Lazy Mower

From my hometown Indiana newspaper:

DUDE. Seriously. With all of that landscaping in your yard, you have like 3 square feet of mow-able grass. Is it really necessary to purchase this monster of a riding lawn mower - with a roll cage, no less? Get off your butt and buy a push mower. It's not like you couldn't use the exercise.

The Correct Way To Make A Documentary

Discuss:

Headless. Armless.

From my hometown Indiana newspaper:

Heck with the truck, why is there no mention of the headless, armless midget in the photo's caption? Are we seriously just gonna pretend he's not there?

In God's Praise

From my hometown Indiana newspaper:

Praise God, indeed.

Anniversary Hair

From my hometown Indiana newspaper:

A sincere "congratulations" on your 50th. And a very sincere "whoa" on the hair.

I Love A Parage

From my hometown Indiana newspaper:

This little gem was found on the front page, in the upper left-hand corner. What exactly is a "parage?" I'm pretty sure it's a parade, only French-ier.

Smoke the Jets!

From my hometown Indiana newspaper:

It was a big game for the Railraoders this weekend. So big, in fact, that they completely missed the irony of the banner the cheerleaders made for the big 9/11-anniversary game.

But, in retrospect, I have to admit it's better than "It's 9/11! Ram those jets into a building! Go Team!!"

Pamper Your Pet!

From my hometown Indiana newspaper:

I don't know if your pet really considers some kind of weird human/animal wedding ceremony a "perk" but....whatever.

Racing Pants

From my hometown Indiana newspaper:

Judging by their pants, Nic's friend's must have been standing too close to his car's exhaust pipe when it zoomed by.

Uh Oh.

I just logged on to the UPS website to check the status of my shipment. This doesn't look promising.

Look,  I understand people are drowning in their cars, but seriously, is my Conan mug OK?

Hubcaps To Go

From my hometown Indiana newspaper:

Hubcaps To Go was at a local swap meet. The local paper ran a photo of two customers browsing while the Hubcaps To Go guy looked on. I'll give you three guesses as to which of the men in the picture below is the hubcap company representative. (HINT: He's not wearing a shirt)

USA Softball

From my hometown Indiana newspaper:

If you ever wonder what kind of small town I grew up in, the guy in the middle of the back row (or rather, that's guys shirt) says it all.

Worshipful Master

From my hometown Indiana newspaper:

Who comes up with the rankings at the lodge? "Worshipful Master?" Really? Humble much?