Yesterday was a beautiful day in the neighborhood. So beautiful, in fact, that I decided to skip the subway and walk all the way from my place on 45th to my audition on 19th.
And it happened again! Twice in one week! I was at the audition and ran into Virginia there (another buddy from the National Comedy Theatre). It's starting to become fun running into friends while I am out and about.
The audition was quick and painless. Virginia had to work in the area at 6:00 so she asked if I'd kill some time with her. We walked up to 32nd so we would be in the general area of where she had to be and I noticed a bunch of people across the street looking up into the air. Some of them were pointing and their attention was drawn to the Empire State Building.
It didn't take long before we heard people murmuring...someone was going to jump! We looked up but couldn't see anything. Soon, though, a guy beside us told us that he wasn't trying to commit suicide up there, he was a base jumper who goes onto places that are illegal to base jump off of and...well...he base jumps off of them. He was the guy who, in the not-too-distant past, jumped off of the Eiffel Tower. I recalled hearing about it.
The Guy said the Base Jumper had been up there for about 45 minutes, so he probably wasn't going to make it. He pointed out to us where to look and we could see a small crowd gathered in one part of the top of the building. Apparently the authorities nabbed him as soon as they saw him scaling the protective railing (which I guess goes to show the security in NY is better than in Paris).
Virginia asked the guy how he knew what was going on and the guy was really coy and finally admitted his friend was part of the Base Jumper's "crew". Whatever. I wasn't 100% sold on the guy's story but it turns out it was true. There are a couple of articles about it here.
About 10 minutes later the crowd on the top of the building disappeared and the Base Jumper's plot had been foiled. While we were there, a heavy set guy (he looked kind of like the live action version of the Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons) walked by and declared "It's a human life, people, not entertainment." How wrong he was. If the guy has a parachute, it is entertainment. I realize he thought the guy was going to commit suicide, but the crowd still loathed him. Party pooper.
So I didn't get to see someone jump off the Empire State Building but I did feel like I was in a movie. The crowd on the street below looking up at the building, the confusion...I was soooo waiting for Spider-Man to swing in and save the day.
But he didn't.
From the New York Daily News:
Cops stop fall guy
Foil Empire State jumper
BY CELESTE KATZ, OREN YANIV and LEO STANDORADAILY NEWS STAFF WRITERS
A dopey daredevil hellbent on parachuting off the Empire State Building was plucked from the brink of disaster yesterday in a breathtaking drama that played out on a narrow ledge more than 1,000 feet above city streets.
As scores of tourists watched in stunned disbelief, TV stunt show star Jeb Corliss ripped off an old fat man disguise - and scaled the 10-foot security fence around the 86th-floor observation deck.
He was precariously perched on a ledge far above 33rd St. and ready to jump, when security guards and cops reached through the fence and handcuffed the dodging dodo to the bars as witnesses gasped, cameras clicked and videotape rolled.
"Dude, you guys are going to kill me!" Corliss screamed as he tried to wriggle free. "You guys are going to kill me right now.
"Let me go!"
The 30-year-old Californian wore a helmet fitted with a camera, likely hoping to film his 1,050-foot plunge - with no regard for the safety of people on the streets below - for "Stunt Junkies," a Discovery Channel show he hosts.
But cops and security guards, who had been tipped the death-wish scheme by someone claiming to be worried about Corliss, weren't going to allow his latest attempt at twisted glory.
He had snuck into the storied skycraper around 4:30 p.m. wearing a $15,000 fat suit, a gray wig and a latex mask with a gray beard.
But once on the observation deck, he went into a bathroom, tore off the suit to reveal a parachute underneath, dashed to the curled railing and climbed it.
But he was slowed down by security guard Kevin Downes, who had chased him from the bathroom, giving cops and other security personnel precious seconds to leap into action.
"He was resistant. He tried to push off with his feet. He was fighting with us to get off," said Timothy Donohue, a building manager.
One unidentified woman was so upset she thrust a fistful of cash at Corliss and tried to bribe him to come back.
Donohue and others finally got a good grip on Corliss' harness before cuffing him.
"He wasn't going without me and I really didn't want to go for the ride," said Donohue. "It's New York City, it's rush hour. It is not the time to jump off buildings."
ESU cops with bolt cutters eventually snapped the cuffs, removed a portion of the fence and pulled Corliss back to safety, ending a 15-minute struggle. He kept his latex mask on until it was clear the only way he was reaching terra firma was in an elevator.
Outside the building, Corliss was grinning like a fool as cops - who had rushed to the top terror target - hauled him away. Meanwhile, Downes was taken to Bellevue Hospital with head and ankle injuries.
Corliss charged last night with a number of crimes including reckless endangerment, assault and resisting arrest.
"I wouldn't describe him as a daredevil," said NYPD Deputy Inspector James McCarthy. "I would describe him as an individual who obviously showed a depraved indifference for human life.
"In the worst case scenario, his parachute doesn't open and he kills a number of people walking by."
Still, the afternoon drama at New York's tallest building gave visitors a show they'll never forget.
Dennis Hook, 68, an English tourist, said, he thought the nail-biting spectacle "was a joke at the beginning. There was someone in a King Kong suit walking around so it looked like a show. It was unbelievable."
Dutch tourists Edu De Neve, 57, his wife, Garda, and sons Mattijs, 27, and Guido, 25, were stunned by the sight of about 20 cops racing onto the observation deck to help subdue Corliss.
"It was something to see," said Garda De Neve, 57, shaking her head in wonder.
Although she had been reluctant to come to the U.S. due to terrorism fears and the incident yesterday was less than a treat for the Dutch family, she said of her first visit to New York, "I love it here."
Corliss is no stranger to risky business.
He's chuted off the Palace Hotel here, the Skylon Tower in Niagara falls as well as the giant Petronas Towers in Malaysia.
His antics on the Empire State may have been timed to bring attention to the 102-story building's 75th birthday Monday.
"It was absolutely unreal," said a visibly shaken Mark Skelton, who is chaperoning a high school band from Cleveland, Ga. on a visit here. "You'd never think this kind of thing would happen."
Skelton's daughter, Erin, 15, couldn't help but giggle: "I think it all was pretty cool."
Towering legacy
The Empire State Building, which turns 75 Monday, has seen its share of triumph, tragedy - and stunts.
Here's a look at some key events:
MAY 1, 1931 - The world's tallest building opens, reaffirming American ingenuity in the depths of the Great Depression.
MARCH 2, 1933 - The blockbuster film "King Kong" seals the skyscraper's place in the world's imagination.
JULY 28, 1945 - A B-25 bomber plows into the 79th floor of the building in dense fog, killing 14 people.
APRIL 24, 1986 - Two British men parachute from the 86th floor observation deck. One got into a taxi, chute and all, but another was caught when he got snagged on a traffic light.
FEB. 23, 1997 - A gunman opens fire on the observation deck, killing one person and wounding six others before turning the weapon on himself.
OCT. 24, 1998 - Two daredevils escape after they parachute from the observation deck.
At least 35 people have killed themselves by plunging from the observation deck.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
SAUL FRIEDBERG AT THE APOLLO - A short story
Fortunately, my writer's block has ended. I went into my room and just cranked this out. I don't know, after reading it, perhaps I should have used the word UNfortunately.
Anyhow, enjoy.
Ed
SAUL FRIEDBERG AT THE APOLLO
It was a Thursday evening and Saul Friedberg was as nervous as he'd ever been. All his life led up to this moment. The endless hours of watching videotapes of past Apollo performances would now prove to be worth his while.
He stood in the wings as a young woman sang an Alicia Keys tune that brought the crowd to its feet. Hands waved back and forth in unison as her voice did a number of impressive runs.
Saul knew what would happen when it was his turn to walk on stage. People were going to laugh at him. Not with him -- at him. But he was ready for it. Although his mother continually insisted watching and re-watching episodes of "Showtime At The Apollo" was a waste of time, the repeated viewing had mentally prepared him for what was about to happen. Regardless of the clothes they wore, the style of their hair, or the spring in their step it never failed. If the contestant was white, they were laughed at.
The immediate conclusion-jumping always confused Saul but at the same time only served to fuel his passion and drive. He would show them once and for all that white accordion players have soul, too.
Saul missed the days of Sinbad and Steve Harvey hosting the Apollo. They seemed like nice guys and their non-threatening comedy always put Saul at ease. Not like the much-grittier Mo'Nique. She reminded Saul a little too much of the girls who were always standing on the corner of his block. They yelled a lot and Saul had to admit he was a little afraid of them. While Saul thought Sinbad and Steve Harvey were so nice they could be Caucasian (a comment he was smart enough never to say aloud), he knew Mo'Nique would have none of it. Saul had to be good. He wasn't a quick thinker on his feet and was naturally shy so he know Mo'Nique would probably tease him during the interview portion of the show.
That was OK with Saul because he'd watched his tapes. Often times the host would make jokes at the contestants' expense and the audience would have a good laugh. But once the ribbing was over and it was time to get down to business the novice entertainer would turn to the tree trunk on stage and rub it for good luck (and also to acknowledge the history of the Apollo Theater).
Saul wasn't exactly sure how the tradition of the stump rubbing (as he often referred to it) came to be. He imagined a lively and compelling story filled with lumberjacks and unity and the thought of it always calmed him. In times of stress when Saul would find his "happy place" he thought of The Story of the Apollo Stump.
When Saul's name was announced and he stepped on stage, even his years of intense training couldn't prepare him for the instant laughter that swept through the theater. There was whooping. Some people pointed while others repeatedly stood up and sat back down as if they were the largest collection of Jack-In-The-Boxes witnessing the most hilarious sight they could imagine.
Saul raised a hand to ensure his yarmulke was still firmly in place. He hugged his accordion for security, completely forgetting this was what triggered the instrument's sound and the pathetic note that droned from the squeezebox completely upstaged Mo'Nique's diatribe about his thick spectacles.
Mo'Nique introduced Saul and he turned to rub the sacred wooden stump. The accordion clunked against the tree trunk and the crowd quickly inhaled as one. Saul shrugged his shoulders and shook it off as he made his way to center stage.
By this time the audience had regained their collective composure and the giggling commenced again. In the front row three women were standing. Saul hadn't played so much as a single note and already they were making broad, sweeping, get-off-the-stage motions with their arms.
Saul took a deep breath. He looked to his left. There waiting in the wings was The Guy Who Danced. If the crowd's booing and hissing became too loud a siren would sound and The Guy Who Dances would jump on stage, flitter around, and make you leave. Then he would dance a little more and the audience would go nuts.
Saul nodded to The Guy Who Dances. The Guy Who Dances mouthed "Fuck You" in return and shot him the bird.
It didn't phase Saul. Even The Guy Who Dances would soon be eating his words. Saul took another breath and began playing the opening notes of "I Heard It Through The Grapevine."
Saul wasn't sure if it was a cell phone or an iPod but whatever it was, when it struck his face the pain was incredible. Something else whizzed past his head (a compact case?), barely missing him. The Man Who Dances rushed out with a mop handle and began to beat him. As Saul crumpled to the ground Mo'Nique was already there waiting for him (she sure moves fast for such a big girl was Sauls first reaction). She began to lay into him with one of her cream-colored stilettos.
As Saul lost control of his bowels and began to black out all he could think was "I told you I'd make it, Ma." For a few brief moments all eyes were on him and he was the star of the Apollo.
It was the greatest moment of his life.
Anyhow, enjoy.
Ed
SAUL FRIEDBERG AT THE APOLLO
It was a Thursday evening and Saul Friedberg was as nervous as he'd ever been. All his life led up to this moment. The endless hours of watching videotapes of past Apollo performances would now prove to be worth his while.
He stood in the wings as a young woman sang an Alicia Keys tune that brought the crowd to its feet. Hands waved back and forth in unison as her voice did a number of impressive runs.
Saul knew what would happen when it was his turn to walk on stage. People were going to laugh at him. Not with him -- at him. But he was ready for it. Although his mother continually insisted watching and re-watching episodes of "Showtime At The Apollo" was a waste of time, the repeated viewing had mentally prepared him for what was about to happen. Regardless of the clothes they wore, the style of their hair, or the spring in their step it never failed. If the contestant was white, they were laughed at.
The immediate conclusion-jumping always confused Saul but at the same time only served to fuel his passion and drive. He would show them once and for all that white accordion players have soul, too.
Saul missed the days of Sinbad and Steve Harvey hosting the Apollo. They seemed like nice guys and their non-threatening comedy always put Saul at ease. Not like the much-grittier Mo'Nique. She reminded Saul a little too much of the girls who were always standing on the corner of his block. They yelled a lot and Saul had to admit he was a little afraid of them. While Saul thought Sinbad and Steve Harvey were so nice they could be Caucasian (a comment he was smart enough never to say aloud), he knew Mo'Nique would have none of it. Saul had to be good. He wasn't a quick thinker on his feet and was naturally shy so he know Mo'Nique would probably tease him during the interview portion of the show.
That was OK with Saul because he'd watched his tapes. Often times the host would make jokes at the contestants' expense and the audience would have a good laugh. But once the ribbing was over and it was time to get down to business the novice entertainer would turn to the tree trunk on stage and rub it for good luck (and also to acknowledge the history of the Apollo Theater).
Saul wasn't exactly sure how the tradition of the stump rubbing (as he often referred to it) came to be. He imagined a lively and compelling story filled with lumberjacks and unity and the thought of it always calmed him. In times of stress when Saul would find his "happy place" he thought of The Story of the Apollo Stump.
When Saul's name was announced and he stepped on stage, even his years of intense training couldn't prepare him for the instant laughter that swept through the theater. There was whooping. Some people pointed while others repeatedly stood up and sat back down as if they were the largest collection of Jack-In-The-Boxes witnessing the most hilarious sight they could imagine.
Saul raised a hand to ensure his yarmulke was still firmly in place. He hugged his accordion for security, completely forgetting this was what triggered the instrument's sound and the pathetic note that droned from the squeezebox completely upstaged Mo'Nique's diatribe about his thick spectacles.
Mo'Nique introduced Saul and he turned to rub the sacred wooden stump. The accordion clunked against the tree trunk and the crowd quickly inhaled as one. Saul shrugged his shoulders and shook it off as he made his way to center stage.
By this time the audience had regained their collective composure and the giggling commenced again. In the front row three women were standing. Saul hadn't played so much as a single note and already they were making broad, sweeping, get-off-the-stage motions with their arms.
Saul took a deep breath. He looked to his left. There waiting in the wings was The Guy Who Danced. If the crowd's booing and hissing became too loud a siren would sound and The Guy Who Dances would jump on stage, flitter around, and make you leave. Then he would dance a little more and the audience would go nuts.
Saul nodded to The Guy Who Dances. The Guy Who Dances mouthed "Fuck You" in return and shot him the bird.
It didn't phase Saul. Even The Guy Who Dances would soon be eating his words. Saul took another breath and began playing the opening notes of "I Heard It Through The Grapevine."
Saul wasn't sure if it was a cell phone or an iPod but whatever it was, when it struck his face the pain was incredible. Something else whizzed past his head (a compact case?), barely missing him. The Man Who Dances rushed out with a mop handle and began to beat him. As Saul crumpled to the ground Mo'Nique was already there waiting for him (she sure moves fast for such a big girl was Sauls first reaction). She began to lay into him with one of her cream-colored stilettos.
As Saul lost control of his bowels and began to black out all he could think was "I told you I'd make it, Ma." For a few brief moments all eyes were on him and he was the star of the Apollo.
It was the greatest moment of his life.
The Big Blank Page
Last night was a little frustrating. Sometimes I want to write but I don't know what. It's been almost a year since I've written anything new (my series of short stories are still on this blog if you're bored and want to do some digging) and I wanted to put something new on paper.
So I got out my pad and my favorite pen and just stared at the blank page and nothing came. I started to doodle and it made me think about someone telling me about this guy who had an art exhibit based solely on doodles and I wondered how good my doodles would have to be to get an exhibit of my own and then I got mad that I had been doodling this really elaborate doodle but had nothing--nada--to write.
So I just fell asleep.
This morning the itch is still there but I can't figure out how to scratch it.
So I got out my pad and my favorite pen and just stared at the blank page and nothing came. I started to doodle and it made me think about someone telling me about this guy who had an art exhibit based solely on doodles and I wondered how good my doodles would have to be to get an exhibit of my own and then I got mad that I had been doodling this really elaborate doodle but had nothing--nada--to write.
So I just fell asleep.
This morning the itch is still there but I can't figure out how to scratch it.
A Surprise on the Corner
Yesterday I went to the bank to make a deposit (I felt awesome depositing a $6.00 check!) and on the way back I experienced another New York first: I ran into someone on the street that I knew! It's pretty goofy how happy it made me feel. Maybe because it was JT and Amy (fellow improvisers at the National Comedy Theatre), two people I really like being around. It was just really cool and made me feel like I belonged in the city.
