Top 10 Movies of 2008 Pt. 4

Part 4 of my Top Movies of 2008 series is written by Ashlea Breneman. Ashlea works at WJTL and is host of PDR (Purple Door Radio), among a variety of other things. Ashlea has been a great friend to Sarah and me and is one of the most generous people you'll ever meet. And hey...If you happen to be a member of the band "House of Heroes," drop me a line. I'll hook you up.

alright... here's my list. You might want to put a disclaimer or something at the top... I only saw 13 the whole year :) So this is my top 5.

5. Twilight

A fast moving train wreck that you had to enjoy. First movie I've ever been loud and obnoxious the whole way through (sorry all you twelve year olds who had to share the theater with me) Oh, and Edward you got nothing on my shimmering lotion.

4. Vantage Point
I honestly forgot about this movie but then looking back over the list realized how much I had actually enjoyed it. I thought it was a creative take, and I heart Forest Whitaker.

3. Dark Knight
I never really was into all the Batman movies or Superhero movies for that matter. After this, I might be a believer... only if I see them imax style though. And do you want to see a magic trick?

2. Changeling
Even though she's a home-wrecker, Angelina was amazing in this movie. I cried a lot. Very inspiring.

1. Penelope
Yes, I picked a chick flick for my number one. James McAvoy is AMAZING, and I will see every movie he's in. They took a fairy-tale and totally pulled it off on the big screen. Plus you learn a few good lessons like: It's Always the Mother's Fault.

Year in Review (2008)

'Tis the season for my annual look back at the previous year, a way for me to keep you informed on what I've been doing whether you asked for it or not. A lot happened in 2008 so let's get right to it (in some cases I have written a blog about the events mentioned below and will direct you to the link rather than force you to re-live it all over again here. I'm thoughtful like that).

2008 – YEAR IN REVIEW

A Timeline by Ed Placencia

JANUARY
As the year began Sarah and I were living in downtown Lancaster, PA. I had been working at WJTL since June of 2007 where I was working as the station's production guy. My main task is shooting and editing video for the station's ever-expanding YouTube page. Sarah was working part-time at the local YMCA.

• January 1 We ring in the new year celebrating at a gathering at Linford & Trish Burkholder's. The evening is spent playing games, and I introduce the Susquehannah Valley to the wonder of the card game, "The Great Dalmuti."

FEBRUARY

• February 24 Sarah and I attend the annual Oscar Party at John & Lisa Blowers's house. Dressing as a character from a movie is mandatory. Sarah comes dressed as Johnny Depp from Pirates of the Caribbean and I attend as Kevin Kline from A Fish Called Wanda.

MARCH

• March 14 I interview American Idol finalist Chris Sligh. The video is posted on the station's website. After the interview he informs me he is in talks with writer/director/producer Judd Apatow to appear in a movie poking fun at "World of Warcraft." I find myself jealous of a guy who looks like Hurley from "Lost."


• March 22 Sarah and I respond to a Craig's List posting for a free cat. Mai (pronounced "my") is a long-haired calico who comes home with us and promptly begins shedding everywhere.

APRIL

• April 4-6 Sarah and I join a group of friends for a weekend in a cabin deep in the Pennsylvania woodlands. Not only do we learn how to play golf hockey (or something like that), we also learn "The Johnny Appleseed Prayer Song."


• April 25 I decide to film a movie in the middle of the night and I wake up Sarah to be part. She plays along and The Shadow Man is a mega-hit.

MAY

• May 1-3 Sarah's best friend from back in Indiana, Hillary, stays with us for a few days.


• May 5 I attend the awards banquet for the Pennsylvania Assosiation of Broadcasters. I win for "Best Radio Station Website" for our video content. Not only that, Sarah and I also get a free meal at the banquet, which is really what the day is all about.


• May 17 I perform 30 minutes of stand-up comedy at the Sertoma Chicken Barbecue, AKA The World's Largest Chicken Barbecue. Four people are highly entertained.


• May 22 Sarah and I cut out of work in the middle of the afternoon to watch Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Turns out monkeys aren't always cool in movies.


• May 29-June 2 Sarah and I leave for San Diego to attend Will and Courtney's wedding. Sarah falls in love with the West Coast and finally understands why I love it so much.

JUNE

• June 7 Sarah and I travel to Atlantic City for the weekend. Sarah spends her time in class getting her certification to be a personal trainer. I spend my time making fun of the casino-goers.

JULY

• July 6 Our friends John & Lisa Blowers invite us to the lake for a day of tubing, eating, more tubing, and more eating.


• July 12 Sarah and I attend a Phillies game with a group of friends from church. Sarah and I make it onto the "Kiss Cam" on the JumboTron screen and I inappropriately jump Sarah, much to the delight of the cheering stadium.


• July 17-20 We travel back home to Indiana for a few days to attend family reunions and catch up with friends.

AUGUST

• August 22 Sarah and I attend a performance by comedian Brian Regan at the Hershey Theatre. We laugh our silly heads off.

SEPTEMBER

• September 21 Sarah and I become members of the Willow Street Mennonite Church and Sarah is baptized in a pool with a waterfall in it. That's just how we roll.

OCTOBER

• October 4 A gang of us from WJTL attends the "Art Music Justice" concert at Messiah College. It feels good to be at a concert and not have to work.


• October 11 We attend Brian & Kate's wedding with the WJTL gang. A bunch of people from the local Top 40 radio station are also in attendance. Unfortunately there is no knife-fight.


• October 17 My short film "The Blanket" debuts.


• October 24-November 1 Sarah's dad sends us to Jamaica as a wedding/anniversary gift. We are spoiled for the week and Sarah is crowned the Limbo Queen of Jamaica.

NOVEMBER

• November 27 Sarah and I spend Thanksgiving with our friends Chris & Melody Strayer and Stacey Gagne.

DECEMBER

• December 2 We attend the annual WJTL Christmas Banquet. In the white elephant gift portion of the evening we walk away with a wooden nutcracker and a How To Bellydance Kit. Insert joke here.


• December 7 Sarah and I release our annual Christmas video. People around the globe are highly entertained.


• December 8 I ate 2 pounds of soup in one sitting. I'm not proud of it.


• December 12 The band Reilly comes in to the station to play live on the air. I am blown the heck away.  As it turns out, not only can they pull off an amazing acoustic set, they're also really cool people.


• December 25 Sarah and I celebrate a quiet Christmas together. It's the best Christmas ever.


• December 26 While playing Wii with friends Ashlea, Alyssa, and Ryan, a 3.3 earthquake hits Lancaster. After looking out the front window to make sure nothing is on fire, we resume playing.


• December 27 Sarah's sister Stacy and her husband Nathan bring their kids to Lancaster for a holiday visit. Game playing commences.

I can't lie. 2008 was a good year and I've been blessed way beyond what I deserve. I'm looking forward to 2009. I have a feeling a lot of good things are coming up…one of them being a trip to Ireland in March. If you don't want to wait until next year to find out how things are going, stop by my blog or even my YouTube page. Pictures are posted on a regular basis on my Facebook page and, really, if you don't have Facebook yet, then turn off your 8-track player and put away your Gitano jeans and get with it.

Thanks for reading. I look forward to hearing from you to find out how you're doing.

Keep in touch!

Ed

Top 10 Movies of 2008 Pt. 3

Part 3 of my Top Movies of 2008 series is written by Brad Moist. Brad lives in Nashville where he works at Gotee Records in A&R. As big a fan of movies as he is, he's probably an even bigger music fan, and releases a great music top 10 list each year.

The Brad Moist Dot Com Top 10

1. The Dark Knight

2. Quantum Of Solace

3. Iron Man

4. The Incredible Hulk

5. Wall-E

6. Cloverfield

7. The Bank Job

8. 21

9. Wanted

10. Vantage Point

The Let Downs

- The Happening

- Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

I have to say that this is my list as of now but I do plan to catch up on some films over the next month. So I want to reserve the right to update this last later on at www.bradmoist.com ...so here's

10 Films That Might Have Made the List That I Still Want to See

- Forgetting Sarah Marshall

- Appaloosa

- Traitor

- Seven Pounds

- Punisher: War Zone

- The Day The Earth Stood Still

- The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

- Gran Torino

- Valkyrie

- The Spirit

Top 10 Movies of 2008 Pt 2

Part 2 of my Top 10 of 08 series is written by John Allen. John and his family live in Louisville KY. By day john works as a field salesman for EMI/CMG. By night John is an awesome husband, dad, and movie fiend.

