I'm not a smoker. And living in New York has given me yet another reason to be glad I'm not (you know, besides not having the emphysema).
Countless times I've been walking behind someone smoking and they are approached by a stranger and asked if they can have one of their cigarettes. I'm sorry but that's just another hassle I don't need.
How rude is that, anyway? If I see someone enjoying a Cafe Mocha or a candy bar, I don't go up to them and just ask if I can have some. Call me crazy, but I think that's just polite. You know, to not expect strangers to give me what they have just because I want some, too.
But for some reason, it's ok to approach strangers for a cigarette. I get enough people asking me for money every day, I don't need to start giving people another excuse to throw off my walking rhythm.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Monday, January 23, 2006
Immature
Walking to work this morning, I approached the corner of 43rd and 7th. Across the street is a Starbucks, and the big STARBUCKS COFFEE sign is curved so that it wraps around the corner.
Combined with the angle I was approaching, the curvature of the signage, and the signs and posts in front of the building, some of the letters were blocked and it spelled out UCK OFF.
I giggled.
Combined with the angle I was approaching, the curvature of the signage, and the signs and posts in front of the building, some of the letters were blocked and it spelled out UCK OFF.
I giggled.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
The Truth...with jokes (Book Review)
I just finished reading The Truth (with jokes) by Al Franken. I hadn't read either of his previous books (Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot and Lies...and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them).
I'm not sure why I decided to read this book because I'm really not into politics and it's a subject that I find boring and tiresome. I guess I was just that desperate and hoped that it would at least be good for a chuckle or two.
I already pretty much knew what I was going to read. Franken is a pretty outspoken liberal, so I guess it was the usual anti-Bush & Co. stuff you hear. I suppose it was somewhat interesting because I actually read the whole thing, but when it comes to that kind of stuff, you never really know who to believe, you know?
Actually, reading the book kinda reminded me of being back in Indiana working with dad painting houses. One of the guys who worked with us always brought a radio and had it tuned to talk radio. I never would have chosen to listen to talk radio but because it was within earshot, I listened to it. Reading this was kind of the same thing. It was there, so I read it. It was basically the book form of talk radio and if that's your thing, then maybe you'll like it as well.
Me, I prefer something you can move to.
I'm not sure why I decided to read this book because I'm really not into politics and it's a subject that I find boring and tiresome. I guess I was just that desperate and hoped that it would at least be good for a chuckle or two.
I already pretty much knew what I was going to read. Franken is a pretty outspoken liberal, so I guess it was the usual anti-Bush & Co. stuff you hear. I suppose it was somewhat interesting because I actually read the whole thing, but when it comes to that kind of stuff, you never really know who to believe, you know?
Actually, reading the book kinda reminded me of being back in Indiana working with dad painting houses. One of the guys who worked with us always brought a radio and had it tuned to talk radio. I never would have chosen to listen to talk radio but because it was within earshot, I listened to it. Reading this was kind of the same thing. It was there, so I read it. It was basically the book form of talk radio and if that's your thing, then maybe you'll like it as well.
Me, I prefer something you can move to.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
The Reading Railroad
I actually did a lot of reading last year. Or at least, more than usual. So I've decided to make a late New Year's Resolution and that is to read more books than I read last year. To the best of my recollection, I read 27 books last year (a little more than two a month). I think I can do it. God bless the library.
And if you were wondering, here's my list from 2005:
1. The Pleasure of My Company – Steve Martin
2. Frankenstein: Prodigal Son – Dean Koontz
3. Rebel Without a Crew – Robert Rodriguez
4. Life of Pi – Yann Martel
5. The Stupidest Angel – Christopher Moore
6. Haunted - Chuck Palahniuk
7. Wizard and Glass – Stephen King
8. Wolves of the Calla – Stephen King
9. Torture the Artist – Joey Goebel
10. The Dark Tower – Stephen King
11. Dead and Dying Angels – James A Mangum
12. Kiss Me Like A Stranger – Gene Wilder
13. Fletch – Gregory McDonald
14. Fletch, Too – Gregory McDonald
15. Fletch Won - Gregory McDonald
16. Fletch’s Fortune - Gregory McDonald
17. Carioca Fletch - Gregory McDonald
18. Confess, Fletch – Gregory McDonald
19. Saturday Night: A Backstage History of Saturday Night Live – Doug Hill
20. Live From New York – James A Miller
21. The DaVinci Code – Dan Brown
22. Deception Point – Dan Brown
23. The Greedy Bastard Diary – Eric Idle
24. Fight Club – Chuck Palahniuk
25. Why You Crying? – George Lopez
26. Lamb – Christopher Moore
27. How We Are Hungry – Dave Eggers
And if you were wondering, here's my list from 2005:
1. The Pleasure of My Company – Steve Martin
2. Frankenstein: Prodigal Son – Dean Koontz
3. Rebel Without a Crew – Robert Rodriguez
4. Life of Pi – Yann Martel
5. The Stupidest Angel – Christopher Moore
6. Haunted - Chuck Palahniuk
7. Wizard and Glass – Stephen King
8. Wolves of the Calla – Stephen King
9. Torture the Artist – Joey Goebel
10. The Dark Tower – Stephen King
11. Dead and Dying Angels – James A Mangum
12. Kiss Me Like A Stranger – Gene Wilder
13. Fletch – Gregory McDonald
14. Fletch, Too – Gregory McDonald
15. Fletch Won - Gregory McDonald
16. Fletch’s Fortune - Gregory McDonald
17. Carioca Fletch - Gregory McDonald
18. Confess, Fletch – Gregory McDonald
19. Saturday Night: A Backstage History of Saturday Night Live – Doug Hill
20. Live From New York – James A Miller
21. The DaVinci Code – Dan Brown
22. Deception Point – Dan Brown
23. The Greedy Bastard Diary – Eric Idle
24. Fight Club – Chuck Palahniuk
25. Why You Crying? – George Lopez
26. Lamb – Christopher Moore
27. How We Are Hungry – Dave Eggers
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
THE SLAP HEARD ‘ROUND THE WORLD
July, 1982.
It was one of those days when everyone was outside. Every kid in the neighborhood was out riding their bike in the cul de sac where I grew up (AKA The Circle). Some grown-ups were out encouraging their lawn to grow by watering it; others were doing their best grass-growing discouragement by mowing it. Some were laying out getting a tan and others were just hanging out and enjoying a cold one, talking about everyone else.
The point is, everyone was outside.
You know when you think back on a perfect summer day and the sky is blue and everything is good and there is love in the air? This was one of those days.
And it would soon be changed.
Eastwood Court was not a place where perfect harmony stayed around for long. Eastwood Court was where perfect harmony came to visit and we would take it around the back and beat the crap out of it.
Observe:
I remember how happy I was. I was 11 years old and I still remember it like it was yesterday. I felt great. It was an awesome day outside, everyone was riding their bike, and my relatives were in town.
We have a family reunion every year, but it's only every few years when the ENTIRE family from all over the states comes into town. This was one of those years, and I was so excited to see my cousin JP from California.
And Aunt Alice was coming in from Idaho. Idaho!! (Once Alice gave me a little pin that was shaped liked a tiny potato and IDAHO was written across it. The tiny eyes on the pin were made of little indentations and I remember running my finger across it so I could feel the little grooves. Idaho!)
My cousins from Chicago would be there, too. My cousins who frightened me. My cousins who grew up speaking English and Spanish and listened to rap music before our little corner of Indiana had ever been exposed to it. My cousins, who spoke really loudly and talked a lot of trash and spoke to each other in code-in Spanish!-and were always laughing and poking fun and chasing and hitting - they hit! - and whom I always steered clear of. Lalito and Roberto. I had to keep an eye on them.
Everyone would be there tonight when we all gathered together for the first time in years.So things were good. I was excited and happy and nothing could go wrong.
Until Benny Jo Hideout cut off my sister on her bike and made her fall and he laughed.I couldn't believe it.
My little 5-year-old sister was riding her bike in front of me and mean ol' Benny Jo Hideout came up behind us on his bike and slammed into her. She lost control of her bike and managed to crash land in the Sattison's front yard.
Benny Jo Hideout!!
That of course, wasn't Benny's real name. He got that name the only way kids get their nicknames. From other kids who are really reaching.
Benny never had a chance. If Benny was a character in a book (and I suppose now he kind of is) or in a movie, you'd be able to see how his life ended before it happened. I've never been a fan of clichés, and when they happen in real life, it's just weird. Because clichés aren't actually supposed to happen. They're clichés.
Benny was a couple of years younger than me. I think I had only been in Benny's house once and I remember it smelled of bacon or some other food that required a lot of grease in which to cook. I also remember realizing it was nowhere near breakfast time, so their house must always smell of cooked grease.
Their floor was dirty.
The TV was on and turned up really loudly. No one was watching it.
Yikes.
I don't' remember why I was in Benny's house, but I do remember running away and swearing never to return.
Benny's dad was named Charlie. He was a really skinny guy with a big moustache and glasses. We never saw or heard much from Charlie except after he'd been drinking. We would be outside playing and then hear the screams and shouts. We would try to sneak up to the house to see what was going on, but were never successful.
And when Charlie would yell, he was usually yelling at Benny's mom, Ann. Or, as we called her, Big Fat Ann. Which soon got shortened to just Fat Ann. Fat Ann, Fat Ann, Fat Ann, we would chant and soon even that became shortened to "F'dann" and it became a sound effect that we would use when imaginary bullets ricocheted around us when playing cops and robbers. F'dann! F'dann!
Don't feel bad for Fat Ann. After all, she was fat. It's not like we were saying anything that wasn't true. But you see, F'dann was worse than big or fat. She was MEAN, and if you don't want chants made up about you by the neighborhood kids, then don't be mean.
F'dann was mean and she yelled. But most of all, she hated us. She hated all of us non-F’dann kids because we lived in The Circle and we were all good kids. F'dann could see the future as well as anyone; she wasn't blind. And she knew what was going to happen. She knew that we were going to grow up as good, nice people. She knew we were going to move out of Eastwood Court and live good lives. We were going to get married to other people who had grown up to be good people and were going to continue breeding and reproducing other good people.
F'dann knew that she and Charlie had not produced good people. They had produced two offspring who had taken the worst traits from their parents and put them on display.
They had produced DeeDee, who was basically a miniature version of F'dann. She was 7 years younger than most of us on the block and had already inherited her mother's propensity for food and yelling. Most of the time DeeDee was just ignored or left behind (which wasn't hard to do; she simply wasn’t a fast waddler).
And Charlie and Ann had produced Benny Jo Hideout, who would use his girth and size to try to intimidate the other kids. Benny Jo Hideout, who although did indeed have girth and did indeed have size could not intimidate the other kids because he was a pinhead. Benny Jo Hideout was a bully who didn't know how to bully.
Sad, really.
And, I realize now, they were hillbillies.
It's not uncommon to find Southern accents in the lower part of Indiana, but up where we were at, only about 40 minutes from the Michigan state line, you didn't find a lot of that.
Benny's family had southern accents. Their backyard was a veritable treasure trove of all things hillbilly. A vast assortment of barbecue grills that had rusted reddish-brown. A riding lawn mower graveyard. The standard Pile of Wood With Rusty Nails Sticking Out Of It.
And, standing tall and serving as the ultimate Hillbilly Beacon--the sketchy clubhouse. The clubhouse that Charlie had made for his children that reached high into the sky with supports that couldn’t come close to holding the weight of his children (let alone the heavyset Gradeless kids who would also climb into the clubhouse with them).
Charlie was neither an engineer nor an architect, and it only took a week or so for the tiny 2x4s holding up this wooden deathtrap to wave the white flag and send the entire construction leaning at an angle that would make the Leaning Tower of Pisa appear to be square and plumb.
There was a commercial on at the time for cereal that had a catchy little tune that featured kids in a cool clubhouse and would end with the rough scratchy singer pleading for kids to “Come to the Honeycomb hideout!” Being the Saturday morning cartoon junkies that we were, we heard this song countless number of times, and it was ingrained in our psyche.
And soon, the catchphrase was adapted by us to become “Come to the Benny Jo Hideout” (”Jo” of course being added not because it was part of Benny’s name, but because we needed to make sure our song had the same number of syllables as the commercial).
And thus Benny Jo Hideout was born.
Because of all of this, plus the fact that his heart had about as much feeling as a Bundt cake, on that beautiful day when nothing could (or should!) go wrong, Benny rode his bike up to my sister and forced her off of the street and made her crash.
I didn’t even think.
You know on the Bugs Bunny cartoons when Daffy Duck would get upset, and to signify how enraged he was, the cartoonists would draw his feet red and then the redness would slowly climb up to his duck bill like a thermometer? That was me. Had I actually thought about what I was doing, I probably would have stopped to help my sister instead of trying to take on someone who had 80 pounds on me. But I wasn’t thinking.
And besides, come on. This was Benny Jo Hideout.
I put my bike into high gear and tried to catch up with Benny. He was still laughing. That high-pitched rat-a-tat laugh that echoed through the neighborhood and made small children weep and small birds fall dead from the sky. It wasn’t unlike Judge Doom from Who Framed Roger Rabbit at the end after he’d taken off his mask to reveal the maniacal toon that he was.
Benny laughed like that.
Hee-heehee-hee-hee.