They were on their way to get some dinner and asked me to join them. I felt a bit awkward because I didn't want to intrude on their hang time but it's been a long time since I've even seen Amy so they didn't have to ask twice if I wanted to come along.
We ate at a nice Mexican place called Arriba Arriba where our waitress was friendly and cute (it was her first day) and they even had a scary gap-toothed DJ spinning tunes like "It's Raining Men" and other such tunes that were a little less than subtle (a DJ in a restaurant? That was weird).
Without trying to come across as too sappy it was a really nice time. Every time I'm with Amy I realize how cool she is and it makes me bummed we don't get to see her more often. And of course, JT is just the man. Needless to say, many laughs were shared.
After dinner we went to the theater for rehearsal (it was a great rehearsal...we've recently recruited a new bunch of people onto the team and they're all great peoples) and afterward the whole gang--or most of us--went out for drinks. It capped off a really nice day, but when I look back I am grateful for having such great people in my life who, when I bump into them in the street, make me count my blessings.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Um...This Might Be Controversial. But Not On Purpose
My sister Jaime was in town this weekend and we had a great time hanging out. I told her to bring her walking shoes, and it's a good thing I did as we covered a lot of ground. When I showed her a map of how far we actually walked, she couldn't believe it.
I picked her up Saturday morning around 10:30. Her bus arrived at the Port Authority bus terminal which is only about 3 blocks from my place. We dropped off her stuff and began our journey.
We took off for Times Square and from there headed north. We did a quick walkthrough of Toys R Us and went by the Letterman theater. We walked all the way up Broadway and into Central Park. We only got about a third of the way into the park and then turned around (I'm not extremely familiar with the rest of the park and didn't want to get turned around). We headed back south and stopped for lunch at the Jekyll & Hyde Club near 57th. It was a good time, the characters were amusing (almost to the point of being annoying) but all in all it was a lot of fun.
We continued to head south, this time via 5th Avenue so we could pass Trump Plaza, 30 Rock, and get a good view of the Chrysler Building. We zigged to go by Radio City Music Hall on 6th and made our way to Bryant Park. We circled around the park so we could go by the Historic Library and also the home of the original Soup Nazi place.
We continued south and soon made our way to 34th street. We got a great view of the Empire State Building and also went by Madison Square Gardens. We hopped on the subway at Penn Station and made our way south to go to Ground Zero, the former home of the World Trade Center/Twin Towers.
And this is where things may get controversial, depending on who's reading this. Just a disclaimer to let you know I'm not being funny or sarcastic or trying to be controversial. This is just the way I (and it turns out Jaime) felt.
I'd never been to Ground Zero before. A lot of people from out of town ask me if I'd been to see it and to be honest I never had an inclination to go. I'm not a native New Yorker, I'd only visited the city a couple of times briefly before, and prior to my move here in July really felt no connection to the city. Yes, September 11 was a tragedy, but it didn't affect me the same way that it would have had I lived here at the time or if I knew someone who was directly involved.
When Jaime and I arrived at Ground Zero it...well...it just looked like one of a zillion construction projects going on in the city. Had I not known where we were, I probably wouldn't even have noticed. Needless to say, it wasn't an incredibly moving experience. It was just a bunch of bulldozers and cranes and without trying to be crass, I see that on my walks in the city every day.
Is that cold to say? Maybe it would have been different had I been there right after it happened and the rubble and debris was still there but as it was, I just felt guilty. When people would ask if I've been to Ground Zero it would make me feel guilty that I hadn't. And now I feel guilty that I have and, for lack of a better phrase, it didn't do anything for me.
I can't help but feel it will be different after they have finished completing the memorial buildings and structures. I'd like to go back after it's finished where I can learn a little more about the history, read stories, and feel like I experience it a little more.
Jaime (who was in Iraq in the Army just a couple of months ago) and I talked about this and we talked about the fact although it was a terrible day, things like this happen all over the world every day of the year and we (Americans) could care less. But when it happens to us, then it's important. We weren't belittling people whose lives were lost on 9/11 but found it a little dreary that most Americans only seem to care about it when that happens in the US. I don't know. I would probably have to babble on for much longer than this to really express everything, but I'm already bored, I can't imagine how you, Dear Reader, must feel.
After that we walked South to get a look at the Statue of Liberty and then returned back to the apartment, eager to get out of the rain for an hour or so. That night Jaime went to the theater with me to watch the improv show and she had a great time. She said during the intermission of the first show the guys in the seats next to her were talking and were convinced that we were performing memorized scenes, so I guess that's a pretty good compliment.
All in all, a fun weekend with Jaime. It was her first time in NYC and I asked her what the biggest surprise was about the city. She said it was a lot cleaner than she expected. I don't know if she meant the city or my apartment.
Even though it rained pretty much the whole time she was here, it didn't dampen our spirits or keep us from cracking each other up the entire time. Today she and her family are moving to Seattle so I am glad she was able to visit before they end up on the Left Coast. Good times.
I picked her up Saturday morning around 10:30. Her bus arrived at the Port Authority bus terminal which is only about 3 blocks from my place. We dropped off her stuff and began our journey.
We took off for Times Square and from there headed north. We did a quick walkthrough of Toys R Us and went by the Letterman theater. We walked all the way up Broadway and into Central Park. We only got about a third of the way into the park and then turned around (I'm not extremely familiar with the rest of the park and didn't want to get turned around). We headed back south and stopped for lunch at the Jekyll & Hyde Club near 57th. It was a good time, the characters were amusing (almost to the point of being annoying) but all in all it was a lot of fun.
We continued to head south, this time via 5th Avenue so we could pass Trump Plaza, 30 Rock, and get a good view of the Chrysler Building. We zigged to go by Radio City Music Hall on 6th and made our way to Bryant Park. We circled around the park so we could go by the Historic Library and also the home of the original Soup Nazi place.
We continued south and soon made our way to 34th street. We got a great view of the Empire State Building and also went by Madison Square Gardens. We hopped on the subway at Penn Station and made our way south to go to Ground Zero, the former home of the World Trade Center/Twin Towers.
And this is where things may get controversial, depending on who's reading this. Just a disclaimer to let you know I'm not being funny or sarcastic or trying to be controversial. This is just the way I (and it turns out Jaime) felt.
I'd never been to Ground Zero before. A lot of people from out of town ask me if I'd been to see it and to be honest I never had an inclination to go. I'm not a native New Yorker, I'd only visited the city a couple of times briefly before, and prior to my move here in July really felt no connection to the city. Yes, September 11 was a tragedy, but it didn't affect me the same way that it would have had I lived here at the time or if I knew someone who was directly involved.
When Jaime and I arrived at Ground Zero it...well...it just looked like one of a zillion construction projects going on in the city. Had I not known where we were, I probably wouldn't even have noticed. Needless to say, it wasn't an incredibly moving experience. It was just a bunch of bulldozers and cranes and without trying to be crass, I see that on my walks in the city every day.
Is that cold to say? Maybe it would have been different had I been there right after it happened and the rubble and debris was still there but as it was, I just felt guilty. When people would ask if I've been to Ground Zero it would make me feel guilty that I hadn't. And now I feel guilty that I have and, for lack of a better phrase, it didn't do anything for me.
I can't help but feel it will be different after they have finished completing the memorial buildings and structures. I'd like to go back after it's finished where I can learn a little more about the history, read stories, and feel like I experience it a little more.
Jaime (who was in Iraq in the Army just a couple of months ago) and I talked about this and we talked about the fact although it was a terrible day, things like this happen all over the world every day of the year and we (Americans) could care less. But when it happens to us, then it's important. We weren't belittling people whose lives were lost on 9/11 but found it a little dreary that most Americans only seem to care about it when that happens in the US. I don't know. I would probably have to babble on for much longer than this to really express everything, but I'm already bored, I can't imagine how you, Dear Reader, must feel.
After that we walked South to get a look at the Statue of Liberty and then returned back to the apartment, eager to get out of the rain for an hour or so. That night Jaime went to the theater with me to watch the improv show and she had a great time. She said during the intermission of the first show the guys in the seats next to her were talking and were convinced that we were performing memorized scenes, so I guess that's a pretty good compliment.
All in all, a fun weekend with Jaime. It was her first time in NYC and I asked her what the biggest surprise was about the city. She said it was a lot cleaner than she expected. I don't know if she meant the city or my apartment.
Even though it rained pretty much the whole time she was here, it didn't dampen our spirits or keep us from cracking each other up the entire time. Today she and her family are moving to Seattle so I am glad she was able to visit before they end up on the Left Coast. Good times.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
How Sex Simplifies Things
I have a friend who just slept with a guy for the first time. They've only just recently met, never went out together but it didn't take long for the two of them to hook up. She really likes the guy and is crushing on him., but she mentioned to me the other day that she wished she had the guts to ask him out on a date.
Yes, you read that correctly.
I remember when people went on dates hoping to have sex instead of the other way around.
Yes, you read that correctly.
I remember when people went on dates hoping to have sex instead of the other way around.
Coffee Idiots
Coming home from the library today I passed the corner of 7th and 42nd. At that corner is one of the smallest Starbucks I've ever seen. I never go there because there's always a line and nowhere to sit. It's very wee.
As I approached I saw a long line of people stretching out the door and around the corner. Bear in mind there were no special promotions going on, people just wanted coffee. And also bear in mind I am in New York city, not back home in Garrett where the nearest starbucks is like 20 minutes away. In the city the nearest Starbucks is like 20 paces away.
On the way home I passed 4 (count 'em, four) other Starbucks locations. And it only took me about 6 or 7 minutes to get home. I can't imagine needing coffee so bad that I'd wait in a 30-minute line but also being so lazy that I won't walk across the street to get it.
But wait Ed, you might think, maybe they were tourists and didn't know where the nearest Starbucks was.
Maybe they were tourists. In that case, let them stand in line. The longer we can keep them diverted in Starbucks instead of standing in the middle of the sidewalk blocking traffic the better.
As I approached I saw a long line of people stretching out the door and around the corner. Bear in mind there were no special promotions going on, people just wanted coffee. And also bear in mind I am in New York city, not back home in Garrett where the nearest starbucks is like 20 minutes away. In the city the nearest Starbucks is like 20 paces away.
On the way home I passed 4 (count 'em, four) other Starbucks locations. And it only took me about 6 or 7 minutes to get home. I can't imagine needing coffee so bad that I'd wait in a 30-minute line but also being so lazy that I won't walk across the street to get it.
But wait Ed, you might think, maybe they were tourists and didn't know where the nearest Starbucks was.
Maybe they were tourists. In that case, let them stand in line. The longer we can keep them diverted in Starbucks instead of standing in the middle of the sidewalk blocking traffic the better.
Friday, April 14, 2006
Return of the Vampire
I think maybe I've seen the sun a total of 5 or 6 hours this week. I've been living the night life (complete with glo-sticks) and partying all week long. Either that, or I've been standing around the last couple of nights on a movie set waiting for the cameras to roll.
Just finished a 4-day shoot on the movie August Rush. The shoots were all overnight shoots, meaning I had to be there each night at 6:30PM and we got done each day around 6 or 7am. I would get home, watch TV for an hour or so, go to bed, get up at 4, and repeat the process.
I was told by my agent that Robin Williams would be there and good times would be had by all. I forgot that agents are LIARS. Not only was Robin Williams not there but I also wasted 75 dollars on my Mork costume.
In attendance was Jonathan Rhys-British guy (from Match Point), Keri Russell (from Felicity who, in person, looks like a clenched fist) and Freddie SomethingOrOther, the kid from Finding Neverland and the Tim Burton version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
We spent all four nights in Central Park shooting a scene as audience members at a NY Philharmonic performance. And I must admit, I was really impressed with the kid. He had to play like he was conducting the orchestra and in between shots he was the most professional, well-behaved robot of a kid you could ever imagine. My parents could only dream that I would have been that well-mannered when nothing was going on and we had to wait around for the crew to set themselves.
The highlight of the shoot was befriending a girl named Joan. We had a good time making sarcastic comments and remarks about everyone else in attendance who drove us nuts (or just looked funny).
During the shoot I was also able to read Dennis Miller's The Rant Zone. If you're a fan of Dennis Miller and his sense of humor, then you'll really enjoy it. If you're not a fan, then...well...you're dumb.*
All in all, a good week. But man, if my sleep schedule was screwed up before....
*This book review brought to you by Ed as his 12-year-old self.
Just finished a 4-day shoot on the movie August Rush. The shoots were all overnight shoots, meaning I had to be there each night at 6:30PM and we got done each day around 6 or 7am. I would get home, watch TV for an hour or so, go to bed, get up at 4, and repeat the process.
I was told by my agent that Robin Williams would be there and good times would be had by all. I forgot that agents are LIARS. Not only was Robin Williams not there but I also wasted 75 dollars on my Mork costume.
In attendance was Jonathan Rhys-British guy (from Match Point), Keri Russell (from Felicity who, in person, looks like a clenched fist) and Freddie SomethingOrOther, the kid from Finding Neverland and the Tim Burton version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
We spent all four nights in Central Park shooting a scene as audience members at a NY Philharmonic performance. And I must admit, I was really impressed with the kid. He had to play like he was conducting the orchestra and in between shots he was the most professional, well-behaved robot of a kid you could ever imagine. My parents could only dream that I would have been that well-mannered when nothing was going on and we had to wait around for the crew to set themselves.
The highlight of the shoot was befriending a girl named Joan. We had a good time making sarcastic comments and remarks about everyone else in attendance who drove us nuts (or just looked funny).
During the shoot I was also able to read Dennis Miller's The Rant Zone. If you're a fan of Dennis Miller and his sense of humor, then you'll really enjoy it. If you're not a fan, then...well...you're dumb.*
All in all, a good week. But man, if my sleep schedule was screwed up before....
*This book review brought to you by Ed as his 12-year-old self.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
That's A Very Specific Group of Protesters
Today in my adventures I passed by the Historical Library on 40th & 6th. Outside were 8 or 9 elderly ladies all wearing dark trenchcoats. They were holding a sign that read
WOMEN IN BLACK AGAINST THE WAR
Man, I miss my camera.
WOMEN IN BLACK AGAINST THE WAR
Man, I miss my camera.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
No Longer An Accomplice
Weird stuff.
Those of you who have been regular readers of my blog may recall me working with an improvisational tour guide scavenger hunt thing last season. I had a great time playing the role of "homeless guy on the Brooklyn Bridge" and after each show it was fun hanging out with the people who came through and getting to meet them.
In November shows stopped for the winter and I was excited, as the Guy In Charge said he was excited to have me back in the spring. Well, spring has sprung and I saw that last weekend was their return to shows. Since I'd heard nothing from them, I assumed they weren't going to ask me back, which was fine. That happens sometimes. I liked them a lot, and sent them an email wishing them a great season.
I got an email in return stating they were sorry they didn't ask me to return, but I just didn't fit in with the group. I laughed out loud. Definitely not expecting to hear that, especially since they never once came to the Bridge to see my interaction with the people or my performance. So all I could assume is that after the show, hanging out at the bar, I didn't fit in because I usually had Pepsi instead of alcohol. All I ever heard was how well people who took the tour said I was doing, so it seemed to be a little out of left field.
Oh well. Not the first time that's happened, right (hello, Nashville, is this thing on)? Although this time didn't bother me at all. Why? I'm sure you already know the reason. I'm having too much fun at the National Comedy Theatre to let anything else rub me the wrong way. It's kinda like saying, "Hey Ed, you can't have any more Raisin Bran."
"I can't?"
"Nope."
"Oh. Ok, whatever. Can I still have Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch?"
"Oh yea, as much as you want. And now, due to magic, even though it's still going to taste exactly the same, it'll actually be healthy for you."
"Cool. So what's the downside? I don't see it."
In my opinion, you can't ever get enough breakfast cereal metaphors.
Those of you who have been regular readers of my blog may recall me working with an improvisational tour guide scavenger hunt thing last season. I had a great time playing the role of "homeless guy on the Brooklyn Bridge" and after each show it was fun hanging out with the people who came through and getting to meet them.
In November shows stopped for the winter and I was excited, as the Guy In Charge said he was excited to have me back in the spring. Well, spring has sprung and I saw that last weekend was their return to shows. Since I'd heard nothing from them, I assumed they weren't going to ask me back, which was fine. That happens sometimes. I liked them a lot, and sent them an email wishing them a great season.
I got an email in return stating they were sorry they didn't ask me to return, but I just didn't fit in with the group. I laughed out loud. Definitely not expecting to hear that, especially since they never once came to the Bridge to see my interaction with the people or my performance. So all I could assume is that after the show, hanging out at the bar, I didn't fit in because I usually had Pepsi instead of alcohol. All I ever heard was how well people who took the tour said I was doing, so it seemed to be a little out of left field.
