After a night tossing and turning, my throat exploding into a fireburst every time I tried to swallow, I wasn't looking forward to crawling out of bed and trying to function like a human being today.
When I got to the station, Fred was waiting for me in the studio, a suspicious smile on his face. "Hey Eddie, I think someone left a present for you in your offiiiiice!"
I walked back and found this sitting on my desk:
That's right. It's the massive two-volume set MAD's Greatest Artists: The Completely Mad Don Martin!!
My stupid throat decided it was going to make me have a bad day, but Fred stepped up and said, "Oh no you're not!"
Thanks, Fred! I may not be feeling 100%, but at least now I can distract myself with an almost-endless series of THWOPs, GLONGs, SKROINCHes, and STOOPFTs!
As much as I enjoy living in the city, I've noticed that Friday is a horrible day for driving downtown. It's like everyone says, "Screw it, it's the end of the week, I'm tired of driving sensibly." And it's the same thing every Friday: I get cut off by more people, almost rammed from behind or sideswiped by someone who decides to merge from the lane beside me while I'm right next to them. Some Fridays people will just stop in the middle of the road for no reason or perform elaborate U-turns on one-way streets.
Today proved to be no different from every other Friday. I was waiting at a stoplight and the light turned green. We all began to move and a car on the cross street, who had stopped at the red light, decided pull out in front of me when I was 3/4 of the way through the intersection.
I honked my horn to give him a heads up. It wasn't a HOOOOOONK or even a HONK, just a quick tap on the horn to let him know I was there.
The speed that his hand was out the window, straight up in the air, and middle finger extended was impressive. It was almost like we was waiting for me to honk, that's how fast it was. He either assumed pulling in front of me would elicit a honk and was ready to go, or he had been driving so badly all afternoon that he was getting honked at over and over again and just decided to have his hand waiting by the window.
It was so fast, I could do nothing but start laughing hysterically at the man. It was just incredibly crazy how fast this guy flipped me off for honking at him when he almost clipped my car. And I laughed and laughed and laughed.
This made him angry, but I didn't care. He was too funny to not laugh at. And when I saw how mad he got when I laughed at him, he threw a fit in his car. If that's not a great way to start off the weekend, I don't know what is.
I was the first one at the office this morning which always makes me a little nervous. The first one in has to deactivate the alarm system and it's notorious for not being very generous and letting you "CLEAR" and "RESET" if you accidentally hit the wrong number.
Upon opening the door, though, I found the alarm wasn't on.
As I entered the building, I kept an eye out to make sure no one was inside to startle me. I went into the kitchen to put my soda and yogurt in the fridge and was a little taken back by the coffee pot.
OK, I can understand someone forgetting to turn on the alarm when they leave, but what was going on with this? Did someone make coffee and then forget to put the pot back on the burner? Is that even possible? Or...well...to be honest, I can't think of another reason to explain this weird phenomenon.
I did a quick walkthrough of the studio and my office and couldn't find anything else out of place. Freaky Friday, indeed.
Today I was walking downtown and was approached by two fat girls coming in the opposite direction. They were walking side-by-side and as someone who has a pretty well-developed sense of size, I knew there was no way all three of us were going to fit on the sidewalk at the same time.
And this brings me to my request: If you're not going to go single-file for three or four steps while I try to squeeze past, can you at least not give me a dirty look like I'm the one in the way?
Thanks, fat people. Thanks.
[caption id="attachment_2096" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="This is pretty much what I saw coming at me today on the sidewalk"][/caption]
How do you know you're a real fan of Judge Judy? How do you know when perhaps you've seen one too many episodes?
When you start to recognize the fact they're using the same people in the audience over and over again, that's when. Don't be too impressed. I'm not actually that good with picking up small details like noticing the extras in a daily courtroom TV show.
But when one of the extras stands out like this one, you can't help.
There she is in the upper left-hand corner. She just has a look that stands out. The harsh make-up. The angry eyebrows. That distinct Is-That-A-Dude-In-Drag uncertainty. That's not an easy look to forget.