The Gradeless kids were there, too, riding their bikes, and had seen the whole thing. They laughed because they were also evil (They were kind of like the Crabb and Goyle to the sinister Draco Malfoy, if you follow Harry Potter at all).
They were all cackling and howling and my sister had started to cry on the side of the road. Todd had stopped to make sure she was OK. I was in hot pursuit. I was going to catch up with Benny and be the hero. I was going to catch up with him and punch him in the face and send him reeling with a How Do You Like That right hook. I was going to make Benny fall with my powerhouse punch and make him cry. I was going to make Benny pay.
And guess what?
I did.
I don’t know how it happened. It all happened so fast, but it happened.
Somehow, the whole scenario I had pictured in my head played out just the way it was supposed to. How often does that happen? Believe me, I was as shocked as you are now.
I caught up beside Benny Jo Hideout and it was picture perfect. Benny was too busy laughing to notice me creeping up and when he turned to his left to see me riding alongside him, he had no time to react. I swung my tiny skinny-boy arm and connected to his jaw with my little angry fist.
Bip!
And Benny cried.
He didn’t fall like I had wanted, but by God, Benny cried like the big baby he was. And justice had been served. Eddie Style.
The look on his face was priceless. I still see it in slow motion as his face morphed from that devilish laugh to a look of shock and awe. His mouth went from a huge smile to a stunned “O” and then went plastic as I socked him.
And Big Benny Jo Hideout rode his bike back to his end of the spoon-shaped cul-de-sac, crying all the way. The Gradeless kids, not knowing if they would meet a similar fate for laughing, followed Benny home to regroup and presumably eat and get even more dirt in their never-clean hair.
Children cheered. People whooped. The marching band showed up and the celebratory music was enjoyed by all.
Soon, kids were rushing inside to spread the good news.
“Eddie hit Benny!”
“Benny pushed Jaime down and Eddie hit him!”
“Eddie made Benny cry!”
Parents ran outside throwing streamers and confetti and paparazzi came from the bushes to take my picture and post it in the Daily News.
That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. I did hit Benny. And Benny went crying home.
My parents, who had seen the whole thing, were smiling and proud, waving from the front yard. Their son, The One Who Never Hit, had stood up for his little sister and by God he had won.
It was a beautiful day indeed.
I rode my bike in circles in the spoon and was on top of the world. Todd and Brian and Jake were all telling me “Good job!” My sister was back on her bike and OK, and shouted thank you’s my way.
You’re welcome, little sister. You. Are. Welcome.
All this was going on around me and I was flying high.
Which is why I didn’t see Charlie come running down to the circle to get me.
He came out of nowhere and grabbed the handlebars of my bike, jerking me to a stop.
What the--
And suddenly everything changed. All of a sudden my day went from celebration to utter horror. It happened too fast for me to even register what was going on.
Suddenly I was stopped and Charlie had his hands on my bike and I couldn’t get away and he was leaned over and yelling at me for hitting Benny, the gnawed end of his pipe being jabbed at my nose over and over again. I don’t even remember what Charlie was saying, I was so caught by surprise. I was so preoccupied trying to fathom what was going on that I didn’t register the Hillbilly rambling he was spewing at my face.
I finally looked up at Charlie and he went pale and suddenly took a step back.
I turned.
Dad was coming.
Charlie knew he screwed up.
Just like I had seen what happened to my sister and made it all good, Dad was watching this odd turn of events that unfolded before his eyes and was about to balance things out.
Dad wasn’t about to stand by and let some guy scream and yell at his 11-year-old son, holding him prisoner on his bike while shoving a pipe in the aforementioned son’s face.
Dad told Charlie to get away from me.
Charlie stepped back again, a mix of surprise and seething redneck anger twisting his face into a comedic scowl. (Have I mentioned my Dad is a Golden Gloves boxing champ? That would account for the priceless look on Charlie's face.)
Charlie told Dad that I had hit his son and I had it coming.
Charlie grew testicles and took a step toward Dad.
Dad told Charlie that’s what his son got for pushing over a little 5-year-old girl on a bike.
I slowly began to roll my bike backward. I’m outta here.
Charlie waved his pipe in Dad’s face and said to stay out of it.
Dad told Charlie to get that pipe out of his face.
Charlie waved the pipe closer.
And Dad reached up and smacked the pipe out of Charlie's hand.
The world stopped.
Time froze.
I heard a choir of gasps from all around me.
Whoa.
Charlie couldn’t believe it.
None of us could.
It took all of us a second to realize what happened because it happened that fast. No one saw it coming, especially Charlie.
Point. Whap. Tink!
All Charlie knew is that suddenly his pipe was on the ground and he couldn’t wrap his mind around how it got there.
Dad didn’t move.
Dad was cool.
And then Charlie flipped out.
He bent over and got his pipe and again began yelling. How dare you and you’re in trouble and on and on, arms flailing to accentuate his point.
And Dad just stood there.
All I saw was Charlie yelling in slow-motion, his tobacco stained teeth and black gums moving at 90 miles an hour and I wondered what his breath smelled like.
And then, in a move of such bravado I still don’t know where Charlie found the guts to do it, he began waving his pipe in Dad’s face again.
Look how calm Dad is. He is a Ninja.
As Charlie continued ranting and waving, Dad calmly told Charlie to get that pipe out of his face or he was going to smack it out of his hand again.
Dad was like Clint Eastwood; like Steven Seagal. They weren’t badasses because they intimidated people by screaming and yelling. They were badasses because they intimidated by talking quietly.
Charlie should have known.
And that is where Charlie’s bravery turned to sheer idiocy.
He took that as his cue to shove his pipe even closer to dad’s face. How he managed to avoid poking out one of Dad’s eyes I’ll never know, because that pipe was close.
Charlie punctuated his backwoods tirade by popping the pipe in his mouth and leaning in to dad to put the butt end next to Dad’s nose.
And before Charlie could blink, Dad smacked the pipe again.
Smack!
Right out of Charlie’s mouth!
I still hear the “clack” of wood against teeth as the pipe was again hurled into the air.
A sea of cheers and laughter erupted and Charlie knew he had lost. He had been shamed. Charlie was the Loser.
He turned, snatched the pipe off the ground, and like his son before him a few minutes earlier, retreated home. Only this time instead of a wail of sobs accompanying the journey, it was a wail of shouts and swearing and threats of being arrested.
I sent Benny home crying, and Dad took care of Charlie.
This really was a beautiful day.
Shortly afterward, the entire neighborhood had convened in our yard to congratulate Dad.
Way to go.
to stand up to him.
That was great.
Good job.
I think Dad was a little embarrassed. He hadn’t gone out there to show off or put on a show, he had gone out there to make sure this guy (this grown-up!) wasn’t going to try to do anything to his son.
Soon after we all returned to our respective homes. An uncle who had flown in that day came to visit us before we had to leave for the bigger gathering that evening at my Aunt’s house and I tried to recapture the glory and magic of what had happened. I was talking a mile a minute when The Cops arrived.
Garrett is a small town where everyone pretty much knows everyone else, and The Cops knew my dad. And they also knew Charlie. They talked to Dad for a few minutes and they all got a good laugh out of it. I think one of them gave Dad the thumb’s up and told him good job.
When they left the house without Dad in custody, Charlie (who was waiting at the end of our driveway to witness his final I’ll-Get-You-All triumph) couldn’t believe it.
This was a travesty. An injustice. Arrest that man!
It was obvious that, in the time between calling The Cops and The Cops arriving at his house, Charlie had thrown a few back, and he was fairly intoxicated. The Cops tried to explain why they weren’t going to arrest my dad and everything was OK now, but Charlie wouldn’t have it. And soon The Cops were the target of Charlie’s rage.
And The Cops put Charlie in the squad car and drove away.
I like to think that Charlie was taken to jail where he was promptly raped and sodomized, but I have no proof to back that up.
But you never know.
It was one of those days when everyone was outside. Every kid in the neighborhood was out riding their bike in the cul de sac where I grew up (AKA The Circle). Some grown-ups were out encouraging their lawn to grow by watering it; others were doing their best grass-growing discouragement by mowing it. Some were laying out getting a tan and others were just hanging out and enjoying a cold one, talking about everyone else.
The point is, everyone was outside.
You know when you think back on a perfect summer day and the sky is blue and everything is good and there is love in the air? This was one of those days.
And it would soon be changed.
Eastwood Court was not a place where perfect harmony stayed around for long. Eastwood Court was where perfect harmony came to visit and we would take it around the back and beat the crap out of it.
Observe:
I remember how happy I was. I was 11 years old and I still remember it like it was yesterday. I felt great. It was an awesome day outside, everyone was riding their bike, and my relatives were in town.
We have a family reunion every year, but it's only every few years when the ENTIRE family from all over the states comes into town. This was one of those years, and I was so excited to see my cousin JP from California.
And Aunt Alice was coming in from Idaho. Idaho!! (Once Alice gave me a little pin that was shaped liked a tiny potato and IDAHO was written across it. The tiny eyes on the pin were made of little indentations and I remember running my finger across it so I could feel the little grooves. Idaho!)
My cousins from Chicago would be there, too. My cousins who frightened me. My cousins who grew up speaking English and Spanish and listened to rap music before our little corner of Indiana had ever been exposed to it. My cousins, who spoke really loudly and talked a lot of trash and spoke to each other in code-in Spanish!-and were always laughing and poking fun and chasing and hitting - they hit! - and whom I always steered clear of. Lalito and Roberto. I had to keep an eye on them.
Everyone would be there tonight when we all gathered together for the first time in years.So things were good. I was excited and happy and nothing could go wrong.
Until Benny Jo Hideout cut off my sister on her bike and made her fall and he laughed.I couldn't believe it.
My little 5-year-old sister was riding her bike in front of me and mean ol' Benny Jo Hideout came up behind us on his bike and slammed into her. She lost control of her bike and managed to crash land in the Sattison's front yard.
Benny Jo Hideout!!
That of course, wasn't Benny's real name. He got that name the only way kids get their nicknames. From other kids who are really reaching.
THE HISTORY OF BENNY JO HIDEOUT
Benny never had a chance. If Benny was a character in a book (and I suppose now he kind of is) or in a movie, you'd be able to see how his life ended before it happened. I've never been a fan of clichés, and when they happen in real life, it's just weird. Because clichés aren't actually supposed to happen. They're clichés.
Benny was a couple of years younger than me. I think I had only been in Benny's house once and I remember it smelled of bacon or some other food that required a lot of grease in which to cook. I also remember realizing it was nowhere near breakfast time, so their house must always smell of cooked grease.
Their floor was dirty.
The TV was on and turned up really loudly. No one was watching it.
Yikes.
I don't' remember why I was in Benny's house, but I do remember running away and swearing never to return.
Benny's dad was named Charlie. He was a really skinny guy with a big moustache and glasses. We never saw or heard much from Charlie except after he'd been drinking. We would be outside playing and then hear the screams and shouts. We would try to sneak up to the house to see what was going on, but were never successful.
And when Charlie would yell, he was usually yelling at Benny's mom, Ann. Or, as we called her, Big Fat Ann. Which soon got shortened to just Fat Ann. Fat Ann, Fat Ann, Fat Ann, we would chant and soon even that became shortened to "F'dann" and it became a sound effect that we would use when imaginary bullets ricocheted around us when playing cops and robbers. F'dann! F'dann!
Don't feel bad for Fat Ann. After all, she was fat. It's not like we were saying anything that wasn't true. But you see, F'dann was worse than big or fat. She was MEAN, and if you don't want chants made up about you by the neighborhood kids, then don't be mean.
F'dann was mean and she yelled. But most of all, she hated us. She hated all of us non-F’dann kids because we lived in The Circle and we were all good kids. F'dann could see the future as well as anyone; she wasn't blind. And she knew what was going to happen. She knew that we were going to grow up as good, nice people. She knew we were going to move out of Eastwood Court and live good lives. We were going to get married to other people who had grown up to be good people and were going to continue breeding and reproducing other good people.
F'dann knew that she and Charlie had not produced good people. They had produced two offspring who had taken the worst traits from their parents and put them on display.
They had produced DeeDee, who was basically a miniature version of F'dann. She was 7 years younger than most of us on the block and had already inherited her mother's propensity for food and yelling. Most of the time DeeDee was just ignored or left behind (which wasn't hard to do; she simply wasn’t a fast waddler).
And Charlie and Ann had produced Benny Jo Hideout, who would use his girth and size to try to intimidate the other kids. Benny Jo Hideout, who although did indeed have girth and did indeed have size could not intimidate the other kids because he was a pinhead. Benny Jo Hideout was a bully who didn't know how to bully.
Sad, really.
And, I realize now, they were hillbillies.
It's not uncommon to find Southern accents in the lower part of Indiana, but up where we were at, only about 40 minutes from the Michigan state line, you didn't find a lot of that.
Benny's family had southern accents. Their backyard was a veritable treasure trove of all things hillbilly. A vast assortment of barbecue grills that had rusted reddish-brown. A riding lawn mower graveyard. The standard Pile of Wood With Rusty Nails Sticking Out Of It.
And, standing tall and serving as the ultimate Hillbilly Beacon--the sketchy clubhouse. The clubhouse that Charlie had made for his children that reached high into the sky with supports that couldn’t come close to holding the weight of his children (let alone the heavyset Gradeless kids who would also climb into the clubhouse with them).
