Tuesday, September 23, 2008

A Scathing Review

Earlier this month I wrote a blog half-heartedly reviewing the Twilight book series. It wasn't a review more than it was a series of sarcastic comments, but we all had fun and got a laugh or two. That is, until Rebecca from Milton in Queensland Australia gave it a read and decided to teach me a thing or two and leave a comment putting me in my place.

My first knee-jerk reaction was to simply delete the angry comments and move on, but, never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, I decided to embrace this opportunity to make yet another series of sarcastic comments. I then wondered if the comments weren't actually written by one of my friends posing as "Rebecca" but the passion behind the comments was so real, the spellcheck so unused, and...the... grammarcheck also so unused, I knew it had to be real.

Yes. I couldn't just delete the comments. I had to give them their own blog. But beware, Blog Reader. Rebecca (who can apparently be reached at hallo_bob@hotmail.com) uses some pretty harsh language to put me in my place. I guess that's what I get for taking these books about vampires and werewolves so lightly.

I am including her comments as she wrote them. I am also including sarcastic retorts.

ahh wtf,

(Ed here. You know you're in trouble when they start off with such harsh letters)

this is gay the books are great, and i love em,
your ust some lame person that is jelouse that you are not bella. hahhhhaha your so lame!!
(yes, Rebecca, you're right. You busted me. I stay up all night being jelouse...I mean jealous of a fictional character. And a female one at that. I guess no one would have ever found out if it hadn't been for you meddling pre-teens! And you're right. I'm so lame. I'll be the first person to admit I'm lame. It sucks understanding basic contractions)

pretty sure i woudl abuse you if i could be botherd (and i'm pretty sure you could spell "would" and "bothered" correctly but you have to get back to your Katy Perry music, right?) but to end it you are a fuck tard and a waste of time, so go suck yo mummas penis :) (Wow Rebecca, it must be hard spendin' all your life livin' in a gangsta's paradise. Of course, my favorite thing about this last "sentence" is the fact that it's like insult, insult, insult, smiley face. Why the smiley face? )

ya bout say it dick (This one is just as confusing. I'm going to assume it's an Australian phrase and I admit I'm definitely going to need help translating this one.)

One thing I probably should have warned Rebecca about before she commented: The comments don't just magically appear, I actually get an email letting me know there are new comments to approve. After submitting her comment, Rebecca got a message on the screen saying something to the effect that the comments are pending approval by Yours Truly. I can only assume this is what enraged her even more, causing her to comment again exactly one minute later:

ah what the hell, you are so lame you like the book but you make fun of it, wow your real cool,

Wait, that's it? Rebecca, don't leave me hanging! You ended your sentence with a comma, making me think there's more on the way but nothing! I don't know what I,


Jen Marceaux said...

So Rebecca is a Jen Lancaster fan. She used my favorite Jen Lancaster word -- one I cannot repeat out loud, but I would be lying if I didn't secretly call people that name in my head when they weren't listening.

Amy Knippel said...

Ah, Ed. In case you haven't heard it in a while. You are fabulous. Simply fabulous. I have a feeling that you can incorporate this into your stand up. What do you say?

john allen said...

Wow. Who knew Rebecca St James had such a foul mouth - not to mention ridiculously poor grammar!? If I were you I would refuse to play anything from her or the Newsboys* on air ever again.

(might as well make racial stereotypes while I'm here)