My list (not much to be excited about-down year @ the theater for the Allens)

Top Ten Films

1. The Dark Knight
All that hype and it actually delivered.

2. Fireproof
Call it cheesy and definitely bad acting; but this movie was HUGE to my marriage this year: Thanks Mike Seaver.

3. Madagascar 2

Went for the kids and laughed my butt off.

4. 4 Christmases

Mr. Vaughan has a long rope with me and this one reminded me a bit of my own family at the holidays.

5. Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist

6. Expelled

Excellent way of addressing the issue without coming off cocky.

7. Vantage Point
I like politico/action flicks and I liked the way they told the story.

8. Be Kind Rewind

9. Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

The trick to these films is you have to see them through the eyes of your 12 year old self.

10. Henry Poole is Here
Nice little film.

Honorable Mention:

Quantum of Solace
Pretty good for what it was

Chaos Theory
This indie is technically a 2007 film, but we didn't get to see it until this year; Ryan Reynolds plays somebody other than Van Wilder. Very well done!

Top Films I Still Want to see but haven't cause I have kids and we don't get too much time at the movies:

1. Body of Lies

2. Seven Pounds

3. Appaloosa

4. Rock N Rolla

5. Caspian

Films that make me want exact my homicidal revenge on the respective studio execs:
Mamma Mia
If you are going to translate a rock musical to the stage might want to hire singers instead of actors and actually show some of the choreography...and yes the most homosexual thing I did all year was to request Kara and I see this before we saw Dark Knight

Tropic Thunder

The MTV Movie Awards piece was worth the rental. Other than that, Stiller I am through with you. At least Ferrell (Semi-Pro) and Vaughan (4 Christmases) have the decency to play the same character in every film.

Top 10 Movies of 2008 Pt. I

It's that time of year to reflect on what Hollywood had to offer us in the past 12 months and give a little bit of feedback. Who am I to say what was good and what wasn't? What qualifications do I have? Well, none, actually. I'm just some guy in Pennsylvania with a blog.

But that hasn't stopped me yet. Nor has it stopped me from asking my esteemed panel of friends to give their feedback as well. This year, though, instead of including everyone's top ten in one long blog, I will be breaking them up into easier-to-digest episodes. This year I've asked a number of different people from across the nation and in a variety of industries to rank their tops (and their flops).

Feel free to leave your comments and let us know where we went right...or wrong.

I suppose I'll get this party started.

ED'S TOP 10 MOVIES OF 2008

10. Get Smart
I know, I know. I didn't expect it to make my top 10, either. But when I looked back on the year I realized there weren't a ton of movies that jumped out at me. And as I began listing the movies that I responded to, it was a surprisingly short list. Granted, I tend to lean toward comedies more than any other genre (as you'll see), and if you get me to laugh out loud then I'm hooked. The #10 slot was a toss-up between Get Smart and Indiana Jones IV but at the end of the day, this one had less weird aliens and monkeys on vines.

9. Tropic Thunder
Seriously, how did these guys get away with everything they did? My buddy and co-reviewer John Allen disagrees with me on this one (see the next entry in this series) but I guess you'll have that. I thought this movie was a brilliant snipe at the Hollywood Machine and those involved. Ben Stiller always manages to capture the essence of naive know-it-all-ness and the rest of the cast brought their A-game. I thought Tom Cruise's performance was hyped up a little too much. I'm not quite sure why everyone thought it was the Second Coming of the Scientology God. So he put on a wig and jumped around like an idiot. Big deal, good for Tom. He did the same thing on Oprah.

8. The Dark Knight
What can I say about this you don't already know and/or hasn't already been said? Not much probably. Heath Ledger rocked. Christian Bale's raspy voice was hilarious. Two-Face came and went really quickly.

7. Vantage Point
I didn't hear much about this film after it came out but I thought it was pretty darn nifty. I loved how they centered around one event and, as they showed each person's point-of-view, it revealed a different piece of a much larger puzzle. When I added it to my Top 10 Chase Scenes of all time and hailed the return of Dennis Quaid, it garnered a profane response from a genius named Chris who informed me Dennis Quaid wasn't in Vantage Point. Even though he was the star. So that was funny.

6. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Seriously. How do I get in with Judd Apatow? Someone give me an email or a phone number or something. He's got one of the tightest, funniest circle of go-to friends working today and they never fail to disappoint. So hook me up, OK?

5. WALL-E
Wow. This movie is just beautiful to watch. Those guys are artists in every sense of the word.

4. Ghost Town
Maybe I'm prejudiced because I'm a huge fan of Ricky Gervais, but this movie should have done much better than it did. It may have come across as just another dead-guy-needs-help romantic comedy, but this movie proved that romantic comedies are allowed to be more comedy than romantic. Put this one in your Netflix queue and shame on you for not seeing it the first time around.

3. Kung Fu Panda
And this is how you make an animated film about a bear doing martial arts. Of course it helps that you've got the likes of Jack Black and David Cross making smarmy remarks the whole time, not to mention a team of animators that accentuates the action with cool slo-mo shots. Nicely done indeed.

2. Step Brothers
Part of me feels a little guilty and juvenile for putting this movie at #2, but I'm sorry. I laughed like an idiot the entire time. Director Adam McKay said his favorite part of working with Will Ferrell and John C Reilly on Talladega Nights were the moments where they just talked (i.e. the dinner table scene) and he wanted to make a movie that was just that: No car racing, just Will and John acting like morons, riffing and improvising at their hilarious best. The result is Step Brothers, and mission accomplished.

1. Cloverfield
Because this one came out at the beginning of the year, I almost forgot it came out in '08. But good night, this is how you make a thrill ride of a movie. If you saw it, you probably know what I'm talking about. I love movies that bring me in, shake me up, and don't let go. I'm still shaking from the subway scene.

Regretfully, 2008 also came with its share of stinkers. Like these 5 WORST FILMS OF 2008

Fool's Gold
Will someone please dig a hole that Matthew McConaughey can fall into?

Meet Dave
Sorry, Eddie. You're done being funny. Step aside.

Journey to the Center of the Earth
Yikes. Just....yikes.

Twilight
I don't care what you and your co-7th graders think. This was a train wreck. And now bring on the hate mail.

Mamma Mia!
If you enjoy seeing good actors acting badly, then this is for you. And if you enjoy seeing good actors singing even worse, then this is definitely for you.

Holiday Greetings from Nakatomi Plaza

I've been busy at work this week cranking out holiday greetings from the staff of WJTL. It's been a lot of fun. I had the gang talk about one of their favorite Christmas memories while I filmed them in front of the green screen. Then, add a little music and a cozy fireplace in the background, and it turns out really nicely.

But if you know me, you know things can't stay nice for long. I had everyone record two versions. One of them, as I mentioned, a look back on holidays past. The other, however, is a look back on a Christmas film or TV special, as if it happened to them. For instance, "Hey this is Ed, one of my favorite Christmas memories is the year I lived in a cave up on a mountain and on Christmas Eve I snuck into everyone's houses and stole the presents but the next morning, Christmas still came and my heart grew 3 sizes that day."

You know, that kind of thing.

So, if you want to see a sincere holiday greeting, you might enjoy something like this:

Or, if you prefer your Christmas wishes with references to a Bruce Willis movie, then there's this one:

To see all of the Christmas greetings, you can visit the WJTL YouTube page.

Recipe for a Hillbilly Shirt

Yesterday while driving Sarah and I passed a man walking a dog (it was either a husky or an Alaskan Malamute). "Wow, that's a cool dog," I said.

"Yea," Sarah agreed, "It looks like a wolf."

And then it hit me. "Wolves are cool, unless they're on a t-shirt."

In fact there are a lot of things that, by themselves, are beautiful. A soaring eagle. The American flag, flapping in the wind. A snow-covered mountain.

As majestic as those thing may be individually, if you put them on a t-shirt in any combination (especially a black t-shirt), you're probably a chain-smoking Nascar fan from a trailer park in rural Indiana.

