Friday, October 24, 2008

Hey, Look! A Black Guy!

A couple of months ago I posted a blog about a mystery man who walks around outside my office window every day. I made a video of him, speculating  who he might be. This strange white dude who wanders around every day, his long black hair and creepy moustache, his baggy dress clothes...he is indeed an enigma.

About 6 weeks ago he disappeared. I haven't seen him since. Did he find this blog, or the video of him, and go into hiding? Did he get a new job? Did whoever he talks to on the phone every day break up with him and thus he no longer has a need for his daily phone break?

Yesterday Lisa and Ashlea were in my office and I saw a figure outside the window from the corner of my eye. Lisa did too, and said excitedly, "Is that the guy on the phone?!"

We were instantly excited and all three of us dashed to the window and peered outside. And we got busted. The dude looked right at us.

The only thing is, it wasn't our guy. Not even close. It was a big bald black man.

And I'm sure the three white people rushing to the window to look at him made him feel AWESOME.

So, sorry, Stranger Outside My Window #2. I realize what it probably looked like but you have to believe me when I say it was a completely innocent group stare. I promise you I've seen a black guy before.

Thursday, October 23, 2008


When Sarah and I got married almost a year ago (wow that was fast!) her dad got us a pretty amazing wedding gift: a week at a Sandals resort in Jamaica. But, since we got married in Florida and spent a few days down there afterward as a honeymoon, he told us we could pick whatever date we wanted to go. We decided to go with our 1-year anniversary and the time is now upon us!

Our flight leaves early Saturday morning from Philadelphia. And, in another awesome gesture, Sarah's dad booked us a night in a cool hotel Friday night so we wouldn't have to make the drive into the city crazy early.

I've never been to the Caribbean before and I'm excited. Sarah asked if I want to learn how to scuba dive. I do, but I'm also way crazy scared of sharks. And for no reason. Considering I have no shark trauma in my past, I have no reason to have such an irrational fear of them. Even at aquariums, I freak out walking under fake sharks hanging from the ceiling and get nervous walking past paintings of them. At Sea World in Florida they have this shark exhibit where you walk through the shark's like a tunnel in the middle of their tank made of glass and it took all of my will power to go in. Fortunately, they were all tiny, like 2-feet long, so it wasn't nearly as bad as I feared.

So yea, I wanna learn to scuba dive but I also don't want to spend the whole time paranoid that a shark is behind me waiting to chew on my cranium. I wonder if I can just take my scuba gear into the hot tub?

There are some other cool things there that I want to do and see, so I'm sure my Steven Spielberg-induced fears won't totally dominate my time. :) I checked the weather forecast and it's calling for showers every day we're there. But I totally don't even care. Something tells me a rainy day in Jamaica isn't the worst place in the world to find yourself.

So I'll be gone for a few days. You kids be good while we're away. Don't eat all the cookies the first day and remember to tape Saturday Night Live for me.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Adult Peer Pressure

Who knew that peer pressure is something you never outgrow?

When I was a teenager growing up in Indiana, peer pressure consisted of your basic alcohol/drugs/growing a mullet issues (and yes, I managed to avoid all three).

But peer pressure didn't stop there. In my twenties, the pressures almost stayed the same. Drink this, smoke that, cut your hair like George Clooney (admittedly, I gave in to the last one. But doggone if I didn't love my Caesar cut).

Now I'm in my thirties and peer pressure seems to have shifted a bit. Instead of "don't give in, you'll ruin your life" the pressure has become "don't do that, you'll ruin the lives of everyone around you." And of course, I'm talking about politics.

We're a few days from Election '08 and the debate between Obama and McCain rages on. And you know what? I'm sick of it. Really. Mostly becuase it's raging on among some of my friends whom I usually consider sane people. I can't stand talking about politics and yet here I am blogging about it. Go figure. I see the irony in that but I've gotta get a thing or two off my chest.

The thing that bugs me the most are the people who tell me (or infer) that if I vote this way it makes me less of a Christian. Unless I vote with you, I'm voting against God's will. Issue X is what matters the most and as a Christian we MUST vote "this" way. God would want me to vote for this guy and to do otherwise is to bring about the demise of the human race. This guy's stance on Issue Z offends you personally, so as fellow followers of Christ I must vote along with you and make it my most important issue as well.

I'll bring this down to extremely simple terms. It's kinda like buying a new house. What's the most important thing to you when you're looking to move? Price? The neighborhood? Condition of the house? School district? The crime rate? The color of the carpeting? Whether or not it has a garage? Proximity to the grocery store?

