk and refuse to step aside for the oncoming foot traffic, then someone is going to get a glare from me followed by the mean shoulder nudge as we pass.

KCB

Wow, suddenly I'm just full of blogs, ain't I?

I wanted to mention the Kids Cookie Break hosted by my dear friend Lisa Landis. If you're looking for something fun and new to listen to, Lisa hosts this kids show and is now available to listen online 24 hours a day! It's awesome!! And even though it's a show for kids, like most Pixar movies, you can enjoy it no matter what age you are. Lisa is an amazing host and it's no mystery how a brief once-a-week segment on her morning show turned into it's own weekly show and now an internet phenomenon.

So swing by the link above and listen. Your family might like what they hear. And hey, if you listen really closely, you might hear one of more than a few contributions by Yours Truly.

Til You Weep

When is the last time you actually laughed so hard, you cried? If it's been too long, then I highly suggest the podcasts by Ricky Gervais. For those of you who don't know, Gervais is the genius behind the original British version of "The Office" (as writer, producer, and star and also producer and sometimes-writer of the American version).

I was listening to the podcasts while at work and literally sat at my desk crying. I can't recommend this too highly.

Now stop reading this and go get your laugh on.

Long Time No Blog

Wow, I can't believe it's been so long (12 days) since my last blog. Time definitely can get away from you, can't it? I know the old adage of "out of sight, out of mind" can often be true and I didn't want you to think I haven't been up to anything. I guess I just haven't taken the time to document any of it. Here's a brief recap:

Meridith and Nathan visit
My dear friend Meridith and her boyfriend Nathan came up to visit from Columbus, Ohio. It's always good to see dear friends again and I was glad to have a chance to reconnect and catch up. It was Meridith's first time to NYC and I had fun showing her a small bit of the city.

Painting the Lava Lounge
Some of us at the National Comedy Theatre have really taken it under our wing as our fearless leader Kramer has been out of town. The green room down in the basement was just a big empty room and we've gotten carpeting, a sofa, a Playstation, and are in the processing of applying a new coat of paint. It's really bringing everything together and making it feel like a place we want to hang out and call our own. The enthusiasm has been infectious and nice to see everyone band together.

No Books For Me
I haven't read anything for some time. All of my free time at the library has been spent checking out comedy albums. I also got the film Continental Divide with John Belushi and Blair Brown. After reading the Belushi bio I wanted to check it out as it raved about his stellar performance in a serious role. I thought it was ok. Kinda bored with it, though. Just because someone isn't mugging for the camera, I don't think that makes them a dramatic genius. But that's just me. A cute film, just not a dramatic tour de force.

And I guess that's it.

"The Ha-Ha"

Back in July I blogged about a little bookstore back in Indiana that was giving away free books; they were advance copies and I loaded up on a few of them and felt like a bandit. I just finished reading one of those books, The Ha-Ha by Dave King and let me tell you, I really feel like a bandit now.

This book was amazing. Incredible. And I've heard nothing about it at all. Pity, really.

Ha-Ha tells the story of Howard, a man who returned home from the Army scarred (literally and figuratively) and unable to speak, read, or write. Besides that, he is a man of "regular intelligence" who has carved out a regular routine in life...until his close friend and former love interest Sylvia goes into rehab and leaves him to care for her son Ryan while she is in recovery.

It's hard enough adapting to life with an 8-year-old boy; you can imagine how much harder it would be when you have no way of communicating with him except for gestures. With the help of his three roommates, Howard is more than willing to accept the task (mostly because he is still in love with Sylvia and despite his handicap, dreams of spending his life with her and Ryan).

What unfolds is a story that draws you in and has you rooting for Howard the entire time. You understand his wants, his longings, and his frustrations. His highs are invigorating and his heartbreaks are truly heartbreaking.

The time spent with Ryan changes the lives of everyone involved in a variety of ways and when I got to the end of the book, I was sad to have to say goodbye.

The Ha-Ha gets my highest recommendation. Check it out at a local library or bookstore near you. Thumbs up!

John, Lisa, Times Square, and Snowboarding

Yesterday I got to visit with my dear friends John and Lisa from Pennsylvania. They were up in New York City for a few days for their honeymoon and I was glad they etched out some time in their schedule for us to hook up!

Since I had to work that afternoon we met in Times Square. Lisa interviewed me for the radio/internet show she does, "The Kids Cookie Break" and told me about other interviews she'd gotten while she'd been in town.

In the middle of Times Square the Mountain Dew people had erected a huge snowboarding ramp with two individual lanes and complete with a huge truck blowing artificial snow on it. I'm not sure what the big event was for (we were told it wouldn't officially begin until 4:00) but it was pretty cool to see. You just never know what you're gonna see when you're walking down the street in this town!

John and Lisa both lived in New York many moons ago (Lisa had even worked at NBC for a short bit and had fun SNL stories to tell) so there was no pressure to show them all the cool stuff in town and impress them. Instead we just walked around and concentrated on catching up.

We grabbed some lunch at a great little French cafe (Maison was the name, I believe) and after that we made our way to Sam Ash Music stores so Lisa could get another disc for her recorder. While there she interviewed one of the employees about ukuleles and it was a great time.

Always good to see the Blowers!! Nothing like good friends and good conversation.

Tomorrow my dear friend Meridith is coming into town with her boyfriend Nate and I am looking forward to catching up with her (and meeting him)! This is the week of reconnecting! Yeeeeee!

Layer Cake

I've just finished reading a book that was recommended to me by my new friend from Down Under, the lovely Lena. Actually, she recommended the film to me. I went online to search for it at the New York Public Library and found it was a book first that had been made into a movie. I reserved them both, and the book is the first one that arrived.

Layer Cake by JJ Connolly is a fast and fun journey into the seedy underbelly of the crime syndicate in London. It's basically Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels meets Snatch meets Elmore Leonard (author of Get Shorty, Be Cool, and Out of Sight). In other words, it's a guy movie in book form. And I loved it.

It took me a bit to figure out some of the British slang (cozzer, apparently, is another word for a cop) but it didn't take long to get involved in the story of our unnamed hero who is twenty-nine years old and has decided to retire from a life of crime when he turns thirty. As is usually the case in such stories, it is much easier said than done. Connolly parades before us a long line of colorful characters, one more interesting and sneaky than the next.

When I had reached the third-to-last page, everything is pretty much wrapped up in a neat little bow....but a lot can happen in three pages. That's all I'm gonna say.

A fun read and highly recommended. Makes me wanna get in a car and drive really fast.

Remote Control

Last night was my first time performing at a remote show with the National Comedy Theatre. I rode along with JT, Amy, and Dan to East Brunswick, New Jersey to perform in the fancy schmancy Hilton Hotel for the New Jersey Association of Gifted Children or something like that.

We did a soundcheck in the ballroom where we would be performing and then they gave us directions to what they described as our "green room in a secured location." Or, what you and I would call a hotel room.

It was actually a very nice setup. They had taken out pretty much all of the furniture and instead brought in 4 tables and some chairs and set up them up around the room. They had also supplied a nice little craft services table with fruit and granola bars. It was pretty cool.

We were scheduled to perform for an hour and it went amazingly well. At first I wasn't sure how it would go, since about 3/4 of the people in attendance were kids but JT, who was running the show, did a really great job of keeping things under control (especially while getting suggestions from the crowd) and everyone seemed to have a great time.

The laughter kept coming at a steady rate and the hour flew by. Afterward we mingled for a bit and then got some free ice cream (we laughed at how, seeing it was a convention for gifted children and their families, they were offering free ice cream sundees).

We arrived back at the theater and hung out with the gang who performed at the theater for a few hours and all in all, it was a good night. I am scheduled to do another remote in a couple of weeks and am looking forward to that as well.

Good times.

I Think I Just Peed A Bit

So I'm watching the amazingly funny (and inexplicably underrated) Scrubs tonight and they said a line that made me laugh so hard I had to stop the VCR and blog about it.

For those of you who don't know, it's basically a younger, hipper, funnier ER in a sitcom format. (And, for those of you who don't know, Grey's Anatomy, a really good new show, is also a younger and hipper version of ER). I now take you to a scene from tonight's episode of Scrubs:

JD (played by the brilliant Zach Braff) and Eliot (played by the brilliant-and-lovely Sarah Chalke) are strolling down the halls of the hosipital.

ELIOT

JD, I really don't wanna do this. Can't we just go home, put on our PJs, and watch "Grey's Anatomy?"

JD

Oh, I do love that show. It's like they've been watching our lives and then...just put it on TV.



Brilliant.

Have Carpet, Will Travel

I don't think I mentioned it earlier, but JT and I had quite an adventure the other day. The gang at the National Comedy Theatre has been steadily working to improve the basement/green room at the theater. We were able to snag another piece of carpet from someone off of Craig's List and last Friday we went to pick it up.

And when I say pick it up, I mean it in every literal meaning. It was a fairly large piece of carpet (I believe 10' x 12') and after lugging it down 4 flights of stairs, we then proceeded to carry it from the corner of 3rd & 11th to the theater at 36th and 9th.

I don't know how I don't have a huge red rug-burn on my shoulder, but I escaped without any physical marks of our journey through midtown Manhattan (but it's still a little bit sore). Surprisingly enough we were able to make it the whole way without bumping into anyone or causing a huge ruckus.

Why? Because we freakin rock.

Belushi

I just finished reading the John Belushi biography, appropriately titled Belushi. Wow. Amazing.