Am I wrong?

Ed: Porn Star?

When I first discovered the wonder of Craig's List, I was living in Nashville. After that, it was Chicago and then New York City. Because they were pretty big cities, I was used to seeing ridiculous postings. But now that I live in Lancaster, PA (Weird Al's very own Amish Paradise), the postings are fewer, and the ri-DONK-ulous ones tend to stand out. Like this one:

looking for volunteer porn acters (located in philly)

LOOKING FOR PEOPLE WHO IS WILLING TO VOLUNTEER UNTIL BUSINESS TAKES OFF.

THERE WILL BE A PORN WEB SITE YOU PICTURES AND VIDEOS WILL GO ON, ALSO THIS A THEME PORN SITE SO YOUR FACE WILL NEVER SHOW. TATOOS CAN BE EDITED OF PHOTOS SO GIVE A CALL OR SEND A EMAIL IF INTERESTED. SERIOUS PEOPLE ONLY. mostly female
in reply note yourself as male or female

Wow. I honestly don't know where to start with this one. I guess I should start off by saying it sounds totally legit. Not at all fishy.

Let's break it down, shall we?

looking for volunteer porn acters (located in philly)

Also looking for someone who knows how to spell tricky words like "actors."

LOOKING FOR PEOPLE WHO IS WILLING TO VOLUNTEER UNTIL BUSINESS TAKES OFF.
Wait....to volunteer? And you're waiting for what business to take off? Your promising leap into the porn industry where you is confused by tenses? Or your paper route? I'm confused.

THERE WILL BE A PORN WEB SITE YOU PICTURES AND VIDEOS WILL GO ON, ALSO THIS A THEME PORN SITE SO YOUR FACE WILL NEVER SHOW.
Look, if I'm going to rock the house with my awesome porn skillz, I'm definitely going to need to show my face so I can get the credit. I'm not some anonymous super hero here. I need my credits, dude. Also, since it's a theme site, can the theme be DESPERATE LONELY GUYS IN PHILLY?

TATOOS CAN BE EDITED OF PHOTOS SO GIVE A CALL OR SEND A EMAIL IF INTERESTED.
Am I seriously supposed to believe you can edit out tattoos when you can't even grasp spelling the word? I know, I know, it is a tricky word. And apparently, so is "off."

SERIOUS PEOPLE ONLY
Oops. I guess I missed that part.

in reply note yourself as male or female
That way I don't mistakenly reply to a dude. Or not. Whatever. It's the weekend.

Movie Dreams

For the last two nights I've had some pretty incredible dreams, like none I've ever had before.

First off, I wasn't in them. I know some people have had that experience before, but it's a first for me. It was like watching a movie. It's quite nice to be able to sit back and just enjoy them. That's right. I'm so lazy, I don't even like to dream about doin' stuff.

Secondly, they have literally been like watching a movie. There have been plots, detailed story, twists, surprise revelations, and even flashbacks (and one flash forward). Two nights ago it was the courageous struggle of a girl who was caught in the middle of World War I (I guess it could have been the second World War, I'm not sure....actually, now that I think about it, it was both. Hence the flash forward I referred to). I don't know how long the dream actually lasted, but it was an epic production.

Last night was the harrowing story of a Travel Channel-type crew filming at sea. Their boat was overturned and we follow the filming crew as they make their way back to shore, swimming through the ocean in the dark of night (introducing me to "night spiders," automobile-sized formations of coral and seaweed that look like spiders and, naturally, only appear on the ocean floor at night).

After the first cool dream, my thought upon waking was, "That'd make a great movie!" But then I realized I wasn't kidding anyone. An epic of such proportions would take a lot of research and I know myself well enough to know it'd never happen. I mean come on, I still have the incredible true tale of my dad's Vietnam still taking up space on my hard drive, I'm not about to start on another tome I know I'll never finish.

So, in the meantime, I'll just continue to enjoy the movies of my dreams and, who knows, I may actually come across something that will get me writing. Pass the popcorn.

2 Pounds of Soup

Someone once told me that you crave what your body needs. Like if you're craving bananas, your body is telling you you need more potassium. If you're craving candy, you might need sugar. And if you crave Katy Perry music, you're an idiot.

Anyhow, I don't know how much truth there is to that whole thing but last night my body needed whatever is in Progresso clam chowder soup. In about a half hour, I had eaten two cans. By the end of my second helping, though, I kind of regretted my gluttony. I was way too full.

I grabbed one of the cans to see how much I had ingested. One can is 1 pound, 2.5 ounces. Yikes. I kind of got sick when I realized I had just shoved two-and-a-half pounds of soup into my system.

Apparently last night my body needed some modified corn starch. Or maybe it was the sodium phosphates. Whatever it was, I hope it's happy.

Christmastime is Here...

...And you know what that means. That's right. 'Tis the season for another holiday video starring my wife and me.

Enjoy!

I Love a Parade

Sarah and I spent this Thanksgiving morning flipping back and forth between the Macy's Parade and the parade in Philadelphia. We watched as Miley Cyrus and Syesha Mercado sang us Christmas greetings, Kermit the Frog and Snoopy balloons floated across the TV screen, and marching bands, floats, and dance schools gave us both eye and ear candy.

I turned to Sarah and asked, "What's your favorite part of a parade?"

Sarah answered without hesitation. "The candy they throw at me."

I admit, I forgot about that part.

Planes, Trains, & Free T-Shirts

Every Monday night a local theater, Penn Cinema, presents what it calls The Heart of Lancaster movie series. They show classic movies such as Rear Window, Back to the Future, The Wizard of Oz, and Christmas Vacation. It's a really cool way to see some of your favorite movies on the big screen again or, as is often the case, for the first time (Rear Window on video is cool...on the big screen is truly the way it was meant to be).

Before the movie begins, the theater owner comes out and asks trivia questions related to the evening's film, giving people the chance to win some fun prizes. When Sarah and I went to see Monty Python and the Holy Grail I won a nifty little chip clip.

But last night they showed Planes, Trains and Automobiles and I wasn't about to settle for a chip clip. I was determined that my years of studying Steve Martin and his works would not go unrewarded. The trivia questions are usually pretty tough, and I tried to imagine what the questions might be. As I waited for my buddy John to pick me up to see the film, I stood outside my apartment playing the film back in my head, thinking of every possible detail that could be quizzed.

The name of the ad campaign being studied in the opening (and very final) scene? Ibis.
The actress behind the counter at the Marathon Car Rental company? Edie McClurg, who was also in John Hughes' Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
The name of the movie Steve Martin's wife is watching while she waits for him to come home? She's Having a Baby, also directed by John Hughes and starring Kevin Bacon who has a cameo in PT&A.
Any other John Hughes connections in the film? Ferris Bueller's Ben Stein plays the airline attendant and Molly Ringwald's grandfather from Sixteen Candles is seated on the other side of Steve Martin in the plane.

So when the time came for the trivia to begin I was hoping I wouldn't freeze up and choke on something I should have known. The question came and, I have to admit, for someone who's seen the movie 30-plus times, it was a no-brainer.

"What are the first and last names of the two main characters in the movie?"

My hand shot up with lightning-fast speed and before I even realized my hand was in the air, the manager was calling on me, "The young man in the black coat." (He called me "young man." Heh heh heh. Sucker. My good genes fooled 'em again!)

I answered with all the calm confidence of Ken Jennings playing Celebrity Jeopardy. "Neal Page and Del Griffith."

So if you see me walking around in my new Dolby Digital T-shirt with an oddly happy spring in my step, you know why. I just wish I could go back in time to when I was a teenager watching Planes, Trains... for the 20th time. My mom asked me, "Why do you have to watch that movie so many times?".

Because now I have an answer.

The Other Other White Meat

Sarah and I were in the store browsing through the book section when Sarah saw this:

Sarah's immediate reaction was a small gasp. She grabbed the book and, as she flipped it over, exclaimed excitedly, "There better be a picture of a baby on the back."

Well, I Tried

It's been a while since I blogged last, so tonight I sat down with that one goal in mind. I actually had a lot I could blog about. I just celebrated a birthday. Sarah did, too. We were back home in Indiana this past weekend for my grandmother's funeral. The post office lost a birthday package Sarah's dad sent to us. And other stuff.