Especially when he/she pops up again....
...and again...
...and again...
...and again.
Hey, Judge Judy producers: I think it might be time to do another casting call for extras. When it becomes more fun playing Where's The Angry Guy In A Wig than watching Judge Judy yell at people, that's sort of a sign.
A few weeks ago Sarah and I took a trip to Gettysburg and did a little amateur ghost hunting. When we left town, we were very excited with what we thought was proof of...something. You can see the evidence we collected here.
This past Saturday Sarah and I trekked back to Gettysburg and the first thing we did was return to the general store where we thought we may have spotted the ghost of Mrs Pickering (the original owner of the general store). Sarah took a photo from the same place she stood the last time around and, lo and behold, the anomaly was back. And as soon as it showed up, we knew we didn't hadn't captured a ghost. That would have been too easy.
The street lights must have been brighter because, although the video looks just as dark as last time around, we could see inside the store easier and I was able to quickly identify the items that were making it look as if there was a form..or something...standing browsing the aisles.
We were a little disappointed that we were able to de-bunk Mrs. Pickering so quickly, but at the same time, I think we were a little proud of our de-bunking skills.
That night we returned to the Ghosts of Gettysburg, the place where we went on a ghost tour the last time we were in town. Only this time it wasn't a standard tour with ghost stories, it was an actual ghost investigation. We were excited to learn that only two other people showed up, as we hoped that meant more time to interact with author and ghost hunter Mark Nesbitt and co- investigator Larry Phelps.
When we arrived, we found out we would be investigating the Ghosts of Gettysburg building, which is purported to be haunted with a few ghosts of its own. We were told we would carry on EVP sessions in a few different rooms, get to learn about the equipment they use, like EMF (electromagnetic field) detectors, and so on.
Unfortunately, that didn't happen. The other couple who showed up were from Pittsburgh and the guy decided that we had paid money to learn not from the Ghosts of Gettysburg people, but from him.
From the onset he bragged about how good he was, he must have mentioned the fact he was a DJ at least six or seven times, and when our tour guides would mention their methods or talk about their equipment, this guy (his name was Gary but also made it a point to mention the fact that his DJ name is DJ EVP) would interrupt and explain what the actual proper method was, what he does, why this is wrong, why we was right, and on and on and on and on.
He would then go into stories that pertained to nothing, brag about other things he did, he bragged about the fact that he has $1000-headphones, and pretty much railroaded the conversation that only he was engaging in to revolve around him.
And it was because of this dill weed that our night was ruined. We didn't get to try out any of the cool gadgets, we only got to investigate one of the six areas in the house we were told we would get to investigate, we didn't see any dark shapes or hear any voices, and we walked away with nothing.
Like a drunk heckler at a comedy club who thinks he's being part of the show but is actually just ruining the night for everyone, this douche named Gary made me want to elbow him in his show-off face.
But I didn't. And Sarah and I just walked back to our hotel and made fun of him behind his stupid back.
Today Sarah and I took a quick jaunt out to Gettysburg. It's just over an hour away and seeing as how we're huge fans of Ghost Hunters, we couldn't resist checking out a couple of ghost tours. I did a Google search for "ghost tours gettysburg" and Ghosts of Gettysburg was the first place to pop up. Their website stated they were voted the #1 Ghost Tour last year, so I thought what the heck. We weren't disappointed. The staff was very friendly and their tour guides were top-notch. They have five different tours to choose from; This blog is based on the Carlisle Street Tour. Afterward, our tour guide told us she'd never seen a ghost while working that specific tour, but said she'd seen one four times while giving the Baltimore Street Tour. So guess what Sarah and I are trying to squeeze into our calendar.
As we walked the historic streets of Gettysburg, Sarah was particularly attracted to the alleys, and every time we would walk by one, this is basically what would happen:
As the day turned into evening and it got darker outside and the ghost tours continued, Sarah kept on snapping shots. A lot of the pictures she took contained what a lot of ghost fans call "orbs," small circles of light they believe are actual ghosts (or their energy) trying to manifest itself. Sarah and I tend to think it's just the reflection of the camera flash hitting dust, bugs, or something similar. Here are a couple of the most orb-filled photos, taken on the Gettysburg University campus:
Again, "orbs" don't really do anything for me, but there you are.