I'll be the first to admit that although I am a huge fan of Saturday Night Live, I wasn't always necessarily a huge Belushi fan. Not that I didn't like his work, but there were always other cast members I was more into. His only films I've seen are Animal House (how can you not have fun with this one) and 1941 (a film I always loved, despite the fact no one else did).

I was just a few years too young to be aware of him during his heyday (I was only 5 when SNL came on TV and was much more preoccupied with Sesame Street) so my only real knowledge of him was more of how he died than how he lived. You might ask me who John Belushi was and the first thing that would come to mind is Died of overdose and then oh and he was on SNL and in Animal House.

Belushi does a great job of capturing how he lived. Because I am an SNL geek, I've read a few books on the history of SNL and they always cover the Belushi saga, but Belushi captures every facet. In the forward, Dan Aykroyd comments there are stories and anecdotes in the book that even he had never heard before.

This book is many things at once: informative, inspiring, and illuminating. I have really come to admire the man and his drive for comedic perfection. I stopped for a few minutes before reading the final chapter to mentally prepare myself because I knew what was coming. This is the part where he dies and I don't know if I want to read about it just yet.

I come away a little surprised at how emotionally attached I felt to the goings-on. It would have been nice if he'd been with us a little longer, if only so I could have enjoyed more of his work.

I'm Proud Of You

Just because the majority of my blogs are about my adventures and what I have been up to, don't think I don't have my eye on you (and the rest of my buddies). Right now when I think of my buds, I feel a deep sense of pride. I'm proud of all of my friends. Allow me to brag on a couple of them.

I'm proud of

Kevin. He had a show tonight with his group The Steagles.

Timmy. The comedy troupe he is in has been kicking butt and they're getting reay to leave for the Aspen Comedy Festival.

JT & Chris: They've been doing an amazing job at keeping things at the theater running smoothly while the cat's away.

Jerusha: She moved to the big city to chase her dream, and it's well within her grasp.

Of course, there are a lot more friends I am proud of right now, but if I start going into a huge big list, then people accidentally get left out and it gets ugly.

I love all my children equally.

The Truman Show

I actually made it out to the movies yesterday afternoon. I went with Cohen to see Capote starring Phillip Seymour Hoffman (hey, look at that, the two people I'd like to see get the Oscar this year have very similar names: Hoffman & Huffman).

I really enjoyed it. I thought Hoffman did a great job and, although I wasn't 100% sure what the film would be about going into it (I didn't know if the film focused on Truman Capote's entire life story or just a segment of it) I really enjoyed how the story unfolded.

Even though it was fairly serious material, the only real knowledge I had of Truman Capote beforehand was the fact that he was in the slapstick movie classic Murder By Death with Peter Sellers, Alec Guiness, Peter Falk, and James Coco. True, seeing that older movie helped me appreciate just what a dead-on job Hoffman did, but it also kept me giggling as I remembered Capote cavorting around as the character Lionel Twain in what was basically the movie Clue ten years before Clue actually came out.

Capote: Check it out if you can.
Murder By Death: Netflix it. Punny and cheesy, but it was supposed to be. In my opinion, a classic. Why this isn't mentioned in the same breath as Blazing Saddles is beyond me.

Sleep Schedule of the Dead

I don't know what's up with me, but lately I can't seem to get myself on a regular human sleep schedule. As much as I love to sleep I just haven't wanted to go bed (or been tired).

Saturday night I actually got to bed around 2:00am (early for me). Last night I managed to nod off about 1:30 or so. I woke up and felt well-rested and glad for having gone to bed so early. I looked at the clock and couldn't believe I had slept for thirteen hours. And then I realized I hadn't slept for thirteen hours. I slept for about 45 minutes. That's right. I woke up at 2:15am and felt completely rested. Completely. To quote Justin McRoberts, not even tired.

So I got up and re-watched the first 7 episodes of this season's Arrested Development and around 6am I was tried again and went to sleep.

Maybe I need drugs. I guess it's a good thing I live in NYC. Be right back. I gotta run to visit the shady man in Times Square.

Oh yea, I just finished reading a book called Unexpected Development. I think this is the first time I'd read something I would qualify as "chick-lit" and it was horrible. Absolutely horrible. I only finished reading it because it was just 160 pages and I knew I could finish it in one sitting. I'm not sure who this book was intended for. Teenage girls? Any age girls? It's the story of a high school senior girl who hates her life because she has developed early and oh sweet Heaven she whines about it for the next 159 pages.

I hated, hated, hated this book. So much that it made me angry. I can't even go into any more detail about the plot because I get mad just thinking about it.

The good news? Will Smith's "Switch" just came on the MP3 player and all is well again on Waltons Mountain.

Read All About It

Another Friday and Saturday night and another weekend of throwing down some fun shows at the National Comedy Theatre. Last night we had two packed houses and they were a ton of fun.

We didn't find out until after the first show on Friday night, but there was a reporter in the crowd from The Daily News for the 7:30 show and word on the street was he loved it. He had come to the shows because he heard about the NCT taking a few members overseas to Iraq to do USO shows for the troops (they're leaving on Tuesday and of course best wishes go out to them!). It seems the reporter enjoyed the show so much, he sent a photographer to the theater last night to take some pictures and do a full-blown feature story.

The photographer showed up last night before the first show and got some shots of us in the green room and then was going to stay around for the first ten minutes of the show to get some "in action" shots (he couldn't stay for the whole show because he had another appointment). But as it turns out (and as he later conveyed to Kim, producer/house manager) he was enjoying the show so much he ended up staying the entire hour and a half to watch the whole show.

We also had a film crew there last night to capture the show as part of a documentary they are filming on the USO tour they are about to embark upon. One of the cameramen ended up apologizing to Kim and Gary for not being able to hold the camera still the whole time because he was laughing so hard. So that was encouraging to hear as well!

If you're in the New York area and haven't seen the show yet, come on by! And if you're in the area on Tuesday pick up a copy of The Daily News and read all about it.

Hidden Treasure

I'm not bragging when I say I have a lot of stand-up comedy albums, I'm just stating it to let you know I have a pretty good knowledge of what's out there. Today while my MP3 player (God bless MusicMatch!) was on random, a track came up from an album that hardly anyone ever mentions when they talk about great classic comedy albums. That's right: It's Dennis Miller's The Off White Album.

I first heard this recording (on cassette) back in high school in the 80s and it's just as biting and relevant today as it was then (and maybe for me even more so, since I understnd a lot more of Miller's endless references than I did back then).

On a side note, I have a particularly soft spot for this album as it brings back a great memory of me and my Dad. Comedian Steven Wright was performing in Fort Wayne (I forget the name of the theater but I remember Wright commenting that the theater was so intricate and ornate he felt that if someone were to rub the outside of the theater we would all go shooting up out of the top in a wisp of smoke and start granting wishes). It was my first time seeing stand-up live (especially someone whose tape I owned!) and Dad and I listened to the Dennis Miller album the whole way there (and back).

Dennis Miller. The Off White Album. I think his brief disastrous stint doing NFL commentary made people forget that this guy's good.

Blizzard Shmizzard

So that was the dreaded blizzard everyone was going on and on about?

I mean yeah, we got some snow, and I am sure the news channels did their best to find the craziest pictures of snow they could to broadcast to the rest of the world but I mean come on. It's New York. We're supposed to get snow.

Seeing as how we haven't really gotten any snow this entire winter, I'd hardly say we were in a state of emergency. Getting heavy snowfall for about 12 hours and then having it turn 50 degrees for the following 4 days does not a blizzard make.

But I did get to see a lady fall down, so it was kind of worth it.

DOGGONIT

On my way home from work today I had to stop by TKTS (for those of who you don't know, that's a ticketing place in the middle of Times Square). I have to swing by there about once every other shift I work but today was the first time there was soemone there from The Late Show with David Letterman.

"Free tickets to tomorrow's show," she was calling out and I was was surprised that no one was crowding around her. I mean come on, it's freakin' Letterman!!

I missed my first chance to go see a taping last year, so I was determined not to miss chance #2. I approached her and asked her what time the taping is (I work tomorrow until 3).

She said the taping is at 5:30 (YES!), they start seating at 4:30 (YES!) but you have to check in by 3 at the latest (NO!).

So I missed it. Again. And here's the kicker. I know, I just KNOW, tomorrow is going to be a slow day at work and they're going to say "Hey Ed, you can go home early" and I'm going to be bitter.

So, no one tell me who's on Letterman tomorrow. I don't want to know what I missed. Unless it's like Burt Reynolds. Then it's all good.

Because I Am A Dork

Today on my way home from work I was crossing the street at 40th and 6th. As I neared the other side of the street I was approached by a beautiful woman.

Before I go any further, let me point something out. If you know me then you know that I've never been one to ogle girls or whoop and catcall; I like to think I'm a little more respectful than that. So when I say this woman was beautiful, I'm saying she was beautiful.

Across the street in Bryant Park is some kind of fashion show deal and there were a lot of models walking around so I wondered if perhaps she was a model.

So anyhow, this stunning woman approaches me. And when she spoke, she had an accent, Dutch or Swedish, which made her exponentially hotter.And she asked me which way was Broadway.

So I told her I was going that way, I'd show her. She laughed and threw her head back and said "Thanks!" and we ended up stopping for coffee and conversation and it was a wonderful time.