Oh well. Not the first time that's happened, right (hello, Nashville, is this thing on)? Although this time didn't bother me at all. Why? I'm sure you already know the reason. I'm having too much fun at the National Comedy Theatre to let anything else rub me the wrong way. It's kinda like saying, "Hey Ed, you can't have any more Raisin Bran."
"I can't?"
"Nope."
"Oh. Ok, whatever. Can I still have Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch?"
"Oh yea, as much as you want. And now, due to magic, even though it's still going to taste exactly the same, it'll actually be healthy for you."
"Cool. So what's the downside? I don't see it."
In my opinion, you can't ever get enough breakfast cereal metaphors.
ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz.......
Went to bed last night around 10:30, 11:00. Woke up again at 1. Went back to sleep at 3. Woke up again at 5. And I'm still up.
I wonder if I could get into one of those sleep studies. I might as well make some money from my screwed up sleep schedule.
On the bright side, while I was up I downloaded the latest podcast by Ricky Gervais and laughed my silly head off. So that was cool.
I wonder if I could get into one of those sleep studies. I might as well make some money from my screwed up sleep schedule.
On the bright side, while I was up I downloaded the latest podcast by Ricky Gervais and laughed my silly head off. So that was cool.
Monday, April 03, 2006
The Wedding Album
My first time on a film shoot in a while and it was nice to be back in the saddle again. Today I was on Wall Street shooting some scenes for a new television pilot (I believe for FOX) entitled The Wedding Album. If I am correct, its a romantic comedy about the ongoing adventures in love of a wedding planner.
We shot in a huge building (used to be a bank, I don't know what they use it for now) that was all set up and decorated for a wedding party. Call time this morning was 7am. YIKES.
I got up extra early to ensure I would find my way there. They gave us the address to check in at but didn't tell us that the actual address was a block and a half away on a different street. Good thing I left early.
The last few times Ive been on a shoot Ive played attendees of high-class occasions so I had to wear a suit and tie. It was nice today to be playing an electrician so I could wear the same crappy jeans and T-shirt Id wear on any other day.
It was an interesting psychological study to see people dressed in cool hip clothing playing floral designers gathering together in one clique and looking down on the people dressed as caterers or servers. The guy who was chosen to be the head Floral Attendant, with his gaudily bleached hair and Im-Jonathan-from-Bravos Blow Out attitude, believed he had been cast as the King of the World (or, more appropriately for him, the Queen) and began to prance about the set ordering people around. I enjoyed watching people roll their eyes at him and defying his power.
The first half of the morning was a little boring, as I didn't do anything. Usually I dont mind doing nothing as its a movie set and nothing is usually what happens, but they had us waiting on set away from the holding area, which means away from my Soduko puzzle book Id brought along.
We broke for lunch and imagine my horror when they announced they werent providing lunch for us. That was a first. And, of course, the reason for my horror was I was carrying zero money. So during the lunch hour I did Soduko puzzles and secretly wondered why the lady in charge of the extras was in such a bad mood.
After lunch they put me in the background of a scene featuring a rigged table that crashed to the floor (with wedding cake on top of it). I don't care if I am ruining the storyline or giving something away by revealing the cake doesn't make it to the end of the show. Maybe next time they'll think twice about not getting me a sandwich for lunch.
After that, they grabbed me out of the bunch to carry some flowers in a scene. According to the onlookers I got some good screen time in that scene so that was nice. After that they had me in a scene working on a speaker and in another scene working on a table.
All in all it was a good day. I was a little grumpy for a bit because I was hungry but I still enjoyed myself. I was on the set until 8:30PM and I didn't mind a bit. A lot of people were ready and eager to leave, but since we get paid overtime I didnt see what the big rush was.
Needless to say I came home exhausted. I have a 3-day shoot coming up next week for the new Robin Williams movie, August Rush. I don't know if hell be in any of the scenes were shooting but they are overnight shoots and take place in Central Park. I wonder if anyone will be there to walk me home.
We shot in a huge building (used to be a bank, I don't know what they use it for now) that was all set up and decorated for a wedding party. Call time this morning was 7am. YIKES.
I got up extra early to ensure I would find my way there. They gave us the address to check in at but didn't tell us that the actual address was a block and a half away on a different street. Good thing I left early.
The last few times Ive been on a shoot Ive played attendees of high-class occasions so I had to wear a suit and tie. It was nice today to be playing an electrician so I could wear the same crappy jeans and T-shirt Id wear on any other day.
It was an interesting psychological study to see people dressed in cool hip clothing playing floral designers gathering together in one clique and looking down on the people dressed as caterers or servers. The guy who was chosen to be the head Floral Attendant, with his gaudily bleached hair and Im-Jonathan-from-Bravos Blow Out attitude, believed he had been cast as the King of the World (or, more appropriately for him, the Queen) and began to prance about the set ordering people around. I enjoyed watching people roll their eyes at him and defying his power.
The first half of the morning was a little boring, as I didn't do anything. Usually I dont mind doing nothing as its a movie set and nothing is usually what happens, but they had us waiting on set away from the holding area, which means away from my Soduko puzzle book Id brought along.
We broke for lunch and imagine my horror when they announced they werent providing lunch for us. That was a first. And, of course, the reason for my horror was I was carrying zero money. So during the lunch hour I did Soduko puzzles and secretly wondered why the lady in charge of the extras was in such a bad mood.
After lunch they put me in the background of a scene featuring a rigged table that crashed to the floor (with wedding cake on top of it). I don't care if I am ruining the storyline or giving something away by revealing the cake doesn't make it to the end of the show. Maybe next time they'll think twice about not getting me a sandwich for lunch.
After that, they grabbed me out of the bunch to carry some flowers in a scene. According to the onlookers I got some good screen time in that scene so that was nice. After that they had me in a scene working on a speaker and in another scene working on a table.
All in all it was a good day. I was a little grumpy for a bit because I was hungry but I still enjoyed myself. I was on the set until 8:30PM and I didn't mind a bit. A lot of people were ready and eager to leave, but since we get paid overtime I didnt see what the big rush was.
Needless to say I came home exhausted. I have a 3-day shoot coming up next week for the new Robin Williams movie, August Rush. I don't know if hell be in any of the scenes were shooting but they are overnight shoots and take place in Central Park. I wonder if anyone will be there to walk me home.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Fair Warning
If you're going to walk through Times Square holding someone's hand, I guess that's OK.
If you're going to walk through Times Square holding someone's hand and take up the entire sidewalk during rush hour, that's annoying.
If you're going to walk through Times Square holding your spouse's hand who is holding your child's hand who is holding your cousin's hand who is holding their friend's hand and you're going to take up the entire sidewalk and refuse to step aside for the oncoming foot traffic, then someone is going to get a glare from me followed by the mean shoulder nudge as we pass.
If you're going to walk through Times Square holding someone's hand and take up the entire sidewalk during rush hour, that's annoying.
If you're going to walk through Times Square holding your spouse's hand who is holding your child's hand who is holding your cousin's hand who is holding their friend's hand and you're going to take up the entire sidewalk and refuse to step aside for the oncoming foot traffic, then someone is going to get a glare from me followed by the mean shoulder nudge as we pass.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
KCB
Wow, suddenly I'm just full of blogs, ain't I?
I wanted to mention the Kids Cookie Break hosted by my dear friend Lisa Landis. If you're looking for something fun and new to listen to, Lisa hosts this kids show and is now available to listen online 24 hours a day! It's awesome!! And even though it's a show for kids, like most Pixar movies, you can enjoy it no matter what age you are. Lisa is an amazing host and it's no mystery how a brief once-a-week segment on her morning show turned into it's own weekly show and now an internet phenomenon.
So swing by the link above and listen. Your family might like what they hear. And hey, if you listen really closely, you might hear one of more than a few contributions by Yours Truly.
I wanted to mention the Kids Cookie Break hosted by my dear friend Lisa Landis. If you're looking for something fun and new to listen to, Lisa hosts this kids show and is now available to listen online 24 hours a day! It's awesome!! And even though it's a show for kids, like most Pixar movies, you can enjoy it no matter what age you are. Lisa is an amazing host and it's no mystery how a brief once-a-week segment on her morning show turned into it's own weekly show and now an internet phenomenon.
So swing by the link above and listen. Your family might like what they hear. And hey, if you listen really closely, you might hear one of more than a few contributions by Yours Truly.
Til You Weep
When is the last time you actually laughed so hard, you cried? If it's been too long, then I highly suggest the podcasts by Ricky Gervais. For those of you who don't know, Gervais is the genius behind the original British version of "The Office" (as writer, producer, and star and also producer and sometimes-writer of the American version).
I was listening to the podcasts while at work and literally sat at my desk crying. I can't recommend this too highly.
Now stop reading this and go get your laugh on.
I was listening to the podcasts while at work and literally sat at my desk crying. I can't recommend this too highly.
Now stop reading this and go get your laugh on.
Long Time No Blog
Wow, I can't believe it's been so long (12 days) since my last blog. Time definitely can get away from you, can't it? I know the old adage of "out of sight, out of mind" can often be true and I didn't want you to think I haven't been up to anything. I guess I just haven't taken the time to document any of it. Here's a brief recap:
Meridith and Nathan visit
My dear friend Meridith and her boyfriend Nathan came up to visit from Columbus, Ohio. It's always good to see dear friends again and I was glad to have a chance to reconnect and catch up. It was Meridith's first time to NYC and I had fun showing her a small bit of the city.
Painting the Lava Lounge
Some of us at the National Comedy Theatre have really taken it under our wing as our fearless leader Kramer has been out of town. The green room down in the basement was just a big empty room and we've gotten carpeting, a sofa, a Playstation, and are in the processing of applying a new coat of paint. It's really bringing everything together and making it feel like a place we want to hang out and call our own. The enthusiasm has been infectious and nice to see everyone band together.
No Books For Me
I haven't read anything for some time. All of my free time at the library has been spent checking out comedy albums. I also got the film Continental Divide with John Belushi and Blair Brown. After reading the Belushi bio I wanted to check it out as it raved about his stellar performance in a serious role. I thought it was ok. Kinda bored with it, though. Just because someone isn't mugging for the camera, I don't think that makes them a dramatic genius. But that's just me. A cute film, just not a dramatic tour de force.
And I guess that's it.
Meridith and Nathan visit
My dear friend Meridith and her boyfriend Nathan came up to visit from Columbus, Ohio. It's always good to see dear friends again and I was glad to have a chance to reconnect and catch up. It was Meridith's first time to NYC and I had fun showing her a small bit of the city.
Painting the Lava Lounge
Some of us at the National Comedy Theatre have really taken it under our wing as our fearless leader Kramer has been out of town. The green room down in the basement was just a big empty room and we've gotten carpeting, a sofa, a Playstation, and are in the processing of applying a new coat of paint. It's really bringing everything together and making it feel like a place we want to hang out and call our own. The enthusiasm has been infectious and nice to see everyone band together.
No Books For Me
I haven't read anything for some time. All of my free time at the library has been spent checking out comedy albums. I also got the film Continental Divide with John Belushi and Blair Brown. After reading the Belushi bio I wanted to check it out as it raved about his stellar performance in a serious role. I thought it was ok. Kinda bored with it, though. Just because someone isn't mugging for the camera, I don't think that makes them a dramatic genius. But that's just me. A cute film, just not a dramatic tour de force.
And I guess that's it.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
"The Ha-Ha"
Back in July I blogged about a little bookstore back in Indiana that was giving away free books; they were advance copies and I loaded up on a few of them and felt like a bandit. I just finished reading one of those books, The Ha-Ha by Dave King and let me tell you, I really feel like a bandit now.
This book was amazing. Incredible. And I've heard nothing about it at all. Pity, really.
Ha-Ha tells the story of Howard, a man who returned home from the Army scarred (literally and figuratively) and unable to speak, read, or write. Besides that, he is a man of "regular intelligence" who has carved out a regular routine in life...until his close friend and former love interest Sylvia goes into rehab and leaves him to care for her son Ryan while she is in recovery.
It's hard enough adapting to life with an 8-year-old boy; you can imagine how much harder it would be when you have no way of communicating with him except for gestures. With the help of his three roommates, Howard is more than willing to accept the task (mostly because he is still in love with Sylvia and despite his handicap, dreams of spending his life with her and Ryan).
What unfolds is a story that draws you in and has you rooting for Howard the entire time. You understand his wants, his longings, and his frustrations. His highs are invigorating and his heartbreaks are truly heartbreaking.
The time spent with Ryan changes the lives of everyone involved in a variety of ways and when I got to the end of the book, I was sad to have to say goodbye.
The Ha-Ha gets my highest recommendation. Check it out at a local library or bookstore near you. Thumbs up!
This book was amazing. Incredible. And I've heard nothing about it at all. Pity, really.
Ha-Ha tells the story of Howard, a man who returned home from the Army scarred (literally and figuratively) and unable to speak, read, or write. Besides that, he is a man of "regular intelligence" who has carved out a regular routine in life...until his close friend and former love interest Sylvia goes into rehab and leaves him to care for her son Ryan while she is in recovery.
It's hard enough adapting to life with an 8-year-old boy; you can imagine how much harder it would be when you have no way of communicating with him except for gestures. With the help of his three roommates, Howard is more than willing to accept the task (mostly because he is still in love with Sylvia and despite his handicap, dreams of spending his life with her and Ryan).
What unfolds is a story that draws you in and has you rooting for Howard the entire time. You understand his wants, his longings, and his frustrations. His highs are invigorating and his heartbreaks are truly heartbreaking.
The time spent with Ryan changes the lives of everyone involved in a variety of ways and when I got to the end of the book, I was sad to have to say goodbye.
The Ha-Ha gets my highest recommendation. Check it out at a local library or bookstore near you. Thumbs up!
John, Lisa, Times Square, and Snowboarding
Yesterday I got to visit with my dear friends John and Lisa from Pennsylvania. They were up in New York City for a few days for their honeymoon and I was glad they etched out some time in their schedule for us to hook up!
Since I had to work that afternoon we met in Times Square. Lisa interviewed me for the radio/internet show she does, "The Kids Cookie Break" and told me about other interviews she'd gotten while she'd been in town.
In the middle of Times Square the Mountain Dew people had erected a huge snowboarding ramp with two individual lanes and complete with a huge truck blowing artificial snow on it. I'm not sure what the big event was for (we were told it wouldn't officially begin until 4:00) but it was pretty cool to see. You just never know what you're gonna see when you're walking down the street in this town!
John and Lisa both lived in New York many moons ago (Lisa had even worked at NBC for a short bit and had fun SNL stories to tell) so there was no pressure to show them all the cool stuff in town and impress them. Instead we just walked around and concentrated on catching up.
We grabbed some lunch at a great little French cafe (Maison was the name, I believe) and after that we made our way to Sam Ash Music stores so Lisa could get another disc for her recorder. While there she interviewed one of the employees about ukuleles and it was a great time.
Always good to see the Blowers!! Nothing like good friends and good conversation.
Tomorrow my dear friend Meridith is coming into town with her boyfriend Nate and I am looking forward to catching up with her (and meeting him)! This is the week of reconnecting! Yeeeeee!
Since I had to work that afternoon we met in Times Square. Lisa interviewed me for the radio/internet show she does, "The Kids Cookie Break" and told me about other interviews she'd gotten while she'd been in town.
In the middle of Times Square the Mountain Dew people had erected a huge snowboarding ramp with two individual lanes and complete with a huge truck blowing artificial snow on it. I'm not sure what the big event was for (we were told it wouldn't officially begin until 4:00) but it was pretty cool to see. You just never know what you're gonna see when you're walking down the street in this town!
John and Lisa both lived in New York many moons ago (Lisa had even worked at NBC for a short bit and had fun SNL stories to tell) so there was no pressure to show them all the cool stuff in town and impress them. Instead we just walked around and concentrated on catching up.
We grabbed some lunch at a great little French cafe (Maison was the name, I believe) and after that we made our way to Sam Ash Music stores so Lisa could get another disc for her recorder. While there she interviewed one of the employees about ukuleles and it was a great time.
Always good to see the Blowers!! Nothing like good friends and good conversation.
Tomorrow my dear friend Meridith is coming into town with her boyfriend Nate and I am looking forward to catching up with her (and meeting him)! This is the week of reconnecting! Yeeeeee!
Monday, March 06, 2006
Layer Cake
I've just finished reading a book that was recommended to me by my new friend from Down Under, the lovely Lena. Actually, she recommended the film to me. I went online to search for it at the New York Public Library and found it was a book first that had been made into a movie. I reserved them both, and the book is the first one that arrived.
Layer Cake by JJ Connolly is a fast and fun journey into the seedy underbelly of the crime syndicate in London. It's basically Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels meets Snatch meets Elmore Leonard (author of Get Shorty, Be Cool, and Out of Sight). In other words, it's a guy movie in book form. And I loved it.