Our ghost tour ended around 10:30pm in the Gettysburg square in front of what we were told was the oldest building in the square. Our tour guide thanked us for coming and our small group dispersed. Sarah immediately went to the front door of the building where we stood (a store that, naturally, was closed at the time) and took a photo through the window in the front door.
As we walked away, she showed me the photo and I froze. I've seen a bunch of photos that include "ghost faces" and I hardly ever see what I'm supposed to be looking at. But this jumped out at me. Upon first glance, it looked like there was the figure of a woman dressed all in black with the collar of a white shirt poking up out above her long black coat, her black hair pulled back in a tight bun browsing the shelves in the store. It was really weird.
Can you see it? Maybe? Here. Maybe this will help.
I'll be honest. The picture looks a lot different on the computer screen than it did on the tiny camera display, but still....
Sarah ran back to the storefront and took another picture. Like the first one, she took this one with the flash turned off.
It looked like she was still there browsing, this time in a slightly different pose.
The inside of the store was dark and it was hard to see what might be in there, so I asked Sarah to take a picture with the flash on so we could see what might possibly be in there that would appear to make the shape of a person.
As you can see, there's nothing there.
On a whim, I pulled out my Flip camera, placed it against the window, and filmed for a few seconds. In one of her trademark goofy whispers, Sarah asked the mystery lady to show up again ("Lady....come baaack"), and then tried to remember what the tour guide had told us the original owner's name was.
Elated that we thought we might have photographed a ghost, we made our way back to the car and headed home. A few minutes out of town, I told Sarah she should watch the Flip video to see if we caught anything and, as she played it, we freaked out. I say "we" freaked out, because although I wasn't watching the video (see what a safe driver I am?), I could hear it.
I assure you, Sarah and I did not hear that sound when we filmed it. Our lack of response bears witness to the fact that we didn't hear anything out of the ordinary. Yet it appears Sarah got a response to her plea for the lady to return. We listened to it over and over again, and it sounds as if something inside the store is moving. I ran the video twice in the above clip, the first time as I filmed it and in the second pass I lightened the picture a bit in an attempt to see if I could find what is moving or making the sound.
I didn't see anything.
So, did Sarah and I catch something? We don't know. But for a few minutes our hearts raced at the thought that we may have. Either way, it was a lot of fun.
August 22, 2010 - Sarah and I returned to de-bunk Mrs. Pickering...and we were successful! Read about it HERE.
This video is a lot like Avatar. At first I was like "Wow this is amazing!" And then I was like "Is this all that happens?" And then I gave up and quit watching before it was over.
Apparently Chelsea Clinton is getting married and it's a big deal. To be honest, that's about all I know because I only read the headline. Chelsea Clinton is so low on my radar - just a bit lower than Erin Moran and Mr. Belding - I couldn't be bothered to read the article.
Yahoo News is calling her nuptials the "wedding of the century."
Seriously. Please media, I beg of you, do not try to make Chelsea Clinton into our version of Princess Diana. Just don't. Please.
And how cocky are we to call this event the wedding of the century? We're only 10 years into it. How belittling is that to everyone else who comes along in the next 90 years? Our apologies, future people of note who get married. Sorry, Celebrities-of-2088. I'm sorry, Dude Who Invents Monkey-To-English Tranlsator Voice Boxes. I understand you're all pretty important and prominent, but you seem to have forgotten that back around 2010, 2011, Chelsea Clinton got married.
Who?
She's the daughter of one of our presidents.
Huh? You mean other presidents' kids have gotten married, too?
While perusing the web today, I came across an article about Kate Gosselin. I couldn't help but notice, directly under the photograph, was an option to enlarge the photo.
___
___
Seriously? You honestly think that, given the choice, I would willingly want to see an even bigger photo of that thing?