Charlie was neither an engineer nor an architect, and it only took a week or so for the tiny 2x4s holding up this wooden deathtrap to wave the white flag and send the entire construction leaning at an angle that would make the Leaning Tower of Pisa appear to be square and plumb.
There was a commercial on at the time for cereal that had a catchy little tune that featured kids in a cool clubhouse and would end with the rough scratchy singer pleading for kids to “Come to the Honeycomb hideout!” Being the Saturday morning cartoon junkies that we were, we heard this song countless number of times, and it was ingrained in our psyche.
And soon, the catchphrase was adapted by us to become “Come to the Benny Jo Hideout” (”Jo” of course being added not because it was part of Benny’s name, but because we needed to make sure our song had the same number of syllables as the commercial).
And thus Benny Jo Hideout was born.
NOW WHERE WAS I
Because of all of this, plus the fact that his heart had about as much feeling as a Bundt cake, on that beautiful day when nothing could (or should!) go wrong, Benny rode his bike up to my sister and forced her off of the street and made her crash.
I didn’t even think.
You know on the Bugs Bunny cartoons when Daffy Duck would get upset, and to signify how enraged he was, the cartoonists would draw his feet red and then the redness would slowly climb up to his duck bill like a thermometer? That was me. Had I actually thought about what I was doing, I probably would have stopped to help my sister instead of trying to take on someone who had 80 pounds on me. But I wasn’t thinking.
And besides, come on. This was Benny Jo Hideout.
I put my bike into high gear and tried to catch up with Benny. He was still laughing. That high-pitched rat-a-tat laugh that echoed through the neighborhood and made small children weep and small birds fall dead from the sky. It wasn’t unlike Judge Doom from Who Framed Roger Rabbit at the end after he’d taken off his mask to reveal the maniacal toon that he was.
Benny laughed like that.
Hee-heehee-hee-hee.
The Gradeless kids were there, too, riding their bikes, and had seen the whole thing. They laughed because they were also evil (They were kind of like the Crabb and Goyle to the sinister Draco Malfoy, if you follow Harry Potter at all).
They were all cackling and howling and my sister had started to cry on the side of the road. Todd had stopped to make sure she was OK. I was in hot pursuit. I was going to catch up with Benny and be the hero. I was going to catch up with him and punch him in the face and send him reeling with a How Do You Like That right hook. I was going to make Benny fall with my powerhouse punch and make him cry. I was going to make Benny pay.
And guess what?
I did.
I don’t know how it happened. It all happened so fast, but it happened.
Somehow, the whole scenario I had pictured in my head played out just the way it was supposed to. How often does that happen? Believe me, I was as shocked as you are now.
I caught up beside Benny Jo Hideout and it was picture perfect. Benny was too busy laughing to notice me creeping up and when he turned to his left to see me riding alongside him, he had no time to react. I swung my tiny skinny-boy arm and connected to his jaw with my little angry fist.
Bip!
And Benny cried.
He didn’t fall like I had wanted, but by God, Benny cried like the big baby he was. And justice had been served. Eddie Style.
The look on his face was priceless. I still see it in slow motion as his face morphed from that devilish laugh to a look of shock and awe. His mouth went from a huge smile to a stunned “O” and then went plastic as I socked him.
And Big Benny Jo Hideout rode his bike back to his end of the spoon-shaped cul-de-sac, crying all the way. The Gradeless kids, not knowing if they would meet a similar fate for laughing, followed Benny home to regroup and presumably eat and get even more dirt in their never-clean hair.
Children cheered. People whooped. The marching band showed up and the celebratory music was enjoyed by all.
Soon, kids were rushing inside to spread the good news.
“Eddie hit Benny!”
“Benny pushed Jaime down and Eddie hit him!”
“Eddie made Benny cry!”
Parents ran outside throwing streamers and confetti and paparazzi came from the bushes to take my picture and post it in the Daily News.
That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. I did hit Benny. And Benny went crying home.
My parents, who had seen the whole thing, were smiling and proud, waving from the front yard. Their son, The One Who Never Hit, had stood up for his little sister and by God he had won.
It was a beautiful day indeed.
I rode my bike in circles in the spoon and was on top of the world. Todd and Brian and Jake were all telling me “Good job!” My sister was back on her bike and OK, and shouted thank you’s my way.
You’re welcome, little sister. You. Are. Welcome.
All this was going on around me and I was flying high.
Which is why I didn’t see Charlie come running down to the circle to get me.
He came out of nowhere and grabbed the handlebars of my bike, jerking me to a stop.
What the--
And suddenly everything changed. All of a sudden my day went from celebration to utter horror. It happened too fast for me to even register what was going on.
Suddenly I was stopped and Charlie had his hands on my bike and I couldn’t get away and he was leaned over and yelling at me for hitting Benny, the gnawed end of his pipe being jabbed at my nose over and over again. I don’t even remember what Charlie was saying, I was so caught by surprise. I was so preoccupied trying to fathom what was going on that I didn’t register the Hillbilly rambling he was spewing at my face.
I finally looked up at Charlie and he went pale and suddenly took a step back.
I turned.
Dad was coming.
Charlie knew he screwed up.
Just like I had seen what happened to my sister and made it all good, Dad was watching this odd turn of events that unfolded before his eyes and was about to balance things out.
Dad wasn’t about to stand by and let some guy scream and yell at his 11-year-old son, holding him prisoner on his bike while shoving a pipe in the aforementioned son’s face.
Dad told Charlie to get away from me.
Charlie stepped back again, a mix of surprise and seething redneck anger twisting his face into a comedic scowl. (Have I mentioned my Dad is a Golden Gloves boxing champ? That would account for the priceless look on Charlie's face.)
Charlie told Dad that I had hit his son and I had it coming.
Charlie grew testicles and took a step toward Dad.
Dad told Charlie that’s what his son got for pushing over a little 5-year-old girl on a bike.
I slowly began to roll my bike backward. I’m outta here.
Charlie waved his pipe in Dad’s face and said to stay out of it.
Dad told Charlie to get that pipe out of his face.
Charlie waved the pipe closer.
And Dad reached up and smacked the pipe out of Charlie's hand.
The world stopped.
Time froze.
I heard a choir of gasps from all around me.
Whoa.
Charlie couldn’t believe it.
None of us could.
It took all of us a second to realize what happened because it happened that fast. No one saw it coming, especially Charlie.
Point. Whap. Tink!
All Charlie knew is that suddenly his pipe was on the ground and he couldn’t wrap his mind around how it got there.
Dad didn’t move.
Dad was cool.
And then Charlie flipped out.
He bent over and got his pipe and again began yelling. How dare you and you’re in trouble and on and on, arms flailing to accentuate his point.
And Dad just stood there.
All I saw was Charlie yelling in slow-motion, his tobacco stained teeth and black gums moving at 90 miles an hour and I wondered what his breath smelled like.
And then, in a move of such bravado I still don’t know where Charlie found the guts to do it, he began waving his pipe in Dad’s face again.
Look how calm Dad is. He is a Ninja.
As Charlie continued ranting and waving, Dad calmly told Charlie to get that pipe out of his face or he was going to smack it out of his hand again.
Dad was like Clint Eastwood; like Steven Seagal. They weren’t badasses because they intimidated people by screaming and yelling. They were badasses because they intimidated by talking quietly.
Charlie should have known.
And that is where Charlie’s bravery turned to sheer idiocy.
He took that as his cue to shove his pipe even closer to dad’s face. How he managed to avoid poking out one of Dad’s eyes I’ll never know, because that pipe was close.
Charlie punctuated his backwoods tirade by popping the pipe in his mouth and leaning in to dad to put the butt end next to Dad’s nose.
And before Charlie could blink, Dad smacked the pipe again.
Smack!
Right out of Charlie’s mouth!
I still hear the “clack” of wood against teeth as the pipe was again hurled into the air.
A sea of cheers and laughter erupted and Charlie knew he had lost. He had been shamed. Charlie was the Loser.
He turned, snatched the pipe off the ground, and like his son before him a few minutes earlier, retreated home. Only this time instead of a wail of sobs accompanying the journey, it was a wail of shouts and swearing and threats of being arrested.
I sent Benny home crying, and Dad took care of Charlie.
This really was a beautiful day.
AND THEN...
Shortly afterward, the entire neighborhood had convened in our yard to congratulate Dad.
Way to go.
to stand up to him.
That was great.
Good job.
I think Dad was a little embarrassed. He hadn’t gone out there to show off or put on a show, he had gone out there to make sure this guy (this grown-up!) wasn’t going to try to do anything to his son.
Soon after we all returned to our respective homes. An uncle who had flown in that day came to visit us before we had to leave for the bigger gathering that evening at my Aunt’s house and I tried to recapture the glory and magic of what had happened. I was talking a mile a minute when The Cops arrived.
Garrett is a small town where everyone pretty much knows everyone else, and The Cops knew my dad. And they also knew Charlie. They talked to Dad for a few minutes and they all got a good laugh out of it. I think one of them gave Dad the thumb’s up and told him good job.
When they left the house without Dad in custody, Charlie (who was waiting at the end of our driveway to witness his final I’ll-Get-You-All triumph) couldn’t believe it.
This was a travesty. An injustice. Arrest that man!
It was obvious that, in the time between calling The Cops and The Cops arriving at his house, Charlie had thrown a few back, and he was fairly intoxicated. The Cops tried to explain why they weren’t going to arrest my dad and everything was OK now, but Charlie wouldn’t have it. And soon The Cops were the target of Charlie’s rage.
And The Cops put Charlie in the squad car and drove away.
I like to think that Charlie was taken to jail where he was promptly raped and sodomized, but I have no proof to back that up.
But you never know.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
The Toilet Paper Championship of 2006
When a group of people are forced into a confined area for a set amount of time, it's pretty amusing the games that will be created to keep everyone entertained.
At the National Comedy Theatre, the cast members stay downstairs in the basement before each show. It's a pretty big and open space. Our call time is 6:30 each night, so we're usually down there about 30-45 minutes before the show starts. Most of the time the guys play soccer while the girls yell at the guys for accidentally kicking the ball into their heads while they sit on the sidelines.
Last night our first show was canceled/postponed (depending on who you talk to). Chris was scheduled to be the referee for the 7:30 show and JT was on the schedule to ref the 2nd show. Because Chris claimed the first show was canceled and since JT was scheduled to ref the 9:45 show, he claimed JT should be the ref. JT claimed that the first show was only postponed and since Chris was to ref the first show, the 9:45 was technically the first show and so Chris should ref.
And what better way to settle the dispute than a good friendly competition. The rules were simple: The two guys stand at opposite ends of the basement. One of them is blindfolded and given a roll of toilet paper. The other chooses a spot and must stand there while the toilet paper roll is thrown at them. If they're hit, then they have to ref.
Pure and simple. Sure, it's a bit juvenile and what-have-you, but that's how guys settle things. There was no question about it, Chris won fair and square. The rest of us had a good laugh as they continued to go back and forth blindly throwing toilet paper at each other and all was well in the universe.
At the National Comedy Theatre, the cast members stay downstairs in the basement before each show. It's a pretty big and open space. Our call time is 6:30 each night, so we're usually down there about 30-45 minutes before the show starts. Most of the time the guys play soccer while the girls yell at the guys for accidentally kicking the ball into their heads while they sit on the sidelines.
Last night our first show was canceled/postponed (depending on who you talk to). Chris was scheduled to be the referee for the 7:30 show and JT was on the schedule to ref the 2nd show. Because Chris claimed the first show was canceled and since JT was scheduled to ref the 9:45 show, he claimed JT should be the ref. JT claimed that the first show was only postponed and since Chris was to ref the first show, the 9:45 was technically the first show and so Chris should ref.
And what better way to settle the dispute than a good friendly competition. The rules were simple: The two guys stand at opposite ends of the basement. One of them is blindfolded and given a roll of toilet paper. The other chooses a spot and must stand there while the toilet paper roll is thrown at them. If they're hit, then they have to ref.
Pure and simple. Sure, it's a bit juvenile and what-have-you, but that's how guys settle things. There was no question about it, Chris won fair and square. The rest of us had a good laugh as they continued to go back and forth blindly throwing toilet paper at each other and all was well in the universe.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
My Dumb Camera
I was having a lot of fun fulfilling friends' requests of "Things They Wanna See Ed Do." I grabbed my trusty camera to continue the fun picture taking and all of a sudden it's not working. I turn it on, and all I get is a black screen, like the lens cap is on (but it's not. Trust me, I checked). The digital displays and icons on the LED screen are still there, just no picture. And the dumb thing is only like two years old. Great. I guess that's what I get for taking it all over with me and actually using it.
So until I get the money for a new camera, the requests will be out of commission for a bit. Say it with me:
Boooooo.
So until I get the money for a new camera, the requests will be out of commission for a bit. Say it with me:
Boooooo.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
That Really Good Feeling
You know that feeling you get when you wake up in the morning and as soon as you get up, you know you've slept in? And you look at the clock and you're like I was supposed to be at work an hour ago!! And that panicked feeling rushes in and you can feel the adrenaline start slamming?
Today was just the opposite.
I got up at 7:00 and started to get myself around. I hadn't really started to wake up when I re-checked my calendar and found out I had today off.