Oh no, wait. That's what would have happened if this blog was titled "Because I Am A Stud." And I'm not a stud, I'm a dork, so I must admit that's not what happened. What really happened, because I am a dork, is this:

I said, "It's that way" (as I point in the very direction I am walking!) and then keep walking and leave her standing there and the entire rest of the way home my self-hatred abounds.

Nothing important

I saw Saturday Night Live for the first time in like 8 months this past weekend. Steve Martin was the host and it wasn't a bad show. I laughed out loud on a few occasions and was glad to catch the groove again.

Today when I leave work I'm heading to the library to pick up a copy of "The Aristocrats" I reserved. Let the swearing begin!!

Wow...

I'm still a little buzzed from tonight. No, I haven't been drinking but with all humility I can honestly say that tonight at the National Comedy Theatre, we threw down a helluva couple of shows.

Also playing tonight was Kramer, Chris, Kevin, JT, and Dan (Dan is another newbie to the group and tonight was his first show! He did a great job!).

Both shows were clicking and everything fell into place. We had a couple of really good crowds and they were into it as well. We went up there with a great cockiness (the good kind of cockiness; we went up there knowing we could do no wrong and were guaranteed to have fun and bring the audience with us for a good ride) and we brought it home. Both shows, bam, bam, one right after another.

Once in a while you have a night where you can do no wrong and tonight was definitely one of them for us. It was such a good time and an amazing experience. I'm looking forward to another great show tomorrow night, too. Bring it on!

"Mirror Mirror"

A few posts ago I mentioned the book by Gregory Maguire, Wicked, and how much trouble I was having getting into it. Quite the opposite with his earlier book Mirror Mirror.

Just like Wicked is a re-telling of the story of The Wizard of Oz from the point of view of the Wicked Witch of the West, Mirror Mirror re-tells the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. To say that he re-tells the story so adults can enjoy it may be over-simplifying it, but truth be known that is exactly what Maguire does.

Where did the magical mirror come from? Why was Snow White a target of numerous attempts on her life? What if someone other than Disney got to name the Seven Dwarves? And what if there were eight of them?

I've never been a huge fan of "period" works but this one, much like The Princess Bride, was easy to get into. If you're looking for something new (and at the same time familiar) to read, put this one near the top of your list.

And The Award Goes To...

Last night was the Annual NCT Awards Banquet and it was a really good time. We met at El Quijote, a Spanish restaurant in The Village. The food was amazing (I had the red snappah...very tasty) and after we enjoyed our food Kramer gave out some mock awards to the gang. I walked away the proud recipient of the "Most Likely To Be Available For 208 Shows A Year" award (meaning every show, every weekend, because since I've joined up with the National Comedy Theatre I've been at every show). We all shared some good laughs and it was a pleasant evening to get dressed up, go out, and hang out with friends.

I Am Chita Rivera

At the National Comedy Theatre there is a game we play every show called 5 Things. One of our teammates will leave the room so they can't hear what's going on and the ref will get 5 activities from the audience (Olympic sports, team sports, extreme sports, household chores, etc). After getting those 5 activities the ref will then go back to the audience to get substituions for those activiities. For instance, a suggestion we get a lot is Football. And instead of the ball, we will ask for something completely unlike a ball, not even sporting equipment. For example, a toaster. Then instead of playing against a football team, the ref might ask for a famous group of people to replace the football team. And we'll get crazy replacements like that for each of the five activites. The player who left the room will then return and the rest of the team has to get the player to guess all five activities, with the replacement suggestions, but we can only use pantomime and gibberish to get the ideas across. So, we would have to get the person to play football but instead of a ball they're using a toaster and they are playing against N Sync and the Rolling Stones. Oh yea, and we have to get the person to guess all five things in three and a half minutes.

It's fast and furious, but it can be done. This week was a great week for 5 Things. I had a blast with it and surprised even myself at times. Friday night Chis and Virginia were on my team and Virgina was guessing. I'm not sure if I have the activity correct, but I believe we were trying to get her to guess that she was playing chess, the chess pieces were teeth, and she was playing against CHITA RIVERA. I don't know how in the world I got her to guess Chita Rivera (no one thought she'd figure it out) but Virginia came through and she nailed it. During the same show, Chris and I had to get her to figure out she was playing soccer and she was playing against the Mormons and the Amish. Chris and I were working like madmen and Virginia got that, too! It was a blast.

Saturday night I was playing on a team with Amy and Isaac. Isaac was guessing and Amy was trying to get him to guess "Liza Minelli." I had no idea how she was going to do it, but Amy did a great impression of Judy Garland having a baby and it was hilarious. Of course Isaac got it correct.

If you are in the NYC area on a weekend you should definitely swing by and catch a show. The upcoming schedule is listed on the front of my profile. There's also a Valentine's Day show coming up on the 14th and if you'd like to take some workshop classes they are coming quickly as well.

Saturday was my 20th performance with the team (I've been playing every Friday and Saturday night for a little over a month now) and I'm having a blast. Good times. :)

Oscar, Oscar

Today on my way to work I passed by this display advertising the upcoming announcement of Oscar nominees tomorrow morning. And in the window was a case FULL of Academy Awards.

It was glorious!

Point-of-View

It's funny how, when you're married and walking around in the big city you're surrounded by people walking around, chatting, drinking coffee, or sight-seeing.

And then when you're single again and walking around in the big city you're surrounded by couples walking around, chatting, drinking coffee, or sight-seeing.

Isn't it weird how your position in life alters your perspective?

"The Colorado Kid"

I just finished reading "The Colorado Kid" by Stephen King. King had come out a few years ago announcing his retirement but deep down I think all of his fans knew that was never gonna happen. As difficult as the writing process can be, when you have so many stories to tell I think it's harder to not tell them.

"Kid" was published by Hard Case, a crime-story book publishing company. If you think you know Stephen King, then this is proof that you don't. No gore. No guts. No demon-posessed anythings. Just the tale of two old newspaper men passing on to their new colleague a mystery that's had them stumped for 25 years.

A dead man was found on the beach of their small New England town and that's about all that is known for certain. Who was he? Why was he there? How did he get there? There are a lot of questions going into it and just to give you fair warning, King doesn't supply many answers. The story is less about the mystery than it is the relationship of the two men telling the story and the young reporter they are telling it to.

Because answers are so few and far between, I would have been upset had this been the standard 700-page King tome, but this story weighs in at a slim 184 pages and can easily be read in a weekend (or afternoon if you're really making good time). It's an easy read (most King books are) and he still knows how to tell a good story and draw you in. So sure, I'll recommend this one. Just know going into it that this book is a mystery, and mysteries are called that because not all of the answers are there.

"Which Lie Did I Tell?"

I just finished reading Which Lie Did I Tell? More Adventures in the Screen Trade by William Goldman. Much like the previous book I read, Truth by Al Franken, it's one of those books for a select demographic. If you're into politics and current events, you'll probably enjoy Truth. If you're into movies and how they get made, then you'll enjoy WLDIT.

The author may not be a household name, but you know his work. He wrote The Princess Bride (the book and the screenplay), Marathon Man (ditto), Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid, and the screen versions of Misery, Absolute Power, and Maverick.

The book is broken up into three sections. In the first part, Goldman talks about each of the scripts he wrote and what he was doing/going through when he wrote them and the process he went through to see it made into a film. He's very honest about who he liked working with (Mel Gibson, Rob Reiner) and who he didn't (Val Kilmer) so if you're into Hollywood gossip you might enjoy that as well. It's a really interesting look at what goes on behind the curtain of the great Hollywood machine.

In the second part, he reprints scenes from various movies (the zipper scene from There's Something About Mary and the orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally) and deconstructs them. Why did they work? What could have been different? What shouldn't have? He also interviews the authors of those scenes and tries to get into their headspace as well.

In the final section, Goldman presents you with an almost-complete new movie script he has written. He sent the same script to some fellow screen writers and asked them to "critique the shit out of it." He then reprints their comments, both good and scathingly blunt, and it's interesting to see the different point of views people come away with.

If you're into the whole movie world and behind-the-scenes scoop, you might want to give this a read. If, however, it's not your cup of tea, then don't feel bad about skipping over this one.

I had started reading Wicked by Gregory Maguire (yes, the book the big musical of the same name is based on) but to be honest, I'm finding it hard to get through. I'm not a big fan of the writing style and, quite frnakly, I'm bored. I've only just started it (I'm currently on page 55) but so far I don't care what happens next. I'm not eagerly devouring the pages. I'm just not hooked. I'm going to give it a break and try it again later. In the meantime I will be reading something else and hopefully when I come back to it with fresh eyes I'll be able to jump in with both feet.

As always, I will keep you posted on my literary adventures.

What I Almost Stepped In 2

[Ed's note: This blog is not for the weak of stomach. Don't say I didn't warn you]

Today I almost stepped in vomit. Three times.

I think.

I know the last time was definitely vomit. The first two I'm still not sure of.

This morning on my way to work I was crossing Broadway at 40th Street. As I got to the opposite sidewalk and was stepping up onto the curb I looked down into the gutter and saw this huge...the only word I can think of is mass. It was just an amazingly incredible amount of, of something. Which is the reason I doubt it was actually vomit. It was an actual pile. Regardless, I still took care to walk around it.

On my way home from improv rehearsal I came across suspicious speciman number two. As I got closer, I realized it may not have been vomit but actually was chili that someone didn't want and threw to the ground. At least, I told myself it was just chili. But I'm still not sure.

The last incident was right outside of Port Authority and this, my friend, was the real thing. Real vomit. And how do I know it was real? Because rats were eating it.

True story. Welcome to New York!