Will you also be providing sticks to shove into my eyes afterward?
Today on the way to a dentist appointment, I stopped at the apartment to drop a few things off. I parked behind a red Tracker and didn't pull up as close behind it as I usually would since I knew I'd be zipping away again in a few moments. As I got out of my car, a large, older lady came waddling up to the Tracker and proceeded to make mean faces and complain about how I had boxed her in because I parked so close.
So I went inside, grabbed my camera, and took a photo of how much I (and the car in front of her) had her blocked.
Seriously, lady, if you can't get out of that parking space without working up a sweat, then you deserve to drive a Tracker.
How do you know when All Access, a radio-industry website, should be more careful about the placement of their ads? When an ad showing a man dead in the road pops up next to a news article reporting on someone's memorial service.
That's when All Access should be more careful about the placement of their ads.
Seriously. This has not been altered, Photoshopped, tweaked, or otherwise manipulated in any way. This is an actual screen shot. I mean come on, I'm not that sick.
I'm writing this blog from my hotel room after Day 3 of Creation 2010. The Creation Festival is a yearly music festival nestled in the mountains of Central Pennsylvania. The easiest way to describe it is to call it the "Christian Woodstock." The radio station I work for goes up each year, we set up inside a trailer, and we try to get as many of the performing artists to pop in for an interview as possible. I'm always in charge of filming the interviews and then I spend the next few weeks at work editing them down and posting them on the station's YouTube page.
This year we did something a little different. For those of you who don't know, I enjoy drawing doodles. This year I doodled all of the artists appearing at the 4-day festival (43 of them in all). We compiled the black-and-white drawings into a collection we called the Creation Coloring book. Then, we brought the book with us and when the artists came through for their interview, we had them color and autograph their page in the coloring book. We'll be posting the book on eBay and donating all the money received from the auction to Compassion International. You can see all of the doodles in the coloring book (before the artists colored them) by clicking here.
I gotta tell you, it's been a blast so far. Not only has it been fun seeing the artists react to their doodle, but it's also been fun hanging out with them for a few minutes. I've captured some really cool moments on video so far, and we still have one more day to go.
Here's a brief rundown of some highlights the first few days:
We got to meet Carlos Whittaker, who's just as much fun to be around in person as he is to read his blog.
We got a chance to hang out with our pal Bob Lenz, an amazing speaker who has one of the biggest hearts around (maybe because he's also one of the biggest guys around)
As far as pure hilarious moments go, I never thought we'd be able to top David Crowder yelling out the trailer at a kid with "Jimmy" printed on his shirt. Chris and Conrad proved me wrong.
Mark Gungor, one of the most excited and excitable guys I've been around, gave some great insights into marriage that were so simple I was a little embarrassed I hadn't thought of them already
We have a Wii with MarioKart in our trailer. It's a nice break for the artists from the usual standard radio interviews they probably go through and it's fun to see their faces light up when they see the Wii waiting to be played. Of all the bands at Creation, you probably wouldn't have expected that the band who had the hardest time tearing themselves away from the Wii was Casting Crowns. True story.
DecembeRadio really seemed to enjoy their doodle and they were a lot of fun to joke and hang with
B Reith sat down and really took time to color his doodle while Kristi Leigh interviewed him. He said he would soon be switching his Facebook profile picture to his doodle. Nice!
Chris Tomlin was very kind and friendly and seemed to genuinely enjoy his time in the trailer.
Thi'sl and J'Son were simultaneously hilarious and moving. Watching them film each other with their iPhones as they colored their doodles was entertaining to say the least.
It was my first time meeting the guys from House of Heroes and it was worth the wait.
It was good to see Matt MacDonald from The Classic Crime once again and when he realized we were the guys from last year who had the Wii, his face lit up and he was ready to race once again.
Both We As Human and Abandon went all out coloring in their doodles and we were quite impressed with their style.
Best of all, though, had to be the opportunity to once again see and hang out with a couple of friends from my time in Nashville, John and Gabe. Man, it was good to see those guys again.