But after I sat down, I realized there were dirty dishes in the sink. I decided to play the role of good husband and take care of them while Sarah was gone. I'm pretty sure it was no coincidence that the first song that played on my iPod was Salt N Pepa's "Whatta Man." So I bounced around and sang about what a good guy I am while I did the dishes.

Then, for some reason, I decided I wanted to listen to Sammy Ward. I have no idea what the correlation is between Sammy and S&P, but I bet they would have a great conversation. After singing along to a few songs, I wondered if Sammy was my Facebook friend (he isn't) or my MySpace friend (nope).

But while I was on MySpace I stumbled across a contest where the prize is an appearance in the new Judd Apatow/Adam Sandler/Seth Rogan film. You had to say in 100 words or less why you should be in the film and I spent the next 20 minutes figuring out the best way to use those 100 words.

Then I looked around for something to eat and considered whether or not I should start watching 21. I didn't. I decided I should blog.

But I lost the drive.

At least now you know why.

So thanks, A.D.D.

A Chance Meeting

Ever have one of those moments that you know is significant but you're not sure why? Sarah and I had one of those this weekend when we met Jonas.

A bit of a warning: This blog may contain a rabbit trail or two that may or may not seem pertinent, but hang with me. It's all relative to the story. Kinda like Memento. At the beginning you're like "What the freak is going on here?" but then you find out...well...you'll see.

Sarah and I walked down to the Fulton Opera House this weekend to catch a production of "Glorious." It's a play based on a true story about a famous singer who actually couldn't sing at all. Call it Spinal Tap for the opera community. There were only three people in the cast and they all did a phenomenal job. They had us laughing from Joke One and kept us the entire length of the play right down to the very touching final monologue.

During the intermission, I was reading the actors' bios in the playbill. The lead actor was named Jonas Cohen and...wait a second...he had listed in his credits the fact he had just finished a production of "Love Jerry" in New York. I know it's a small world and they say the theater world is even smaller, but...

About four months ago I wrote a blog about "Love Jerry." My friend JT, whom I worked with at the National Comedy Theatre, was at the time trying to get this new musical off the ground and...wow...could this be a cool connection? With five minutes left to go in intermisison I broke the rules, pulled out my cell phone, and furiously sent a text to JT.

"Am watching a play with an actor in it named jonas cohen.
do you know him???"

A few minutes later I received JT's response.

"I just did a show with him.
He's a great guy."

Wow! How randomly cool is this? And if JT says Jonas is a cool guy then it must be true because JT is himself pretty darn cool.

After the show, Sarah and I kinda lingered around in the theater to see if the actors were going to come out but then I realized this wasn't a high school musical and they would probably leave through the stage door on the side. Oh well. I figured I would send JT a message when I got home telling him to tell Jonas he did a great job.

Sarah had to take a bathroom break before we left so I lingered in the lobby, doing the "nod and smile" to all of the people who walked by. I eavesdropped on a conversation between three people who had met before and were trying to figure out where and when. I watched a stagehand run up and down the lobby stairs. I watched the ushers take off their bow ties, say goodbye to one another, and take off to enjoy their Saturday afternoon. I found the four ladies who were seated directly behind us during the play. They had serious "smoker's laugh" and I kept an eye on them in case one of their lungs fell out.

Finally Sarah and I were ready for our walk home (another thing I love about living in the city; we're only about five blocks away and in the height of the leaves changing color, it's a really nice walk). As we left the theater I saw a guy approaching us from the alley. I quickly turned to Sarah.

"Hey, is that the guy from the play?"

"Yep."

Sarah had barely answered me when Jonas was standing right beside us. Sarah and I greeted him with "great job" and "well done" and he politely thanked us and smiled. I then asked him if he knew JT Arbogast and the poor guy looked like he was slapped in the face.

"Yeah." He looked surprised and I guess in hindsight it may have been the last thing he expected a stagedoor fan to ask (even though we weren't technically at the stage door, we were nonetheless fans).

I went on to introduce myself and Sarah, told him how I knew JT, and we were all instant friends. Apparently, Jonas also knew about the "All Friends Of JT Must Be Cool" rule. Jonas asked where we lived and then asked if he could walk with us, as the apartment he was staying at was on the way, only a block and a half from our place. How cool is that!

During our short 2-1/2 block walk the three of us chatted about anything and everything as if we were old friends. The more we talked, the more we found we had in common, and the more we were all blown away by this seemingly random meeting.

As we arrived at his apartment and parted ways, exchanging emails and friendy guy-hugs, Jonas commented that sometimes you meet people and you feel there's a reason behind it, that it wasn't just a coincidence, and I agree. The funny thing is...I don't know what that reason is.

I don't know. Maybe Sarah and I were there to inspire him and bring him a smile. Or vice versa. Or something else that hasn't happened yet. For all I know he's Lorne Michaels' nephew and next year I'll be live from New York on Saturday Night.

As a comedian, I appreciate good timing, and if we hadn't gone to the theater that day...if JT hadn't been able to respond to the text message...if Sarah didn't have to wait in line at the restroom...well, it just all timed out perfectly.

I know, I know, it's also possible that I'm reading more into this than is actually there. But if I learned anything from M. Night Shyamalan's Signs, it's that there are no coincidences.

But what if it was all just a coincidence? Well, that's OK, too. The point is, we made a new friend when we least expected it, and it made for a really cool Saturday afternoon story. And I can't complain about that, ya know?

A Lot to Say

Sarah and I are back from vacation and the thought of writing a blog seems really intimidating; there's so much to say and yet I'm too lazy to say it all. Here's what's been happening:

Our anniversary/honeymoon trip to Jamaica was incredible. My favorite part about Jamaica was the people we met. The friends we made while we were there weren't fellow vacationers but instead people who worked at the Sandals resort in Negril. Great people, for reals. While we were there Sarah won the dance contest, the limbo contest, the Bob Marley trivia contest, and we won 2nd place in the Couples Game Show. Anyone like rum?

The election came and went and despite repeated warnings, the world didn't blow up and I haven't turned Communist yet. I was also told all of my money would be given to other people to pay their mortgages if Obama won but to be honest, if that were indeed the case I'd much rather help out people who are struggling than give billions of dollars to bail out banks.

The Phillies won the World Series but since I'm a Cubs fan, I didn't really care.

We also missed Halloween, so I guess you're just gonna have to wait until next year to see my awesome Kitt Kittrege costume.

A Vote for Change!

I've decided I'm not going to put as much cream in my coffee as usual. The coffee was so good in Jamaica (mostly Blue Mountain) I didn't need to add as much cream as I didn't want to bury the taste. Even though the coffee back here isn't the same, I'm still going to try to cut back a bit.

Oh yea. And there was an election yesterday.

Hey, Look! A Black Guy!

A couple of months ago I posted a blog about a mystery man who walks around outside my office window every day. I made a video of him, speculating  who he might be. This strange white dude who wanders around every day, his long black hair and creepy moustache, his baggy dress clothes...he is indeed an enigma.

About 6 weeks ago he disappeared. I haven't seen him since. Did he find this blog, or the video of him, and go into hiding? Did he get a new job? Did whoever he talks to on the phone every day break up with him and thus he no longer has a need for his daily phone break?

Yesterday Lisa and Ashlea were in my office and I saw a figure outside the window from the corner of my eye. Lisa did too, and said excitedly, "Is that the guy on the phone?!"

We were instantly excited and all three of us dashed to the window and peered outside. And we got busted. The dude looked right at us.

The only thing is, it wasn't our guy. Not even close. It was a big bald black man.

And I'm sure the three white people rushing to the window to look at him made him feel AWESOME.

So, sorry, Stranger Outside My Window #2. I realize what it probably looked like but you have to believe me when I say it was a completely innocent group stare. I promise you I've seen a black guy before.

Honeymooning

When Sarah and I got married almost a year ago (wow that was fast!) her dad got us a pretty amazing wedding gift: a week at a Sandals resort in Jamaica. But, since we got married in Florida and spent a few days down there afterward as a honeymoon, he told us we could pick whatever date we wanted to go. We decided to go with our 1-year anniversary and the time is now upon us!