It took me a bit to figure out some of the British slang (cozzer, apparently, is another word for a cop) but it didn't take long to get involved in the story of our unnamed hero who is twenty-nine years old and has decided to retire from a life of crime when he turns thirty. As is usually the case in such stories, it is much easier said than done. Connolly parades before us a long line of colorful characters, one more interesting and sneaky than the next.
When I had reached the third-to-last page, everything is pretty much wrapped up in a neat little bow....but a lot can happen in three pages. That's all I'm gonna say.
A fun read and highly recommended. Makes me wanna get in a car and drive really fast.
Layer Cake by JJ Connolly is a fast and fun journey into the seedy underbelly of the crime syndicate in London. It's basically Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels meets Snatch meets Elmore Leonard (author of Get Shorty, Be Cool, and Out of Sight). In other words, it's a guy movie in book form. And I loved it.
It took me a bit to figure out some of the British slang (cozzer, apparently, is another word for a cop) but it didn't take long to get involved in the story of our unnamed hero who is twenty-nine years old and has decided to retire from a life of crime when he turns thirty. As is usually the case in such stories, it is much easier said than done. Connolly parades before us a long line of colorful characters, one more interesting and sneaky than the next.
When I had reached the third-to-last page, everything is pretty much wrapped up in a neat little bow....but a lot can happen in three pages. That's all I'm gonna say.
A fun read and highly recommended. Makes me wanna get in a car and drive really fast.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Remote Control
Last night was my first time performing at a remote show with the National Comedy Theatre. I rode along with JT, Amy, and Dan to East Brunswick, New Jersey to perform in the fancy schmancy Hilton Hotel for the New Jersey Association of Gifted Children or something like that.
We did a soundcheck in the ballroom where we would be performing and then they gave us directions to what they described as our "green room in a secured location." Or, what you and I would call a hotel room.
It was actually a very nice setup. They had taken out pretty much all of the furniture and instead brought in 4 tables and some chairs and set up them up around the room. They had also supplied a nice little craft services table with fruit and granola bars. It was pretty cool.
We were scheduled to perform for an hour and it went amazingly well. At first I wasn't sure how it would go, since about 3/4 of the people in attendance were kids but JT, who was running the show, did a really great job of keeping things under control (especially while getting suggestions from the crowd) and everyone seemed to have a great time.
The laughter kept coming at a steady rate and the hour flew by. Afterward we mingled for a bit and then got some free ice cream (we laughed at how, seeing it was a convention for gifted children and their families, they were offering free ice cream sundees).
We arrived back at the theater and hung out with the gang who performed at the theater for a few hours and all in all, it was a good night. I am scheduled to do another remote in a couple of weeks and am looking forward to that as well.
Good times.
We did a soundcheck in the ballroom where we would be performing and then they gave us directions to what they described as our "green room in a secured location." Or, what you and I would call a hotel room.
It was actually a very nice setup. They had taken out pretty much all of the furniture and instead brought in 4 tables and some chairs and set up them up around the room. They had also supplied a nice little craft services table with fruit and granola bars. It was pretty cool.
We were scheduled to perform for an hour and it went amazingly well. At first I wasn't sure how it would go, since about 3/4 of the people in attendance were kids but JT, who was running the show, did a really great job of keeping things under control (especially while getting suggestions from the crowd) and everyone seemed to have a great time.
The laughter kept coming at a steady rate and the hour flew by. Afterward we mingled for a bit and then got some free ice cream (we laughed at how, seeing it was a convention for gifted children and their families, they were offering free ice cream sundees).
We arrived back at the theater and hung out with the gang who performed at the theater for a few hours and all in all, it was a good night. I am scheduled to do another remote in a couple of weeks and am looking forward to that as well.
Good times.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
I Think I Just Peed A Bit
So I'm watching the amazingly funny (and inexplicably underrated) Scrubs tonight and they said a line that made me laugh so hard I had to stop the VCR and blog about it.
For those of you who don't know, it's basically a younger, hipper, funnier ER in a sitcom format. (And, for those of you who don't know, Grey's Anatomy, a really good new show, is also a younger and hipper version of ER). I now take you to a scene from tonight's episode of Scrubs:
JD, I really don't wanna do this. Can't we just go home, put on our PJs, and watch "Grey's Anatomy?"
Oh, I do love that show. It's like they've been watching our lives and then...just put it on TV.
Brilliant.
For those of you who don't know, it's basically a younger, hipper, funnier ER in a sitcom format. (And, for those of you who don't know, Grey's Anatomy, a really good new show, is also a younger and hipper version of ER). I now take you to a scene from tonight's episode of Scrubs:
JD (played by the brilliant Zach Braff) and Eliot (played by the brilliant-and-lovely Sarah Chalke) are strolling down the halls of the hosipital.
ELIOT
JD, I really don't wanna do this. Can't we just go home, put on our PJs, and watch "Grey's Anatomy?"
JD
Oh, I do love that show. It's like they've been watching our lives and then...just put it on TV.
Brilliant.
Have Carpet, Will Travel
I don't think I mentioned it earlier, but JT and I had quite an adventure the other day. The gang at the National Comedy Theatre has been steadily working to improve the basement/green room at the theater. We were able to snag another piece of carpet from someone off of Craig's List and last Friday we went to pick it up.
And when I say pick it up, I mean it in every literal meaning. It was a fairly large piece of carpet (I believe 10' x 12') and after lugging it down 4 flights of stairs, we then proceeded to carry it from the corner of 3rd & 11th to the theater at 36th and 9th.
I don't know how I don't have a huge red rug-burn on my shoulder, but I escaped without any physical marks of our journey through midtown Manhattan (but it's still a little bit sore). Surprisingly enough we were able to make it the whole way without bumping into anyone or causing a huge ruckus.
Why? Because we freakin rock.
And when I say pick it up, I mean it in every literal meaning. It was a fairly large piece of carpet (I believe 10' x 12') and after lugging it down 4 flights of stairs, we then proceeded to carry it from the corner of 3rd & 11th to the theater at 36th and 9th.
I don't know how I don't have a huge red rug-burn on my shoulder, but I escaped without any physical marks of our journey through midtown Manhattan (but it's still a little bit sore). Surprisingly enough we were able to make it the whole way without bumping into anyone or causing a huge ruckus.
Why? Because we freakin rock.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Belushi
I just finished reading the John Belushi biography, appropriately titled Belushi. Wow. Amazing.
I'll be the first to admit that although I am a huge fan of Saturday Night Live, I wasn't always necessarily a huge Belushi fan. Not that I didn't like his work, but there were always other cast members I was more into. His only films I've seen are Animal House (how can you not have fun with this one) and 1941 (a film I always loved, despite the fact no one else did).
I was just a few years too young to be aware of him during his heyday (I was only 5 when SNL came on TV and was much more preoccupied with Sesame Street) so my only real knowledge of him was more of how he died than how he lived. You might ask me who John Belushi was and the first thing that would come to mind is Died of overdose and then oh and he was on SNL and in Animal House.
Belushi does a great job of capturing how he lived. Because I am an SNL geek, I've read a few books on the history of SNL and they always cover the Belushi saga, but Belushi captures every facet. In the forward, Dan Aykroyd comments there are stories and anecdotes in the book that even he had never heard before.
This book is many things at once: informative, inspiring, and illuminating. I have really come to admire the man and his drive for comedic perfection. I stopped for a few minutes before reading the final chapter to mentally prepare myself because I knew what was coming. This is the part where he dies and I don't know if I want to read about it just yet.
I come away a little surprised at how emotionally attached I felt to the goings-on. It would have been nice if he'd been with us a little longer, if only so I could have enjoyed more of his work.
I'll be the first to admit that although I am a huge fan of Saturday Night Live, I wasn't always necessarily a huge Belushi fan. Not that I didn't like his work, but there were always other cast members I was more into. His only films I've seen are Animal House (how can you not have fun with this one) and 1941 (a film I always loved, despite the fact no one else did).
I was just a few years too young to be aware of him during his heyday (I was only 5 when SNL came on TV and was much more preoccupied with Sesame Street) so my only real knowledge of him was more of how he died than how he lived. You might ask me who John Belushi was and the first thing that would come to mind is Died of overdose and then oh and he was on SNL and in Animal House.
Belushi does a great job of capturing how he lived. Because I am an SNL geek, I've read a few books on the history of SNL and they always cover the Belushi saga, but Belushi captures every facet. In the forward, Dan Aykroyd comments there are stories and anecdotes in the book that even he had never heard before.
This book is many things at once: informative, inspiring, and illuminating. I have really come to admire the man and his drive for comedic perfection. I stopped for a few minutes before reading the final chapter to mentally prepare myself because I knew what was coming. This is the part where he dies and I don't know if I want to read about it just yet.
I come away a little surprised at how emotionally attached I felt to the goings-on. It would have been nice if he'd been with us a little longer, if only so I could have enjoyed more of his work.
Saturday, February 25, 2006
I'm Proud Of You
Just because the majority of my blogs are about my adventures and what I have been up to, don't think I don't have my eye on you (and the rest of my buddies). Right now when I think of my buds, I feel a deep sense of pride. I'm proud of all of my friends. Allow me to brag on a couple of them.
I'm proud of
Kevin. He had a show tonight with his group The Steagles.
Timmy. The comedy troupe he is in has been kicking butt and they're getting reay to leave for the Aspen Comedy Festival.
JT & Chris: They've been doing an amazing job at keeping things at the theater running smoothly while the cat's away.
Jerusha: She moved to the big city to chase her dream, and it's well within her grasp.
Of course, there are a lot more friends I am proud of right now, but if I start going into a huge big list, then people accidentally get left out and it gets ugly.
I love all my children equally.
I'm proud of
Kevin. He had a show tonight with his group The Steagles.
Timmy. The comedy troupe he is in has been kicking butt and they're getting reay to leave for the Aspen Comedy Festival.
JT & Chris: They've been doing an amazing job at keeping things at the theater running smoothly while the cat's away.
Jerusha: She moved to the big city to chase her dream, and it's well within her grasp.
Of course, there are a lot more friends I am proud of right now, but if I start going into a huge big list, then people accidentally get left out and it gets ugly.
I love all my children equally.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
The Truman Show
I actually made it out to the movies yesterday afternoon. I went with Cohen to see Capote starring Phillip Seymour Hoffman (hey, look at that, the two people I'd like to see get the Oscar this year have very similar names: Hoffman & Huffman).
I really enjoyed it. I thought Hoffman did a great job and, although I wasn't 100% sure what the film would be about going into it (I didn't know if the film focused on Truman Capote's entire life story or just a segment of it) I really enjoyed how the story unfolded.
Even though it was fairly serious material, the only real knowledge I had of Truman Capote beforehand was the fact that he was in the slapstick movie classic Murder By Death with Peter Sellers, Alec Guiness, Peter Falk, and James Coco. True, seeing that older movie helped me appreciate just what a dead-on job Hoffman did, but it also kept me giggling as I remembered Capote cavorting around as the character Lionel Twain in what was basically the movie Clue ten years before Clue actually came out.
Capote: Check it out if you can.
Murder By Death: Netflix it. Punny and cheesy, but it was supposed to be. In my opinion, a classic. Why this isn't mentioned in the same breath as Blazing Saddles is beyond me.
I really enjoyed it. I thought Hoffman did a great job and, although I wasn't 100% sure what the film would be about going into it (I didn't know if the film focused on Truman Capote's entire life story or just a segment of it) I really enjoyed how the story unfolded.
Even though it was fairly serious material, the only real knowledge I had of Truman Capote beforehand was the fact that he was in the slapstick movie classic Murder By Death with Peter Sellers, Alec Guiness, Peter Falk, and James Coco. True, seeing that older movie helped me appreciate just what a dead-on job Hoffman did, but it also kept me giggling as I remembered Capote cavorting around as the character Lionel Twain in what was basically the movie Clue ten years before Clue actually came out.
Capote: Check it out if you can.
Murder By Death: Netflix it. Punny and cheesy, but it was supposed to be. In my opinion, a classic. Why this isn't mentioned in the same breath as Blazing Saddles is beyond me.
Monday, February 20, 2006
Sleep Schedule of the Dead
I don't know what's up with me, but lately I can't seem to get myself on a regular human sleep schedule. As much as I love to sleep I just haven't wanted to go bed (or been tired).
Saturday night I actually got to bed around 2:00am (early for me). Last night I managed to nod off about 1:30 or so. I woke up and felt well-rested and glad for having gone to bed so early. I looked at the clock and couldn't believe I had slept for thirteen hours. And then I realized I hadn't slept for thirteen hours. I slept for about 45 minutes. That's right. I woke up at 2:15am and felt completely rested. Completely. To quote Justin McRoberts, not even tired.
So I got up and re-watched the first 7 episodes of this season's Arrested Development and around 6am I was tried again and went to sleep.
Maybe I need drugs. I guess it's a good thing I live in NYC. Be right back. I gotta run to visit the shady man in Times Square.
Oh yea, I just finished reading a book called Unexpected Development. I think this is the first time I'd read something I would qualify as "chick-lit" and it was horrible. Absolutely horrible. I only finished reading it because it was just 160 pages and I knew I could finish it in one sitting. I'm not sure who this book was intended for. Teenage girls? Any age girls? It's the story of a high school senior girl who hates her life because she has developed early and oh sweet Heaven she whines about it for the next 159 pages.
I hated, hated, hated this book. So much that it made me angry. I can't even go into any more detail about the plot because I get mad just thinking about it.
The good news? Will Smith's "Switch" just came on the MP3 player and all is well again on Waltons Mountain.
Saturday night I actually got to bed around 2:00am (early for me). Last night I managed to nod off about 1:30 or so. I woke up and felt well-rested and glad for having gone to bed so early. I looked at the clock and couldn't believe I had slept for thirteen hours. And then I realized I hadn't slept for thirteen hours. I slept for about 45 minutes. That's right. I woke up at 2:15am and felt completely rested. Completely. To quote Justin McRoberts, not even tired.
So I got up and re-watched the first 7 episodes of this season's Arrested Development and around 6am I was tried again and went to sleep.
Maybe I need drugs. I guess it's a good thing I live in NYC. Be right back. I gotta run to visit the shady man in Times Square.
Oh yea, I just finished reading a book called Unexpected Development. I think this is the first time I'd read something I would qualify as "chick-lit" and it was horrible. Absolutely horrible. I only finished reading it because it was just 160 pages and I knew I could finish it in one sitting. I'm not sure who this book was intended for. Teenage girls? Any age girls? It's the story of a high school senior girl who hates her life because she has developed early and oh sweet Heaven she whines about it for the next 159 pages.
I hated, hated, hated this book. So much that it made me angry. I can't even go into any more detail about the plot because I get mad just thinking about it.
The good news? Will Smith's "Switch" just came on the MP3 player and all is well again on Waltons Mountain.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Read All About It
Another Friday and Saturday night and another weekend of throwing down some fun shows at the National Comedy Theatre. Last night we had two packed houses and they were a ton of fun.
We didn't find out until after the first show on Friday night, but there was a reporter in the crowd from The Daily News for the 7:30 show and word on the street was he loved it. He had come to the shows because he heard about the NCT taking a few members overseas to Iraq to do USO shows for the troops (they're leaving on Tuesday and of course best wishes go out to them!). It seems the reporter enjoyed the show so much, he sent a photographer to the theater last night to take some pictures and do a full-blown feature story.
The photographer showed up last night before the first show and got some shots of us in the green room and then was going to stay around for the first ten minutes of the show to get some "in action" shots (he couldn't stay for the whole show because he had another appointment). But as it turns out (and as he later conveyed to Kim, producer/house manager) he was enjoying the show so much he ended up staying the entire hour and a half to watch the whole show.
We also had a film crew there last night to capture the show as part of a documentary they are filming on the USO tour they are about to embark upon. One of the cameramen ended up apologizing to Kim and Gary for not being able to hold the camera still the whole time because he was laughing so hard. So that was encouraging to hear as well!
If you're in the New York area and haven't seen the show yet, come on by! And if you're in the area on Tuesday pick up a copy of The Daily News and read all about it.
We didn't find out until after the first show on Friday night, but there was a reporter in the crowd from The Daily News for the 7:30 show and word on the street was he loved it. He had come to the shows because he heard about the NCT taking a few members overseas to Iraq to do USO shows for the troops (they're leaving on Tuesday and of course best wishes go out to them!). It seems the reporter enjoyed the show so much, he sent a photographer to the theater last night to take some pictures and do a full-blown feature story.
The photographer showed up last night before the first show and got some shots of us in the green room and then was going to stay around for the first ten minutes of the show to get some "in action" shots (he couldn't stay for the whole show because he had another appointment). But as it turns out (and as he later conveyed to Kim, producer/house manager) he was enjoying the show so much he ended up staying the entire hour and a half to watch the whole show.