There was more, but...well...I'll let you see for yourselves. Starting next week I'll begin posting the videos of our time at Creation so you can see some of it for yourself. Unfortunately we weren't able to catch up with the Newsboys or TobyMac or our old pal Trevor from Thousand Foot Krutch, but we're having a good time.
When you see some of the videos, you'll get what I'm talking about. Until then...well...here's the David Crowder video from 2007 I mentioned earlier. The one where he yells at the kid with JIMMY on his shirt. Still cracks me up.
Sarah and I went to a carnival this weekend. Most of the rides there were "spinny" rides so I politely declined. We did, however, ride the boat that swings back and forth and back and forth. We were the only ones on the ride and we sat in the very back to get the most out of it. At first it was a lot of fun.
But then...well...I think the guy running the ride was trying to be nice by making it an extra-long ride since we were the only ones on, but after about 20 minutes we got bored. And he was just laughing and smiling and after the initial "woohoo" wore off, I was then able to take a good look around and see all of the ways I could possibly die.
The ride was obviously constructed by someone from Europe who thinks all Americans are 400 pounds, as the safety bar didn't come remotely close enough to holding us in properly. Poor Sarah. She's so tiny and was holding on to me so tightly. I don't blame her. Every time we swung down, she would lift completely off and almost out of her seat.
Sarah said if we fell out, at least we'd get a good settlement. I told her I'd rather not have to live the rest of my life with a slice of rebar sticking out of my neck.
We decided for our next ride, we would try out the dreaded TOMB OF DOOM.
Look how scary it is! This is going to be awesome!
Once inside, though...
I think it was right at this point I turned to Sarah and said, "We could have made this in our basement."
The cart we were in wove in and out of a series of black plastic trash bags. Once in a while we would pass a mummy. Because the ride was so well-choreographed, 30 seconds after we passed the mummy, we would hear it scream. We looked behind us to see what we were missing only to see it was just then being illuminated.
We stood outside the TOMB OF DOOM talking for a few minutes and after a short bit, a 5-year-old was finishing up his turn on the ride. His mom was waiting outside for him and with every bit of enthusiastic motherly joy she could muster said, "Were you scared?"
The kid just looked at her and said, "No."
I wanted to tell the mother to write down the date and time in her memory book when she got home, because this was the exact moment in time her son became jaded.
We ran into some friends of Sarah's and they told us about the chocolate-covered frozen bananas. As huge fans of Arrested Development, naturally Sarah and I were excited to have our very own Bluth banana. And I proved my Bluth-iness by making a stupid blunder.
The bananas came plain, with peanuts, or with sprinkles. I wanted the little chopped nuts on mine...
...so naturally I ordered sprinkles.
I mean, that only makes sense, right?
Little sprinkles of chopped up nuts?
I guess if I would have given it some real thought I would have figured it out. But I didn't.
After we walked around for a bit, we went over to our friends to hang out for the rest of the evening, play some games, and then watch the fireworks. The time we spent at their kitchen table laughing and talking and sharing stories more than made up for our somewhat-enjoyable time at the carnival.
We watched the fireworks go off from their yard and then we watched the fallout and ashes from the fireworks fall all over us and their house. We were all sprinkled with little charred pieces of cardboard and ash and after it was over firemen climbed on top of their roof to make sure their place wouldn't burn down.
All in all, though, it was a good day. I got to spend a nice evening with Sarah, we laughed and talked and watched really fat people try to climb down stairs. We got to hang out with good friends Ethan and Aubrey and Chris and Cathy we hadn't seen in far too long and as I left their house and looked back at the carnival grounds, it was a nice image.
I want to, I really really do, but I physically can't.
After today's workout, the shin splint in my left leg was pretty much unbearable. Which was distracting me from the fact that I was beginning to develop a shin splint in my right leg as well.
Poop.
It may have been too much too soon. I'm going to shift gears and go back to P90x and see what happens. I'll do one complete "term" of P90X (90 days) and then see if I haven't ramped my way up to where I can do Insanity. As much as I really like the Insanity workout, at this point in my exercisorial career, I'm not physically ready for it.