Our flight leaves early Saturday morning from Philadelphia. And, in another awesome gesture, Sarah's dad booked us a night in a cool hotel Friday night so we wouldn't have to make the drive into the city crazy early.

I've never been to the Caribbean before and I'm excited. Sarah asked if I want to learn how to scuba dive. I do, but I'm also way crazy scared of sharks. And for no reason. Considering I have no shark trauma in my past, I have no reason to have such an irrational fear of them. Even at aquariums, I freak out walking under fake sharks hanging from the ceiling and get nervous walking past paintings of them. At Sea World in Florida they have this shark exhibit where you walk through the shark tank...it's like a tunnel in the middle of their tank made of glass and it took all of my will power to go in. Fortunately, they were all tiny, like 2-feet long, so it wasn't nearly as bad as I feared.

So yea, I wanna learn to scuba dive but I also don't want to spend the whole time paranoid that a shark is behind me waiting to chew on my cranium. I wonder if I can just take my scuba gear into the hot tub?

There are some other cool things there that I want to do and see, so I'm sure my Steven Spielberg-induced fears won't totally dominate my time. :) I checked the weather forecast and it's calling for showers every day we're there. But I totally don't even care. Something tells me a rainy day in Jamaica isn't the worst place in the world to find yourself.

So I'll be gone for a few days. You kids be good while we're away. Don't eat all the cookies the first day and remember to tape Saturday Night Live for me.

Adult Peer Pressure

Who knew that peer pressure is something you never outgrow?

When I was a teenager growing up in Indiana, peer pressure consisted of your basic alcohol/drugs/growing a mullet issues (and yes, I managed to avoid all three).

But peer pressure didn't stop there. In my twenties, the pressures almost stayed the same. Drink this, smoke that, cut your hair like George Clooney (admittedly, I gave in to the last one. But doggone if I didn't love my Caesar cut).

Now I'm in my thirties and peer pressure seems to have shifted a bit. Instead of "don't give in, you'll ruin your life" the pressure has become "don't do that, you'll ruin the lives of everyone around you." And of course, I'm talking about politics.

We're a few days from Election '08 and the debate between Obama and McCain rages on. And you know what? I'm sick of it. Really. Mostly becuase it's raging on among some of my friends whom I usually consider sane people. I can't stand talking about politics and yet here I am blogging about it. Go figure. I see the irony in that but I've gotta get a thing or two off my chest.

The thing that bugs me the most are the people who tell me (or infer) that if I vote this way it makes me less of a Christian. Unless I vote with you, I'm voting against God's will. Issue X is what matters the most and as a Christian we MUST vote "this" way. God would want me to vote for this guy and to do otherwise is to bring about the demise of the human race. This guy's stance on Issue Z offends you personally, so as fellow followers of Christ I must vote along with you and make it my most important issue as well.

I'll bring this down to extremely simple terms. It's kinda like buying a new house. What's the most important thing to you when you're looking to move? Price? The neighborhood? Condition of the house? School district? The crime rate? The color of the carpeting? Whether or not it has a garage? Proximity to the grocery store?

I realize it's not the best analogy in the world and voter issues are much more important, but just because the school district is the thing you feel most passionate about when you buy a home, why does it have to be my most important issue just because we both call ourselves a Christian? And because you feel most passionate about the school district, why does that automaically mean God feels the same? And if I make my decision based on the neighborhood rather than the school district, what right do you have to tell me that's not the Christian thing to do?

I'm not going to use this blog to push one candidate over the other because, frankly, I feel that says my opinion is more important and bears more weight than yours. Especially if you disagree. And it's just not true.

Sadly, though, I realize that's what's starting to happen around me.

Maybe this sounds insensitive, but you need to settle the freak down. This may come to you as a news flash but guess what? I don't think either of these candidates are bigger than God. Neither one of them is big enough to stop what Gods wants to happen. He's God, and He's pulled His people through situations a lot worse than President McCain or President Obama. To push the idea that God can't work or do His thing if this guy is elected over that guy...I don't know...I don't know about you but I never want to be accused of robbing God of His power.

How about this: You vote for who you feel would work out best, and I'll do the same. And when the dust settles and some of us are happy with the outcome and some of us aren't, we all continue to keep praying for each other, the country, the world, and yes, even the President. Even if he's The Evil One you didn't vote for.

Hassled by the Man

Yesterday I got a message from YouTube informing me that one of my videos was in violation of copyright something-or-other. The video in question? A minute-and-a-half video I made to the song "Lady Marmalade" where I re-created shot-by-shot the first part of the original video starring Christina Aguilera, Pink, Mya, and Li'l Kim. Only I used barnyard animal puppets instead.

YouTube tells me UMG (Universal Music Group) claims the copyright is theirs. I assume they mean the music, because I kind of doubt they own the copyright on barnyard animal puppets prancing around. Or maybe they do. I mean, have you seen the original video?

YouTube went on to tell me that the video is still available because UMG doesn't object to it being on YouTube. Thanks, UMG!

But one thing I'm fuzzy on...I couldn't understand why for the life of me UMG is concerned about a song that was popular eight years ago. Are they still keeping an eye on the chart movement of the Moulin Rouge soundtrack? I think it's safe to say they can move on to more current releases, like Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights and Home Alone 3.

YouTube also let me know that UMG will be monitoring how many hits my video gets. So basically, they want me to quit acting up. I'm not in trouble...but they're watching me.

But let's be honest, Universal Music Group. You owe me one. Sarah and I went to California for a wedding earlier this year and I wanted to take Sarah to my favorite California tourist attraction, Universal Studios. But you were closed. CLOSED. All because you guys were too busy burning down your back lot. So the least you can do is let me have my barnyard animal puppet video in peace. And also cast me in your next film.

Deal?

***

This is the stupid little video whose existence poses to take down the Universal Music Group empire. SO WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T WATCH IT!!

A Morning Conversation

A comedian, I forget who, maybe it was Karl Pilkington, once talked about old married couples and the fact that they often just sit in silence because they've run out of things to talk about. I don't think that will ever happen with Sarah and me. Behold, our in-depth conversation we had at 5:45 this morning:

I was coming out of the bathroom and walked past our cat Mai, who was laying next to the radiator. If you've seen our cat (a long haired calico) then you know she is 14.5 pounds of hair with a head.

Me: I can't believe Mai is laying right up against the radiator like that. You'd think with all that hair she'd get hot.
Sarah: Maybe she likes to sweat.
Me: Do cats sweat? I heard dogs sweat through their tongue.
Sarah: I don't think I've ever seen a cat exert enough energy to sweat.
Me: I bet if a cat sweats, it dies.
Sarah: First sign of a cat dying. "Cat breaks out in sweat."
Me: (typing "do cats sweat" at Google) I'll find out.

Pause while my laptop loses internet connection.

Sarah: Did you ask Jeeves?
Ed: Nah. I gave up and blogged about this instead.

"The Blanket" Debuts

Well, after rambling on and on about the short film I've been working on, it's finally finished. It's called "The Blanket" and you can either watch it by CLICKING HERE or by watching it below.

My thanks to John & Lisa Blowers for agreeing to star in the film and allowing me to let their son yell at them on camera. Thanks to my good buddy Gabe Patillo for the music and my friends Doney and Ashlea for popping into the studio to lend their voices. And of course, thanks Sarah. It's way too easy to make you look good. :)

I'm Ed, and I approve this message

Someone just told me about the 2008 Blogger's Choice Awards. Two days before voting is over. Oh well. I thought I'd sign up for the Best Humor Blog category for something to do on a Tuesday.

So, if you feel like it (and if you think this blog is sort of humorous), swing by and vote for this disjointed group of posts I call a blog.


Thanks!

Ed

Why Even Promote It?

Yesterday Sarah and I were out and about. It was one of those situations where we hadn't eaten for a while. We weren't very hungry; we were kinda thirsty. We knew we should probably get something small to eat and/or drink but we didn't know what.

We were driving past the Lancaster campus of HACC (Harrisburg Area Community College) and I saw a coffee shop I'd never tried before. It was a relatively new building with a professional-looking light tan brick exterior. The signs outside were printed in a very upscale button-down font. It was called Gold Cafe and the steaming cup of coffee on the logo was enticing.

Figuring they would probably have light snacks as well, I recommended we give it a try. We pulled in next to the drive-thru lane and Sarah said, "I think this is a bank."