We also had a film crew there last night to capture the show as part of a documentary they are filming on the USO tour they are about to embark upon. One of the cameramen ended up apologizing to Kim and Gary for not being able to hold the camera still the whole time because he was laughing so hard. So that was encouraging to hear as well!
If you're in the New York area and haven't seen the show yet, come on by! And if you're in the area on Tuesday pick up a copy of The Daily News and read all about it.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Hidden Treasure
I'm not bragging when I say I have a lot of stand-up comedy albums, I'm just stating it to let you know I have a pretty good knowledge of what's out there. Today while my MP3 player (God bless MusicMatch!) was on random, a track came up from an album that hardly anyone ever mentions when they talk about great classic comedy albums. That's right: It's Dennis Miller's The Off White Album.
I first heard this recording (on cassette) back in high school in the 80s and it's just as biting and relevant today as it was then (and maybe for me even more so, since I understnd a lot more of Miller's endless references than I did back then).
On a side note, I have a particularly soft spot for this album as it brings back a great memory of me and my Dad. Comedian Steven Wright was performing in Fort Wayne (I forget the name of the theater but I remember Wright commenting that the theater was so intricate and ornate he felt that if someone were to rub the outside of the theater we would all go shooting up out of the top in a wisp of smoke and start granting wishes). It was my first time seeing stand-up live (especially someone whose tape I owned!) and Dad and I listened to the Dennis Miller album the whole way there (and back).
Dennis Miller. The Off White Album. I think his brief disastrous stint doing NFL commentary made people forget that this guy's good.
I first heard this recording (on cassette) back in high school in the 80s and it's just as biting and relevant today as it was then (and maybe for me even more so, since I understnd a lot more of Miller's endless references than I did back then).
On a side note, I have a particularly soft spot for this album as it brings back a great memory of me and my Dad. Comedian Steven Wright was performing in Fort Wayne (I forget the name of the theater but I remember Wright commenting that the theater was so intricate and ornate he felt that if someone were to rub the outside of the theater we would all go shooting up out of the top in a wisp of smoke and start granting wishes). It was my first time seeing stand-up live (especially someone whose tape I owned!) and Dad and I listened to the Dennis Miller album the whole way there (and back).
Dennis Miller. The Off White Album. I think his brief disastrous stint doing NFL commentary made people forget that this guy's good.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Blizzard Shmizzard
So that was the dreaded blizzard everyone was going on and on about?
I mean yeah, we got some snow, and I am sure the news channels did their best to find the craziest pictures of snow they could to broadcast to the rest of the world but I mean come on. It's New York. We're supposed to get snow.
Seeing as how we haven't really gotten any snow this entire winter, I'd hardly say we were in a state of emergency. Getting heavy snowfall for about 12 hours and then having it turn 50 degrees for the following 4 days does not a blizzard make.
But I did get to see a lady fall down, so it was kind of worth it.
I mean yeah, we got some snow, and I am sure the news channels did their best to find the craziest pictures of snow they could to broadcast to the rest of the world but I mean come on. It's New York. We're supposed to get snow.
Seeing as how we haven't really gotten any snow this entire winter, I'd hardly say we were in a state of emergency. Getting heavy snowfall for about 12 hours and then having it turn 50 degrees for the following 4 days does not a blizzard make.
But I did get to see a lady fall down, so it was kind of worth it.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
DOGGONIT
On my way home from work today I had to stop by TKTS (for those of who you don't know, that's a ticketing place in the middle of Times Square). I have to swing by there about once every other shift I work but today was the first time there was soemone there from The Late Show with David Letterman.
"Free tickets to tomorrow's show," she was calling out and I was was surprised that no one was crowding around her. I mean come on, it's freakin' Letterman!!
I missed my first chance to go see a taping last year, so I was determined not to miss chance #2. I approached her and asked her what time the taping is (I work tomorrow until 3).
She said the taping is at 5:30 (YES!), they start seating at 4:30 (YES!) but you have to check in by 3 at the latest (NO!).
So I missed it. Again. And here's the kicker. I know, I just KNOW, tomorrow is going to be a slow day at work and they're going to say "Hey Ed, you can go home early" and I'm going to be bitter.
So, no one tell me who's on Letterman tomorrow. I don't want to know what I missed. Unless it's like Burt Reynolds. Then it's all good.
"Free tickets to tomorrow's show," she was calling out and I was was surprised that no one was crowding around her. I mean come on, it's freakin' Letterman!!
I missed my first chance to go see a taping last year, so I was determined not to miss chance #2. I approached her and asked her what time the taping is (I work tomorrow until 3).
She said the taping is at 5:30 (YES!), they start seating at 4:30 (YES!) but you have to check in by 3 at the latest (NO!).
So I missed it. Again. And here's the kicker. I know, I just KNOW, tomorrow is going to be a slow day at work and they're going to say "Hey Ed, you can go home early" and I'm going to be bitter.
So, no one tell me who's on Letterman tomorrow. I don't want to know what I missed. Unless it's like Burt Reynolds. Then it's all good.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Because I Am A Dork
Today on my way home from work I was crossing the street at 40th and 6th. As I neared the other side of the street I was approached by a beautiful woman.
Before I go any further, let me point something out. If you know me then you know that I've never been one to ogle girls or whoop and catcall; I like to think I'm a little more respectful than that. So when I say this woman was beautiful, I'm saying she was beautiful.
Across the street in Bryant Park is some kind of fashion show deal and there were a lot of models walking around so I wondered if perhaps she was a model.
So anyhow, this stunning woman approaches me. And when she spoke, she had an accent, Dutch or Swedish, which made her exponentially hotter.And she asked me which way was Broadway.
So I told her I was going that way, I'd show her. She laughed and threw her head back and said "Thanks!" and we ended up stopping for coffee and conversation and it was a wonderful time.
Oh no, wait. That's what would have happened if this blog was titled "Because I Am A Stud." And I'm not a stud, I'm a dork, so I must admit that's not what happened. What really happened, because I am a dork, is this:
I said, "It's that way" (as I point in the very direction I am walking!) and then keep walking and leave her standing there and the entire rest of the way home my self-hatred abounds.
Before I go any further, let me point something out. If you know me then you know that I've never been one to ogle girls or whoop and catcall; I like to think I'm a little more respectful than that. So when I say this woman was beautiful, I'm saying she was beautiful.
Across the street in Bryant Park is some kind of fashion show deal and there were a lot of models walking around so I wondered if perhaps she was a model.
So anyhow, this stunning woman approaches me. And when she spoke, she had an accent, Dutch or Swedish, which made her exponentially hotter.And she asked me which way was Broadway.
So I told her I was going that way, I'd show her. She laughed and threw her head back and said "Thanks!" and we ended up stopping for coffee and conversation and it was a wonderful time.
Oh no, wait. That's what would have happened if this blog was titled "Because I Am A Stud." And I'm not a stud, I'm a dork, so I must admit that's not what happened. What really happened, because I am a dork, is this:
I said, "It's that way" (as I point in the very direction I am walking!) and then keep walking and leave her standing there and the entire rest of the way home my self-hatred abounds.
Nothing important
I saw Saturday Night Live for the first time in like 8 months this past weekend. Steve Martin was the host and it wasn't a bad show. I laughed out loud on a few occasions and was glad to catch the groove again.
Today when I leave work I'm heading to the library to pick up a copy of "The Aristocrats" I reserved. Let the swearing begin!!
Today when I leave work I'm heading to the library to pick up a copy of "The Aristocrats" I reserved. Let the swearing begin!!
Friday, February 03, 2006
Wow...
I'm still a little buzzed from tonight. No, I haven't been drinking but with all humility I can honestly say that tonight at the National Comedy Theatre, we threw down a helluva couple of shows.
Also playing tonight was Kramer, Chris, Kevin, JT, and Dan (Dan is another newbie to the group and tonight was his first show! He did a great job!).
Both shows were clicking and everything fell into place. We had a couple of really good crowds and they were into it as well. We went up there with a great cockiness (the good kind of cockiness; we went up there knowing we could do no wrong and were guaranteed to have fun and bring the audience with us for a good ride) and we brought it home. Both shows, bam, bam, one right after another.
Once in a while you have a night where you can do no wrong and tonight was definitely one of them for us. It was such a good time and an amazing experience. I'm looking forward to another great show tomorrow night, too. Bring it on!
Also playing tonight was Kramer, Chris, Kevin, JT, and Dan (Dan is another newbie to the group and tonight was his first show! He did a great job!).
Both shows were clicking and everything fell into place. We had a couple of really good crowds and they were into it as well. We went up there with a great cockiness (the good kind of cockiness; we went up there knowing we could do no wrong and were guaranteed to have fun and bring the audience with us for a good ride) and we brought it home. Both shows, bam, bam, one right after another.
Once in a while you have a night where you can do no wrong and tonight was definitely one of them for us. It was such a good time and an amazing experience. I'm looking forward to another great show tomorrow night, too. Bring it on!
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
"Mirror Mirror"
A few posts ago I mentioned the book by Gregory Maguire, Wicked, and how much trouble I was having getting into it. Quite the opposite with his earlier book Mirror Mirror.
Just like Wicked is a re-telling of the story of The Wizard of Oz from the point of view of the Wicked Witch of the West, Mirror Mirror re-tells the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. To say that he re-tells the story so adults can enjoy it may be over-simplifying it, but truth be known that is exactly what Maguire does.
Where did the magical mirror come from? Why was Snow White a target of numerous attempts on her life? What if someone other than Disney got to name the Seven Dwarves? And what if there were eight of them?
I've never been a huge fan of "period" works but this one, much like The Princess Bride, was easy to get into. If you're looking for something new (and at the same time familiar) to read, put this one near the top of your list.
Just like Wicked is a re-telling of the story of The Wizard of Oz from the point of view of the Wicked Witch of the West, Mirror Mirror re-tells the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. To say that he re-tells the story so adults can enjoy it may be over-simplifying it, but truth be known that is exactly what Maguire does.
Where did the magical mirror come from? Why was Snow White a target of numerous attempts on her life? What if someone other than Disney got to name the Seven Dwarves? And what if there were eight of them?
I've never been a huge fan of "period" works but this one, much like The Princess Bride, was easy to get into. If you're looking for something new (and at the same time familiar) to read, put this one near the top of your list.
And The Award Goes To...
Last night was the Annual NCT Awards Banquet and it was a really good time. We met at El Quijote, a Spanish restaurant in The Village. The food was amazing (I had the red snappah...very tasty) and after we enjoyed our food Kramer gave out some mock awards to the gang. I walked away the proud recipient of the "Most Likely To Be Available For 208 Shows A Year" award (meaning every show, every weekend, because since I've joined up with the National Comedy Theatre I've been at every show). We all shared some good laughs and it was a pleasant evening to get dressed up, go out, and hang out with friends.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
I Am Chita Rivera
At the National Comedy Theatre there is a game we play every show called 5 Things. One of our teammates will leave the room so they can't hear what's going on and the ref will get 5 activities from the audience (Olympic sports, team sports, extreme sports, household chores, etc). After getting those 5 activities the ref will then go back to the audience to get substituions for those activiities. For instance, a suggestion we get a lot is Football. And instead of the ball, we will ask for something completely unlike a ball, not even sporting equipment. For example, a toaster. Then instead of playing against a football team, the ref might ask for a famous group of people to replace the football team. And we'll get crazy replacements like that for each of the five activites. The player who left the room will then return and the rest of the team has to get the player to guess all five activities, with the replacement suggestions, but we can only use pantomime and gibberish to get the ideas across. So, we would have to get the person to play football but instead of a ball they're using a toaster and they are playing against N Sync and the Rolling Stones. Oh yea, and we have to get the person to guess all five things in three and a half minutes.
It's fast and furious, but it can be done. This week was a great week for 5 Things. I had a blast with it and surprised even myself at times. Friday night Chis and Virginia were on my team and Virgina was guessing. I'm not sure if I have the activity correct, but I believe we were trying to get her to guess that she was playing chess, the chess pieces were teeth, and she was playing against CHITA RIVERA. I don't know how in the world I got her to guess Chita Rivera (no one thought she'd figure it out) but Virginia came through and she nailed it. During the same show, Chris and I had to get her to figure out she was playing soccer and she was playing against the Mormons and the Amish. Chris and I were working like madmen and Virginia got that, too! It was a blast.
Saturday night I was playing on a team with Amy and Isaac. Isaac was guessing and Amy was trying to get him to guess "Liza Minelli." I had no idea how she was going to do it, but Amy did a great impression of Judy Garland having a baby and it was hilarious. Of course Isaac got it correct.
If you are in the NYC area on a weekend you should definitely swing by and catch a show. The upcoming schedule is listed on the front of my profile. There's also a Valentine's Day show coming up on the 14th and if you'd like to take some workshop classes they are coming quickly as well.
Saturday was my 20th performance with the team (I've been playing every Friday and Saturday night for a little over a month now) and I'm having a blast. Good times. :)
It's fast and furious, but it can be done. This week was a great week for 5 Things. I had a blast with it and surprised even myself at times. Friday night Chis and Virginia were on my team and Virgina was guessing. I'm not sure if I have the activity correct, but I believe we were trying to get her to guess that she was playing chess, the chess pieces were teeth, and she was playing against CHITA RIVERA. I don't know how in the world I got her to guess Chita Rivera (no one thought she'd figure it out) but Virginia came through and she nailed it. During the same show, Chris and I had to get her to figure out she was playing soccer and she was playing against the Mormons and the Amish. Chris and I were working like madmen and Virginia got that, too! It was a blast.
Saturday night I was playing on a team with Amy and Isaac. Isaac was guessing and Amy was trying to get him to guess "Liza Minelli." I had no idea how she was going to do it, but Amy did a great impression of Judy Garland having a baby and it was hilarious. Of course Isaac got it correct.
If you are in the NYC area on a weekend you should definitely swing by and catch a show. The upcoming schedule is listed on the front of my profile. There's also a Valentine's Day show coming up on the 14th and if you'd like to take some workshop classes they are coming quickly as well.
Saturday was my 20th performance with the team (I've been playing every Friday and Saturday night for a little over a month now) and I'm having a blast. Good times. :)
Monday, January 30, 2006
Oscar, Oscar
Today on my way to work I passed by this display advertising the upcoming announcement of Oscar nominees tomorrow morning. And in the window was a case FULL of Academy Awards.
It was glorious!
It was glorious!
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Point-of-View
It's funny how, when you're married and walking around in the big city you're surrounded by people walking around, chatting, drinking coffee, or sight-seeing.
And then when you're single again and walking around in the big city you're surrounded by couples walking around, chatting, drinking coffee, or sight-seeing.
Isn't it weird how your position in life alters your perspective?
And then when you're single again and walking around in the big city you're surrounded by couples walking around, chatting, drinking coffee, or sight-seeing.
Isn't it weird how your position in life alters your perspective?
"The Colorado Kid"
I just finished reading "The Colorado Kid" by Stephen King. King had come out a few years ago announcing his retirement but deep down I think all of his fans knew that was never gonna happen. As difficult as the writing process can be, when you have so many stories to tell I think it's harder to not tell them.
"Kid" was published by Hard Case, a crime-story book publishing company. If you think you know Stephen King, then this is proof that you don't. No gore. No guts. No demon-posessed anythings. Just the tale of two old newspaper men passing on to their new colleague a mystery that's had them stumped for 25 years.
A dead man was found on the beach of their small New England town and that's about all that is known for certain. Who was he? Why was he there? How did he get there? There are a lot of questions going into it and just to give you fair warning, King doesn't supply many answers. The story is less about the mystery than it is the relationship of the two men telling the story and the young reporter they are telling it to.
Because answers are so few and far between, I would have been upset had this been the standard 700-page King tome, but this story weighs in at a slim 184 pages and can easily be read in a weekend (or afternoon if you're really making good time). It's an easy read (most King books are) and he still knows how to tell a good story and draw you in. So sure, I'll recommend this one. Just know going into it that this book is a mystery, and mysteries are called that because not all of the answers are there.
"Kid" was published by Hard Case, a crime-story book publishing company. If you think you know Stephen King, then this is proof that you don't. No gore. No guts. No demon-posessed anythings. Just the tale of two old newspaper men passing on to their new colleague a mystery that's had them stumped for 25 years.
A dead man was found on the beach of their small New England town and that's about all that is known for certain. Who was he? Why was he there? How did he get there? There are a lot of questions going into it and just to give you fair warning, King doesn't supply many answers. The story is less about the mystery than it is the relationship of the two men telling the story and the young reporter they are telling it to.
Because answers are so few and far between, I would have been upset had this been the standard 700-page King tome, but this story weighs in at a slim 184 pages and can easily be read in a weekend (or afternoon if you're really making good time). It's an easy read (most King books are) and he still knows how to tell a good story and draw you in. So sure, I'll recommend this one. Just know going into it that this book is a mystery, and mysteries are called that because not all of the answers are there.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
"Which Lie Did I Tell?"