Yesterday was a day off and today, the first day of the third week in the Insanity program, I re-took the fit test I took on day 1 so I could groan at how far I haven't come.
Actually, I surprised myself in some of them. Not so much in others. All in all, though, I ended up a sweaty mess on the floor in the fetal position. So yea, I guess it was a good workout.
You see, people, this is why Craigslist is so amazing. This is an actual post from today:
OK, this is an odd request, but our production company has been given the assignment to replace audio from many foreign adult releases with an English soundtrack. Because of the content, there's very little lipsync required with the emphasis on sounds associated with lovemaking. We limit sessions to 3 hours and payment is made at time of service. If you're a woman 21 years to 60 years old, have a sexy voice, and can feign an orgasm, you're perfect for this part.
I just love the fact they aren't concerned with you translating the dialogue...it's more about recreating "sounds associated with lovemaking."
Great. And me without my Italian-Grunts-To-English-Moans dictionary.
Ricky Gervais, Steve Merchant, and Karl Pilkington are introducing the first season of their HBO animated series on DVD. They made a promotional video to be shown to retailers at a sales conference. What started off as a gentle trip into Hey Thanks For Getting Behind Our Project-land took a vicious sharp turn into Come On Salespeople And Do Your Jobs-ville.
Wow, Ed, you just about made it all the way through Pure Cardio! That's great! Oh but hey, today we're also adding Cardio Abs on top of that, so don't get so cocky just because you went further than ever before. Yep. Now I have a new way to kill you, and I can do it without any situps or crunches.
I think I pushed it a little too hard today but I don't care. When I was finished I drank about a gallon of water to replenish my fluids and then just laid on the floor and listened to my How To Speak Italian CD, panting and gasping in between repeating vowels and consonants and other common sounds.
When I saw Twilightfor the first time, I jokingly referred to Edward the vampire's amazing ability to sparkle in the sun as his HiPro Glow.
No one got it.
I understand that if you have to explain your joke, maybe it's not a very good joke, but bear with me. I think once you get the reference you'll be pretty impressed.
Back in the 80s there was a commercial for a Purina-brand dog food called HiPro. It featured a dog running in the woods and the announcer promised if you fed your dog HiPro, its coat would shine with a "HiPro Glow." The dog then began to glow as it ran through the woods.
Thirty years later Edward Cullen reveals himself to Bella not only to be a vampire, but also discloses the little-known fact that when vampires stand in the bright sunlight, especially after running in the woods, they too have a glow that looks oddly familiar.
But that's not all. Vampires don't just glow. As you can see from this close-up still shot from the film of Edward's frail pale chest, they sparkle in the sunlight.
But hey, what's the big deal. In another shot from the 1985 dog food commercial, Purina reveals to us this is not because Edward is a vampire. It's because he has apparently been eating HiPro dog food.
Poor Purina doesn't get any credit for being the first one to come up with the idea of a wild animal running through the woods and sparkling in the sun. And to add insult to injury, their 1985 sparkling special effects actually look better than the multi-million dollar movie from the next millennium.
So there you have it. And now when Edward and his sparkly head next appears in a theater near you, you can also appreciate the beauty of what is actually the HiPro glow.
Thursday night we didn't have anything going on. Sarah wasn't teaching any classes and I didn't have any plans to play Green Day Rock Band, so we declared it to be a date night. I made reservations at The Olde Greenfield Inn here in Lancaster. When I told our friend Ashlea where we went, she looked at me incredulously and said, "Really?? I don't know anyone who's ever gone there."
And I guess I could understand her momentary surprise. When we got there, there were some people eating outside and some inside in the main dining room and they were all...well...I don't know how else to put it. They were all really old.
But I had an ace up my sleeve in the fact that I had reserved a private table downstairs in the wine cellar.
We sat down, Sarah opened the menu and said, "Ooh, this is a nice place."
And because it was a nice place, Sarah and I spent the next ten minutes running around taking pictures.