I was about to remind her of all of the coffee signs outside the building, but something inside told me she may be right. Sure enough, as we got out of the car and approached the front door (and one of their signs) I saw that in smaller print underneath where it said "Gold Cafe" it also had printed Union National Community Bank.

We walked in and to our right was a small seating area with tables and chairs. In front of us was indeed a coffee shop counter. And to our left was a bank lobby. I was about to say, "How weird is this? A coffee shop and a bank" but then I realized all of the coffee makers had plastic covers on them. The counter was dark and there weren't many lights on in the seating area. There were two large coffee dispensing canisters on the counter labeled "REGULAR" and "DECAF" with a small stack of paper cups beside them. On the specials board it said, "Talk to our manager about opening an account today!"

I shifted my somewhat stunned look to the bank lobby. There were two men in business suits sitting, conversing, and not eating or drinking coffee. They didn't acknowledge that Sarah and I were standing in the middle of the lobby, still perplexed that a bank had lured us in by posing as a coffee shop.

"What is this?" I asked as we turned around and walked out. As I think about it now, it didn't look like a bank or a coffee shop. It looked like one of those churches that have coffee shops inside of them but it was all dark because it was a Monday afternoon.

As we pulled out I noticed that the drive-thru was actually a bank teller drive-thru. What a mean, mean trick! To pose as a coffee shop and really just be a bank? That's low, people. That's like when your friend asks you if you want to go out to eat and you find out that it's really a business pitch for some new pyramid scheme they've gotten into. How dare you tell me you have coffee when you're really a freakin' bank and the only coffee you have is something that was probably brewed six hours earlier sitting in an aluminum tank?

I found this promotional picture for the Gold Cafe online.

Please note that

A) People are actually there
B) There are baristas present
C) The lights are on
D) From the outside, it does indeed look like a fancy coffee shop
E) Union National Community Bank are tricky tricksters

Shame on you, Bank-Posing-As-Coffee-Shop.

Reality Check

The first time the ending was spoiled for me, it was 1987. I had just told a girl in high school I was going to see Ferris Bueller's Day Off  that night. Her response was, "That movie was so stupid. He wrecks his friend's car at the end." The girl's name was Jennifer Case and I don't think I'll ever forget her name.

Although I've been known to get hooked on a season or two of various reality shows (Season one of Survivor and last year's American Idol) in general I'm not a huge fan of reality TV. But I have to confess over the last few seasons I have become a fan of The Amazing Race.

Last night I was flipping through the channels and came across an episode beginning. I was pretty stoked, as I hadn't realized the season was beginning! And then of course, I heard the announcer say, "Previously on The Amazing Race..."

I quickly flipped off the television, as I didn't want to give anything away. It started already?! I went online to download the episode I missed only to find I had missd the first two episodes! How did this happen? We're on week three already?!

Today at work I was re-telling the story to Ann in the office who is also a fan of the show. "How could you not tell me it started?" I jokingly reprimanded. I told her I hadn't watched either of the first two episodes yet but am excited to catch up. And then Ann proceeded to not only tell me who got eliminated in the first show, but also who is still in the running.

Can someone please tell me what it is about me that makes people want to tell me the endings of movies/TV shows after I tell them I haven't seen it yet?

Sorry, Mai

I heard that a dog's sense of smell is incredible compared to humans. I wonder if it's the same with cats. If so, then I publicly apologize to my cat about the litter box.

Doodlin'

It's been a few days since my last post, but don't let that lead you to believe I've been resting on my laurels. I've been doing a little doodling lately. Here are a couple of things I did today and yesterday:

I even opened a new Flickr account to post my doodles. They go all the way back to 1988 when I designed the cover of my High School Newspaper for the Special "Senior" Edition. 

Enjoy the art and I'll see what I can do about getting a new blog to you soon.

Weekend Video Recap

I could tell you what Sarah and I did this weekend, the shows we watched, the games we played, but quite honestly I'm too lazy to do that right now. So instead of telling, I'm showing.

Actually, the last one we didn't really watch all the way through. We got it from Netflix and the disc was so banged up it wouldn't finish playing. So we're looking forward to watching the second half.

Spamming Back

OK, so I don't really discuss politics in this blog...except maybe for the blog about Sarah's comment about McCain but seriously, I couldn't not write about that one. I shy away from politics not because I find it boring and, as a result, I find myself fairly uninformed (both of which are true) but honestly people who talk politics annoy me almost to the point of rage. When someone decides they want to try to convince me their political point of view is the One True View, I have to admit the more they talk and the more passionate they are, the more I find myself siding with the other party.

That being said, I found myself particularly annoyed when I heard about an email my friend Ashlea received. I asked her to send it to me so I could check it out for myself. Here it is in its original form...actually, there are a couple omissions, but I'll tell you about them when you get there:

Hi. I got your e-mail address from a listing of public media contact names. I'm writing to ask you for two things.

First:

Please personally spread this e-mail around to everyone you know, especially friends who are undecided or recently switched to the GOP because of Sarah Palin. 

Here she is laughing while a political opponent of hers, who is a cancer survivor, is called a bitch and a cancer:

There was a link provided here, but since I'm not really up for helping out, it's not here any more.

And here's some commentary about it:

Same with the commentary. If you wanna do more reading, why not start at my blogs from the very beginning.

Also, while Mayor of Wasilla, Sarah Palin had the city charge rape victims for the rape kits used in their cases! Wasilla was the only city in Alaska that did this, and eventually, the state legislature had to pass a bill to stop it.

Yea, I know, bla bla bla, more links that I didn't bother clicking on used to reside here.

We can't let this horrible person come within a 71 year old heartbeat of the Presidency!!!

Second, please encourage your media outlet to cover these stories if it hasn't already. Many people are being drawn to the McCain/Palin ticket because of an image of Sarah Palin that is a pure PR creation, and the American media needs to correct it. Also, consider that if either of the Democratic candidates had anything like this in their past records, FOX News would be broadcasting it every hour on the hour as the lead story every day from now until November!

Thank you for your time.

Don't get me wrong. This email didn't annoy me because I'm a particularly fervent McCain/Palin supporter. It annoyed me because I hate spam. And for some reason (probably because I knew I'd end up writing about it here) I decided to send them a letter in response. I know, I know, the return email address is probably a dummy address that doesn't go anywhere, but I still had fun putting my reply together.

 

Hi. I got your e-mail address from a friend of mine you spammed. I'm writing to ask you for two things.

First: 

Please personally do your own work and stop being lazy and trying to get others to do it for you. Are you willing to go to the jobs of the people you write and do their work for them? Or is this just a one way street? If you expect us to do your campaigning for you, then are you willing to come to my house and wash my car? Give and take, dude/ma'am/nameless writer. Do you always approach complete strangers and ask them for favors? Do you walk down the street and randomly ask people to pick up your laundry or whip up some food for dinner? 

Here's a video link you never asked to see. It's a parrot eating a grilled cheese sandwich:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SylJpiWNfCM

Second: 

Please consider the fact that the more you spam people about your politics, the angrier they become at the agenda you're trying to push. You're like a viral Jehovah's Witness, except without the nice clothing or grasp of social graces.

Thank you for your time.

Wait, Clay Aiken is gay?

In a move that shocked the world until the world realized, "Oh wait, I already knew that," Clay Aiken finally admitted he is gay in a People magazine interview.

Other important headlines in the News That Isn't Really News category:

Rocks are hard.
Dogs have a tendency to say "Woof" while cats are more prone to the phrase, "Meow."
Jaws is a movie about a shark.

Last week Christian singer and performer of schmaltzy anthems Ray Boltz announced he is gay as well. That's right. Apparently September is National Announce You're Gay If You're A Singer Whose Songs Make Me Turn Off The Radio And Your Name Rhymes With "Gay" month.

A Scathing Review

Earlier this month I wrote a blog half-heartedly reviewing the Twilight book series. It wasn't a review more than it was a series of sarcastic comments, but we all had fun and got a laugh or two. That is, until Rebecca from Milton in Queensland Australia gave it a read and decided to teach me a thing or two and leave a comment putting me in my place.