Wow, that ROCKED. I piddled around for a while, never quite waking up, checked and double-checked to make sure I was right, and then went back to bed.
What a great way to start the day!!
Today was just the opposite.
I got up at 7:00 and started to get myself around. I hadn't really started to wake up when I re-checked my calendar and found out I had today off.
Wow, that ROCKED. I piddled around for a while, never quite waking up, checked and double-checked to make sure I was right, and then went back to bed.
What a great way to start the day!!
Thursday, January 05, 2006
The Lowering of Our Standards
Something is seriously wrong with the universe. I was watching Bravo tonight (or, as I refer to it, The West Wing Rerun Channel) and saw a promo for the upcoming season of Inside the Actor's Studio. Imagine my surprise to see a line-up that included such talented and compelling actors as Queen Latifah, Dave Chappelle, and Martin Lawrence.
WHAT?
Now bear in mind, I have nothing against any of the aforementioned actors and being into comedy like I am, I'm a huge fan of Lawrence and Chappelle. But I'm also fairly realistic. This show isn't Inside the Famous People's Studio or Inside the Who's Hot Now Studio. What's going on here? I suppose gone are the likes of Steven Spielberg, Tom Hanks, Richard Dreyfuss, and Jodie Foster.
So I turned the channel and landed on AMC (American Movie Classics. Classics, people!). And much to my chagrin, the movie they were playing was Kindergarten Cop.
I weep for the future.
WHAT?
Now bear in mind, I have nothing against any of the aforementioned actors and being into comedy like I am, I'm a huge fan of Lawrence and Chappelle. But I'm also fairly realistic. This show isn't Inside the Famous People's Studio or Inside the Who's Hot Now Studio. What's going on here? I suppose gone are the likes of Steven Spielberg, Tom Hanks, Richard Dreyfuss, and Jodie Foster.
So I turned the channel and landed on AMC (American Movie Classics. Classics, people!). And much to my chagrin, the movie they were playing was Kindergarten Cop.
I weep for the future.
Monday, January 02, 2006
Improv Debut Photos
My good buddy Paul just sent me some photos he took of my debut performance at the National Comedy Theatre .
Thanks, Paul!
Thanks, Paul!
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Happy New Year!
Wow. Really. Wow.
That's the only word that comes to mind. It was an amazing show last night at the National Comedy Theater's New Years Eve Comedy Spectacular. It was a sold-out show and there were even reports of a few people trying to sneak in to see the show.
As far as the cast goes, it was the biggest cast I've gotten to play with (3 against 3 with a DJ and a ref) and we all had a blast. I was in red once again. Kevin was our captain and we also had Adi on our side. We played against JT, Tyler, and Virginia in blue. Chris was the DJ and Kramer took ref duty.
The show began at 9:30 and we were off and running. The crowd was amazing. They were all truly happy to be there and every time someone sent them into a wave of laughter (and it happened quite a few times!) it was incredible. During the game of "185" I got an overwhelming response to a joke I didn't think would go over very well and it caught me by surprise. I'm still not sure why people went nuts over it but I'm not complaining. It was a fun moment.
Faithful readers of my blog are probably tired of hearing me going on and on about how great my fellow cast members are, but I don't care. They deserve every bit of credit and last night's show was a model of how great they are.
After the show there was catered food and we had about a half hour to wait to ring in the new year. It was fun mingling with the people who came out to see the show and at the stroke of midnight, we all yelled and whooped accordingly.
It was a great way to start off the year; doing what I love to do with people I love doing it with.
Greetings, 2006. Let's dance.
That's the only word that comes to mind. It was an amazing show last night at the National Comedy Theater's New Years Eve Comedy Spectacular. It was a sold-out show and there were even reports of a few people trying to sneak in to see the show.
As far as the cast goes, it was the biggest cast I've gotten to play with (3 against 3 with a DJ and a ref) and we all had a blast. I was in red once again. Kevin was our captain and we also had Adi on our side. We played against JT, Tyler, and Virginia in blue. Chris was the DJ and Kramer took ref duty.
The show began at 9:30 and we were off and running. The crowd was amazing. They were all truly happy to be there and every time someone sent them into a wave of laughter (and it happened quite a few times!) it was incredible. During the game of "185" I got an overwhelming response to a joke I didn't think would go over very well and it caught me by surprise. I'm still not sure why people went nuts over it but I'm not complaining. It was a fun moment.
Faithful readers of my blog are probably tired of hearing me going on and on about how great my fellow cast members are, but I don't care. They deserve every bit of credit and last night's show was a model of how great they are.
After the show there was catered food and we had about a half hour to wait to ring in the new year. It was fun mingling with the people who came out to see the show and at the stroke of midnight, we all yelled and whooped accordingly.
It was a great way to start off the year; doing what I love to do with people I love doing it with.
Greetings, 2006. Let's dance.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
SOLD OUT!!
I have good news and bad news. It's the same news, it's just good or bad depending on whether or not you scored a ticket to the New Years Eve Comedy Spectacular at the National Comedy Theatre Saturday night.
SOLD OUT, BABY. SOLD THE FREAK OUT.
My second week performing in an off-Broadway show and I've already got a sold-out show coming up. True, it might have a little bit more to do with the fact that it's a HUGE PARTY rather than my big head is going to be on the stage, but I'm still excited about it!
It's a special performance of improv comedy followed by an all-out New Year's party with the cast complete with catered food, booze, and party music.
But fear not New Yorkers. You can still get your fill of New Year's improv by checking out one of the two shows Friday night (7:30 & 9:45).
Come on out and share a laugh!
SOLD OUT, BABY. SOLD THE FREAK OUT.
My second week performing in an off-Broadway show and I've already got a sold-out show coming up. True, it might have a little bit more to do with the fact that it's a HUGE PARTY rather than my big head is going to be on the stage, but I'm still excited about it!
It's a special performance of improv comedy followed by an all-out New Year's party with the cast complete with catered food, booze, and party music.
But fear not New Yorkers. You can still get your fill of New Year's improv by checking out one of the two shows Friday night (7:30 & 9:45).
Come on out and share a laugh!
No One To Blame
Is it just me, or is everyone looking for someone else to blame? When I was younger, if someone was on TV acting stupid it was because of the drugs they did in the 60s. Then people were acting crazy because of VietNam. Now people blame their past: their childhood, their parents, they spanked me too much, they didn't spank me enough, my Dad didn't hug me, the kids made fun of me, bla bla bla.
How about this: If you're an adult and you do something stupid, just say you did something stupid. I goof up all the time. Big goofs. Little goofs. Medium-sized goofs (or grande sized if you work at Starbucks) and there are a ton of things I could blame for my stupid behavior but the truth of the matter is, those things didn't make me goof up. I did that all on my own and of my own free will. I understand people go through things that may have an impact on their lives, but really, should that be the reason to treat others the way we so often do?
If you're reading this and thinking I wrote this about you, then you're wrong. As much as this blog seems like an irate response to something someone did to me or I experienced, it really isn't. I actually thought of it this morning when I was going down the hall to the bathroom.
Apparently poop makes me angry.
How about this: If you're an adult and you do something stupid, just say you did something stupid. I goof up all the time. Big goofs. Little goofs. Medium-sized goofs (or grande sized if you work at Starbucks) and there are a ton of things I could blame for my stupid behavior but the truth of the matter is, those things didn't make me goof up. I did that all on my own and of my own free will. I understand people go through things that may have an impact on their lives, but really, should that be the reason to treat others the way we so often do?
If you're reading this and thinking I wrote this about you, then you're wrong. As much as this blog seems like an irate response to something someone did to me or I experienced, it really isn't. I actually thought of it this morning when I was going down the hall to the bathroom.
Apparently poop makes me angry.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Playing It Again, Sam
Here comes the giddiness again! :)
I just received the schedule for this weekend's improv shows at the National Comedy Theater and I am slated to play the shows both nights, Friday and Saturday. I'm stoked!!
The Friday shows are at 7:30 and 9:45 and of course, it's still not too late to make reservations for the big New Year's Eve blowout Saturday night! Tickets are going really fast for that show, so if you're in the NY area and want to find something to do besides mingle with a billion smelly tourists* in Times Square then this is it! Check out NCT's New Year's Eve Comedy Blowout!! How do you know it's going to be fun? Because there's no set time when the fun will stop. That's right! It's scheduled from 9:30 to QUESTION MARK!!!!!!
Tell 2005 thanks but no thanks and ring in 2006 laughing your head off!!
*[No offense to my dear friend Edlyn, who will actually be in Times Square as a tourist that night to watch the ball drop. I assure you she is not smelly. But I also assure you that everyone else will be.]
I just received the schedule for this weekend's improv shows at the National Comedy Theater and I am slated to play the shows both nights, Friday and Saturday. I'm stoked!!
The Friday shows are at 7:30 and 9:45 and of course, it's still not too late to make reservations for the big New Year's Eve blowout Saturday night! Tickets are going really fast for that show, so if you're in the NY area and want to find something to do besides mingle with a billion smelly tourists* in Times Square then this is it! Check out NCT's New Year's Eve Comedy Blowout!! How do you know it's going to be fun? Because there's no set time when the fun will stop. That's right! It's scheduled from 9:30 to QUESTION MARK!!!!!!
Tell 2005 thanks but no thanks and ring in 2006 laughing your head off!!
*[No offense to my dear friend Edlyn, who will actually be in Times Square as a tourist that night to watch the ball drop. I assure you she is not smelly. But I also assure you that everyone else will be.]
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Friday Night (A Look Back)
Simply put, Friday night was a blast.
And it went by so fast, I can hardly remember what happened just a couple of days later.
The week approaching my off-Broadway debut at the National Comedy Theater, I was pretty nervous. I don't usually get nervous before a show (what I usually feel is probably best described as anxious), so the fact I was finding it hard to sleep on Tuesday night was a new experience.
It's hard to say how much of it was nerves and how much of it was that familiar anxious feeling. I was just eager and excited and ready to play. I've been to pretty much every show since I've started rehearsing with them a couple of months ago and after weeks of watching some great improv week after week I wanted to jump up there and play with them.
As Friday evening rolled around I found that the closer it got to showtime, the calmer I became. It was like entering a Zen-like state without all of that annoying Zen stuff. Of course, what helped the most was knowing that I was going to be up there with a great team of people whom I knew had my back. Their support over the last few weeks has been amazing and to have that level of trust like I have with them over such a short time is a blessing I don't take for granted.
The players scheduled for that night also included Kramer, Chris, Tyler, and Michael Jeffrey Cohen. That's right. It was going to be a two-on-two improv competition. When I got to the theater I got word that Gary Cohen, one of the players not scheduled to be there, was going to show up to play the first show. I was stoked! Cohen has been a great support and made me feel right at home on the team and the fact that he wanted to be there to play my first show really meant a lot to me.
You know all of those shows I've been attending over the last few weeks just as an audience member? Well, it paid off. I played a bunch of games that night that I had never played before and I had a blast! Because I'd seen the team play them before, I had a general idea of what was supposed to happen.
It was Tyler and me in blue "against" the two Cohens in red. Kramer was the ref and Chris was the DJ (Designated Jokester). We played Emotional Symphony, Blind Line Fairy Tale, Dinner at Joe's, Five Things, Beastie Rap, and Story. And that was just the first show.
It was a really good crowd and I experienced everything from the "deer in the headlights" to genuine laughter and it was a great ride. Afterward I told Kramer I couldn't believe how quickly it went. Thankfully my buddy Paul was up in the sound booth taking pictures for me to help me remember what I was doing up there (I'll post the pictures as soon as I get them from him).
The second show was a much much smaller (and quieter) crowd, but I was still riding the high from the first show so it didn't bug me much.
All in all, I was happy. There were some things I would have done differently and some things I was happy with. I think the people who were there left the theater glad they had come and had smiles on their faces, and that's all I ask.
Let's keep this E-Train rolling!
And it went by so fast, I can hardly remember what happened just a couple of days later.
The week approaching my off-Broadway debut at the National Comedy Theater, I was pretty nervous. I don't usually get nervous before a show (what I usually feel is probably best described as anxious), so the fact I was finding it hard to sleep on Tuesday night was a new experience.
It's hard to say how much of it was nerves and how much of it was that familiar anxious feeling. I was just eager and excited and ready to play. I've been to pretty much every show since I've started rehearsing with them a couple of months ago and after weeks of watching some great improv week after week I wanted to jump up there and play with them.
As Friday evening rolled around I found that the closer it got to showtime, the calmer I became. It was like entering a Zen-like state without all of that annoying Zen stuff. Of course, what helped the most was knowing that I was going to be up there with a great team of people whom I knew had my back. Their support over the last few weeks has been amazing and to have that level of trust like I have with them over such a short time is a blessing I don't take for granted.
The players scheduled for that night also included Kramer, Chris, Tyler, and Michael Jeffrey Cohen. That's right. It was going to be a two-on-two improv competition. When I got to the theater I got word that Gary Cohen, one of the players not scheduled to be there, was going to show up to play the first show. I was stoked! Cohen has been a great support and made me feel right at home on the team and the fact that he wanted to be there to play my first show really meant a lot to me.
You know all of those shows I've been attending over the last few weeks just as an audience member? Well, it paid off. I played a bunch of games that night that I had never played before and I had a blast! Because I'd seen the team play them before, I had a general idea of what was supposed to happen.