Hey buddy, can I get one of those?

I'm not a smoker. And living in New York has given me yet another reason to be glad I'm not (you know, besides not having the emphysema).

Countless times I've been walking behind someone smoking and they are approached by a stranger and asked if they can have one of their cigarettes. I'm sorry but that's just another hassle I don't need.

How rude is that, anyway? If I see someone enjoying a Cafe Mocha or a candy bar, I don't go up to them and just ask if I can have some. Call me crazy, but I think that's just polite. You know, to not expect strangers to give me what they have just because I want some, too.

But for some reason, it's ok to approach strangers for a cigarette. I get enough people asking me for money every day, I don't need to start giving people another excuse to throw off my walking rhythm.

Immature

Walking to work this morning, I approached the corner of 43rd and 7th. Across the street is a Starbucks, and the big STARBUCKS COFFEE sign is curved so that it wraps around the corner.

Combined with the angle I was approaching, the curvature of the signage, and the signs and posts in front of the building, some of the letters were blocked and it spelled out UCK OFF.

I giggled.

The Truth...with jokes (Book Review)

I just finished reading The Truth (with jokes) by Al Franken. I hadn't read either of his previous books (Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot and Lies...and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them).

I'm not sure why I decided to read this book because I'm really not into politics and it's a subject that I find boring and tiresome. I guess I was just that desperate and hoped that it would at least be good for a chuckle or two.

I already pretty much knew what I was going to read. Franken is a pretty outspoken liberal, so I guess it was the usual anti-Bush & Co. stuff you hear. I suppose it was somewhat interesting because I actually read the whole thing, but when it comes to that kind of stuff, you never really know who to believe, you know?

Actually, reading the book kinda reminded me of being back in Indiana working with dad painting houses. One of the guys who worked with us always brought a radio and had it tuned to talk radio. I never would have chosen to listen to talk radio but because it was within earshot, I listened to it. Reading this was kind of the same thing. It was there, so I read it. It was basically the book form of talk radio and if that's your thing, then maybe you'll like it as well.

Me, I prefer something you can move to.

The Reading Railroad

I actually did a lot of reading last year. Or at least, more than usual. So I've decided to make a late New Year's Resolution and that is to read more books than I read last year. To the best of my recollection, I read 27 books last year (a little more than two a month). I think I can do it. God bless the library.

And if you were wondering, here's my list from 2005:

1. The Pleasure of My Company – Steve Martin
2. Frankenstein: Prodigal Son – Dean Koontz
3. Rebel Without a Crew – Robert Rodriguez
4. Life of Pi – Yann Martel
5. The Stupidest Angel – Christopher Moore
6. Haunted - Chuck Palahniuk
7. Wizard and Glass – Stephen King
8. Wolves of the Calla – Stephen King
9. Torture the Artist – Joey Goebel
10. The Dark Tower – Stephen King
11. Dead and Dying Angels – James A Mangum
12. Kiss Me Like A Stranger – Gene Wilder
13. Fletch – Gregory McDonald
14. Fletch, Too – Gregory McDonald
15. Fletch Won - Gregory McDonald
16. Fletch’s Fortune - Gregory McDonald
17. Carioca Fletch - Gregory McDonald
18. Confess, Fletch – Gregory McDonald
19. Saturday Night: A Backstage History of Saturday Night Live – Doug Hill
20. Live From New York – James A Miller
21. The DaVinci Code – Dan Brown
22. Deception Point – Dan Brown
23. The Greedy Bastard Diary – Eric Idle
24. Fight Club – Chuck Palahniuk
25. Why You Crying? – George Lopez
26. Lamb – Christopher Moore
27. How We Are Hungry – Dave Eggers

THE SLAP HEARD ‘ROUND THE WORLD

July, 1982.

It was one of those days when everyone was outside. Every kid in the neighborhood was out riding their bike in the cul de sac where I grew up (AKA The Circle). Some grown-ups were out encouraging their lawn to grow by watering it; others were doing their best grass-growing discouragement by mowing it. Some were laying out getting a tan and others were just hanging out and enjoying a cold one, talking about everyone else.

The point is, everyone was outside.

You know when you think back on a perfect summer day and the sky is blue and everything is good and there is love in the air? This was one of those days.

And it would soon be changed.

Eastwood Court was not a place where perfect harmony stayed around for long. Eastwood Court was where perfect harmony came to visit and we would take it around the back and beat the crap out of it.

Observe:

I remember how happy I was. I was 11 years old and I still remember it like it was yesterday. I felt great. It was an awesome day outside, everyone was riding their bike, and my relatives were in town.

We have a family reunion every year, but it's only every few years when the ENTIRE family from all over the states comes into town. This was one of those years, and I was so excited to see my cousin JP from California.

And Aunt Alice was coming in from Idaho. Idaho!! (Once Alice gave me a little pin that was shaped liked a tiny potato and IDAHO was written across it. The tiny eyes on the pin were made of little indentations and I remember running my finger across it so I could feel the little grooves. Idaho!)

My cousins from Chicago would be there, too. My cousins who frightened me. My cousins who grew up speaking English and Spanish and listened to rap music before our little corner of Indiana had ever been exposed to it. My cousins, who spoke really loudly and talked a lot of trash and spoke to each other in code-in Spanish!-and were always laughing and poking fun and chasing and hitting - they hit! - and whom I always steered clear of. Lalito and Roberto. I had to keep an eye on them.

Everyone would be there tonight when we all gathered together for the first time in years.So things were good. I was excited and happy and nothing could go wrong.

Until Benny Jo Hideout cut off my sister on her bike and made her fall and he laughed.I couldn't believe it.

My little 5-year-old sister was riding her bike in front of me and mean ol' Benny Jo Hideout came up behind us on his bike and slammed into her. She lost control of her bike and managed to crash land in the Sattison's front yard.

Benny Jo Hideout!!

That of course, wasn't Benny's real name. He got that name the only way kids get their nicknames. From other kids who are really reaching.

THE HISTORY OF BENNY JO HIDEOUT

Benny never had a chance. If Benny was a character in a book (and I suppose now he kind of is) or in a movie, you'd be able to see how his life ended before it happened. I've never been a fan of clichés, and when they happen in real life, it's just weird. Because clichés aren't actually supposed to happen. They're clichés.

Benny was a couple of years younger than me. I think I had only been in Benny's house once and I remember it smelled of bacon or some other food that required a lot of grease in which to cook. I also remember realizing it was nowhere near breakfast time, so their house must always smell of cooked grease.

Their floor was dirty.

The TV was on and turned up really loudly. No one was watching it.

Yikes.

I don't' remember why I was in Benny's house, but I do remember running away and swearing never to return.

Benny's dad was named Charlie. He was a really skinny guy with a big moustache and glasses. We never saw or heard much from Charlie except after he'd been drinking. We would be outside playing and then hear the screams and shouts. We would try to sneak up to the house to see what was going on, but were never successful.

And when Charlie would yell, he was usually yelling at Benny's mom, Ann. Or, as we called her, Big Fat Ann. Which soon got shortened to just Fat Ann. Fat Ann, Fat Ann, Fat Ann, we would chant and soon even that became shortened to "F'dann" and it became a sound effect that we would use when imaginary bullets ricocheted around us when playing cops and robbers. F'dann! F'dann!

Don't feel bad for Fat Ann. After all, she was fat. It's not like we were saying anything that wasn't true. But you see, F'dann was worse than big or fat. She was MEAN, and if you don't want chants made up about you by the neighborhood kids, then don't be mean.

F'dann was mean and she yelled. But most of all, she hated us. She hated all of us non-F’dann kids because we lived in The Circle and we were all good kids. F'dann could see the future as well as anyone; she wasn't blind. And she knew what was going to happen. She knew that we were going to grow up as good, nice people. She knew we were going to move out of Eastwood Court and live good lives. We were going to get married to other people who had grown up to be good people and were going to continue breeding and reproducing other good people.

F'dann knew that she and Charlie had not produced good people. They had produced two offspring who had taken the worst traits from their parents and put them on display.

They had produced DeeDee, who was basically a miniature version of F'dann. She was 7 years younger than most of us on the block and had already inherited her mother's propensity for food and yelling. Most of the time DeeDee was just ignored or left behind (which wasn't hard to do; she simply wasn’t a fast waddler).

And Charlie and Ann had produced Benny Jo Hideout, who would use his girth and size to try to intimidate the other kids. Benny Jo Hideout, who although did indeed have girth and did indeed have size could not intimidate the other kids because he was a pinhead. Benny Jo Hideout was a bully who didn't know how to bully.

Sad, really.

And, I realize now, they were hillbillies.

It's not uncommon to find Southern accents in the lower part of Indiana, but up where we were at, only about 40 minutes from the Michigan state line, you didn't find a lot of that.

Benny's family had southern accents. Their backyard was a veritable treasure trove of all things hillbilly. A vast assortment of barbecue grills that had rusted reddish-brown. A riding lawn mower graveyard. The standard Pile of Wood With Rusty Nails Sticking Out Of It.

And, standing tall and serving as the ultimate Hillbilly Beacon--the sketchy clubhouse. The clubhouse that Charlie had made for his children that reached high into the sky with supports that couldn’t come close to holding the weight of his children (let alone the heavyset Gradeless kids who would also climb into the clubhouse with them).

Charlie was neither an engineer nor an architect, and it only took a week or so for the tiny 2x4s holding up this wooden deathtrap to wave the white flag and send the entire construction leaning at an angle that would make the Leaning Tower of Pisa appear to be square and plumb.