My first knee-jerk reaction was to simply delete the angry comments and move on, but, never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, I decided to embrace this opportunity to make yet another series of sarcastic comments. I then wondered if the comments weren't actually written by one of my friends posing as "Rebecca" but the passion behind the comments was so real, the spellcheck so unused, and...the... grammarcheck also so unused, I knew it had to be real.

Yes. I couldn't just delete the comments. I had to give them their own blog. But beware, Blog Reader. Rebecca (who can apparently be reached at hallo_bob@hotmail.com) uses some pretty harsh language to put me in my place. I guess that's what I get for taking these books about vampires and werewolves so lightly.

I am including her comments as she wrote them. I am also including sarcastic retorts.

Comment:
ahh wtf,
(Ed here. You know you're in trouble when they start off with such harsh letters)

this is gay the books are great, and i love em,
your ust some lame person that is jelouse that you are not bella. hahhhhaha your so lame!!
(yes, Rebecca, you're right. You busted me. I stay up all night being jelouse...I mean jealous of a fictional character. And a female one at that. I guess no one would have ever found out if it hadn't been for you meddling pre-teens! And you're right. I'm so lame. I'll be the first person to admit I'm lame. It sucks understanding basic contractions)

pretty sure i woudl abuse you if i could be botherd (and i'm pretty sure you could spell "would" and "bothered" correctly but you have to get back to your Katy Perry music, right?) but to end it you are a fuck tard and a waste of time, so go suck yo mummas penis :) (Wow Rebecca, it must be hard spendin' all your life livin' in a gangsta's paradise. Of course, my favorite thing about this last "sentence" is the fact that it's like insult, insult, insult, smiley face. Why the smiley face? )

ya bout say it dick (This one is just as confusing. I'm going to assume it's an Australian phrase and I admit I'm definitely going to need help translating this one.)

One thing I probably should have warned Rebecca about before she commented: The comments don't just magically appear, I actually get an email letting me know there are new comments to approve. After submitting her comment, Rebecca got a message on the screen saying something to the effect that the comments are pending approval by Yours Truly. I can only assume this is what enraged her even more, causing her to comment again exactly one minute later:

ah what the hell, you are so lame you like the book but you make fun of it, wow your real cool,

Wait, that's it? Rebecca, don't leave me hanging! You ended your sentence with a comma, making me think there's more on the way but nothing! I don't know what I,

Of Pizza, Milton, and Patrick Dempsey

I have the coolest luck with Papa Johns delivery. And when I say "coolest luck" what I actually mean is "funny story material."

When I first moved into my apartent here in downtown Lancaster, my pizza delivery person was a woman who only had two fingers on each hand. Not that that's funny, but I bet my expression when I opened the door was. I guess it was the last thing I expected to see.

She used to have to call the apartment every time she delivered pizza because she always got lost. I didn't mind, though, because it always served as a bit of a heads up that she was my delivery driver and I could steel myself for her arrival and practice my lack of surprised reaction.

But after a few months she was gone and then it was your standard rotation of nondescript delivery guys and gals.

Until last night.

Last night I got Milton from Office Space.


He called me on the phone to ask directions to my house and after our conversation, I wasn't sure what to expect.

Papa Johns Milton: What side of the house is your street on?
Me: It'll be on the left-hand side. The house number is 440. The house numbers on the street aren't the easiest to see, but I'm in between Ann Street and Lime Street.
PJM: Yea, the house numbers in the city are hard. I bet that's why people get shot and it's hard to find them.
Me: .....Yea.
PJM: I have a Papa John's sign on top of my car but it's broken. My blinkers are on. Will you go outside and come get me?
Me: Um...yea...I'll stand on the porch and look for you.
PJM: Ok, here I come!

It's important to note that Sarah was sleeping while all of this was going on otherwise I probably would have told her to get the video camera or something and film the transaction because I knew this was going to be good.

I stood on the porch and watched him as he drove down the street, stopping about 75 yards away and just idling in the middle of the street. After about 25 seconds he made his way down to where I was and he came out of the car with my pizza delights. As he approached he saw the pen I was holding and the conversation took off from there.

PJM: Did you order online?
Me: Yep.
PJM: If you ordered online you don't have to sign a receipt.
Me: Oh, ok.
PJM: Did anyone ever tell you you look like Patrick Dempsey?
Me: Heh heh, no, I don't think so.
PJM: Well I say yes! Thanks for the tip! (Yes, when you pay for your pizza online, you can also include the tip right then and there, and I was feeling a bit generous this weekend and tipped about 35%. I don't know why. I guess I sensed the blog material that was coming my way.)
Me: You're welcome.
PJM: I'm the one at the store who made your apple crisps.
Me: Oh, that's cool.
PJM: Yeah so thanks for the tip. I gave you a whole bunch-a frosting.
Me: Oh!....um....Yum!

Just for the record, I don't really look like Patrick Dempsey. I think it's just because it was 10 o'clock on a Friday night and my hair was kind of out of control and poofy.

New Facebook Can Suck It

If you've read my blog for long then you know I'm not opposed to change (I think I've changed the layout here 3 times in the last 2 months). So when Facebook announced they were going to be making some changes to their layout, I didn't think much of it.

Until they changed it.

What was once laid out in a simple, linear fashion is now a jumble of stuff just kind of thrown onto the page, much like what MySpace did a year or so ago (prompting my decision to give up on them). For a while Facebook gave you the option of keeping the old design or trying the new one. I think I knew one person who stuck with the new one. I used to be able to pop in to Facebook, do my thing, and zip out. Not the case anymore. Now I have to pop in, go to this page to do that, this other page to do that, click here and then hover over this to do the other thing....

I understand that in the grand scheme of things Facebook changing their layout is no big thing. There are way worse things to be upset about. But now that Facebook has forced the change on everyone and there is no "old version" to opt for, the more I use it, the more I find things that frustrate me about the new layout.

I don't spend a lot of time on stuff that frustrates me, so I may or may not be hanging out on Facebook as much as usual. My updates may not be as prompt, my time spent there much shorter. I won't be browsing your photos or videos as much as I'd like and your notes may go un-commented on. It's not that I don't care.

It seems a majority of the people I've spoken to feel the same way, and I dare Facebook to man up and admit they are wrong. If Coke can admit their mistake and bring back the original flavor, then so can you, Facebook. New Facebook sucks.

And Tom, from MySpace, before you start celebrating, put away your champagne, sparkly bling banner ads, and annoying promos that blast me with sounds upon login. I'm not going back to MySpace, either. Fool me once, shame on you.

Is Friendster still around?

McCain: A Gut Reaction

Tonight Sarah was channel surfing and came upon John McCain. A close-up of John McCain. And all I heard was this exclamation:

"He's so old. He looks like a toad! Someone give him a diaper and a donut!"

I'm not sure why a donut was recommended and/or involved in her reaction, but it still made me laugh.

 

 

Finger Lickin' Secretive

Saw this come down the news-wire yesterday:

For the first time in 68 years, the Colonel's secret recipe is being moved from its safe at Kentucky Fried Chicken's Louisville headquarters. They are actually using a high security motorcade to transport the recipe of eleven herbs and spices to an undisclosed location. Colonel Sander's hand-written recipe is being moved temporarily to allow upgrades in the security around the safe that protects it. KFC says only two of its executives know the secret recipe.  A third executive knows the combination to the safe where the recipe's kept. And less than a handful of KFC employees know the identities of the three executives, who, by the way, are not allowed to travel in the same vehicle.

Really?

I hate to burst anyone's bubble, but just thought I should let KFC know they can loosen security just a little bit. That's right, guys. Unclench.

To be honest...and I know it's hard to hear it...the chicken's not that good. I mean...I've had just-as-good from a box in the grocery store. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate KFC, but seriously the chicken isn't motorcade-worthy, nor is it CIA-level tasty. "Finger-lickin'" good is even stretching it, actually. 

But at least now we have the plot for National Treasure 3: Book of Secrets No One Is Really That Interested In Stealing.

What to Wear...to Church?

I don't know how you were raised, but as far as I'm concerned if you don't wear your very best to church, then something in your life is seriously messed up. Who are these people wearing jeans and t-shirts to church? Unacc-freakin-ceptable. This is church, people, not a Gin Blossoms concert. We're praising God, not trying to score a dime bag, so suit up.