It was Tyler and me in blue "against" the two Cohens in red. Kramer was the ref and Chris was the DJ (Designated Jokester). We played Emotional Symphony, Blind Line Fairy Tale, Dinner at Joe's, Five Things, Beastie Rap, and Story. And that was just the first show.
It was a really good crowd and I experienced everything from the "deer in the headlights" to genuine laughter and it was a great ride. Afterward I told Kramer I couldn't believe how quickly it went. Thankfully my buddy Paul was up in the sound booth taking pictures for me to help me remember what I was doing up there (I'll post the pictures as soon as I get them from him).
The second show was a much much smaller (and quieter) crowd, but I was still riding the high from the first show so it didn't bug me much.
All in all, I was happy. There were some things I would have done differently and some things I was happy with. I think the people who were there left the theater glad they had come and had smiles on their faces, and that's all I ask.
Let's keep this E-Train rolling!
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
They Really ARE the Whitest!
Well, it's only taken me 4 months to do it, but I was finally able to see my friend Timmy's sketch group, The Whitest Kids U Know, perform tonight at the Upright Citizen's Brigade theater. I know how hard it is to do not just sketch comedy, but good sketch comedy, and these guys really were good.
There's big things happening with them so keep an eye (and ear) out for them. In the meantime, well done, Whitest Kids!!
Ands speaking of comedy I just found out I am performing not just this Friday night, but Saturday as well at the National Comedy Theater. As Ed Grimley used to say, I mean come on. It just doesn't get more decent than that, you know?
There's big things happening with them so keep an eye (and ear) out for them. In the meantime, well done, Whitest Kids!!
Ands speaking of comedy I just found out I am performing not just this Friday night, but Saturday as well at the National Comedy Theater. As Ed Grimley used to say, I mean come on. It just doesn't get more decent than that, you know?
Monday, December 19, 2005
Friday
Well, it's almost here. Friday is the big day for me at the National Comedy Theatre. After months of rehearsal and then joining the performers in their rehearsals for a few weeks, this weekend is the weekend I take the stage.
I'm stoked. I'm excited. I'm nervous. And I'm also aware that a lot of the regular players are out of town for the holidays and they are in need of players for the weekend so that may be part of the reason I'm getting my shot this week as well. But I'm not complaining. My first off-Broadway production and it's a show I am very proud to be part of.
The cast has been great to get to know and work with and it's really cool how amazingly supportive they've been. It's been an extremely welcoming vibe and after watching them on stage each weekend I am anxious to get up there and play with them. A lot of improv is about trust and it's a team of players I know I can definitely depend on.
So here we go!!
I'm stoked. I'm excited. I'm nervous. And I'm also aware that a lot of the regular players are out of town for the holidays and they are in need of players for the weekend so that may be part of the reason I'm getting my shot this week as well. But I'm not complaining. My first off-Broadway production and it's a show I am very proud to be part of.
The cast has been great to get to know and work with and it's really cool how amazingly supportive they've been. It's been an extremely welcoming vibe and after watching them on stage each weekend I am anxious to get up there and play with them. A lot of improv is about trust and it's a team of players I know I can definitely depend on.
So here we go!!
Sunday, December 18, 2005
New York State of Mind
I don't know if this will make any sense, but I think tonight was the first time I actually felt like I lived in New York. Or maybe I should say I felt like a real New Yorker [even though Gary says I'm not a real New Yorker until I've seen a Yankees game].
Tonight I was with some of the guys from the National Comedy Theater and there were a few moments that felt like I was in a party scene in a Woody Allen film. That was really cool.
Afterwards Kevin, Cohen, and I were on the subway and that just felt...I don't know, I guess it fit. Guys just on the subway hanging out after a fun evening and all was well with the universe [despite the impending MTA strike]. Combine that with Friday night when, after the show, I got to spend some time hanging out with Chris and Amy and had a blast getting to know them a little more.
Not only have I found the chance to be involved with excellent improv at the NCT, but I've also met some great people and am forging great friendships and conversation. Despite all that's going on with me right now and the divorce and all that, life is pretty darn good.
Tonight I was with some of the guys from the National Comedy Theater and there were a few moments that felt like I was in a party scene in a Woody Allen film. That was really cool.
Afterwards Kevin, Cohen, and I were on the subway and that just felt...I don't know, I guess it fit. Guys just on the subway hanging out after a fun evening and all was well with the universe [despite the impending MTA strike]. Combine that with Friday night when, after the show, I got to spend some time hanging out with Chris and Amy and had a blast getting to know them a little more.
Not only have I found the chance to be involved with excellent improv at the NCT, but I've also met some great people and am forging great friendships and conversation. Despite all that's going on with me right now and the divorce and all that, life is pretty darn good.
Friday, December 16, 2005
Irony in New York
I was walking to work today and passed by a theater. Unfortunately, the show at this particular theater was ending its run; shutting down; calling it quits. There were semi trucks parked in front of the theater and guys were unloading the stage and taking down all of the signage. Time to pack it up, boys.
And then I noticed what show it was and laughed out loud and had to take a picture. I mean come on, folks, am I the only one that found the humor in this??
That's right, the show that was leaving was Billy Joel's Movin' Out.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Comedy Tonight [and yesterday night]
What a great week it's been for comedy.
Yesterday I got off work a little early and I was feeling so giddy about it that I decided to go to the Gotham Comedy Club and see what was cooking there. It's the only club I've been to so far in the City [at least to see a show] and I knew the cover was only ten bucks to get in [plus a 2-drink minimum].
I can't tell you how glad I was that I went [but I'll try]. The crowd was pretty small and it was freezing inside. I don't mean I was a little chilly I mean it was horrendously cold in there. People were wearing mittens and I left my scarf on. Which says a lot for all of the comics. If you're able to get people to forget that their backside is stuck to their seats and make them laugh, then you're doing something right. Performing that night were Ted Alexandro, Todd Barry, Mike Birbiglia, Steve Byrne, and Judy Gold. Erin Foley did a great job hosting so again, well done!
Tonight I went to a taping of a couple of episodes of Comedy Central Presents with Virginia and Mike, buddies from the NCT (Mike's friend Simon rounded out our little merry band of comedy seekers). We had to wiat outside in the rain/sleet for a while but it wasn't coming down terribly hard and since we're all in improv we were able to keep ourselves entertained.
I've already forgotten the name of the first comic. Her last name is Mooney, I know that much. The background for her set was a huge 4-leaf clover. She did a really good job but I must admit I was awaiting the second comic of the night, Nick Swardson. You may have seen his earlier episode of Comedy Central Presents ["Nicholas, you're the strongest grandson ever!"] and he did not disappoint this time around.
And then tomorrow and Saturday night it's off for more comedy hijinks and shenanigans. If laughter is the best medicine then this week I done got myself immunized for the next three years.
Yesterday I got off work a little early and I was feeling so giddy about it that I decided to go to the Gotham Comedy Club and see what was cooking there. It's the only club I've been to so far in the City [at least to see a show] and I knew the cover was only ten bucks to get in [plus a 2-drink minimum].
I can't tell you how glad I was that I went [but I'll try]. The crowd was pretty small and it was freezing inside. I don't mean I was a little chilly I mean it was horrendously cold in there. People were wearing mittens and I left my scarf on. Which says a lot for all of the comics. If you're able to get people to forget that their backside is stuck to their seats and make them laugh, then you're doing something right. Performing that night were Ted Alexandro, Todd Barry, Mike Birbiglia, Steve Byrne, and Judy Gold. Erin Foley did a great job hosting so again, well done!
Tonight I went to a taping of a couple of episodes of Comedy Central Presents with Virginia and Mike, buddies from the NCT (Mike's friend Simon rounded out our little merry band of comedy seekers). We had to wiat outside in the rain/sleet for a while but it wasn't coming down terribly hard and since we're all in improv we were able to keep ourselves entertained.
I've already forgotten the name of the first comic. Her last name is Mooney, I know that much. The background for her set was a huge 4-leaf clover. She did a really good job but I must admit I was awaiting the second comic of the night, Nick Swardson. You may have seen his earlier episode of Comedy Central Presents ["Nicholas, you're the strongest grandson ever!"] and he did not disappoint this time around.
And then tomorrow and Saturday night it's off for more comedy hijinks and shenanigans. If laughter is the best medicine then this week I done got myself immunized for the next three years.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Dear Premiere Magazine: SHUT UP
A couple of weeks ago I picked up a copy of Premiere magazine [mostly because I was at the Duane Reade and bored out of my skull]. Peter Jackson was on the cover looking freakishly skinny and I mean hey, how can you not buy it.
Inside the magazine was a free mini-pamphlet of Premiere Magazine's "50 Hidden Gems out on DVD." Movies that didn't do very well the first time they hit theaters but deserved to find a place in your own personal collection. I didn't recognize many of the films but the ones I had seen [Office Space, Suicide Kings, Go] I enjoyed so I figured they knew what they were talking about. I don't have a ton of money to blow on DVDs just because Premiere recommends them so instead I decided to go through the entire list of 50 movies and borrow them from the library.
Can I just say that for a movie magazine, Premiere doesn't know what the freak they're talking about. They should have named it "50 Hidden Movies That Are Hidden Because They're Long and Boring."
The first one I got from the library was The Tenant, directed by and starring Roman Polanski. First of all, it's in English. Takes place in France. But some of the people speak English and other people are speaking in French and are dubbed over in English. So for part of the film Roman Polanski is speaking English but when he's doing scenes with people who obviously don't speak English he switches to speaking in French, with the audio dubbed over. And that got on my nerves really quickly.
Oh yeah. And it's really super-boring. "Hey look at me, I'm a guy who's weird for no reason and I'm gonna rent this apartment. And I'm gonna take 25 minutes to do it. Oh no, my friends make too much noise and the landlord hates us! Oh no, the previous tenant committed suicide.Look at me, I'm an auteur!"
Tonight's time-waster of choice was Shadow of a Doubt. I was actually excited about this one because it was directed by Alfred Hitchcock. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a huge Hitchcock fan and I understand a lot of people think his films drag in the beginning while he's setting up the story. I've never minded that, because to me if you have a good story, it doesn't drag.
Hitch didn't have a good story with this one and it dragged. It drug. It drugged and dragged. Hey, let me save you and hour and a half. This guy goes to visit his family in California. And that's the first HOUR. And then oh yeah, maybe he's a killer. So then you think, "Now it's gonna get good!" But it doesn't. Instead they eat dinner and read the newspaper and go to church and go to the library and go to a restaurant and eat and totally forget to build any suspense or story at all. And then it's like ohwaitweonlyhave10minutesleftquickgetonatrainandthebadguywilltrytokilltheheroine.
So thanks, Premiere. Thanks for wasting my time not with one, but two bad, boring films. I'm sure there are some good ones on there, but I've given up. Maybe I'll start hitting up films on the various AFI lists because Premiere magazine knows about as much about recommending films as I know about Butte, Montana.
Hey Premiere! In the words of my friend Amy Albert,
Inside the magazine was a free mini-pamphlet of Premiere Magazine's "50 Hidden Gems out on DVD." Movies that didn't do very well the first time they hit theaters but deserved to find a place in your own personal collection. I didn't recognize many of the films but the ones I had seen [Office Space, Suicide Kings, Go] I enjoyed so I figured they knew what they were talking about. I don't have a ton of money to blow on DVDs just because Premiere recommends them so instead I decided to go through the entire list of 50 movies and borrow them from the library.
Can I just say that for a movie magazine, Premiere doesn't know what the freak they're talking about. They should have named it "50 Hidden Movies That Are Hidden Because They're Long and Boring."
The first one I got from the library was The Tenant, directed by and starring Roman Polanski. First of all, it's in English. Takes place in France. But some of the people speak English and other people are speaking in French and are dubbed over in English. So for part of the film Roman Polanski is speaking English but when he's doing scenes with people who obviously don't speak English he switches to speaking in French, with the audio dubbed over. And that got on my nerves really quickly.
Oh yeah. And it's really super-boring. "Hey look at me, I'm a guy who's weird for no reason and I'm gonna rent this apartment. And I'm gonna take 25 minutes to do it. Oh no, my friends make too much noise and the landlord hates us! Oh no, the previous tenant committed suicide.Look at me, I'm an auteur!"
Tonight's time-waster of choice was Shadow of a Doubt. I was actually excited about this one because it was directed by Alfred Hitchcock. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a huge Hitchcock fan and I understand a lot of people think his films drag in the beginning while he's setting up the story. I've never minded that, because to me if you have a good story, it doesn't drag.
Hitch didn't have a good story with this one and it dragged. It drug. It drugged and dragged. Hey, let me save you and hour and a half. This guy goes to visit his family in California. And that's the first HOUR. And then oh yeah, maybe he's a killer. So then you think, "Now it's gonna get good!" But it doesn't. Instead they eat dinner and read the newspaper and go to church and go to the library and go to a restaurant and eat and totally forget to build any suspense or story at all. And then it's like ohwaitweonlyhave10minutesleftquickgetonatrainandthebadguywilltrytokilltheheroine.
So thanks, Premiere. Thanks for wasting my time not with one, but two bad, boring films. I'm sure there are some good ones on there, but I've given up. Maybe I'll start hitting up films on the various AFI lists because Premiere magazine knows about as much about recommending films as I know about Butte, Montana.