There was a commercial on at the time for cereal that had a catchy little tune that featured kids in a cool clubhouse and would end with the rough scratchy singer pleading for kids to “Come to the Honeycomb hideout!” Being the Saturday morning cartoon junkies that we were, we heard this song countless number of times, and it was ingrained in our psyche.

And soon, the catchphrase was adapted by us to become “Come to the Benny Jo Hideout” (”Jo” of course being added not because it was part of Benny’s name, but because we needed to make sure our song had the same number of syllables as the commercial).

And thus Benny Jo Hideout was born.

NOW WHERE WAS I

Because of all of this, plus the fact that his heart had about as much feeling as a Bundt cake, on that beautiful day when nothing could (or should!) go wrong, Benny rode his bike up to my sister and forced her off of the street and made her crash.

I didn’t even think.

You know on the Bugs Bunny cartoons when Daffy Duck would get upset, and to signify how enraged he was, the cartoonists would draw his feet red and then the redness would slowly climb up to his duck bill like a thermometer? That was me. Had I actually thought about what I was doing, I probably would have stopped to help my sister instead of trying to take on someone who had 80 pounds on me. But I wasn’t thinking.

And besides, come on. This was Benny Jo Hideout.

I put my bike into high gear and tried to catch up with Benny. He was still laughing. That high-pitched rat-a-tat laugh that echoed through the neighborhood and made small children weep and small birds fall dead from the sky. It wasn’t unlike Judge Doom from Who Framed Roger Rabbit at the end after he’d taken off his mask to reveal the maniacal toon that he was.

Benny laughed like that.

Hee-heehee-hee-hee.

The Gradeless kids were there, too, riding their bikes, and had seen the whole thing. They laughed because they were also evil (They were kind of like the Crabb and Goyle to the sinister Draco Malfoy, if you follow Harry Potter at all).

They were all cackling and howling and my sister had started to cry on the side of the road. Todd had stopped to make sure she was OK. I was in hot pursuit. I was going to catch up with Benny and be the hero. I was going to catch up with him and punch him in the face and send him reeling with a How Do You Like That right hook. I was going to make Benny fall with my powerhouse punch and make him cry. I was going to make Benny pay.

And guess what?

I did.

I don’t know how it happened. It all happened so fast, but it happened.

Somehow, the whole scenario I had pictured in my head played out just the way it was supposed to. How often does that happen? Believe me, I was as shocked as you are now.
I caught up beside Benny Jo Hideout and it was picture perfect. Benny was too busy laughing to notice me creeping up and when he turned to his left to see me riding alongside him, he had no time to react. I swung my tiny skinny-boy arm and connected to his jaw with my little angry fist.

Bip!

And Benny cried.
He didn’t fall like I had wanted, but by God, Benny cried like the big baby he was. And justice had been served. Eddie Style.

The look on his face was priceless. I still see it in slow motion as his face morphed from that devilish laugh to a look of shock and awe. His mouth went from a huge smile to a stunned “O” and then went plastic as I socked him.

And Big Benny Jo Hideout rode his bike back to his end of the spoon-shaped cul-de-sac, crying all the way. The Gradeless kids, not knowing if they would meet a similar fate for laughing, followed Benny home to regroup and presumably eat and get even more dirt in their never-clean hair.
Children cheered. People whooped. The marching band showed up and the celebratory music was enjoyed by all.

Soon, kids were rushing inside to spread the good news.

“Eddie hit Benny!”

“Benny pushed Jaime down and Eddie hit him!”

“Eddie made Benny cry!”

Parents ran outside throwing streamers and confetti and paparazzi came from the bushes to take my picture and post it in the Daily News.

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. I did hit Benny. And Benny went crying home.

My parents, who had seen the whole thing, were smiling and proud, waving from the front yard. Their son, The One Who Never Hit, had stood up for his little sister and by God he had won.

It was a beautiful day indeed.

I rode my bike in circles in the spoon and was on top of the world. Todd and Brian and Jake were all telling me “Good job!” My sister was back on her bike and OK, and shouted thank you’s my way.

You’re welcome, little sister. You. Are. Welcome.

All this was going on around me and I was flying high.

Which is why I didn’t see Charlie come running down to the circle to get me.

He came out of nowhere and grabbed the handlebars of my bike, jerking me to a stop.

What the--

And suddenly everything changed. All of a sudden my day went from celebration to utter horror. It happened too fast for me to even register what was going on.

Suddenly I was stopped and Charlie had his hands on my bike and I couldn’t get away and he was leaned over and yelling at me for hitting Benny, the gnawed end of his pipe being jabbed at my nose over and over again. I don’t even remember what Charlie was saying, I was so caught by surprise. I was so preoccupied trying to fathom what was going on that I didn’t register the Hillbilly rambling he was spewing at my face.

I finally looked up at Charlie and he went pale and suddenly took a step back.

I turned.

Dad was coming.

Charlie knew he screwed up.

Just like I had seen what happened to my sister and made it all good, Dad was watching this odd turn of events that unfolded before his eyes and was about to balance things out.

Dad wasn’t about to stand by and let some guy scream and yell at his 11-year-old son, holding him prisoner on his bike while shoving a pipe in the aforementioned son’s face.

Dad told Charlie to get away from me.

Charlie stepped back again, a mix of surprise and seething redneck anger twisting his face into a comedic scowl. (Have I mentioned my Dad is a Golden Gloves boxing champ? That would account for the priceless look on Charlie's face.)

Charlie told Dad that I had hit his son and I had it coming.

Charlie grew testicles and took a step toward Dad.

Dad told Charlie that’s what his son got for pushing over a little 5-year-old girl on a bike.

I slowly began to roll my bike backward. I’m outta here.

Charlie waved his pipe in Dad’s face and said to stay out of it.

Dad told Charlie to get that pipe out of his face.

Charlie waved the pipe closer.

And Dad reached up and smacked the pipe out of Charlie's hand.

The world stopped.

Time froze.

I heard a choir of gasps from all around me.

Whoa.

Charlie couldn’t believe it.

None of us could.

It took all of us a second to realize what happened because it happened that fast. No one saw it coming, especially Charlie.

Point. Whap. Tink!

All Charlie knew is that suddenly his pipe was on the ground and he couldn’t wrap his mind around how it got there.

Dad didn’t move.

Dad was cool.

And then Charlie flipped out.

He bent over and got his pipe and again began yelling. How dare you and you’re in trouble and on and on, arms flailing to accentuate his point.

And Dad just stood there.

All I saw was Charlie yelling in slow-motion, his tobacco stained teeth and black gums moving at 90 miles an hour and I wondered what his breath smelled like.

And then, in a move of such bravado I still don’t know where Charlie found the guts to do it, he began waving his pipe in Dad’s face again.

Look how calm Dad is. He is a Ninja.

As Charlie continued ranting and waving, Dad calmly told Charlie to get that pipe out of his face or he was going to smack it out of his hand again.

Dad was like Clint Eastwood; like Steven Seagal. They weren’t badasses because they intimidated people by screaming and yelling. They were badasses because they intimidated by talking quietly.

Charlie should have known.

And that is where Charlie’s bravery turned to sheer idiocy.

He took that as his cue to shove his pipe even closer to dad’s face. How he managed to avoid poking out one of Dad’s eyes I’ll never know, because that pipe was close.

Charlie punctuated his backwoods tirade by popping the pipe in his mouth and leaning in to dad to put the butt end next to Dad’s nose.

And before Charlie could blink, Dad smacked the pipe again.

Smack!

Right out of Charlie’s mouth!

I still hear the “clack” of wood against teeth as the pipe was again hurled into the air.

A sea of cheers and laughter erupted and Charlie knew he had lost. He had been shamed. Charlie was the Loser.

He turned, snatched the pipe off the ground, and like his son before him a few minutes earlier, retreated home. Only this time instead of a wail of sobs accompanying the journey, it was a wail of shouts and swearing and threats of being arrested.

I sent Benny home crying, and Dad took care of Charlie.

This really was a beautiful day.

AND THEN...

Shortly afterward, the entire neighborhood had convened in our yard to congratulate Dad.

Way to go.

to stand up to him.

That was great.

Good job.

I think Dad was a little embarrassed. He hadn’t gone out there to show off or put on a show, he had gone out there to make sure this guy (this grown-up!) wasn’t going to try to do anything to his son.

Soon after we all returned to our respective homes. An uncle who had flown in that day came to visit us before we had to leave for the bigger gathering that evening at my Aunt’s house and I tried to recapture the glory and magic of what had happened. I was talking a mile a minute when The Cops arrived.

Garrett is a small town where everyone pretty much knows everyone else, and The Cops knew my dad. And they also knew Charlie. They talked to Dad for a few minutes and they all got a good laugh out of it. I think one of them gave Dad the thumb’s up and told him good job.

When they left the house without Dad in custody, Charlie (who was waiting at the end of our driveway to witness his final I’ll-Get-You-All triumph) couldn’t believe it.

This was a travesty. An injustice. Arrest that man!

It was obvious that, in the time between calling The Cops and The Cops arriving at his house, Charlie had thrown a few back, and he was fairly intoxicated. The Cops tried to explain why they weren’t going to arrest my dad and everything was OK now, but Charlie wouldn’t have it. And soon The Cops were the target of Charlie’s rage.

And The Cops put Charlie in the squad car and drove away.

I like to think that Charlie was taken to jail where he was promptly raped and sodomized, but I have no proof to back that up.