I realize it's not the best analogy in the world and voter issues are much more important, but just because the school district is the thing you feel most passionate about when you buy a home, why does it have to be my most important issue just because we both call ourselves a Christian? And because you feel most passionate about the school district, why does that automaically mean God feels the same? And if I make my decision based on the neighborhood rather than the school district, what right do you have to tell me that's not the Christian thing to do?

I'm not going to use this blog to push one candidate over the other because, frankly, I feel that says my opinion is more important and bears more weight than yours. Especially if you disagree. And it's just not true.

Sadly, though, I realize that's what's starting to happen around me.

Maybe this sounds insensitive, but you need to settle the freak down. This may come to you as a news flash but guess what? I don't think either of these candidates are bigger than God. Neither one of them is big enough to stop what Gods wants to happen. He's God, and He's pulled His people through situations a lot worse than President McCain or President Obama. To push the idea that God can't work or do His thing if this guy is elected over that guy...I don't know...I don't know about you but I never want to be accused of robbing God of His power.

How about this: You vote for who you feel would work out best, and I'll do the same. And when the dust settles and some of us are happy with the outcome and some of us aren't, we all continue to keep praying for each other, the country, the world, and yes, even the President. Even if he's The Evil One you didn't vote for.

Hassled by the Man

Yesterday I got a message from YouTube informing me that one of my videos was in violation of copyright something-or-other. The video in question? A minute-and-a-half video I made to the song "Lady Marmalade" where I re-created shot-by-shot the first part of the original video starring Christina Aguilera, Pink, Mya, and Li'l Kim. Only I used barnyard animal puppets instead.

YouTube tells me UMG (Universal Music Group) claims the copyright is theirs. I assume they mean the music, because I kind of doubt they own the copyright on barnyard animal puppets prancing around. Or maybe they do. I mean, have you seen the original video?

YouTube went on to tell me that the video is still available because UMG doesn't object to it being on YouTube. Thanks, UMG!

But one thing I'm fuzzy on...I couldn't understand why for the life of me UMG is concerned about a song that was popular eight years ago. Are they still keeping an eye on the chart movement of the Moulin Rouge soundtrack? I think it's safe to say they can move on to more current releases, like Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights and Home Alone 3.

YouTube also let me know that UMG will be monitoring how many hits my video gets. So basically, they want me to quit acting up. I'm not in trouble...but they're watching me.

But let's be honest, Universal Music Group. You owe me one. Sarah and I went to California for a wedding earlier this year and I wanted to take Sarah to my favorite California tourist attraction, Universal Studios. But you were closed. CLOSED. All because you guys were too busy burning down your back lot. So the least you can do is let me have my barnyard animal puppet video in peace. And also cast me in your next film.



This is the stupid little video whose existence poses to take down the Universal Music Group empire. SO WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T WATCH IT!!

Monday, October 20, 2008

A Morning Conversation

A comedian, I forget who, maybe it was Karl Pilkington, once talked about old married couples and the fact that they often just sit in silence because they've run out of things to talk about. I don't think that will ever happen with Sarah and me. Behold, our in-depth conversation we had at 5:45 this morning:

I was coming out of the bathroom and walked past our cat Mai, who was laying next to the radiator. If you've seen our cat (a long haired calico) then you know she is 14.5 pounds of hair with a head.

Me: I can't believe Mai is laying right up against the radiator like that. You'd think with all that hair she'd get hot.
Sarah: Maybe she likes to sweat.
Me: Do cats sweat? I heard dogs sweat through their tongue.
Sarah: I don't think I've ever seen a cat exert enough energy to sweat.
Me: I bet if a cat sweats, it dies.
Sarah: First sign of a cat dying. "Cat breaks out in sweat."
Me: (typing "do cats sweat" at Google) I'll find out.

Pause while my laptop loses internet connection.

Sarah: Did you ask Jeeves?
Ed: Nah. I gave up and blogged about this instead.

Friday, October 17, 2008

"The Blanket" Debuts

Well, after rambling on and on about the short film I've been working on, it's finally finished. It's called "The Blanket" and you can either watch it by CLICKING HERE or by watching it below.

My thanks to John & Lisa Blowers for agreeing to star in the film and allowing me to let their son yell at them on camera. Thanks to my good buddy Gabe Patillo for the music and my friends Doney and Ashlea for popping into the studio to lend their voices. And of course, thanks Sarah. It's way too easy to make you look good. :)

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I'm Ed, and I approve this message

Someone just told me about the 2008 Blogger's Choice Awards. Two days before voting is over. Oh well. I thought I'd sign up for the Best Humor Blog category for something to do on a Tuesday.