Hey Premiere! In the words of my friend Amy Albert,
SUCK IT.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Cold Without Snow is Just Cold
Where's our holdiay season snowfall? Everyone else has snow, but New York doesn't! What gives?
It's not that I'm absolutley dying for snow, but I'm looking for a reason to be distracted by the cold weather. The other day it snowed overnight and when I woke up it was still falling. Huge flakes that got me excited and made me feel like a kid again.
I walked to work with a spring in my step. Most of the other people walking the streets seemed disgruntled to be out in such weather but I was digging every minute of it. Sure it was cold, but I could care less. The snow was beautiful!
By the time I left work the snow had melted but it was still just as cold outside and I was not enjoying the cold weather sans snow. Cold weather with snow is bearable. Cold weather without snow is just annoying.
As I walked home tonight from work it was the coldest it's been so far and there was no snow to make up for it.
Come on, snow. You're slacking here.
It's not that I'm absolutley dying for snow, but I'm looking for a reason to be distracted by the cold weather. The other day it snowed overnight and when I woke up it was still falling. Huge flakes that got me excited and made me feel like a kid again.
I walked to work with a spring in my step. Most of the other people walking the streets seemed disgruntled to be out in such weather but I was digging every minute of it. Sure it was cold, but I could care less. The snow was beautiful!
By the time I left work the snow had melted but it was still just as cold outside and I was not enjoying the cold weather sans snow. Cold weather with snow is bearable. Cold weather without snow is just annoying.
As I walked home tonight from work it was the coldest it's been so far and there was no snow to make up for it.
Come on, snow. You're slacking here.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
The Year In Review 2005
What have I been doing? What have I been up to? If you have a few moments I’ll fill you in with my First Annual Year In Review…..
2005 – YEAR IN REVIEW
A Timeline by Ed Placencia
A Timeline by Ed Placencia
JANUARY
As the year began I was still living in Nashville, working at the Opryland Hotel as a tour guide on the Delta Riverboats.
As the year began I was still living in Nashville, working at the Opryland Hotel as a tour guide on the Delta Riverboats.
January 19 My good friend Aaron Marrs was lost at sea during a deep sea fishing excursion. He lived his life in a way that inspired me to chase my dreams and changed my year.
January 24 I began rehearsal for Sunday in New York at Chaffin’s Barn Dinner Theater.
January 24 I began rehearsal for Sunday in New York at Chaffin’s Barn Dinner Theater.
FEBRUARY
February 11 Opening night of Sunday in New York marks my first time on the stage in over four years.
February 11 Opening night of Sunday in New York marks my first time on the stage in over four years.
MARCH
March 12 The final performance of Sunday in New York.
March 29 Deciding it was time to get off my butt and put my money where my mouth is, I performed comedy at an open mic night, marking my first time doing stand-up since my years in college, 15 years earlier. Despite the long hiatus, it went well.
March 12 The final performance of Sunday in New York.
March 29 Deciding it was time to get off my butt and put my money where my mouth is, I performed comedy at an open mic night, marking my first time doing stand-up since my years in college, 15 years earlier. Despite the long hiatus, it went well.
APRIL
Still not earning enough money after losing my job the previous year, expenses finally catch up with me and our house is foreclosed upon. This marks one of the most difficult periods of time in my life but with the help of loved ones, especially Davy and Jenn Baysinger, I somehow make it through. All of our belongings are put into storage and the Baysingers allow me to stay with them while I prepare for the next phase. I plan to move to Chicago along with most of the cast from Sunday in New York.
MAY
I make the move to Chicago. Things (housing and job situation) don’t unfold the way I was led to believe they would, and I am forced to improvise. I begin writing again and crank out the first of three short stories.
Still not earning enough money after losing my job the previous year, expenses finally catch up with me and our house is foreclosed upon. This marks one of the most difficult periods of time in my life but with the help of loved ones, especially Davy and Jenn Baysinger, I somehow make it through. All of our belongings are put into storage and the Baysingers allow me to stay with them while I prepare for the next phase. I plan to move to Chicago along with most of the cast from Sunday in New York.
MAY
I make the move to Chicago. Things (housing and job situation) don’t unfold the way I was led to believe they would, and I am forced to improvise. I begin writing again and crank out the first of three short stories.
JUNE
June 19 I go to a bookstore where Cheech Marin is making a presentation on Chicanos in the arts. To say it was inspiring would be an understatement.
June 22 I film 2 different scenes for The Breakup, a film starring Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. Keep your eyes peeled and you may see me as a Roller Blader and Guy At The Beach Walking By. The film is currently scheduled to come out in the Spring of 2006.
June 28 Another day of shooting for The Breakup at Wrigley Field. I’m 99.9% sure you won’t be able to pick me out of the crowd, but it was a day at the park and we got paid for it.
JULY
July 9 I had an opportunity to work on the film Smile, Darling for the 48-Hour Film Project with director Keith Soljacich. Not only was it a great experience (our film won an award!) but it also gave me a chance to meet and work with a great upcoming director and visionary. Remember Keith’s name! You’ll be hearing it a lot in the future!
July 18 I decide to move to New York City. I leave for Indiana, where I will be staying for a short time to work with Dad and earn some money for the trip out [since gas is now $45 per gallon]. While back in my hometown in Indiana I get a chance to reconnect with family and rejuvenate.
AUGUST
August 11 I leave Indiana for New York…via Nashville. I make the drive south to get all of our belongings in order and put away in storage. I’m in and out like a ghost. I then leave and head for Lancaster PA and the home of John & Lisa Blowers. They are kind enough to let us keep our car at their place so we don’t have to take it with us to the City. While there I also get a chance to visit and catch up with Stacey Gagne and Linda Spuck.
August 15 I arrive in New York City. I know I’m going to love it.
August 17 I shoot a scene for Court TV’s Parco P.I. It’s my first time doing green screen and I feel like a Jedi.
August 19 I audition for [and land] "Accomplice: NY,” an improv/interactive theater/walking tour-type experience that is one of a kind. A great way to see lower Manhattan. That same day I shoot a scene for an upcoming Discovery Channel show, Cash Cab.
SEPTEMBER
September 20 I do some work on the film Devil You Know where I am chosen from all of the extras to play the maitre d’ at a restaurant and get to shoot a scene with Lena Olin. Apparently she’s famous.
Also in September I read the entire series of “Fletch” books. Highly recommended!
OCTOBER
October 8 Auditioned for the National Comedy Theater. Got to do some improv again and a few days later received a call from them asking me to join the troupe. Rehearsals start in just a few days!
October 26 Shot four scenes as an extra on the upcoming film The Devil Wears Prada with Meryl Streep. Look for me in the fashion show scenes and in a post-fashion show party.
NOVEMBER
November 17 I turn 35 years old [physically]. Mentally, I turn 6.
November 22 My sister Jaime gives birth to her new baby, Maya.
DECEMBER
I’m still working with the National Comedy Theater and look forward to performing soon. There’s going to be a huge New Year’s bash at the theater that will be a lot of fun, so if you’re in the New York area at the end of the year, come on out! I’m working at Entertainment-Link and enjoying that as well [if you need tickets to Broadway shows with some great discounts, then check it out!].
I am looking forward to seeing what 2006 has in store. By the beginning of the year the divorce papers will be filed and it will be a new chapter for me. Who knows what new adventures lie around the corner but I am eager to tackle each and every one of them.
And that’s what I’ve been up to. I look forward to hearing from you and finding out how the past year has been to you. I’ve done a lot this year and been through even more; it’s been one of my favorite years.
Jumping into 2006 with both feet,
Ed
June 19 I go to a bookstore where Cheech Marin is making a presentation on Chicanos in the arts. To say it was inspiring would be an understatement.
June 22 I film 2 different scenes for The Breakup, a film starring Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. Keep your eyes peeled and you may see me as a Roller Blader and Guy At The Beach Walking By. The film is currently scheduled to come out in the Spring of 2006.
June 28 Another day of shooting for The Breakup at Wrigley Field. I’m 99.9% sure you won’t be able to pick me out of the crowd, but it was a day at the park and we got paid for it.
JULY
July 9 I had an opportunity to work on the film Smile, Darling for the 48-Hour Film Project with director Keith Soljacich. Not only was it a great experience (our film won an award!) but it also gave me a chance to meet and work with a great upcoming director and visionary. Remember Keith’s name! You’ll be hearing it a lot in the future!
July 18 I decide to move to New York City. I leave for Indiana, where I will be staying for a short time to work with Dad and earn some money for the trip out [since gas is now $45 per gallon]. While back in my hometown in Indiana I get a chance to reconnect with family and rejuvenate.
AUGUST
August 11 I leave Indiana for New York…via Nashville. I make the drive south to get all of our belongings in order and put away in storage. I’m in and out like a ghost. I then leave and head for Lancaster PA and the home of John & Lisa Blowers. They are kind enough to let us keep our car at their place so we don’t have to take it with us to the City. While there I also get a chance to visit and catch up with Stacey Gagne and Linda Spuck.
August 15 I arrive in New York City. I know I’m going to love it.
August 17 I shoot a scene for Court TV’s Parco P.I. It’s my first time doing green screen and I feel like a Jedi.
August 19 I audition for [and land] "Accomplice: NY,” an improv/interactive theater/walking tour-type experience that is one of a kind. A great way to see lower Manhattan. That same day I shoot a scene for an upcoming Discovery Channel show, Cash Cab.
SEPTEMBER
September 20 I do some work on the film Devil You Know where I am chosen from all of the extras to play the maitre d’ at a restaurant and get to shoot a scene with Lena Olin. Apparently she’s famous.
Also in September I read the entire series of “Fletch” books. Highly recommended!
OCTOBER
October 8 Auditioned for the National Comedy Theater. Got to do some improv again and a few days later received a call from them asking me to join the troupe. Rehearsals start in just a few days!
October 26 Shot four scenes as an extra on the upcoming film The Devil Wears Prada with Meryl Streep. Look for me in the fashion show scenes and in a post-fashion show party.
NOVEMBER
November 17 I turn 35 years old [physically]. Mentally, I turn 6.
November 22 My sister Jaime gives birth to her new baby, Maya.
DECEMBER
I’m still working with the National Comedy Theater and look forward to performing soon. There’s going to be a huge New Year’s bash at the theater that will be a lot of fun, so if you’re in the New York area at the end of the year, come on out! I’m working at Entertainment-Link and enjoying that as well [if you need tickets to Broadway shows with some great discounts, then check it out!].
I am looking forward to seeing what 2006 has in store. By the beginning of the year the divorce papers will be filed and it will be a new chapter for me. Who knows what new adventures lie around the corner but I am eager to tackle each and every one of them.
And that’s what I’ve been up to. I look forward to hearing from you and finding out how the past year has been to you. I’ve done a lot this year and been through even more; it’s been one of my favorite years.
Jumping into 2006 with both feet,
Ed
Hitting some clubs
Methinks I need to begin frequenting some of the local comedy clubs a little more often. Who's down?
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Playing MacGuyver
I've never ever seen an episode of MacGuyver, but I think I know enough about the show to say that last night, I felt a little bit like him.
I went to the NCT to see the shows last night and upon leaving the apartment Deanna informed me that she was going to hang out with friends and asked how late I'd be out. We only have one set of keys to the apartment, so the general rule is, whoever will be home first gets the keys so they can let the other person in. She said she thought she would be out until midnight or so. Usually after the NCT shows I hang out with the gang and talk and yak and just generally hang out so I told her that would be fine; take the keys. I'm usually there until at least 1am and, if by some chance I am done before midnight, I'll swing by the diner up the block and grab a bite to eat. She said she'd call and leave a message when she gets home. I let her know my phone is almost out of juice, so it'll be off most of the night. And the plan is set. Or so I think.
So I finally leave the theater about a quarter after midnight. Early for me. I call Deanna to see if she's home yet and she doesn't answer her phone. So I go to the diner. I get my usual [French toast and eggs] and enjoy a few cups of coffee. I leave and it's pretty darn cold. I walk to the apartment and ring the buzzer. No answer. I call her and my phone is giving me the "Battery Low" beep. She answers and says she is in Chelsea [where the heck is that?] and will be on her way.
So I decide to go for a walk. The time is 12:38am. I go to Times Square [and take the long way] and listen to the black Muslims preach about the evils of whitey. I walk up and down the odd and then even street numbers and then decide to go to Duane Reade [a local pharmacy chain] and buy a magazine. I only have a few bucks on me, otherwise I'd have gone to a restaurant or a bar to hang out. I get back home around 1:30 and she's still not there. I call a few more times and she doesn't answer. And now my phone is so low on power, it won't finish the call before turning itself off.
So I sit on the freezing stoop and read Entertainment Weekly. I sit there long enough to make myself read every damn section of the magazine [except the fashion section. Even as bored as I was I still was not bored enough to read about fashion].
I realize all that coffee made me have to go to the bathroom.Really bad.
And then it begins to snow.
I decide to go to yet another diner. I have enough money to buy another cup of coffee so I can use their bathroom. So I use the bathroom, buy a cup of coffee, and then pee again. The snow is really coming down and even in my current situation I thought it was beautiful.
I walk back to the apartment and she's still not there. I turn my phone on and see if it has enough juice to make a call. It does, but there's still no answer.
