Sunday, October 20, 2013

I Suck at GTA V

I'm having a blast playing the new Grand Theft Auto game, even though I'm horrible at it. I'll be posting some of my more embarrassing moments here via self-pics I take with the in-game cell phone. I'll be updating this entry as I take more pics, so stop in again soon.

The very first free-roam mission in GTA V was to drive a car. This is a selfie of me after I tried to do just that. Car didn't fare too well.

My car was handling weird, so I got out to take a look. Turns out I had somehow destroyed the right front tire.

Car was driving weird again (different car from last time, but that doesn't mean I was a better driver). Got out to look. Same thing. I'm horrible at this game.

I promise you, this one was an accident. There's a stunt ramp at the airport that I've been trying to perfect for I-don't-know how long, and no matter how many times I try it, it never works. I drive up the ramp, try to do a flip, and I always fail. Like this time, when my car actually landed on top of an airport employee. It was an accident and the cops got really super mad at me. I had time to snap this photo before they showed up and shot me to death.

(Updated 10/20/2013)

Dang it. Did it again.

(Updated later that night)


(Updated 10/25/2013)

That's right, suckas. I got me a blimp. 

Q: Can you land a blimp on top of the FIB skyscraper?
A: Sort of.

Of course, you always run the risk of parking it in a way that you can't reach to get back in and you find yourself trapped on top of a skyscraper with no way down. Not that that happened to me or anything.

(Later that day)

So wait, let me get this straight...People don't like it when you stand in the middle of the street and take photos of random drivers? Ah, OK. Got it. (Please note that you can see the tread marks in the street from my blown-out tire that I continued to drive on)

(Updated 11/01/2013)

There was a traffic jam? Hm. Can't imagine why.

Yes, it's true, I have my shirt off, but why is this zombie looking at me like I'm the weird one?

I found a cop car in the middle of the street. I thought it was a trick, like that Bait Car show, and as soon as I hopped inside the cops would shoot me. I walked up to the car and nothing happened. I got in the car and sat there and nothing happened. I drove away and nothing happened.

So, for the next 20 minutes, I took off driving as fast as I could, never letting up on the throttle, and if I hit something I hit something. In my adventures, I found a policeman in a car on the side of the highway waiting for speeders to drive by. I parked the (now trashed) police car I was driving in front of him as a combination peace offering/smug "look what I did to a cop car" gesture. The policeman didn't do anything.

In a grand gesture of Circle of Life-ness, I returned the mostly-dead police car to the sea from whence it came.

Beautiful scenery. There's me, a swamp, the car I was driving on the bottom of the swamp, and the two rednecks who saw the whole thing happen. I was embarrassed.