[caption id="attachment_1945" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="I love it when a plan comes together"][/caption]
Yes, it was a nice place. They even had glasses that could sing if you ran your finger quickly around the rim.
Sarah ordered the filet mignon and I had the seafood platter. Steak, yummy mashed potatoes, lobster, shrimp, Sarah and I ate like Kirstie Alley with a day pass.
Our plates were cleaned and there was no room left for dessert.
We came home and immediately regretted our gluttony. But we didn't regret our date night.
Shin splints be darned, I was determined to work out today. When I woke up this morning, my leg was already sore and I was hoping it wouldn't get worse as the day went on. It didn't, but kinda sustained at a dull throb. I went to the drug store and bought some generic BenGay.
I was able to go 28 minutes, which was 3 minutes longer than the last time I did this same workout (and 8 minutes longer than yesterday); I burned 430 calories until I finally had to admit my leg was threatening to snap in two if I didn't stop.
The house currently smells like mint - really strong mint - as the magical ointment does its thing. My shin is also wrapped and ready to go for tomorrow, which is cardio recovery, so I'm sure my leg will appreciate the break.
I've seen them. You've seen them. Every once in a while these two-headed beasts pop up on Facebook and I always shake my head in disgust. BobAndSallyJones. TomAndTinaSmith. ControllingWifeAndGuyWhoIsntTrustedToSurfTheInternetAlone. I'm referring, of course, to Couples Who Share A Facebook Account.
What's the deal with people calling their babies and small children "Little Man"? I'm seeing this ridiculous trend all over the place, mostly in Facebook and Twitter status updates. You've seen it, too:
"I'm out with Little Man."
"Four years old! Little Man is getting so big!"
"Little Man is taking a nap."
Hey, guess what? Your child is not a little man. Your child is an average-sized baby. A man can shave and drive a car and shuffle a deck of cards and walk without having to put up his hands for balance and deposit a check at a bank and lift heavy things and weighs more than 100 pounds and can talk. Your baby is not a Little Man.
The next time you refer to your baby as "Little Man," take a good look at his eyes. You're annoying him and I bet deep inside he's getting back at you by thinking of you as "Massive Infant".
I was really plowing through this time. With half of my brain I was trying to be mindful of the shin splint that is setting in in my left leg, but with the other half, I just wanted to work out.
I got about 28 minutes into the work out before I had to call it quits. Not because I was out of breath and all woozy like usual - I think I was actually starting to hit what some people refer to as a "runner's high" - but because the shin splint started to really flare up after one of the 30-second breaks. I'm not too disheartened, though. My heart rate watch tells me that although I worked out 3 minutes less than the last time I did this particular DVD, I actually burned 60 more calories this time around.
The Real Housewives of.... whatever city. Are these shows legally allowed to call these housewives "real" if 74% of their bodies are made of plastic, silicone, collagen, and a false self-image?
"This, in and of itself, is an amazing instrument. However, it's attached to AT&T, which makes it ... a ... f***in' rock." - Lewis Black, holding an iPhone, from his new album Stark Raving Black
Today was a day of rest, which is good as yesterday toward the middle of the workout I started to develop a shin splint in my left leg. I walked to the local coffee shop this afternoon, which isn't too far, and on the way back it started to re-surface.
This sucks.
Various medical websites tell me I'm probably not going to die, so that's good. The most common cause of shin splints is a sudden increase or intensity in physical fitness.
Busted.
I'll try to continue tomorrow at a significantly lower rate and see what happens. I really hope this doesn't delay me too much.
The weird thing is, with the Insanity program I'm actually looking forward to the workouts, which is a first for me. On Day 2 I was really looking forward to this day off. Today, though...I kinda miss it.
You may have heard Oprah Winfrey is giving away the chance to host a new show on her cable network. People across America are invited to submit their video entries. I don't know about you, but this guy gets my vote.