At this time, thankfully, someone else who lives in the apartment gets home and lets me in the front door. Man that hall never felt so warm before. So I was halfway home. I still didn't have a key to get into our apartment.
One of the weird things [but often common] about New York apartments is many times the bathroom is actually out in the hall. That's the way ours is set up. There's a padlock on the bathroom door so no one can use it but us. Apparently people have locked themselves out of the apartment during a bathroom break before because I know there is a spare key to the apartment door hidden in the bathroom in a basket on a shelf above the toilet. But the bathrom door is padlocked shut.
All I need is a Philips head screwdriver and I can remove the padlock and get in the bathroom and get the key. But of course, I don't have one. Nor do I have enough money to run out and buy one. And this is where things go MacGuyver. I'm not going to tell you how I got in just in case someone decides to break into our apartment, but I will tell you what I had with me [Funny, but I've never been so aware of every single item I had on my person before, trying to figure out how to get past that padlock]. I will also say this: I didn't cause any permanent damage to the apartment, the doors, the locks, nothing. I did not leave a trace of my being there and/or getting in.
Maybe you can figure it out. Here's what I had: A big Macy's bag with a box of strawberry shortcake given to me by Gary at NCT. A tin of cookies I bought previously in the day. A money clip. Various cards i.e. library card, discount card, driver's license. Spare change. A pen. Gloves. Hat. Scarf.
Hint: Although I tried a few things with the money clip, I was unsuccessful.
I finally got in my apartment around 3:30AM. I don't know when Deanna got home, but she's still asleep.
So there you go. An Ed-cyclopedia Brown mystery to solve. How did Ed get in the apartment??
I went to the NCT to see the shows last night and upon leaving the apartment Deanna informed me that she was going to hang out with friends and asked how late I'd be out. We only have one set of keys to the apartment, so the general rule is, whoever will be home first gets the keys so they can let the other person in. She said she thought she would be out until midnight or so. Usually after the NCT shows I hang out with the gang and talk and yak and just generally hang out so I told her that would be fine; take the keys. I'm usually there until at least 1am and, if by some chance I am done before midnight, I'll swing by the diner up the block and grab a bite to eat. She said she'd call and leave a message when she gets home. I let her know my phone is almost out of juice, so it'll be off most of the night. And the plan is set. Or so I think.
So I finally leave the theater about a quarter after midnight. Early for me. I call Deanna to see if she's home yet and she doesn't answer her phone. So I go to the diner. I get my usual [French toast and eggs] and enjoy a few cups of coffee. I leave and it's pretty darn cold. I walk to the apartment and ring the buzzer. No answer. I call her and my phone is giving me the "Battery Low" beep. She answers and says she is in Chelsea [where the heck is that?] and will be on her way.
So I decide to go for a walk. The time is 12:38am. I go to Times Square [and take the long way] and listen to the black Muslims preach about the evils of whitey. I walk up and down the odd and then even street numbers and then decide to go to Duane Reade [a local pharmacy chain] and buy a magazine. I only have a few bucks on me, otherwise I'd have gone to a restaurant or a bar to hang out. I get back home around 1:30 and she's still not there. I call a few more times and she doesn't answer. And now my phone is so low on power, it won't finish the call before turning itself off.
So I sit on the freezing stoop and read Entertainment Weekly. I sit there long enough to make myself read every damn section of the magazine [except the fashion section. Even as bored as I was I still was not bored enough to read about fashion].
I realize all that coffee made me have to go to the bathroom.Really bad.
And then it begins to snow.
I decide to go to yet another diner. I have enough money to buy another cup of coffee so I can use their bathroom. So I use the bathroom, buy a cup of coffee, and then pee again. The snow is really coming down and even in my current situation I thought it was beautiful.
I walk back to the apartment and she's still not there. I turn my phone on and see if it has enough juice to make a call. It does, but there's still no answer.
At this time, thankfully, someone else who lives in the apartment gets home and lets me in the front door. Man that hall never felt so warm before. So I was halfway home. I still didn't have a key to get into our apartment.
One of the weird things [but often common] about New York apartments is many times the bathroom is actually out in the hall. That's the way ours is set up. There's a padlock on the bathroom door so no one can use it but us. Apparently people have locked themselves out of the apartment during a bathroom break before because I know there is a spare key to the apartment door hidden in the bathroom in a basket on a shelf above the toilet. But the bathrom door is padlocked shut.
All I need is a Philips head screwdriver and I can remove the padlock and get in the bathroom and get the key. But of course, I don't have one. Nor do I have enough money to run out and buy one. And this is where things go MacGuyver. I'm not going to tell you how I got in just in case someone decides to break into our apartment, but I will tell you what I had with me [Funny, but I've never been so aware of every single item I had on my person before, trying to figure out how to get past that padlock]. I will also say this: I didn't cause any permanent damage to the apartment, the doors, the locks, nothing. I did not leave a trace of my being there and/or getting in.
Maybe you can figure it out. Here's what I had: A big Macy's bag with a box of strawberry shortcake given to me by Gary at NCT. A tin of cookies I bought previously in the day. A money clip. Various cards i.e. library card, discount card, driver's license. Spare change. A pen. Gloves. Hat. Scarf.
Hint: Although I tried a few things with the money clip, I was unsuccessful.
I finally got in my apartment around 3:30AM. I don't know when Deanna got home, but she's still asleep.
So there you go. An Ed-cyclopedia Brown mystery to solve. How did Ed get in the apartment??
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Me and My Camera
Even though I love to take pictures and usually have a camera with me, I haven't taken a ton of photos in NYC because I have grown very self-conscious about taking pictures in public. I seem to have developed an inferiority complex where I don't want people to think I'm some stupid tourist. True there are a zillion people in this city taking pictures of everything and no one's going to notice one guy taking a shot here and there, but that hasn't stopped me from becoming extremely self-consicous about it. Where this has come from I have no idea. I'm sure a professional could offer some keen insight, but I'm not a professional and I don't have $45 an hour to spend on one.
Tonight on my way home from work I decided to swing by the library and see if a book I had on hold was in [it was!]. And then I remembered that last night was the lighting of the tree in Rockefeller Plaza. I had nowhere to go so I thought I'd walk a few blocks out of my way and see it. And I was determined to take pictures.
So there I was, standing in front of the tree and trying to take a picture of me and the tree together. It took about 8 tries to get anything even close to decent and I was beginning to laugh at myself. A guy stopped and asked if I wanted him to take the picture for me but I laughed and said "No thanks, that's kind of the fun of it." Plus I didn't want him to steal my camera.
On the way home I walked past the Rainbow Room, Radio City, and through Times Square and since I was feeling particularly camera-happy, I continued taking pictures.
Yea, I'm a dork, and I know it, but it was kinda fun to do something touristy. One of my favorite shots is in Times Square. I'm not looking into the camera but kind of up in the air. It looks a little posed and pretentious but actually I was looking at this huge statue of a man and all of a sudden a bunch of pigeons started to attack it and I got distracted. And that's when the camera clicked.
Thanks for tuning in to VH1's Behind the Pictures.
Tonight on my way home from work I decided to swing by the library and see if a book I had on hold was in [it was!]. And then I remembered that last night was the lighting of the tree in Rockefeller Plaza. I had nowhere to go so I thought I'd walk a few blocks out of my way and see it. And I was determined to take pictures.
So there I was, standing in front of the tree and trying to take a picture of me and the tree together. It took about 8 tries to get anything even close to decent and I was beginning to laugh at myself. A guy stopped and asked if I wanted him to take the picture for me but I laughed and said "No thanks, that's kind of the fun of it." Plus I didn't want him to steal my camera.
On the way home I walked past the Rainbow Room, Radio City, and through Times Square and since I was feeling particularly camera-happy, I continued taking pictures.
Yea, I'm a dork, and I know it, but it was kinda fun to do something touristy. One of my favorite shots is in Times Square. I'm not looking into the camera but kind of up in the air. It looks a little posed and pretentious but actually I was looking at this huge statue of a man and all of a sudden a bunch of pigeons started to attack it and I got distracted. And that's when the camera clicked.
Thanks for tuning in to VH1's Behind the Pictures.
Monday, November 28, 2005
Fun With Google
Ever Googled yourself? Liar. Yes you have.
But even more entertaining is Googling yourself under the "Images" section. I Googled my first and last name, in quotes, and this is the first picture that came back:
I mean, come on. He doesn't even look Mexican.
But even more entertaining is Googling yourself under the "Images" section. I Googled my first and last name, in quotes, and this is the first picture that came back:
I mean, come on. He doesn't even look Mexican.
Sunday, November 27, 2005
What should I Read?
I'm returning some books to the library tomorrow and not really sure what I should check out next. Suggestions?
An Apology to My Friends Who Have Taste
I tried. I really honestly did. I went into it with an open mind. I even went into it wanting to like it. I found an Easter Egg on the DVD and although I hadn't seen the film, I thought the outtake was hilarious. But alas and alack.
I hated The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou.
There isn't one thing in particular about it I can point to and say "That is why I didn't like the movie." I think it's just hard for me to get into Wes Anderson's style.
All of my friends love his movies, find them at [or near] the pinnacle of comedic filmmaking, and I want to get the joke and share the fun, but I end up sitting and watching and not being able to find out what everyone else is laughing at. In my opinion it feels like Anderson gathers some of the best comedic actors working and then refuses to let them be funny, almost draining the film of laughs. I'm not saying his films aren't funny (I laughed aloud once or twice while watching Aquatic) but the time between those laughs just seem to drag. When I'm not laughing or smiling at something happening on the screen, I find myself bored stiff. I don't really care or root for any of the characters and I sometimes feel like the film is trying too hard to be quirky. And I loathed the CGI marine life.
I enjoyed Bottle Rocket and then seemed to like each of his following movies less and less as they came. I couldn't even finsh Aquatic so maybe I have no reason to dislike the film since I didn't sit through the whole thing (but I didn't finish The Postman either). Still, I didn't find it as utterly boring and mind-numbing as I did The Royal Tennenbaums [and I realize that probably doesn't really come off as a compliment, but it sort of is].
So again, I apologize. I realize most people who read this will disagree and their rebuttals and reasons for liking Anderson's films are more than valid. I'm not saying I'm right and they're wrong. There's just something about my cerebral cortex that doesn't click with Andersonian filmmaking. It must be me, because I trust the opinion of my buddies who are big fans (Grant, Lane, Aaron, and Keith).
I mean hey, I own all three Spy Kids movies on DVD. It's got to be me, right?
I hated The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou.
There isn't one thing in particular about it I can point to and say "That is why I didn't like the movie." I think it's just hard for me to get into Wes Anderson's style.
All of my friends love his movies, find them at [or near] the pinnacle of comedic filmmaking, and I want to get the joke and share the fun, but I end up sitting and watching and not being able to find out what everyone else is laughing at. In my opinion it feels like Anderson gathers some of the best comedic actors working and then refuses to let them be funny, almost draining the film of laughs. I'm not saying his films aren't funny (I laughed aloud once or twice while watching Aquatic) but the time between those laughs just seem to drag. When I'm not laughing or smiling at something happening on the screen, I find myself bored stiff. I don't really care or root for any of the characters and I sometimes feel like the film is trying too hard to be quirky. And I loathed the CGI marine life.
I enjoyed Bottle Rocket and then seemed to like each of his following movies less and less as they came. I couldn't even finsh Aquatic so maybe I have no reason to dislike the film since I didn't sit through the whole thing (but I didn't finish The Postman either). Still, I didn't find it as utterly boring and mind-numbing as I did The Royal Tennenbaums [and I realize that probably doesn't really come off as a compliment, but it sort of is].
So again, I apologize. I realize most people who read this will disagree and their rebuttals and reasons for liking Anderson's films are more than valid. I'm not saying I'm right and they're wrong. There's just something about my cerebral cortex that doesn't click with Andersonian filmmaking. It must be me, because I trust the opinion of my buddies who are big fans (Grant, Lane, Aaron, and Keith).
I mean hey, I own all three Spy Kids movies on DVD. It's got to be me, right?
Another good weekend of comedy
I gotta tell ya, I have to give it up for the gang out at the NCT. If you weren't able to catch any of their shows this past weekend, you missed out on some great competitive improv. The second show last night was particularly rockin'. The crowd, although smaller than the crowd at the 7:30 show, was really into it and the gang (Gary K, Gary C, Chris, Andrew, Kevin, and Adi) stayed one step ahead of them the whole way. At one point I found myself laughing so hard, I was literally crying. And I wasn't alone.
I'm looking forward to finally joining them in rehearsal on Tuesday. In the meantime, if you're in the NYC area, come on out and see some great comedy. I'll see you there next weekend. I'll be the guy by himself in the audience laughing along with everyone else.
I'm looking forward to finally joining them in rehearsal on Tuesday. In the meantime, if you're in the NYC area, come on out and see some great comedy. I'll see you there next weekend. I'll be the guy by himself in the audience laughing along with everyone else.
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Defending Your Life
We've all been there. You're browsing for a movie to rent and come across a classic that you used to love so you bring it home, watch it, and realize it's actually a pretty bad movie. So not only have you watched a bad movie, but you've also tainted your memory of a good movie experience. You used to like it and now...not so much.Sometimes they just don't hold up well over time. Were they bad to begin with and you didn't realize it, or has your taste changed that much? Or maybe a little bit of both?
