Look, Ma, no hands!

I was at the movie theater this weekend watching a triple feature (in order from worst to best, I saw "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry", "License to Wed", and "The Simpsons Movie").

In between movies I made my way to the restroom and happened upon an old man at one of the urinals. He was standing there like Superman, proud and with his hands on his hips. ON HIS HIPS.

I don't know about you, but it's been my experience that you just don't do that. It's a good idea to always keep at least one hand in charge of aiming. And I would think that is doubly important at this guy's age, what with unstable stream strength and sudden hacking coughs that could pop up to throw a monkey wrench in the business.

But there this guy stood, looking around, as if to show everyone what he was up to. I figured his wife was probably passed away, because otherwise he would know better than to try a stunt like that (unless she likes a toilet seat, stand, and bathroom floor covered in pee).

As he stood there, hand firmly on his hips, and just being cocky about it (pun sort of intended) I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to go to the urinal next to him and pretend like I was peeing but instead reach up with both of my hands and streeeeetch. And then I wanted to put one hand extended in front of me and one behind, as if I were going into a yoga warrior stance. I wanted to clap my hands and do jazz hands and pound on the walls, just to show him what I can do with my hands free.

But I didn't. Instead I picked the urinal furthest away from him to avoid any overspray.

Stupid old man.