But you never know.

The Toilet Paper Championship of 2006

When a group of people are forced into a confined area for a set amount of time, it's pretty amusing the games that will be created to keep everyone entertained.

At the National Comedy Theatre, the cast members stay downstairs in the basement before each show. It's a pretty big and open space. Our call time is 6:30 each night, so we're usually down there about 30-45 minutes before the show starts. Most of the time the guys play soccer while the girls yell at the guys for accidentally kicking the ball into their heads while they sit on the sidelines.

Last night our first show was canceled/postponed (depending on who you talk to). Chris was scheduled to be the referee for the 7:30 show and JT was on the schedule to ref the 2nd show. Because Chris claimed the first show was canceled and since JT was scheduled to ref the 9:45 show, he claimed JT should be the ref. JT claimed that the first show was only postponed and since Chris was to ref the first show, the 9:45 was technically the first show and so Chris should ref.
And what better way to settle the dispute than a good friendly competition. The rules were simple: The two guys stand at opposite ends of the basement. One of them is blindfolded and given a roll of toilet paper. The other chooses a spot and must stand there while the toilet paper roll is thrown at them. If they're hit, then they have to ref.

Pure and simple. Sure, it's a bit juvenile and what-have-you, but that's how guys settle things. There was no question about it, Chris won fair and square. The rest of us had a good laugh as they continued to go back and forth blindly throwing toilet paper at each other and all was well in the universe.

My Dumb Camera

I was having a lot of fun fulfilling friends' requests of "Things They Wanna See Ed Do." I grabbed my trusty camera to continue the fun picture taking and all of a sudden it's not working. I turn it on, and all I get is a black screen, like the lens cap is on (but it's not. Trust me, I checked). The digital displays and icons on the LED screen are still there, just no picture. And the dumb thing is only like two years old. Great. I guess that's what I get for taking it all over with me and actually using it.

So until I get the money for a new camera, the requests will be out of commission for a bit. Say it with me:

Boooooo.

That Really Good Feeling

You know that feeling you get when you wake up in the morning and as soon as you get up, you know you've slept in? And you look at the clock and you're like I was supposed to be at work an hour ago!! And that panicked feeling rushes in and you can feel the adrenaline start slamming?

Today was just the opposite.

I got up at 7:00 and started to get myself around. I hadn't really started to wake up when I re-checked my calendar and found out I had today off.

Wow, that ROCKED. I piddled around for a while, never quite waking up, checked and double-checked to make sure I was right, and then went back to bed.

What a great way to start the day!!

The Lowering of Our Standards

Something is seriously wrong with the universe. I was watching Bravo tonight (or, as I refer to it, The West Wing Rerun Channel) and saw a promo for the upcoming season of Inside the Actor's Studio. Imagine my surprise to see a line-up that included such talented and compelling actors as Queen Latifah, Dave Chappelle, and Martin Lawrence.

WHAT?

Now bear in mind, I have nothing against any of the aforementioned actors and being into comedy like I am, I'm a huge fan of Lawrence and Chappelle. But I'm also fairly realistic. This show isn't Inside the Famous People's Studio or Inside the Who's Hot Now Studio. What's going on here? I suppose gone are the likes of Steven Spielberg, Tom Hanks, Richard Dreyfuss, and Jodie Foster.

So I turned the channel and landed on AMC (American Movie Classics. Classics, people!). And much to my chagrin, the movie they were playing was Kindergarten Cop.

I weep for the future.

Improv Debut Photos

My good buddy Paul just sent me some photos he took of my debut performance at the National Comedy Theatre .

Thanks, Paul!

Happy New Year!

Wow. Really. Wow.

That's the only word that comes to mind. It was an amazing show last night at the National Comedy Theater's New Years Eve Comedy Spectacular. It was a sold-out show and there were even reports of a few people trying to sneak in to see the show.

As far as the cast goes, it was the biggest cast I've gotten to play with (3 against 3 with a DJ and a ref) and we all had a blast. I was in red once again. Kevin was our captain and we also had Adi on our side. We played against JT, Tyler, and Virginia in blue. Chris was the DJ and Kramer took ref duty.

The show began at 9:30 and we were off and running. The crowd was amazing. They were all truly happy to be there and every time someone sent them into a wave of laughter (and it happened quite a few times!) it was incredible. During the game of "185" I got an overwhelming response to a joke I didn't think would go over very well and it caught me by surprise. I'm still not sure why people went nuts over it but I'm not complaining. It was a fun moment.

Faithful readers of my blog are probably tired of hearing me going on and on about how great my fellow cast members are, but I don't care. They deserve every bit of credit and last night's show was a model of how great they are.

After the show there was catered food and we had about a half hour to wait to ring in the new year. It was fun mingling with the people who came out to see the show and at the stroke of midnight, we all yelled and whooped accordingly.

It was a great way to start off the year; doing what I love to do with people I love doing it with.

Greetings, 2006. Let's dance.

SOLD OUT!!

I have good news and bad news. It's the same news, it's just good or bad depending on whether or not you scored a ticket to the New Years Eve Comedy Spectacular at the National Comedy Theatre Saturday night.

SOLD OUT, BABY. SOLD THE FREAK OUT.

My second week performing in an off-Broadway show and I've already got a sold-out show coming up. True, it might have a little bit more to do with the fact that it's a HUGE PARTY rather than my big head is going to be on the stage, but I'm still excited about it!

It's a special performance of improv comedy followed by an all-out New Year's party with the cast complete with catered food, booze, and party music.

But fear not New Yorkers. You can still get your fill of New Year's improv by checking out one of the two shows Friday night (7:30 & 9:45).

Come on out and share a laugh!

No One To Blame

Is it just me, or is everyone looking for someone else to blame? When I was younger, if someone was on TV acting stupid it was because of the drugs they did in the 60s. Then people were acting crazy because of VietNam. Now people blame their past: their childhood, their parents, they spanked me too much, they didn't spank me enough, my Dad didn't hug me, the kids made fun of me, bla bla bla.

How about this: If you're an adult and you do something stupid, just say you did something stupid. I goof up all the time. Big goofs. Little goofs. Medium-sized goofs (or grande sized if you work at Starbucks) and there are a ton of things I could blame for my stupid behavior but the truth of the matter is, those things didn't make me goof up. I did that all on my own and of my own free will. I understand people go through things that may have an impact on their lives, but really, should that be the reason to treat others the way we so often do?

If you're reading this and thinking I wrote this about you, then you're wrong. As much as this blog seems like an irate response to something someone did to me or I experienced, it really isn't. I actually thought of it this morning when I was going down the hall to the bathroom.

Apparently poop makes me angry.

Playing It Again, Sam

Here comes the giddiness again! :)

I just received the schedule for this weekend's improv shows at the National Comedy Theater and I am slated to play the shows both nights, Friday and Saturday. I'm stoked!!

The Friday shows are at 7:30 and 9:45 and of course, it's still not too late to make reservations for the big New Year's Eve blowout Saturday night! Tickets are going really fast for that show, so if you're in the NY area and want to find something to do besides mingle with a billion smelly tourists* in Times Square then this is it! Check out NCT's New Year's Eve Comedy Blowout!! How do you know it's going to be fun? Because there's no set time when the fun will stop. That's right! It's scheduled from 9:30 to QUESTION MARK!!!!!!

Tell 2005 thanks but no thanks and ring in 2006 laughing your head off!!










*[No offense to my dear friend Edlyn, who will actually be in Times Square as a tourist that night to watch the ball drop. I assure you she is not smelly. But I also assure you that everyone else will be.]

Friday Night (A Look Back)

Simply put, Friday night was a blast.

And it went by so fast, I can hardly remember what happened just a couple of days later.

The week approaching my off-Broadway debut at the National Comedy Theater, I was pretty nervous. I don't usually get nervous before a show (what I usually feel is probably best described as anxious), so the fact I was finding it hard to sleep on Tuesday night was a new experience.

It's hard to say how much of it was nerves and how much of it was that familiar anxious feeling. I was just eager and excited and ready to play. I've been to pretty much every show since I've started rehearsing with them a couple of months ago and after weeks of watching some great improv week after week I wanted to jump up there and play with them.

As Friday evening rolled around I found that the closer it got to showtime, the calmer I became. It was like entering a Zen-like state without all of that annoying Zen stuff. Of course, what helped the most was knowing that I was going to be up there with a great team of people whom I knew had my back. Their support over the last few weeks has been amazing and to have that level of trust like I have with them over such a short time is a blessing I don't take for granted.

The players scheduled for that night also included Kramer, Chris, Tyler, and Michael Jeffrey Cohen. That's right. It was going to be a two-on-two improv competition. When I got to the theater I got word that Gary Cohen, one of the players not scheduled to be there, was going to show up to play the first show. I was stoked! Cohen has been a great support and made me feel right at home on the team and the fact that he wanted to be there to play my first show really meant a lot to me.

You know all of those shows I've been attending over the last few weeks just as an audience member? Well, it paid off. I played a bunch of games that night that I had never played before and I had a blast! Because I'd seen the team play them before, I had a general idea of what was supposed to happen.

It was Tyler and me in blue "against" the two Cohens in red. Kramer was the ref and Chris was the DJ (Designated Jokester). We played Emotional Symphony, Blind Line Fairy Tale, Dinner at Joe's, Five Things, Beastie Rap, and Story. And that was just the first show.