I just finished reading Which Lie Did I Tell? More Adventures in the Screen Trade by William Goldman. Much like the previous book I read, Truth by Al Franken, it's one of those books for a select demographic. If you're into politics and current events, you'll probably enjoy Truth. If you're into movies and how they get made, then you'll enjoy WLDIT.
The author may not be a household name, but you know his work. He wrote The Princess Bride (the book and the screenplay), Marathon Man (ditto), Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid, and the screen versions of Misery, Absolute Power, and Maverick.
The book is broken up into three sections. In the first part, Goldman talks about each of the scripts he wrote and what he was doing/going through when he wrote them and the process he went through to see it made into a film. He's very honest about who he liked working with (Mel Gibson, Rob Reiner) and who he didn't (Val Kilmer) so if you're into Hollywood gossip you might enjoy that as well. It's a really interesting look at what goes on behind the curtain of the great Hollywood machine.
In the second part, he reprints scenes from various movies (the zipper scene from There's Something About Mary and the orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally) and deconstructs them. Why did they work? What could have been different? What shouldn't have? He also interviews the authors of those scenes and tries to get into their headspace as well.
In the final section, Goldman presents you with an almost-complete new movie script he has written. He sent the same script to some fellow screen writers and asked them to "critique the shit out of it." He then reprints their comments, both good and scathingly blunt, and it's interesting to see the different point of views people come away with.
If you're into the whole movie world and behind-the-scenes scoop, you might want to give this a read. If, however, it's not your cup of tea, then don't feel bad about skipping over this one.
I had started reading Wicked by Gregory Maguire (yes, the book the big musical of the same name is based on) but to be honest, I'm finding it hard to get through. I'm not a big fan of the writing style and, quite frnakly, I'm bored. I've only just started it (I'm currently on page 55) but so far I don't care what happens next. I'm not eagerly devouring the pages. I'm just not hooked. I'm going to give it a break and try it again later. In the meantime I will be reading something else and hopefully when I come back to it with fresh eyes I'll be able to jump in with both feet.
As always, I will keep you posted on my literary adventures.
The author may not be a household name, but you know his work. He wrote The Princess Bride (the book and the screenplay), Marathon Man (ditto), Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid, and the screen versions of Misery, Absolute Power, and Maverick.
The book is broken up into three sections. In the first part, Goldman talks about each of the scripts he wrote and what he was doing/going through when he wrote them and the process he went through to see it made into a film. He's very honest about who he liked working with (Mel Gibson, Rob Reiner) and who he didn't (Val Kilmer) so if you're into Hollywood gossip you might enjoy that as well. It's a really interesting look at what goes on behind the curtain of the great Hollywood machine.
In the second part, he reprints scenes from various movies (the zipper scene from There's Something About Mary and the orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally) and deconstructs them. Why did they work? What could have been different? What shouldn't have? He also interviews the authors of those scenes and tries to get into their headspace as well.
In the final section, Goldman presents you with an almost-complete new movie script he has written. He sent the same script to some fellow screen writers and asked them to "critique the shit out of it." He then reprints their comments, both good and scathingly blunt, and it's interesting to see the different point of views people come away with.
If you're into the whole movie world and behind-the-scenes scoop, you might want to give this a read. If, however, it's not your cup of tea, then don't feel bad about skipping over this one.
I had started reading Wicked by Gregory Maguire (yes, the book the big musical of the same name is based on) but to be honest, I'm finding it hard to get through. I'm not a big fan of the writing style and, quite frnakly, I'm bored. I've only just started it (I'm currently on page 55) but so far I don't care what happens next. I'm not eagerly devouring the pages. I'm just not hooked. I'm going to give it a break and try it again later. In the meantime I will be reading something else and hopefully when I come back to it with fresh eyes I'll be able to jump in with both feet.
As always, I will keep you posted on my literary adventures.
What I Almost Stepped In 2
[Ed's note: This blog is not for the weak of stomach. Don't say I didn't warn you]
Today I almost stepped in vomit. Three times.
I think.
I know the last time was definitely vomit. The first two I'm still not sure of.
This morning on my way to work I was crossing Broadway at 40th Street. As I got to the opposite sidewalk and was stepping up onto the curb I looked down into the gutter and saw this huge...the only word I can think of is mass. It was just an amazingly incredible amount of, of something. Which is the reason I doubt it was actually vomit. It was an actual pile. Regardless, I still took care to walk around it.
On my way home from improv rehearsal I came across suspicious speciman number two. As I got closer, I realized it may not have been vomit but actually was chili that someone didn't want and threw to the ground. At least, I told myself it was just chili. But I'm still not sure.
The last incident was right outside of Port Authority and this, my friend, was the real thing. Real vomit. And how do I know it was real? Because rats were eating it.
True story. Welcome to New York!
Today I almost stepped in vomit. Three times.
I think.
I know the last time was definitely vomit. The first two I'm still not sure of.
This morning on my way to work I was crossing Broadway at 40th Street. As I got to the opposite sidewalk and was stepping up onto the curb I looked down into the gutter and saw this huge...the only word I can think of is mass. It was just an amazingly incredible amount of, of something. Which is the reason I doubt it was actually vomit. It was an actual pile. Regardless, I still took care to walk around it.
On my way home from improv rehearsal I came across suspicious speciman number two. As I got closer, I realized it may not have been vomit but actually was chili that someone didn't want and threw to the ground. At least, I told myself it was just chili. But I'm still not sure.
The last incident was right outside of Port Authority and this, my friend, was the real thing. Real vomit. And how do I know it was real? Because rats were eating it.
True story. Welcome to New York!
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Hey buddy, can I get one of those?
I'm not a smoker. And living in New York has given me yet another reason to be glad I'm not (you know, besides not having the emphysema).
Countless times I've been walking behind someone smoking and they are approached by a stranger and asked if they can have one of their cigarettes. I'm sorry but that's just another hassle I don't need.
How rude is that, anyway? If I see someone enjoying a Cafe Mocha or a candy bar, I don't go up to them and just ask if I can have some. Call me crazy, but I think that's just polite. You know, to not expect strangers to give me what they have just because I want some, too.
But for some reason, it's ok to approach strangers for a cigarette. I get enough people asking me for money every day, I don't need to start giving people another excuse to throw off my walking rhythm.
Countless times I've been walking behind someone smoking and they are approached by a stranger and asked if they can have one of their cigarettes. I'm sorry but that's just another hassle I don't need.
How rude is that, anyway? If I see someone enjoying a Cafe Mocha or a candy bar, I don't go up to them and just ask if I can have some. Call me crazy, but I think that's just polite. You know, to not expect strangers to give me what they have just because I want some, too.
But for some reason, it's ok to approach strangers for a cigarette. I get enough people asking me for money every day, I don't need to start giving people another excuse to throw off my walking rhythm.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Immature
Walking to work this morning, I approached the corner of 43rd and 7th. Across the street is a Starbucks, and the big STARBUCKS COFFEE sign is curved so that it wraps around the corner.
Combined with the angle I was approaching, the curvature of the signage, and the signs and posts in front of the building, some of the letters were blocked and it spelled out UCK OFF.
I giggled.
Combined with the angle I was approaching, the curvature of the signage, and the signs and posts in front of the building, some of the letters were blocked and it spelled out UCK OFF.
I giggled.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
The Truth...with jokes (Book Review)
I just finished reading The Truth (with jokes) by Al Franken. I hadn't read either of his previous books (Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot and Lies...and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them).
I'm not sure why I decided to read this book because I'm really not into politics and it's a subject that I find boring and tiresome. I guess I was just that desperate and hoped that it would at least be good for a chuckle or two.
I already pretty much knew what I was going to read. Franken is a pretty outspoken liberal, so I guess it was the usual anti-Bush & Co. stuff you hear. I suppose it was somewhat interesting because I actually read the whole thing, but when it comes to that kind of stuff, you never really know who to believe, you know?
Actually, reading the book kinda reminded me of being back in Indiana working with dad painting houses. One of the guys who worked with us always brought a radio and had it tuned to talk radio. I never would have chosen to listen to talk radio but because it was within earshot, I listened to it. Reading this was kind of the same thing. It was there, so I read it. It was basically the book form of talk radio and if that's your thing, then maybe you'll like it as well.
Me, I prefer something you can move to.
I'm not sure why I decided to read this book because I'm really not into politics and it's a subject that I find boring and tiresome. I guess I was just that desperate and hoped that it would at least be good for a chuckle or two.
I already pretty much knew what I was going to read. Franken is a pretty outspoken liberal, so I guess it was the usual anti-Bush & Co. stuff you hear. I suppose it was somewhat interesting because I actually read the whole thing, but when it comes to that kind of stuff, you never really know who to believe, you know?
Actually, reading the book kinda reminded me of being back in Indiana working with dad painting houses. One of the guys who worked with us always brought a radio and had it tuned to talk radio. I never would have chosen to listen to talk radio but because it was within earshot, I listened to it. Reading this was kind of the same thing. It was there, so I read it. It was basically the book form of talk radio and if that's your thing, then maybe you'll like it as well.
Me, I prefer something you can move to.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
The Reading Railroad
I actually did a lot of reading last year. Or at least, more than usual. So I've decided to make a late New Year's Resolution and that is to read more books than I read last year. To the best of my recollection, I read 27 books last year (a little more than two a month). I think I can do it. God bless the library.
And if you were wondering, here's my list from 2005:
1. The Pleasure of My Company – Steve Martin
2. Frankenstein: Prodigal Son – Dean Koontz
3. Rebel Without a Crew – Robert Rodriguez
4. Life of Pi – Yann Martel
5. The Stupidest Angel – Christopher Moore
6. Haunted - Chuck Palahniuk
7. Wizard and Glass – Stephen King
8. Wolves of the Calla – Stephen King
9. Torture the Artist – Joey Goebel
10. The Dark Tower – Stephen King
11. Dead and Dying Angels – James A Mangum
12. Kiss Me Like A Stranger – Gene Wilder
13. Fletch – Gregory McDonald
14. Fletch, Too – Gregory McDonald
15. Fletch Won - Gregory McDonald
16. Fletch’s Fortune - Gregory McDonald
17. Carioca Fletch - Gregory McDonald
18. Confess, Fletch – Gregory McDonald
19. Saturday Night: A Backstage History of Saturday Night Live – Doug Hill
20. Live From New York – James A Miller
21. The DaVinci Code – Dan Brown
22. Deception Point – Dan Brown
23. The Greedy Bastard Diary – Eric Idle
24. Fight Club – Chuck Palahniuk
25. Why You Crying? – George Lopez
26. Lamb – Christopher Moore
27. How We Are Hungry – Dave Eggers
And if you were wondering, here's my list from 2005:
1. The Pleasure of My Company – Steve Martin
2. Frankenstein: Prodigal Son – Dean Koontz
3. Rebel Without a Crew – Robert Rodriguez
4. Life of Pi – Yann Martel
5. The Stupidest Angel – Christopher Moore
6. Haunted - Chuck Palahniuk
7. Wizard and Glass – Stephen King
8. Wolves of the Calla – Stephen King
9. Torture the Artist – Joey Goebel
10. The Dark Tower – Stephen King
11. Dead and Dying Angels – James A Mangum
12. Kiss Me Like A Stranger – Gene Wilder
13. Fletch – Gregory McDonald
14. Fletch, Too – Gregory McDonald
15. Fletch Won - Gregory McDonald
16. Fletch’s Fortune - Gregory McDonald
17. Carioca Fletch - Gregory McDonald
18. Confess, Fletch – Gregory McDonald
19. Saturday Night: A Backstage History of Saturday Night Live – Doug Hill
20. Live From New York – James A Miller
21. The DaVinci Code – Dan Brown
22. Deception Point – Dan Brown
23. The Greedy Bastard Diary – Eric Idle
24. Fight Club – Chuck Palahniuk
25. Why You Crying? – George Lopez
26. Lamb – Christopher Moore
27. How We Are Hungry – Dave Eggers
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
THE SLAP HEARD ‘ROUND THE WORLD
July, 1982.
It was one of those days when everyone was outside. Every kid in the neighborhood was out riding their bike in the cul de sac where I grew up (AKA The Circle). Some grown-ups were out encouraging their lawn to grow by watering it; others were doing their best grass-growing discouragement by mowing it. Some were laying out getting a tan and others were just hanging out and enjoying a cold one, talking about everyone else.
The point is, everyone was outside.
You know when you think back on a perfect summer day and the sky is blue and everything is good and there is love in the air? This was one of those days.
And it would soon be changed.
Eastwood Court was not a place where perfect harmony stayed around for long. Eastwood Court was where perfect harmony came to visit and we would take it around the back and beat the crap out of it.
Observe:
I remember how happy I was. I was 11 years old and I still remember it like it was yesterday. I felt great. It was an awesome day outside, everyone was riding their bike, and my relatives were in town.
We have a family reunion every year, but it's only every few years when the ENTIRE family from all over the states comes into town. This was one of those years, and I was so excited to see my cousin JP from California.
And Aunt Alice was coming in from Idaho. Idaho!! (Once Alice gave me a little pin that was shaped liked a tiny potato and IDAHO was written across it. The tiny eyes on the pin were made of little indentations and I remember running my finger across it so I could feel the little grooves. Idaho!)
My cousins from Chicago would be there, too. My cousins who frightened me. My cousins who grew up speaking English and Spanish and listened to rap music before our little corner of Indiana had ever been exposed to it. My cousins, who spoke really loudly and talked a lot of trash and spoke to each other in code-in Spanish!-and were always laughing and poking fun and chasing and hitting - they hit! - and whom I always steered clear of. Lalito and Roberto. I had to keep an eye on them.
Everyone would be there tonight when we all gathered together for the first time in years.So things were good. I was excited and happy and nothing could go wrong.
Until Benny Jo Hideout cut off my sister on her bike and made her fall and he laughed.I couldn't believe it.
My little 5-year-old sister was riding her bike in front of me and mean ol' Benny Jo Hideout came up behind us on his bike and slammed into her. She lost control of her bike and managed to crash land in the Sattison's front yard.
Benny Jo Hideout!!
That of course, wasn't Benny's real name. He got that name the only way kids get their nicknames. From other kids who are really reaching.
Benny never had a chance. If Benny was a character in a book (and I suppose now he kind of is) or in a movie, you'd be able to see how his life ended before it happened. I've never been a fan of clichés, and when they happen in real life, it's just weird. Because clichés aren't actually supposed to happen. They're clichés.
Benny was a couple of years younger than me. I think I had only been in Benny's house once and I remember it smelled of bacon or some other food that required a lot of grease in which to cook. I also remember realizing it was nowhere near breakfast time, so their house must always smell of cooked grease.
Their floor was dirty.
The TV was on and turned up really loudly. No one was watching it.
Yikes.
I don't' remember why I was in Benny's house, but I do remember running away and swearing never to return.
Benny's dad was named Charlie. He was a really skinny guy with a big moustache and glasses. We never saw or heard much from Charlie except after he'd been drinking. We would be outside playing and then hear the screams and shouts. We would try to sneak up to the house to see what was going on, but were never successful.
And when Charlie would yell, he was usually yelling at Benny's mom, Ann. Or, as we called her, Big Fat Ann. Which soon got shortened to just Fat Ann. Fat Ann, Fat Ann, Fat Ann, we would chant and soon even that became shortened to "F'dann" and it became a sound effect that we would use when imaginary bullets ricocheted around us when playing cops and robbers. F'dann! F'dann!
Don't feel bad for Fat Ann. After all, she was fat. It's not like we were saying anything that wasn't true. But you see, F'dann was worse than big or fat. She was MEAN, and if you don't want chants made up about you by the neighborhood kids, then don't be mean.
F'dann was mean and she yelled. But most of all, she hated us. She hated all of us non-F’dann kids because we lived in The Circle and we were all good kids. F'dann could see the future as well as anyone; she wasn't blind. And she knew what was going to happen. She knew that we were going to grow up as good, nice people. She knew we were going to move out of Eastwood Court and live good lives. We were going to get married to other people who had grown up to be good people and were going to continue breeding and reproducing other good people.
F'dann knew that she and Charlie had not produced good people. They had produced two offspring who had taken the worst traits from their parents and put them on display.
They had produced DeeDee, who was basically a miniature version of F'dann. She was 7 years younger than most of us on the block and had already inherited her mother's propensity for food and yelling. Most of the time DeeDee was just ignored or left behind (which wasn't hard to do; she simply wasn’t a fast waddler).
And Charlie and Ann had produced Benny Jo Hideout, who would use his girth and size to try to intimidate the other kids. Benny Jo Hideout, who although did indeed have girth and did indeed have size could not intimidate the other kids because he was a pinhead. Benny Jo Hideout was a bully who didn't know how to bully.
Sad, really.