Sarah and I were a bit restless tonight, so we hopped in the car and drove around. We started off the night at Maggie Moo's, which is why I spent the rest of the evening with two chocolate blobs on the front of my shirt. From there it was a quick jaunt to Wal-Mart followed by Five Below. After that, we watched a lady driving a van run a red light and almost hit a car. We followed her to Barnes & Noble where we learned that not only is she a bad driver, she's also a bad parker.
You can't tell it from the photo, but the only thing she is good at is leaving a small child in the car while she and her daughter go into the bookstore.
Once we were inside, Sarah and I found a treasure trove of cool things, including a huge magnifying glass...
...and an entire shelf of non-existent encouragement for children.
When we finally arrived home, there were two police cars parked across the street and two officers were talking to an old man sitting on his front porch and shirtless. When we got out of our car, we realized they weren't talking to the old man. They were taking turns yelling at him.
Bad Cop said, "This is ridiculous, two old men getting into a fight!!"
And then Badder Cop got in the old man's face, pointing a finger at him, and screamed, "We almost killed you when we got here!!!"
I wished we had been there when the police arrived. Sarah immediately turned to me and said, "We can never leave this block."
After the last couple of days, today's rest/stretch was a break. Although I should have put sarcastic quotes around the word rest because I still ended up sweating like Katy Perry in a Quiz Bowl.
I got my invitation to join Google Voice tonight and so far I'm pretty impressed. I'm just starting to tinker around with it, but so far I am loving the fact that I can set up a different greeting for each person in my Gmail contact list. So when Sarah calls, she'll hear one message, Dad will hear another, and everyone else will just hear something generic. Way cool.
I guess what I'm saying is, if you're still using Yahoo or Hotmail or Comcast or even Mac for your email....seriously?
As I was cooling down and taking off my heart monitor/wristwatch, I thought someone squirted me with a spray bottle. But then I realized I was the only one home and it was actually perspiration flicking off the wristband as I unhooked it and spattering me in the face.
So yea. I sweated a little bit today. Sweated? Sweat? What's the past tense of sweat?
I got to work this morning and had some paperwork on my desk for a new series of on-air spots. There were a lot of instructions on the paper, including a list of names, song suggestions, separate air dates, the copy read by the voice work, and the deadline, all color-coded with highlights to indicate which goes with which spot.
The best thing about it, though, was the Post-It note stuck on top of the paper:
Sometimes something as simple as a Post-It note can make a big job not-so daunting.
Could only do....first 1/3...heart rate way high....heart monitor watch tells me I burned 425 calories... in 30 minutes....breathing deep... and heavy....
The gardeners have been running their leaf-blowers directly outside my office window for the past 3 hours straight. If whatever you're trying to blow away hasn't blown away yet, then why not try picking it up with your hand? In the meantime, thanks for the bold gasoline scent in my office.
Tonight Sarah was to lead the crowd at a Lancaster Barnstormers baseball game in a Zumba routine during the 7th-inning stretch. Naturally, she was very excited (and I was excited for her!) and she brought some of her fellow Zumba instructors with her to help out. Our good pals Dustin and Janelle came along to join in the fun but unfortunately, the game got rained out in the sixth inning. Fortunately, I brought along the video camera and captured a few seconds of the evening and just happened to be rolling when Dustin uttered the Quote of the Day.
I was browsing the 'net before going to bed tonight and ran across a website for an upcoming Christian Music Festival. I couldn't help but chuckle at this little gem on the front page of their website:
[caption id="attachment_1844" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="What? These are videos? NOT magical moving pictures?"][/caption]
Seriously? Are people actually confusing videos with photos? Was this huge explanation on the front of their website really necessary? This led me to jump to one of two possible conclusions:
1. The people who run this festival think the people who might come to the festival are dumb as rocks. 2. The people who might come to the festival really are dumb as rocks and complained about the fact the photos on the website had "big sideways triangles in a circle" in the middle of the pictures, and so an explanation was actually needed.
Either way, I don't think I'm gonna go. When you start explaining to me what a Youtube video is, you've gone way past condescending and entered into just plain frightening.
for the first time, I jokingly referred to Edward the vampire's amazing ability to sparkle in the sun as his HiPro Glow.
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