It was a really good crowd and I experienced everything from the "deer in the headlights" to genuine laughter and it was a great ride. Afterward I told Kramer I couldn't believe how quickly it went. Thankfully my buddy Paul was up in the sound booth taking pictures for me to help me remember what I was doing up there (I'll post the pictures as soon as I get them from him).

The second show was a much much smaller (and quieter) crowd, but I was still riding the high from the first show so it didn't bug me much.

All in all, I was happy. There were some things I would have done differently and some things I was happy with. I think the people who were there left the theater glad they had come and had smiles on their faces, and that's all I ask.

Let's keep this E-Train rolling!

They Really ARE the Whitest!

Well, it's only taken me 4 months to do it, but I was finally able to see my friend Timmy's sketch group, The Whitest Kids U Know, perform tonight at the Upright Citizen's Brigade theater. I know how hard it is to do not just sketch comedy, but good sketch comedy, and these guys really were good.

There's big things happening with them so keep an eye (and ear) out for them. In the meantime, well done, Whitest Kids!!

Ands speaking of comedy I just found out I am performing not just this Friday night, but Saturday as well at the National Comedy Theater. As Ed Grimley used to say, I mean come on. It just doesn't get more decent than that, you know?

Friday

Well, it's almost here. Friday is the big day for me at the National Comedy Theatre. After months of rehearsal and then joining the performers in their rehearsals for a few weeks, this weekend is the weekend I take the stage.

I'm stoked. I'm excited. I'm nervous. And I'm also aware that a lot of the regular players are out of town for the holidays and they are in need of players for the weekend so that may be part of the reason I'm getting my shot this week as well. But I'm not complaining. My first off-Broadway production and it's a show I am very proud to be part of.

The cast has been great to get to know and work with and it's really cool how amazingly supportive they've been. It's been an extremely welcoming vibe and after watching them on stage each weekend I am anxious to get up there and play with them. A lot of improv is about trust and it's a team of players I know I can definitely depend on.

So here we go!!

New York State of Mind

I don't know if this will make any sense, but I think tonight was the first time I actually felt like I lived in New York. Or maybe I should say I felt like a real New Yorker [even though Gary says I'm not a real New Yorker until I've seen a Yankees game].

Tonight I was with some of the guys from the National Comedy Theater and there were a few moments that felt like I was in a party scene in a Woody Allen film. That was really cool.

Afterwards Kevin, Cohen, and I were on the subway and that just felt...I don't know, I guess it fit. Guys just on the subway hanging out after a fun evening and all was well with the universe [despite the impending MTA strike]. Combine that with Friday night when, after the show, I got to spend some time hanging out with Chris and Amy and had a blast getting to know them a little more.

Not only have I found the chance to be involved with excellent improv at the NCT, but I've also met some great people and am forging great friendships and conversation. Despite all that's going on with me right now and the divorce and all that, life is pretty darn good.

Irony in New York

I was walking to work today and passed by a theater. Unfortunately, the show at this particular theater was ending its run; shutting down; calling it quits. There were semi trucks parked in front of the theater and guys were unloading the stage and taking down all of the signage. Time to pack it up, boys.

And then I noticed what show it was and laughed out loud and had to take a picture. I mean come on, folks, am I the only one that found the humor in this??

That's right, the show that was leaving was Billy Joel's Movin' Out.

Comedy Tonight [and yesterday night]

What a great week it's been for comedy.

Yesterday I got off work a little early and I was feeling so giddy about it that I decided to go to the Gotham Comedy Club and see what was cooking there. It's the only club I've been to so far in the City [at least to see a show] and I knew the cover was only ten bucks to get in [plus a 2-drink minimum].

I can't tell you how glad I was that I went [but I'll try]. The crowd was pretty small and it was freezing inside. I don't mean I was a little chilly I mean it was horrendously cold in there. People were wearing mittens and I left my scarf on. Which says a lot for all of the comics. If you're able to get people to forget that their backside is stuck to their seats and make them laugh, then you're doing something right. Performing that night were Ted Alexandro, Todd Barry, Mike Birbiglia, Steve Byrne, and Judy Gold. Erin Foley did a great job hosting so again, well done!

Tonight I went to a taping of a couple of episodes of Comedy Central Presents with Virginia and Mike, buddies from the NCT (Mike's friend Simon rounded out our little merry band of comedy seekers). We had to wiat outside in the rain/sleet for a while but it wasn't coming down terribly hard and since we're all in improv we were able to keep ourselves entertained.

I've already forgotten the name of the first comic. Her last name is Mooney, I know that much. The background for her set was a huge 4-leaf clover. She did a really good job but I must admit I was awaiting the second comic of the night, Nick Swardson. You may have seen his earlier episode of Comedy Central Presents ["Nicholas, you're the strongest grandson ever!"] and he did not disappoint this time around.

And then tomorrow and Saturday night it's off for more comedy hijinks and shenanigans. If laughter is the best medicine then this week I done got myself immunized for the next three years.

Dear Premiere Magazine: SHUT UP

A couple of weeks ago I picked up a copy of Premiere magazine [mostly because I was at the Duane Reade and bored out of my skull]. Peter Jackson was on the cover looking freakishly skinny and I mean hey, how can you not buy it.

Inside the magazine was a free mini-pamphlet of Premiere Magazine's "50 Hidden Gems out on DVD." Movies that didn't do very well the first time they hit theaters but deserved to find a place in your own personal collection. I didn't recognize many of the films but the ones I had seen [Office Space, Suicide Kings, Go] I enjoyed so I figured they knew what they were talking about. I don't have a ton of money to blow on DVDs just because Premiere recommends them so instead I decided to go through the entire list of 50 movies and borrow them from the library.

Can I just say that for a movie magazine, Premiere doesn't know what the freak they're talking about. They should have named it "50 Hidden Movies That Are Hidden Because They're Long and Boring."

The first one I got from the library was The Tenant, directed by and starring Roman Polanski. First of all, it's in English. Takes place in France. But some of the people speak English and other people are speaking in French and are dubbed over in English. So for part of the film Roman Polanski is speaking English but when he's doing scenes with people who obviously don't speak English he switches to speaking in French, with the audio dubbed over. And that got on my nerves really quickly.

Oh yeah. And it's really super-boring. "Hey look at me, I'm a guy who's weird for no reason and I'm gonna rent this apartment. And I'm gonna take 25 minutes to do it. Oh no, my friends make too much noise and the landlord hates us! Oh no, the previous tenant committed suicide.Look at me, I'm an auteur!"

Tonight's time-waster of choice was Shadow of a Doubt. I was actually excited about this one because it was directed by Alfred Hitchcock. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a huge Hitchcock fan and I understand a lot of people think his films drag in the beginning while he's setting up the story. I've never minded that, because to me if you have a good story, it doesn't drag.

Hitch didn't have a good story with this one and it dragged. It drug. It drugged and dragged. Hey, let me save you and hour and a half. This guy goes to visit his family in California. And that's the first HOUR. And then oh yeah, maybe he's a killer. So then you think, "Now it's gonna get good!" But it doesn't. Instead they eat dinner and read the newspaper and go to church and go to the library and go to a restaurant and eat and totally forget to build any suspense or story at all. And then it's like ohwaitweonlyhave10minutesleftquickgetonatrainandthebadguywilltrytokilltheheroine.

So thanks, Premiere. Thanks for wasting my time not with one, but two bad, boring films. I'm sure there are some good ones on there, but I've given up. Maybe I'll start hitting up films on the various AFI lists because Premiere magazine knows about as much about recommending films as I know about Butte, Montana.

Hey Premiere! In the words of my friend Amy Albert,

SUCK IT.

Cold Without Snow is Just Cold

Where's our holdiay season snowfall? Everyone else has snow, but New York doesn't! What gives?

It's not that I'm absolutley dying for snow, but I'm looking for a reason to be distracted by the cold weather. The other day it snowed overnight and when I woke up it was still falling. Huge flakes that got me excited and made me feel like a kid again.

I walked to work with a spring in my step. Most of the other people walking the streets seemed disgruntled to be out in such weather but I was digging every minute of it. Sure it was cold, but I could care less. The snow was beautiful!

By the time I left work the snow had melted but it was still just as cold outside and I was not enjoying the cold weather sans snow. Cold weather with snow is bearable. Cold weather without snow is just annoying.

As I walked home tonight from work it was the coldest it's been so far and there was no snow to make up for it.

Come on, snow. You're slacking here.

The Year In Review 2005

What have I been doing? What have I been up to? If you have a few moments I’ll fill you in with my First Annual Year In Review…..

2005 – YEAR IN REVIEW
A Timeline by Ed Placencia

JANUARY
As the year began I was still living in Nashville, working at the Opryland Hotel as a tour guide on the Delta Riverboats. 

January 19 My good friend Aaron Marrs was lost at sea during a deep sea fishing excursion. He lived his life in a way that inspired me to chase my dreams and changed my year.
January 24 I began rehearsal for Sunday in New York at Chaffin’s Barn Dinner Theater.

FEBRUARY
February 11 Opening night of Sunday in New York marks my first time on the stage in over four years.

MARCH
March 12 The final performance of Sunday in New York.
March 29 Deciding it was time to get off my butt and put my money where my mouth is, I performed comedy at an open mic night, marking my first time doing stand-up since my years in college, 15 years earlier. Despite the long hiatus, it went well.