And, I realize now, they were hillbillies.
It's not uncommon to find Southern accents in the lower part of Indiana, but up where we were at, only about 40 minutes from the Michigan state line, you didn't find a lot of that.
Benny's family had southern accents. Their backyard was a veritable treasure trove of all things hillbilly. A vast assortment of barbecue grills that had rusted reddish-brown. A riding lawn mower graveyard. The standard Pile of Wood With Rusty Nails Sticking Out Of It.
And, standing tall and serving as the ultimate Hillbilly Beacon--the sketchy clubhouse. The clubhouse that Charlie had made for his children that reached high into the sky with supports that couldn’t come close to holding the weight of his children (let alone the heavyset Gradeless kids who would also climb into the clubhouse with them).
Charlie was neither an engineer nor an architect, and it only took a week or so for the tiny 2x4s holding up this wooden deathtrap to wave the white flag and send the entire construction leaning at an angle that would make the Leaning Tower of Pisa appear to be square and plumb.
There was a commercial on at the time for cereal that had a catchy little tune that featured kids in a cool clubhouse and would end with the rough scratchy singer pleading for kids to “Come to the Honeycomb hideout!” Being the Saturday morning cartoon junkies that we were, we heard this song countless number of times, and it was ingrained in our psyche.
And soon, the catchphrase was adapted by us to become “Come to the Benny Jo Hideout” (”Jo” of course being added not because it was part of Benny’s name, but because we needed to make sure our song had the same number of syllables as the commercial).
And thus Benny Jo Hideout was born.
Because of all of this, plus the fact that his heart had about as much feeling as a Bundt cake, on that beautiful day when nothing could (or should!) go wrong, Benny rode his bike up to my sister and forced her off of the street and made her crash.
I didn’t even think.
You know on the Bugs Bunny cartoons when Daffy Duck would get upset, and to signify how enraged he was, the cartoonists would draw his feet red and then the redness would slowly climb up to his duck bill like a thermometer? That was me. Had I actually thought about what I was doing, I probably would have stopped to help my sister instead of trying to take on someone who had 80 pounds on me. But I wasn’t thinking.
And besides, come on. This was Benny Jo Hideout.
I put my bike into high gear and tried to catch up with Benny. He was still laughing. That high-pitched rat-a-tat laugh that echoed through the neighborhood and made small children weep and small birds fall dead from the sky. It wasn’t unlike Judge Doom from Who Framed Roger Rabbit at the end after he’d taken off his mask to reveal the maniacal toon that he was.
Benny laughed like that.
Hee-heehee-hee-hee.
The Gradeless kids were there, too, riding their bikes, and had seen the whole thing. They laughed because they were also evil (They were kind of like the Crabb and Goyle to the sinister Draco Malfoy, if you follow Harry Potter at all).
They were all cackling and howling and my sister had started to cry on the side of the road. Todd had stopped to make sure she was OK. I was in hot pursuit. I was going to catch up with Benny and be the hero. I was going to catch up with him and punch him in the face and send him reeling with a How Do You Like That right hook. I was going to make Benny fall with my powerhouse punch and make him cry. I was going to make Benny pay.
And guess what?
I did.
I don’t know how it happened. It all happened so fast, but it happened.
Somehow, the whole scenario I had pictured in my head played out just the way it was supposed to. How often does that happen? Believe me, I was as shocked as you are now.
I caught up beside Benny Jo Hideout and it was picture perfect. Benny was too busy laughing to notice me creeping up and when he turned to his left to see me riding alongside him, he had no time to react. I swung my tiny skinny-boy arm and connected to his jaw with my little angry fist.
Bip!
And Benny cried.
He didn’t fall like I had wanted, but by God, Benny cried like the big baby he was. And justice had been served. Eddie Style.
The look on his face was priceless. I still see it in slow motion as his face morphed from that devilish laugh to a look of shock and awe. His mouth went from a huge smile to a stunned “O” and then went plastic as I socked him.
And Big Benny Jo Hideout rode his bike back to his end of the spoon-shaped cul-de-sac, crying all the way. The Gradeless kids, not knowing if they would meet a similar fate for laughing, followed Benny home to regroup and presumably eat and get even more dirt in their never-clean hair.
Children cheered. People whooped. The marching band showed up and the celebratory music was enjoyed by all.
Soon, kids were rushing inside to spread the good news.
“Eddie hit Benny!”
“Benny pushed Jaime down and Eddie hit him!”
“Eddie made Benny cry!”
Parents ran outside throwing streamers and confetti and paparazzi came from the bushes to take my picture and post it in the Daily News.
That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. I did hit Benny. And Benny went crying home.
My parents, who had seen the whole thing, were smiling and proud, waving from the front yard. Their son, The One Who Never Hit, had stood up for his little sister and by God he had won.
It was a beautiful day indeed.
I rode my bike in circles in the spoon and was on top of the world. Todd and Brian and Jake were all telling me “Good job!” My sister was back on her bike and OK, and shouted thank you’s my way.
You’re welcome, little sister. You. Are. Welcome.
All this was going on around me and I was flying high.
Which is why I didn’t see Charlie come running down to the circle to get me.
He came out of nowhere and grabbed the handlebars of my bike, jerking me to a stop.
What the--
And suddenly everything changed. All of a sudden my day went from celebration to utter horror. It happened too fast for me to even register what was going on.
Suddenly I was stopped and Charlie had his hands on my bike and I couldn’t get away and he was leaned over and yelling at me for hitting Benny, the gnawed end of his pipe being jabbed at my nose over and over again. I don’t even remember what Charlie was saying, I was so caught by surprise. I was so preoccupied trying to fathom what was going on that I didn’t register the Hillbilly rambling he was spewing at my face.
I finally looked up at Charlie and he went pale and suddenly took a step back.
I turned.
Dad was coming.
Charlie knew he screwed up.
Just like I had seen what happened to my sister and made it all good, Dad was watching this odd turn of events that unfolded before his eyes and was about to balance things out.
Dad wasn’t about to stand by and let some guy scream and yell at his 11-year-old son, holding him prisoner on his bike while shoving a pipe in the aforementioned son’s face.
Dad told Charlie to get away from me.
Charlie stepped back again, a mix of surprise and seething redneck anger twisting his face into a comedic scowl. (Have I mentioned my Dad is a Golden Gloves boxing champ? That would account for the priceless look on Charlie's face.)
Charlie told Dad that I had hit his son and I had it coming.
Charlie grew testicles and took a step toward Dad.
Dad told Charlie that’s what his son got for pushing over a little 5-year-old girl on a bike.
I slowly began to roll my bike backward. I’m outta here.
Charlie waved his pipe in Dad’s face and said to stay out of it.
Dad told Charlie to get that pipe out of his face.
Charlie waved the pipe closer.
And Dad reached up and smacked the pipe out of Charlie's hand.
The world stopped.
Time froze.
I heard a choir of gasps from all around me.
Whoa.
Charlie couldn’t believe it.
None of us could.
It took all of us a second to realize what happened because it happened that fast. No one saw it coming, especially Charlie.
Point. Whap. Tink!
All Charlie knew is that suddenly his pipe was on the ground and he couldn’t wrap his mind around how it got there.
Dad didn’t move.
Dad was cool.
And then Charlie flipped out.
He bent over and got his pipe and again began yelling. How dare you and you’re in trouble and on and on, arms flailing to accentuate his point.
And Dad just stood there.
All I saw was Charlie yelling in slow-motion, his tobacco stained teeth and black gums moving at 90 miles an hour and I wondered what his breath smelled like.
And then, in a move of such bravado I still don’t know where Charlie found the guts to do it, he began waving his pipe in Dad’s face again.
Look how calm Dad is. He is a Ninja.
As Charlie continued ranting and waving, Dad calmly told Charlie to get that pipe out of his face or he was going to smack it out of his hand again.
Dad was like Clint Eastwood; like Steven Seagal. They weren’t badasses because they intimidated people by screaming and yelling. They were badasses because they intimidated by talking quietly.
Charlie should have known.
And that is where Charlie’s bravery turned to sheer idiocy.
He took that as his cue to shove his pipe even closer to dad’s face. How he managed to avoid poking out one of Dad’s eyes I’ll never know, because that pipe was close.
Charlie punctuated his backwoods tirade by popping the pipe in his mouth and leaning in to dad to put the butt end next to Dad’s nose.
And before Charlie could blink, Dad smacked the pipe again.
Smack!
Right out of Charlie’s mouth!
I still hear the “clack” of wood against teeth as the pipe was again hurled into the air.
A sea of cheers and laughter erupted and Charlie knew he had lost. He had been shamed. Charlie was the Loser.
He turned, snatched the pipe off the ground, and like his son before him a few minutes earlier, retreated home. Only this time instead of a wail of sobs accompanying the journey, it was a wail of shouts and swearing and threats of being arrested.
I sent Benny home crying, and Dad took care of Charlie.
This really was a beautiful day.
Shortly afterward, the entire neighborhood had convened in our yard to congratulate Dad.
Way to go.
to stand up to him.
That was great.
Good job.
I think Dad was a little embarrassed. He hadn’t gone out there to show off or put on a show, he had gone out there to make sure this guy (this grown-up!) wasn’t going to try to do anything to his son.
Soon after we all returned to our respective homes. An uncle who had flown in that day came to visit us before we had to leave for the bigger gathering that evening at my Aunt’s house and I tried to recapture the glory and magic of what had happened. I was talking a mile a minute when The Cops arrived.
Garrett is a small town where everyone pretty much knows everyone else, and The Cops knew my dad. And they also knew Charlie. They talked to Dad for a few minutes and they all got a good laugh out of it. I think one of them gave Dad the thumb’s up and told him good job.
When they left the house without Dad in custody, Charlie (who was waiting at the end of our driveway to witness his final I’ll-Get-You-All triumph) couldn’t believe it.
This was a travesty. An injustice. Arrest that man!
It was obvious that, in the time between calling The Cops and The Cops arriving at his house, Charlie had thrown a few back, and he was fairly intoxicated. The Cops tried to explain why they weren’t going to arrest my dad and everything was OK now, but Charlie wouldn’t have it. And soon The Cops were the target of Charlie’s rage.
And The Cops put Charlie in the squad car and drove away.
I like to think that Charlie was taken to jail where he was promptly raped and sodomized, but I have no proof to back that up.
But you never know.
It was one of those days when everyone was outside. Every kid in the neighborhood was out riding their bike in the cul de sac where I grew up (AKA The Circle). Some grown-ups were out encouraging their lawn to grow by watering it; others were doing their best grass-growing discouragement by mowing it. Some were laying out getting a tan and others were just hanging out and enjoying a cold one, talking about everyone else.
The point is, everyone was outside.
You know when you think back on a perfect summer day and the sky is blue and everything is good and there is love in the air? This was one of those days.
And it would soon be changed.
Eastwood Court was not a place where perfect harmony stayed around for long. Eastwood Court was where perfect harmony came to visit and we would take it around the back and beat the crap out of it.
Observe:
I remember how happy I was. I was 11 years old and I still remember it like it was yesterday. I felt great. It was an awesome day outside, everyone was riding their bike, and my relatives were in town.
We have a family reunion every year, but it's only every few years when the ENTIRE family from all over the states comes into town. This was one of those years, and I was so excited to see my cousin JP from California.
And Aunt Alice was coming in from Idaho. Idaho!! (Once Alice gave me a little pin that was shaped liked a tiny potato and IDAHO was written across it. The tiny eyes on the pin were made of little indentations and I remember running my finger across it so I could feel the little grooves. Idaho!)
My cousins from Chicago would be there, too. My cousins who frightened me. My cousins who grew up speaking English and Spanish and listened to rap music before our little corner of Indiana had ever been exposed to it. My cousins, who spoke really loudly and talked a lot of trash and spoke to each other in code-in Spanish!-and were always laughing and poking fun and chasing and hitting - they hit! - and whom I always steered clear of. Lalito and Roberto. I had to keep an eye on them.
Everyone would be there tonight when we all gathered together for the first time in years.So things were good. I was excited and happy and nothing could go wrong.
Until Benny Jo Hideout cut off my sister on her bike and made her fall and he laughed.I couldn't believe it.
My little 5-year-old sister was riding her bike in front of me and mean ol' Benny Jo Hideout came up behind us on his bike and slammed into her. She lost control of her bike and managed to crash land in the Sattison's front yard.
Benny Jo Hideout!!
That of course, wasn't Benny's real name. He got that name the only way kids get their nicknames. From other kids who are really reaching.
THE HISTORY OF BENNY JO HIDEOUT
Benny never had a chance. If Benny was a character in a book (and I suppose now he kind of is) or in a movie, you'd be able to see how his life ended before it happened. I've never been a fan of clichés, and when they happen in real life, it's just weird. Because clichés aren't actually supposed to happen. They're clichés.
Benny was a couple of years younger than me. I think I had only been in Benny's house once and I remember it smelled of bacon or some other food that required a lot of grease in which to cook. I also remember realizing it was nowhere near breakfast time, so their house must always smell of cooked grease.
Their floor was dirty.
The TV was on and turned up really loudly. No one was watching it.
Yikes.
I don't' remember why I was in Benny's house, but I do remember running away and swearing never to return.
Benny's dad was named Charlie. He was a really skinny guy with a big moustache and glasses. We never saw or heard much from Charlie except after he'd been drinking. We would be outside playing and then hear the screams and shouts. We would try to sneak up to the house to see what was going on, but were never successful.
And when Charlie would yell, he was usually yelling at Benny's mom, Ann. Or, as we called her, Big Fat Ann. Which soon got shortened to just Fat Ann. Fat Ann, Fat Ann, Fat Ann, we would chant and soon even that became shortened to "F'dann" and it became a sound effect that we would use when imaginary bullets ricocheted around us when playing cops and robbers. F'dann! F'dann!
Don't feel bad for Fat Ann. After all, she was fat. It's not like we were saying anything that wasn't true. But you see, F'dann was worse than big or fat. She was MEAN, and if you don't want chants made up about you by the neighborhood kids, then don't be mean.
F'dann was mean and she yelled. But most of all, she hated us. She hated all of us non-F’dann kids because we lived in The Circle and we were all good kids. F'dann could see the future as well as anyone; she wasn't blind. And she knew what was going to happen. She knew that we were going to grow up as good, nice people. She knew we were going to move out of Eastwood Court and live good lives. We were going to get married to other people who had grown up to be good people and were going to continue breeding and reproducing other good people.
F'dann knew that she and Charlie had not produced good people. They had produced two offspring who had taken the worst traits from their parents and put them on display.
They had produced DeeDee, who was basically a miniature version of F'dann. She was 7 years younger than most of us on the block and had already inherited her mother's propensity for food and yelling. Most of the time DeeDee was just ignored or left behind (which wasn't hard to do; she simply wasn’t a fast waddler).
And Charlie and Ann had produced Benny Jo Hideout, who would use his girth and size to try to intimidate the other kids. Benny Jo Hideout, who although did indeed have girth and did indeed have size could not intimidate the other kids because he was a pinhead. Benny Jo Hideout was a bully who didn't know how to bully.
Sad, really.
And, I realize now, they were hillbillies.
It's not uncommon to find Southern accents in the lower part of Indiana, but up where we were at, only about 40 minutes from the Michigan state line, you didn't find a lot of that.
Benny's family had southern accents. Their backyard was a veritable treasure trove of all things hillbilly. A vast assortment of barbecue grills that had rusted reddish-brown. A riding lawn mower graveyard. The standard Pile of Wood With Rusty Nails Sticking Out Of It.
And, standing tall and serving as the ultimate Hillbilly Beacon--the sketchy clubhouse. The clubhouse that Charlie had made for his children that reached high into the sky with supports that couldn’t come close to holding the weight of his children (let alone the heavyset Gradeless kids who would also climb into the clubhouse with them).
Charlie was neither an engineer nor an architect, and it only took a week or so for the tiny 2x4s holding up this wooden deathtrap to wave the white flag and send the entire construction leaning at an angle that would make the Leaning Tower of Pisa appear to be square and plumb.
There was a commercial on at the time for cereal that had a catchy little tune that featured kids in a cool clubhouse and would end with the rough scratchy singer pleading for kids to “Come to the Honeycomb hideout!” Being the Saturday morning cartoon junkies that we were, we heard this song countless number of times, and it was ingrained in our psyche.
And soon, the catchphrase was adapted by us to become “Come to the Benny Jo Hideout” (”Jo” of course being added not because it was part of Benny’s name, but because we needed to make sure our song had the same number of syllables as the commercial).
And thus Benny Jo Hideout was born.
NOW WHERE WAS I
Because of all of this, plus the fact that his heart had about as much feeling as a Bundt cake, on that beautiful day when nothing could (or should!) go wrong, Benny rode his bike up to my sister and forced her off of the street and made her crash.
I didn’t even think.