Thankfully, my friend Ashlea received an email spam touting a solution for all of you slackers out there. That's right. DesignerChurchSuits.com is here to save the day.



WWJD? Well, I think he'd dress - as the ad says - classy and sassy.

I had to do it. I had to go to the website and check it out. And believe me, it's just as horribly scary as the ad makes it out to be. So many choices and options, I didn't know where to go first! I was like a kid caught in a candy store, except the candy was incredibly loud and pattern-filled and holier than my regular candy because the colors were so much brighter.

I mean, come on, when you think "church clothes," who doesn't think of the Purple Graduate's Delight?



And seriously, ladies, do you really expect to look sassy singing the latest Paul Baloche song if you're not dressed like the Mad Hatter?



I've heard it said some girls go to church looking to meet nice, single Christian guys. Well, that ain't gonna happen unless you show up Sunday morning dressed like a retarded Mary Poppins.



And I'm sorry, ladies, but you can't enter into the holy of holies without sporting what I refer to as the winter fur explosion. A bargain at $450. Shipping is free, so what are you waiting for? You can tithe next month.



And don't worry, fellas, we haven't forgotten you! Are you a fan of mustard? Then saints-be-praised you're gonna love this shirt. It screams "Look at my holiness" without having to say a word. It even comes with a sleek "O" on the tie (as in, "Oh crap, what are you wearing").



But this site doesn't just offer horrible, horrible clothes. It also provides customer testimonials! F Rawls from Georgia raves:

Praise Jesus
These suits are fabulous
When I go to church, I turn all the heads.

Praise Jesus, indeed, F Rawls. After years of trying to turn heads at church, I found the secret! Greet visitors? Help in the nursery? Screw you, can't you see I'm trying to turn heads here?

First Lady Robertson in Mississippi says,

Free shipping is a plus for me, because I order a new suit every week.

Wow, First Lady Robertson! You buy a new suit every week? Good thing the shipping is free, otherwise I'd almost think you were nuts! You definitely know a bargain when you see one.

And then First Lady Gloria Williams from Louisiana brags,

Im the first lady of my church, and I will be telling everybody to order from you.

I don't know what worries me the most about this one. Is it the fact I don't know who the first lady is at my church or the fact that this testimonial almost sounds like a threat?

So there you have it. DesignerChurchSuits.com

I don't want to ever see you in the Lord's house in jeans again.

Life of Reilly

The odd thing about being a video editor is how I get close to people who aren't even aware it's happening.

Whether it's an artist or someone in the community, they may come in to the station or we may be out at a concert, someone else interviews them while I film the goings-on. After that I take the footage back to the office and literally spend hours and hours editing the interview. After a bit I start to get the sense that I really know who these people are. I pore over their every word and gesture, looking for the best angle and what-have-you, dialing in on their anecdotes, and suddenly I've spent all of this quality time with them. It's like they're hanging out with ME and not the pesky interviewer! I feel like we're best buds and as far as they know, I'm Biff the anonymous camera guy (when, in reality, I'm the anonymous camera guy Ed).

It's a very one-way relationship I have going on with these people.

Recently I've been forging a false friendship with my new favorite band, Reilly. John Reilly and Dan Huie hung out with us backstage at the Purple Door festival and they were a lot of fun. Their interview was incredible in that I was able to turn it into five different videos: a legitimate meet-the-band type interview, and four funny vignettes that give a little insight into their quirky sense of humor.

They're all available on the station's YouTube site. As of this writing, I haven't posted the final two short films...I'm saving the other two to sprinkle in throughout the next couple of weeks. And, if you don't wanna go all the way over to YouTube, you can watch the videos here.

First, the short funny ones:

And then the regular interview interview:

And now you know why they're my new favorite band and my new friends by an extreme technicality.

Twilight: A Spoiler-Filled Review

I meant what I said in the subject line. This blog includes spoilers. Consider yourself warned.

I'll be honest: I never heard of the "Twilight" book series by Stephenie Meyer until I started seeing articles in Entertainment Weekly over the past few weeks touting it as the new rage and Harry Potter's replacement. I decided to pick up the first book, "Twilight", and see what all the fuss was about. Despite the fact that it sometimes read like a romance novel written from a 14-year-old girls' perspective (I've never read a romance novel, nor have I read a novel written by a 14-year-old girl, so this is complete conjecture), it was actually an extremely quick read and I flew through it. And then I read through the other 3 books as well and again, they're all really quick reads. Sarah, who readily admits she hasn't read a book since "The Mummy" in 6th grade, even got into it and found herself tearing through the books, too.

To save you the time of reading the 1700+ pages, let me re-cap:

Twilight (The Twilight Saga, Book 1)


Hi. I'm a girl. I'm angsty. Oh wait. There's this really hot guy in my new school. He's sooooooo dreamy. OOoooooooo.

(Repeat for 400 pages)

Oh wow! Turns out he's a vampire. But oh I still love him even though I know I shouldn't.

I shouldn't.

Oh, but I do.

Oh, but I shouldn't.

Oh, but I do.

(Repeat for 5 more chapters)

Oh no! It's almost the end of the book! I think I'll get chased by a bad vampire to give this book something to do and end with action and a thrilling climax!

New Moon (The Twilight Saga, Book 2)


Ohhhhhhh my vampire crush moved away.........Life is sooooooooo horrible.......how will I live........ohhhhhh... woe is me......woe is FREAKIN me.............

(Repeat for 8 chapters)

I think I'll start hanging out with this OTHER guy who turns out to be a werewolf! He's so different than that vampire. But ohhhhhhh I love the vampire.

But now I think I love the werewolf.

But my heart is with the vampire.

But I love the werewolf.

But not really because I love the vampire.

But the werewolf is my true love.

Except for the vampire who I miss soooooooo much.

(Repeat for 500 pages)

Oh no! Almost the end of the book! I better bring back the vampire so he and the werewolf can yell at each other for 11 more chapters and then get threatened by a bunch of scary vampires and have nothing actually come of it!!

Eclipse (The Twilight Saga, Book 3)


Oh nooooo. I'm such an angsty girl and now the vampire and the werewolf are both here and ohhhhh I love them both. So I'll tell the vampire I love him and hang out and kiss him and then hang out with the werewolf but we won't kiss we'll only hold hands and of course the vampire is so wussy he won't even care.

Kiss the vampire.

Hold hands with the werewolf.

Kiss the vampire.

Tell the werewolf I love him.

Kiss the vampire.

Try to figure out why the werewolf doesn't get that I don't want to be with him as I tell him I love him and hold his hand some more.

(Repeat for 500 pages)

Oh no!!! A whole bunch of bad vampires!! Let's fight them all!! The end.

Breaking Dawn (The Twilight Saga, Book 4)


Oh, being married to the vampire is soooooo amazing. I think we'll have crazy crazy vampire-on-human sex! It's ok, we're married now. Because if we weren't, having sex with the undead would just be weird. Ooooooo I sure do like all the love makin'! In fact, I think I'll make love to him for the first 200 pages!!

Oh no, I'm pregnant!! How did that happen? And with a vampire baby! It scratches my belly and breaks my ribs when it kicks. Ouch!!! Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch!!! Oh the pain!!! The pain!!!!!!!!!!! I know what will make it easier on you, the reader: I'll be in horrible horrible labor for the next 700 pages.

Oh I have a baby now. I love her! And the werewolf fell in love with her (For real. The werewolf is in love with an infant mutant baby)! What could possibly go wrong??

Oh no!! It's the end! All the bad vampires from around the world are here to kill me and my baby!!!!!!! Oh no!!!! What should we do!!!!!!!! I know! Instead of having an exciting, dramatic climax, where we all fight and put an end to their evil vampire ways I'll just be like, "You guys are wrong, my baby is cool." And they'll be like, "Oh yea, your baby IS pretty cool. My bad. See ya."

Yeah. That ending is MUCH better.

I just realized this blog makes it sound like I didn't like the books. Obviously, since I read them all, that's not true. I liked them all except the last one. But when you capsulize these tomes in a quick, sarcastic blog, they're gonna end up sounding pretty ridiculous. And I guess they kind of are.

***UPDATE: Apparently Australians don't appreciate my book reviews. Read more about that RIGHT HERE.