APRIL
Still not earning enough money after losing my job the previous year, expenses finally catch up with me and our house is foreclosed upon. This marks one of the most difficult periods of time in my life but with the help of loved ones, especially Davy and Jenn Baysinger, I somehow make it through. All of our belongings are put into storage and the Baysingers allow me to stay with them while I prepare for the next phase. I plan to move to Chicago along with most of the cast from Sunday in New York.

MAY
I make the move to Chicago. Things (housing and job situation) don’t unfold the way I was led to believe they would, and I am forced to improvise. I begin writing again and crank out the first of three short stories.

JUNE
June 19 I go to a bookstore where Cheech Marin is making a presentation on Chicanos in the arts. To say it was inspiring would be an understatement.
June 22 I film 2 different scenes for The Breakup, a film starring Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. Keep your eyes peeled and you may see me as a Roller Blader and Guy At The Beach Walking By. The film is currently scheduled to come out in the Spring of 2006.
June 28 Another day of shooting for The Breakup at Wrigley Field. I’m 99.9% sure you won’t be able to pick me out of the crowd, but it was a day at the park and we got paid for it.

JULY
July 9 I had an opportunity to work on the film Smile, Darling for the 48-Hour Film Project with director Keith Soljacich. Not only was it a great experience (our film won an award!) but it also gave me a chance to meet and work with a great upcoming director and visionary. Remember Keith’s name! You’ll be hearing it a lot in the future!
July 18 I decide to move to New York City. I leave for Indiana, where I will be staying for a short time to work with Dad and earn some money for the trip out [since gas is now $45 per gallon]. While back in my hometown in Indiana I get a chance to reconnect with family and rejuvenate.

AUGUST
August 11 I leave Indiana for New York…via Nashville. I make the drive south to get all of our belongings in order and put away in storage. I’m in and out like a ghost. I then leave and head for Lancaster PA and the home of John & Lisa Blowers. They are kind enough to let us keep our car at their place so we don’t have to take it with us to the City. While there I also get a chance to visit and catch up with Stacey Gagne and Linda Spuck.
August 15 I arrive in New York City. I know I’m going to love it.
August 17 I shoot a scene for Court TV’s Parco P.I. It’s my first time doing green screen and I feel like a Jedi.
August 19 I audition for [and land] "Accomplice: NY,” an improv/interactive theater/walking tour-type experience that is one of a kind. A great way to see lower Manhattan. That same day I shoot a scene for an upcoming Discovery Channel show, Cash Cab.

SEPTEMBER
September 20 I do some work on the film Devil You Know where I am chosen from all of the extras to play the maitre d’ at a restaurant and get to shoot a scene with Lena Olin. Apparently she’s famous.
Also in September I read the entire series of “Fletch” books. Highly recommended!

OCTOBER
October 8 Auditioned for the National Comedy Theater. Got to do some improv again and a few days later received a call from them asking me to join the troupe. Rehearsals start in just a few days!
October 26 Shot four scenes as an extra on the upcoming film The Devil Wears Prada with Meryl Streep. Look for me in the fashion show scenes and in a post-fashion show party.

NOVEMBER
November 17 I turn 35 years old [physically]. Mentally, I turn 6.
November 22 My sister Jaime gives birth to her new baby, Maya.

DECEMBER
I’m still working with the National Comedy Theater and look forward to performing soon. There’s going to be a huge New Year’s bash at the theater that will be a lot of fun, so if you’re in the New York area at the end of the year, come on out! I’m working at Entertainment-Link and enjoying that as well [if you need tickets to Broadway shows with some great discounts, then check it out!].

I am looking forward to seeing what 2006 has in store. By the beginning of the year the divorce papers will be filed and it will be a new chapter for me. Who knows what new adventures lie around the corner but I am eager to tackle each and every one of them.

And that’s what I’ve been up to. I look forward to hearing from you and finding out how the past year has been to you. I’ve done a lot this year and been through even more; it’s been one of my favorite years.

Jumping into 2006 with both feet,
Ed

Hitting some clubs

Methinks I need to begin frequenting some of the local comedy clubs a little more often. Who's down?

The Big D [not Dallas]

Playing MacGuyver

I've never ever seen an episode of MacGuyver, but I think I know enough about the show to say that last night, I felt a little bit like him.

I went to the NCT to see the shows last night and upon leaving the apartment Deanna informed me that she was going to hang out with friends and asked how late I'd be out. We only have one set of keys to the apartment, so the general rule is, whoever will be home first gets the keys so they can let the other person in. She said she thought she would be out until midnight or so. Usually after the NCT shows I hang out with the gang and talk and yak and just generally hang out so I told her that would be fine; take the keys. I'm usually there until at least 1am and, if by some chance I am done before midnight, I'll swing by the diner up the block and grab a bite to eat. She said she'd call and leave a message when she gets home. I let her know my phone is almost out of juice, so it'll be off most of the night. And the plan is set. Or so I think.

So I finally leave the theater about a quarter after midnight. Early for me. I call Deanna to see if she's home yet and she doesn't answer her phone. So I go to the diner. I get my usual [French toast and eggs] and enjoy a few cups of coffee. I leave and it's pretty darn cold. I walk to the apartment and ring the buzzer. No answer. I call her and my phone is giving me the "Battery Low" beep. She answers and says she is in Chelsea [where the heck is that?] and will be on her way.

So I decide to go for a walk. The time is 12:38am. I go to Times Square [and take the long way] and listen to the black Muslims preach about the evils of whitey. I walk up and down the odd and then even street numbers and then decide to go to Duane Reade [a local pharmacy chain] and buy a magazine. I only have a few bucks on me, otherwise I'd have gone to a restaurant or a bar to hang out. I get back home around 1:30 and she's still not there. I call a few more times and she doesn't answer. And now my phone is so low on power, it won't finish the call before turning itself off.

So I sit on the freezing stoop and read Entertainment Weekly. I sit there long enough to make myself read every damn section of the magazine [except the fashion section. Even as bored as I was I still was not bored enough to read about fashion].

I realize all that coffee made me have to go to the bathroom.Really bad.

And then it begins to snow.

I decide to go to yet another diner. I have enough money to buy another cup of coffee so I can use their bathroom. So I use the bathroom, buy a cup of coffee, and then pee again. The snow is really coming down and even in my current situation I thought it was beautiful.

I walk back to the apartment and she's still not there. I turn my phone on and see if it has enough juice to make a call. It does, but there's still no answer.

At this time, thankfully, someone else who lives in the apartment gets home and lets me in the front door. Man that hall never felt so warm before. So I was halfway home. I still didn't have a key to get into our apartment.

One of the weird things [but often common] about New York apartments is many times the bathroom is actually out in the hall. That's the way ours is set up. There's a padlock on the bathroom door so no one can use it but us. Apparently people have locked themselves out of the apartment during a bathroom break before because I know there is a spare key to the apartment door hidden in the bathroom in a basket on a shelf above the toilet. But the bathrom door is padlocked shut.

All I need is a Philips head screwdriver and I can remove the padlock and get in the bathroom and get the key. But of course, I don't have one. Nor do I have enough money to run out and buy one. And this is where things go MacGuyver. I'm not going to tell you how I got in just in case someone decides to break into our apartment, but I will tell you what I had with me [Funny, but I've never been so aware of every single item I had on my person before, trying to figure out how to get past that padlock]. I will also say this: I didn't cause any permanent damage to the apartment, the doors, the locks, nothing. I did not leave a trace of my being there and/or getting in.

Maybe you can figure it out. Here's what I had: A big Macy's bag with a box of strawberry shortcake given to me by Gary at NCT. A tin of cookies I bought previously in the day. A money clip. Various cards i.e. library card, discount card, driver's license. Spare change. A pen. Gloves. Hat. Scarf.

Hint: Although I tried a few things with the money clip, I was unsuccessful.

I finally got in my apartment around 3:30AM. I don't know when Deanna got home, but she's still asleep.

So there you go. An Ed-cyclopedia Brown mystery to solve. How did Ed get in the apartment??

Me and My Camera

Even though I love to take pictures and usually have a camera with me, I haven't taken a ton of photos in NYC because I have grown very self-conscious about taking pictures in public. I seem to have developed an inferiority complex where I don't want people to think I'm some stupid tourist. True there are a zillion people in this city taking pictures of everything and no one's going to notice one guy taking a shot here and there, but that hasn't stopped me from becoming extremely self-consicous about it. Where this has come from I have no idea. I'm sure a professional could offer some keen insight, but I'm not a professional and I don't have $45 an hour to spend on one.

Tonight on my way home from work I decided to swing by the library and see if a book I had on hold was in [it was!]. And then I remembered that last night was the lighting of the tree in Rockefeller Plaza. I had nowhere to go so I thought I'd walk a few blocks out of my way and see it. And I was determined to take pictures.

So there I was, standing in front of the tree and trying to take a picture of me and the tree together. It took about 8 tries to get anything even close to decent and I was beginning to laugh at myself. A guy stopped and asked if I wanted him to take the picture for me but I laughed and said "No thanks, that's kind of the fun of it." Plus I didn't want him to steal my camera.

On the way home I walked past the Rainbow Room, Radio City, and through Times Square and since I was feeling particularly camera-happy, I continued taking pictures.

Yea, I'm a dork, and I know it, but it was kinda fun to do something touristy. One of my favorite shots is in Times Square. I'm not looking into the camera but kind of up in the air. It looks a little posed and pretentious but actually I was looking at this huge statue of a man and all of a sudden a bunch of pigeons started to attack it and I got distracted. And that's when the camera clicked.

Thanks for tuning in to VH1's Behind the Pictures.