So, if you feel like it (and if you think this blog is sort of humorous), swing by and vote for this disjointed group of posts I call a blog.



Why Even Promote It?

Yesterday Sarah and I were out and about. It was one of those situations where we hadn't eaten for a while. We weren't very hungry; we were kinda thirsty. We knew we should probably get something small to eat and/or drink but we didn't know what.

We were driving past the Lancaster campus of HACC (Harrisburg Area Community College) and I saw a coffee shop I'd never tried before. It was a relatively new building with a professional-looking light tan brick exterior. The signs outside were printed in a very upscale button-down font. It was called Gold Cafe and the steaming cup of coffee on the logo was enticing.

Figuring they would probably have light snacks as well, I recommended we give it a try. We pulled in next to the drive-thru lane and Sarah said, "I think this is a bank."

I was about to remind her of all of the coffee signs outside the building, but something inside told me she may be right. Sure enough, as we got out of the car and approached the front door (and one of their signs) I saw that in smaller print underneath where it said "Gold Cafe" it also had printed Union National Community Bank.

We walked in and to our right was a small seating area with tables and chairs. In front of us was indeed a coffee shop counter. And to our left was a bank lobby. I was about to say, "How weird is this? A coffee shop and a bank" but then I realized all of the coffee makers had plastic covers on them. The counter was dark and there weren't many lights on in the seating area. There were two large coffee dispensing canisters on the counter labeled "REGULAR" and "DECAF" with a small stack of paper cups beside them. On the specials board it said, "Talk to our manager about opening an account today!"

I shifted my somewhat stunned look to the bank lobby. There were two men in business suits sitting, conversing, and not eating or drinking coffee. They didn't acknowledge that Sarah and I were standing in the middle of the lobby, still perplexed that a bank had lured us in by posing as a coffee shop.

"What is this?" I asked as we turned around and walked out. As I think about it now, it didn't look like a bank or a coffee shop. It looked like one of those churches that have coffee shops inside of them but it was all dark because it was a Monday afternoon.

As we pulled out I noticed that the drive-thru was actually a bank teller drive-thru. What a mean, mean trick! To pose as a coffee shop and really just be a bank? That's low, people. That's like when your friend asks you if you want to go out to eat and you find out that it's really a business pitch for some new pyramid scheme they've gotten into. How dare you tell me you have coffee when you're really a freakin' bank and the only coffee you have is something that was probably brewed six hours earlier sitting in an aluminum tank?

I found this promotional picture for the Gold Cafe online.

Please note that

A) People are actually there
B) There are baristas present
C) The lights are on
D) From the outside, it does indeed look like a fancy coffee shop
E) Union National Community Bank are tricky tricksters

Shame on you, Bank-Posing-As-Coffee-Shop.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Reality Check

The first time the ending was spoiled for me, it was 1987. I had just told a girl in high school I was going to see Ferris Bueller's Day Off  that night. Her response was, "That movie was so stupid. He wrecks his friend's car at the end." The girl's name was Jennifer Case and I don't think I'll ever forget her name.

Although I've been known to get hooked on a season or two of various reality shows (Season one of Survivor and last year's American Idol) in general I'm not a huge fan of reality TV. But I have to confess over the last few seasons I have become a fan of The Amazing Race.

Last night I was flipping through the channels and came across an episode beginning. I was pretty stoked, as I hadn't realized the season was beginning! And then of course, I heard the announcer say, "Previously on The Amazing Race..."

I quickly flipped off the television, as I didn't want to give anything away. It started already?! I went online to download the episode I missed only to find I had missd the first two episodes! How did this happen? We're on week three already?!

Today at work I was re-telling the story to Ann in the office who is also a fan of the show. "How could you not tell me it started?" I jokingly reprimanded. I told her I hadn't watched either of the first two episodes yet but am excited to catch up. And then Ann proceeded to not only tell me who got eliminated in the first show, but also who is still in the running.

Can someone please tell me what it is about me that makes people want to tell me the endings of movies/TV shows after I tell them I haven't seen it yet?

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Sorry, Mai

I heard that a dog's sense of smell is incredible compared to humans. I wonder if it's the same with cats. If so, then I publicly apologize to my cat about the litter box.

Thursday, October 02, 2008


It's been a few days since my last post, but don't let that lead you to believe I've been resting on my laurels. I've been doing a little doodling lately. Here are a couple of things I did today and yesterday:

I even opened a new Flickr account to post my doodles. They go all the way back to 1988 when I designed the cover of my High School Newspaper for the Special "Senior" Edition. 

Enjoy the art and I'll see what I can do about getting a new blog to you soon.