You know on the Bugs Bunny cartoons when Daffy Duck would get upset, and to signify how enraged he was, the cartoonists would draw his feet red and then the redness would slowly climb up to his duck bill like a thermometer? That was me. Had I actually thought about what I was doing, I probably would have stopped to help my sister instead of trying to take on someone who had 80 pounds on me. But I wasn’t thinking.
And besides, come on. This was Benny Jo Hideout.
I put my bike into high gear and tried to catch up with Benny. He was still laughing. That high-pitched rat-a-tat laugh that echoed through the neighborhood and made small children weep and small birds fall dead from the sky. It wasn’t unlike Judge Doom from Who Framed Roger Rabbit at the end after he’d taken off his mask to reveal the maniacal toon that he was.
Benny laughed like that.
Hee-heehee-hee-hee.
The Gradeless kids were there, too, riding their bikes, and had seen the whole thing. They laughed because they were also evil (They were kind of like the Crabb and Goyle to the sinister Draco Malfoy, if you follow Harry Potter at all).
They were all cackling and howling and my sister had started to cry on the side of the road. Todd had stopped to make sure she was OK. I was in hot pursuit. I was going to catch up with Benny and be the hero. I was going to catch up with him and punch him in the face and send him reeling with a How Do You Like That right hook. I was going to make Benny fall with my powerhouse punch and make him cry. I was going to make Benny pay.
And guess what?
I did.
I don’t know how it happened. It all happened so fast, but it happened.
Somehow, the whole scenario I had pictured in my head played out just the way it was supposed to. How often does that happen? Believe me, I was as shocked as you are now.
I caught up beside Benny Jo Hideout and it was picture perfect. Benny was too busy laughing to notice me creeping up and when he turned to his left to see me riding alongside him, he had no time to react. I swung my tiny skinny-boy arm and connected to his jaw with my little angry fist.
Bip!
And Benny cried.
He didn’t fall like I had wanted, but by God, Benny cried like the big baby he was. And justice had been served. Eddie Style.
The look on his face was priceless. I still see it in slow motion as his face morphed from that devilish laugh to a look of shock and awe. His mouth went from a huge smile to a stunned “O” and then went plastic as I socked him.
And Big Benny Jo Hideout rode his bike back to his end of the spoon-shaped cul-de-sac, crying all the way. The Gradeless kids, not knowing if they would meet a similar fate for laughing, followed Benny home to regroup and presumably eat and get even more dirt in their never-clean hair.
Children cheered. People whooped. The marching band showed up and the celebratory music was enjoyed by all.
Soon, kids were rushing inside to spread the good news.
“Eddie hit Benny!”
“Benny pushed Jaime down and Eddie hit him!”
“Eddie made Benny cry!”
Parents ran outside throwing streamers and confetti and paparazzi came from the bushes to take my picture and post it in the Daily News.
That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. I did hit Benny. And Benny went crying home.
My parents, who had seen the whole thing, were smiling and proud, waving from the front yard. Their son, The One Who Never Hit, had stood up for his little sister and by God he had won.
It was a beautiful day indeed.
I rode my bike in circles in the spoon and was on top of the world. Todd and Brian and Jake were all telling me “Good job!” My sister was back on her bike and OK, and shouted thank you’s my way.
You’re welcome, little sister. You. Are. Welcome.
All this was going on around me and I was flying high.
Which is why I didn’t see Charlie come running down to the circle to get me.
He came out of nowhere and grabbed the handlebars of my bike, jerking me to a stop.
What the--
And suddenly everything changed. All of a sudden my day went from celebration to utter horror. It happened too fast for me to even register what was going on.
Suddenly I was stopped and Charlie had his hands on my bike and I couldn’t get away and he was leaned over and yelling at me for hitting Benny, the gnawed end of his pipe being jabbed at my nose over and over again. I don’t even remember what Charlie was saying, I was so caught by surprise. I was so preoccupied trying to fathom what was going on that I didn’t register the Hillbilly rambling he was spewing at my face.
I finally looked up at Charlie and he went pale and suddenly took a step back.
I turned.
Dad was coming.
Charlie knew he screwed up.
Just like I had seen what happened to my sister and made it all good, Dad was watching this odd turn of events that unfolded before his eyes and was about to balance things out.
Dad wasn’t about to stand by and let some guy scream and yell at his 11-year-old son, holding him prisoner on his bike while shoving a pipe in the aforementioned son’s face.
Dad told Charlie to get away from me.
Charlie stepped back again, a mix of surprise and seething redneck anger twisting his face into a comedic scowl. (Have I mentioned my Dad is a Golden Gloves boxing champ? That would account for the priceless look on Charlie's face.)
Charlie told Dad that I had hit his son and I had it coming.
Charlie grew testicles and took a step toward Dad.
Dad told Charlie that’s what his son got for pushing over a little 5-year-old girl on a bike.
I slowly began to roll my bike backward. I’m outta here.
Charlie waved his pipe in Dad’s face and said to stay out of it.
Dad told Charlie to get that pipe out of his face.
Charlie waved the pipe closer.
And Dad reached up and smacked the pipe out of Charlie's hand.
The world stopped.
Time froze.
I heard a choir of gasps from all around me.
Whoa.
Charlie couldn’t believe it.
None of us could.
It took all of us a second to realize what happened because it happened that fast. No one saw it coming, especially Charlie.
Point. Whap. Tink!
All Charlie knew is that suddenly his pipe was on the ground and he couldn’t wrap his mind around how it got there.
Dad didn’t move.
Dad was cool.
And then Charlie flipped out.
He bent over and got his pipe and again began yelling. How dare you and you’re in trouble and on and on, arms flailing to accentuate his point.
And Dad just stood there.
All I saw was Charlie yelling in slow-motion, his tobacco stained teeth and black gums moving at 90 miles an hour and I wondered what his breath smelled like.
And then, in a move of such bravado I still don’t know where Charlie found the guts to do it, he began waving his pipe in Dad’s face again.
Look how calm Dad is. He is a Ninja.
As Charlie continued ranting and waving, Dad calmly told Charlie to get that pipe out of his face or he was going to smack it out of his hand again.
Dad was like Clint Eastwood; like Steven Seagal. They weren’t badasses because they intimidated people by screaming and yelling. They were badasses because they intimidated by talking quietly.
Charlie should have known.
And that is where Charlie’s bravery turned to sheer idiocy.
He took that as his cue to shove his pipe even closer to dad’s face. How he managed to avoid poking out one of Dad’s eyes I’ll never know, because that pipe was close.
Charlie punctuated his backwoods tirade by popping the pipe in his mouth and leaning in to dad to put the butt end next to Dad’s nose.
And before Charlie could blink, Dad smacked the pipe again.
Smack!
Right out of Charlie’s mouth!
I still hear the “clack” of wood against teeth as the pipe was again hurled into the air.
A sea of cheers and laughter erupted and Charlie knew he had lost. He had been shamed. Charlie was the Loser.
He turned, snatched the pipe off the ground, and like his son before him a few minutes earlier, retreated home. Only this time instead of a wail of sobs accompanying the journey, it was a wail of shouts and swearing and threats of being arrested.
I sent Benny home crying, and Dad took care of Charlie.
This really was a beautiful day.
AND THEN...
Shortly afterward, the entire neighborhood had convened in our yard to congratulate Dad.
Way to go.
to stand up to him.
That was great.
Good job.
I think Dad was a little embarrassed. He hadn’t gone out there to show off or put on a show, he had gone out there to make sure this guy (this grown-up!) wasn’t going to try to do anything to his son.
Soon after we all returned to our respective homes. An uncle who had flown in that day came to visit us before we had to leave for the bigger gathering that evening at my Aunt’s house and I tried to recapture the glory and magic of what had happened. I was talking a mile a minute when The Cops arrived.
Garrett is a small town where everyone pretty much knows everyone else, and The Cops knew my dad. And they also knew Charlie. They talked to Dad for a few minutes and they all got a good laugh out of it. I think one of them gave Dad the thumb’s up and told him good job.
When they left the house without Dad in custody, Charlie (who was waiting at the end of our driveway to witness his final I’ll-Get-You-All triumph) couldn’t believe it.
This was a travesty. An injustice. Arrest that man!
It was obvious that, in the time between calling The Cops and The Cops arriving at his house, Charlie had thrown a few back, and he was fairly intoxicated. The Cops tried to explain why they weren’t going to arrest my dad and everything was OK now, but Charlie wouldn’t have it. And soon The Cops were the target of Charlie’s rage.
And The Cops put Charlie in the squad car and drove away.
I like to think that Charlie was taken to jail where he was promptly raped and sodomized, but I have no proof to back that up.
But you never know.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
The Toilet Paper Championship of 2006
When a group of people are forced into a confined area for a set amount of time, it's pretty amusing the games that will be created to keep everyone entertained.
At the National Comedy Theatre, the cast members stay downstairs in the basement before each show. It's a pretty big and open space. Our call time is 6:30 each night, so we're usually down there about 30-45 minutes before the show starts. Most of the time the guys play soccer while the girls yell at the guys for accidentally kicking the ball into their heads while they sit on the sidelines.
Last night our first show was canceled/postponed (depending on who you talk to). Chris was scheduled to be the referee for the 7:30 show and JT was on the schedule to ref the 2nd show. Because Chris claimed the first show was canceled and since JT was scheduled to ref the 9:45 show, he claimed JT should be the ref. JT claimed that the first show was only postponed and since Chris was to ref the first show, the 9:45 was technically the first show and so Chris should ref.
And what better way to settle the dispute than a good friendly competition. The rules were simple: The two guys stand at opposite ends of the basement. One of them is blindfolded and given a roll of toilet paper. The other chooses a spot and must stand there while the toilet paper roll is thrown at them. If they're hit, then they have to ref.
Pure and simple. Sure, it's a bit juvenile and what-have-you, but that's how guys settle things. There was no question about it, Chris won fair and square. The rest of us had a good laugh as they continued to go back and forth blindly throwing toilet paper at each other and all was well in the universe.
At the National Comedy Theatre, the cast members stay downstairs in the basement before each show. It's a pretty big and open space. Our call time is 6:30 each night, so we're usually down there about 30-45 minutes before the show starts. Most of the time the guys play soccer while the girls yell at the guys for accidentally kicking the ball into their heads while they sit on the sidelines.
Last night our first show was canceled/postponed (depending on who you talk to). Chris was scheduled to be the referee for the 7:30 show and JT was on the schedule to ref the 2nd show. Because Chris claimed the first show was canceled and since JT was scheduled to ref the 9:45 show, he claimed JT should be the ref. JT claimed that the first show was only postponed and since Chris was to ref the first show, the 9:45 was technically the first show and so Chris should ref.
And what better way to settle the dispute than a good friendly competition. The rules were simple: The two guys stand at opposite ends of the basement. One of them is blindfolded and given a roll of toilet paper. The other chooses a spot and must stand there while the toilet paper roll is thrown at them. If they're hit, then they have to ref.
Pure and simple. Sure, it's a bit juvenile and what-have-you, but that's how guys settle things. There was no question about it, Chris won fair and square. The rest of us had a good laugh as they continued to go back and forth blindly throwing toilet paper at each other and all was well in the universe.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
My Dumb Camera
I was having a lot of fun fulfilling friends' requests of "Things They Wanna See Ed Do." I grabbed my trusty camera to continue the fun picture taking and all of a sudden it's not working. I turn it on, and all I get is a black screen, like the lens cap is on (but it's not. Trust me, I checked). The digital displays and icons on the LED screen are still there, just no picture. And the dumb thing is only like two years old. Great. I guess that's what I get for taking it all over with me and actually using it.
So until I get the money for a new camera, the requests will be out of commission for a bit. Say it with me:
Boooooo.
So until I get the money for a new camera, the requests will be out of commission for a bit. Say it with me:
Boooooo.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
That Really Good Feeling
You know that feeling you get when you wake up in the morning and as soon as you get up, you know you've slept in? And you look at the clock and you're like I was supposed to be at work an hour ago!! And that panicked feeling rushes in and you can feel the adrenaline start slamming?
Today was just the opposite.
I got up at 7:00 and started to get myself around. I hadn't really started to wake up when I re-checked my calendar and found out I had today off.
Wow, that ROCKED. I piddled around for a while, never quite waking up, checked and double-checked to make sure I was right, and then went back to bed.
What a great way to start the day!!
Today was just the opposite.
I got up at 7:00 and started to get myself around. I hadn't really started to wake up when I re-checked my calendar and found out I had today off.
Wow, that ROCKED. I piddled around for a while, never quite waking up, checked and double-checked to make sure I was right, and then went back to bed.
What a great way to start the day!!
Thursday, January 05, 2006
The Lowering of Our Standards
Something is seriously wrong with the universe. I was watching Bravo tonight (or, as I refer to it, The West Wing Rerun Channel) and saw a promo for the upcoming season of Inside the Actor's Studio. Imagine my surprise to see a line-up that included such talented and compelling actors as Queen Latifah, Dave Chappelle, and Martin Lawrence.
WHAT?
Now bear in mind, I have nothing against any of the aforementioned actors and being into comedy like I am, I'm a huge fan of Lawrence and Chappelle. But I'm also fairly realistic. This show isn't Inside the Famous People's Studio or Inside the Who's Hot Now Studio. What's going on here? I suppose gone are the likes of Steven Spielberg, Tom Hanks, Richard Dreyfuss, and Jodie Foster.
So I turned the channel and landed on AMC (American Movie Classics. Classics, people!). And much to my chagrin, the movie they were playing was Kindergarten Cop.
I weep for the future.
WHAT?
Now bear in mind, I have nothing against any of the aforementioned actors and being into comedy like I am, I'm a huge fan of Lawrence and Chappelle. But I'm also fairly realistic. This show isn't Inside the Famous People's Studio or Inside the Who's Hot Now Studio. What's going on here? I suppose gone are the likes of Steven Spielberg, Tom Hanks, Richard Dreyfuss, and Jodie Foster.
So I turned the channel and landed on AMC (American Movie Classics. Classics, people!). And much to my chagrin, the movie they were playing was Kindergarten Cop.
I weep for the future.
Monday, January 02, 2006
Improv Debut Photos
My good buddy Paul just sent me some photos he took of my debut performance at the National Comedy Theatre .
Thanks, Paul!
Thanks, Paul!
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Happy New Year!
Wow. Really. Wow.
That's the only word that comes to mind. It was an amazing show last night at the National Comedy Theater's New Years Eve Comedy Spectacular. It was a sold-out show and there were even reports of a few people trying to sneak in to see the show.
As far as the cast goes, it was the biggest cast I've gotten to play with (3 against 3 with a DJ and a ref) and we all had a blast. I was in red once again. Kevin was our captain and we also had Adi on our side. We played against JT, Tyler, and Virginia in blue. Chris was the DJ and Kramer took ref duty.
The show began at 9:30 and we were off and running. The crowd was amazing. They were all truly happy to be there and every time someone sent them into a wave of laughter (and it happened quite a few times!) it was incredible. During the game of "185" I got an overwhelming response to a joke I didn't think would go over very well and it caught me by surprise. I'm still not sure why people went nuts over it but I'm not complaining. It was a fun moment.
Faithful readers of my blog are probably tired of hearing me going on and on about how great my fellow cast members are, but I don't care. They deserve every bit of credit and last night's show was a model of how great they are.
After the show there was catered food and we had about a half hour to wait to ring in the new year. It was fun mingling with the people who came out to see the show and at the stroke of midnight, we all yelled and whooped accordingly.
It was a great way to start off the year; doing what I love to do with people I love doing it with.
Greetings, 2006. Let's dance.
That's the only word that comes to mind. It was an amazing show last night at the National Comedy Theater's New Years Eve Comedy Spectacular. It was a sold-out show and there were even reports of a few people trying to sneak in to see the show.
As far as the cast goes, it was the biggest cast I've gotten to play with (3 against 3 with a DJ and a ref) and we all had a blast. I was in red once again. Kevin was our captain and we also had Adi on our side. We played against JT, Tyler, and Virginia in blue. Chris was the DJ and Kramer took ref duty.
The show began at 9:30 and we were off and running. The crowd was amazing. They were all truly happy to be there and every time someone sent them into a wave of laughter (and it happened quite a few times!) it was incredible. During the game of "185" I got an overwhelming response to a joke I didn't think would go over very well and it caught me by surprise. I'm still not sure why people went nuts over it but I'm not complaining. It was a fun moment.
Faithful readers of my blog are probably tired of hearing me going on and on about how great my fellow cast members are, but I don't care. They deserve every bit of credit and last night's show was a model of how great they are.
After the show there was catered food and we had about a half hour to wait to ring in the new year. It was fun mingling with the people who came out to see the show and at the stroke of midnight, we all yelled and whooped accordingly.
It was a great way to start off the year; doing what I love to do with people I love doing it with.
Greetings, 2006. Let's dance.
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