That's happened to me with Bram Stoker's Dracula,Three O'Clock High, and - dare I say it- Spaceballs.
I borrowed from the library a little movie I used to love called Defending Your Life starring Albert Brooks, Meryl Streep, and Rip Torn and I am more than happy to say I still love it just as much. What a great little gem of a film. Witty and poignant, with something interesting to say about how fear controls our lives. Top notch filmmaking. And I'm not really a Meryl Streep fan.
If you find yourself with some time to spare this holiday season, check it out. You'll be glad you did.
That's happened to me with Bram Stoker's Dracula,Three O'Clock High, and - dare I say it- Spaceballs.
I borrowed from the library a little movie I used to love called Defending Your Life starring Albert Brooks, Meryl Streep, and Rip Torn and I am more than happy to say I still love it just as much. What a great little gem of a film. Witty and poignant, with something interesting to say about how fear controls our lives. Top notch filmmaking. And I'm not really a Meryl Streep fan.
If you find yourself with some time to spare this holiday season, check it out. You'll be glad you did.
Friday, November 25, 2005
Uncle Eddie....again
Today's my Dad's birthday. I gave him a call to wish him a happy day and found out he was in Pennsylvania visiting my sister. She is [was] pregnant and due in December and apparently had her baby on Tuesday [three weeks early].
Everyone and everything is fine but how did I not know about that? It's been three days! I have to work on getting Jaime a cell phone.
Everyone and everything is fine but how did I not know about that? It's been three days! I have to work on getting Jaime a cell phone.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Dinner with the Pagans
A couple of days ago I was bored and decided to swing by one of my favortie places to eat, Euro Diner. It's not terribly expensive and the French toast [what I usually eat] is really tasty. Another thing I like about this diner is the fact that it's not incredibly packed with tourists all the time.
Most of the time I stop in to eat later at night but on this occasion it was mid to late afternoon. When I got there, they were mopping in the front section so I sat in the back. It was just me and a small group of people at another table behind me.
I pulled out a small puzzle book I sometimes have with me to busy myself while I waited on my food and soon I began to hear snippets of conversation coming from the other table that caught my ear. Actually it was more of a word that caught my ear. I kept hearing the word coven being thrown around and it didn't take long to piece together that this group of patrons was the coven they kept referring to.
Does that make them witches? I don't know. They referred to themselves as pagans a couple of times, but I don't know how much difference there is between the two. Is a group of pagans also referred to as a coven? Anyhow, witches or pagans, they were a coven.
The point of their small gathering was to decide whether or not they should let a girl who had been showing interest in their coven join their group. Or the club. Because the way they were talking and the things they were saying, it sounded like a bunch of 8-year-old boys trying to decide whether or not this person would ruin their cool club or not.
The leader of the coven was a female who was straight out of Mean Girls. Someone would say, "I don't know, she's kind of mean sometimes" and the leader would say, "I know, she's totally mean and can bring such a bad vibe with her."
Then someone else would say, "I thought she was sweet" and the leader would say "I know, she's really sweet; such a cute thing and so nice." It made me laugh and I started writing down things they were saying.
One of the reasons the leader wasn't excited about inducting this new girl into the club was because "she wants to change her name to Morgana. I mean, that's a cool name, I named my snake Morgana, but it's so done. Kind of like Raven."
And then one of the guys agreed. "I know. "Raven" has become the "Smith" of the pagan world."
I may have laughed out loud at that one. Another "pro" reason to let this girl join the coven was because she had a good singing voice and someone said "she would make a great siren."
People actually talk this? And are serious?
I listened to them talk for a while and soon they got up to leave. The leader was just as I had pictured her. She was a small waif-like woman with long red hair. Her shirt was a red long-sleeved number that was made of a velvety material that looked like she was wearing a slab of fuzzy wallpaper from the 70s. There was also the pudgy plain girl with stringy hair and the goth girl with jet-black hair and multiple piercings.
The guys rounded out the stereotype and looked like they had just come up from their mom's basement after a huge D&D all-nighter. Late 30s/early 40s computer geeks and I swear I could hear the spare 12-sided dice rattling in their pockets. As they left, they were talking about their friend Venus. It was just amazing to me that these people probably hadn't changed a bit since they were teenagers. They still talked about their awesome powers and their pagan names like Garmongus and the yielder of the broadsword.
Perhaps homeland security should shift their focus for a bit. There are some strange happenings afoot.
Most of the time I stop in to eat later at night but on this occasion it was mid to late afternoon. When I got there, they were mopping in the front section so I sat in the back. It was just me and a small group of people at another table behind me.
I pulled out a small puzzle book I sometimes have with me to busy myself while I waited on my food and soon I began to hear snippets of conversation coming from the other table that caught my ear. Actually it was more of a word that caught my ear. I kept hearing the word coven being thrown around and it didn't take long to piece together that this group of patrons was the coven they kept referring to.
Does that make them witches? I don't know. They referred to themselves as pagans a couple of times, but I don't know how much difference there is between the two. Is a group of pagans also referred to as a coven? Anyhow, witches or pagans, they were a coven.
The point of their small gathering was to decide whether or not they should let a girl who had been showing interest in their coven join their group. Or the club. Because the way they were talking and the things they were saying, it sounded like a bunch of 8-year-old boys trying to decide whether or not this person would ruin their cool club or not.
The leader of the coven was a female who was straight out of Mean Girls. Someone would say, "I don't know, she's kind of mean sometimes" and the leader would say, "I know, she's totally mean and can bring such a bad vibe with her."
Then someone else would say, "I thought she was sweet" and the leader would say "I know, she's really sweet; such a cute thing and so nice." It made me laugh and I started writing down things they were saying.
One of the reasons the leader wasn't excited about inducting this new girl into the club was because "she wants to change her name to Morgana. I mean, that's a cool name, I named my snake Morgana, but it's so done. Kind of like Raven."
And then one of the guys agreed. "I know. "Raven" has become the "Smith" of the pagan world."
I may have laughed out loud at that one. Another "pro" reason to let this girl join the coven was because she had a good singing voice and someone said "she would make a great siren."
People actually talk this? And are serious?
I listened to them talk for a while and soon they got up to leave. The leader was just as I had pictured her. She was a small waif-like woman with long red hair. Her shirt was a red long-sleeved number that was made of a velvety material that looked like she was wearing a slab of fuzzy wallpaper from the 70s. There was also the pudgy plain girl with stringy hair and the goth girl with jet-black hair and multiple piercings.
The guys rounded out the stereotype and looked like they had just come up from their mom's basement after a huge D&D all-nighter. Late 30s/early 40s computer geeks and I swear I could hear the spare 12-sided dice rattling in their pockets. As they left, they were talking about their friend Venus. It was just amazing to me that these people probably hadn't changed a bit since they were teenagers. They still talked about their awesome powers and their pagan names like Garmongus and the yielder of the broadsword.
Perhaps homeland security should shift their focus for a bit. There are some strange happenings afoot.
Monday, November 21, 2005
102 Floors Up, Broadway, NCT, and Accomplice
Wow, I guess it’s been a while since I’ve written last. Sorry about that. I try to do my best to keep you up-to-date with my happenings and I’ve let you down. Please accept my apology.
So what have I been up to? This and that, as usual. I did my first “touristy” thing in New York the other day and took a trip to the top of the Empire State Building. Not too shabby. It was $14 and a fairly reasonably priced expedition at that. I was by myself which I didn’t mind. When I got in line to go up it was still daylight, but an hour and a half later it was night and the lights were beautiful.
As I was waiting in line I became fairly certain I was the only American in line. Loud French people in front of me and pushy Germans behind. The entire waiting queue was loud and buzzing with a dozen different languages. When we finally got into the elevator at the top, the buzzing became even louder. But as I went through the door that led outside to the viewing terrace the volume dropped. The view was literally breathtaking.
I stood up there for about a half hour or more. It was really really nice. I took a couple of snapshots and then my camera battery ran out so, even though there were people all around taking in the view, it felt like it was just me, the city, and my thoughts. One of the few times I’d been around so many people in public and yet felt such peace. I’ll probably go back soon. For 14 bucks, it’s really not a bad way to spend an evening.
I also got a chance to see my first Broadway show ever. It’s a brand new play called Absurd Person Singular. It was very funny. The show hasn’t officially opened; tonight was a preview night, so let me be among the first to give kudos. The cast was top-notch and hey, it starred Alan Ruck who played Cameron in Ferris Bueller so how could it go wrong?
I had a chance to spend some great quality time with the gang from NCT as well this past weekend. Friday night after the shows I hung out with Amy, Constance, Mike, and Paulie at a fun little karaoke club in the Upper East Side. Saturday night I got a chance to meet Victoria’s parents [who seemed to be fine upstanding citizens] and then hung out with Tyler, Mike, Paul, and Sylvia after the show. Tyler took us to a really cool bar called Jimmie’s Corner. It’s owned by an old boxer so needless to say I felt right at home. I was wishing Dad was there with us; he would have loved it!
Sunday was my last time performing with Accomplice NY for a while. It’s going to be going into hibernation for the winter and will return in March. And I guess that’s a good thing, because I think sitting out in the cold all day yesterday gave me a cold. I’m battling a most wretched sore throat and I’d like to be back to 100% [or as close as I can get to it] for improv rehearsal tomorrow night. For the past few weeks, all of us new guys and some folks who are part of NCT’s Minor League have been rehearsing on Wednesdays. The actual improvisers who perform each week rehearse on Tuesdays, and I have been asked to begin rehearsing with them and I am stoked like you wouldn’t believe!
I also visited the Euro Diner a few days ago which I guess has become my unofficial nothing-else-to-do hangout (besides the library). It was empty except for me and a table full of either pagans or witches. I’m not sure which they were but the spoke of their coven. Do pagans have covens, or is that just witches? Anyhow it’s a great story, but I’ll save it for another time. I am getting tired and I don’t think I would do it justice. It’s a pretty funny story.
Oh yea, and I turned 35 on Thursday. How weird is that?
So what have I been up to? This and that, as usual. I did my first “touristy” thing in New York the other day and took a trip to the top of the Empire State Building. Not too shabby. It was $14 and a fairly reasonably priced expedition at that. I was by myself which I didn’t mind. When I got in line to go up it was still daylight, but an hour and a half later it was night and the lights were beautiful.
As I was waiting in line I became fairly certain I was the only American in line. Loud French people in front of me and pushy Germans behind. The entire waiting queue was loud and buzzing with a dozen different languages. When we finally got into the elevator at the top, the buzzing became even louder. But as I went through the door that led outside to the viewing terrace the volume dropped. The view was literally breathtaking.
I stood up there for about a half hour or more. It was really really nice. I took a couple of snapshots and then my camera battery ran out so, even though there were people all around taking in the view, it felt like it was just me, the city, and my thoughts. One of the few times I’d been around so many people in public and yet felt such peace. I’ll probably go back soon. For 14 bucks, it’s really not a bad way to spend an evening.
I also got a chance to see my first Broadway show ever. It’s a brand new play called Absurd Person Singular. It was very funny. The show hasn’t officially opened; tonight was a preview night, so let me be among the first to give kudos. The cast was top-notch and hey, it starred Alan Ruck who played Cameron in Ferris Bueller so how could it go wrong?
I had a chance to spend some great quality time with the gang from NCT as well this past weekend. Friday night after the shows I hung out with Amy, Constance, Mike, and Paulie at a fun little karaoke club in the Upper East Side. Saturday night I got a chance to meet Victoria’s parents [who seemed to be fine upstanding citizens] and then hung out with Tyler, Mike, Paul, and Sylvia after the show. Tyler took us to a really cool bar called Jimmie’s Corner. It’s owned by an old boxer so needless to say I felt right at home. I was wishing Dad was there with us; he would have loved it!
Sunday was my last time performing with Accomplice NY for a while. It’s going to be going into hibernation for the winter and will return in March. And I guess that’s a good thing, because I think sitting out in the cold all day yesterday gave me a cold. I’m battling a most wretched sore throat and I’d like to be back to 100% [or as close as I can get to it] for improv rehearsal tomorrow night. For the past few weeks, all of us new guys and some folks who are part of NCT’s Minor League have been rehearsing on Wednesdays. The actual improvisers who perform each week rehearse on Tuesdays, and I have been asked to begin rehearsing with them and I am stoked like you wouldn’t believe!
I also visited the Euro Diner a few days ago which I guess has become my unofficial nothing-else-to-do hangout (besides the library). It was empty except for me and a table full of either pagans or witches. I’m not sure which they were but the spoke of their coven. Do pagans have covens, or is that just witches? Anyhow it’s a great story, but I’ll save it for another time. I am getting tired and I don’t think I would do it justice. It’s a pretty funny story.
Oh yea, and I turned 35 on Thursday. How weird is that?
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
The Weirdest Audition Ever
I just got back from auditioning for Disney World. Today was their actor call and they were specifically looking for improvisers so I thought I might do OK. When I got there, the monitor told us to not bother with bringing sheet music in the audition room (if we had it) because they didn't have a piano player and didn't want to hear any singing. Just go in and do your monologue.
So I went in and did it. And there was much laughter in all the right parts. Then they asked me to improvise a character and I did the homeless guy I play as part of Accomplice NY. And again there was much laughter.
Then one of the guys asked me if I sang. I was confident when I said "I sure do." Not confident because I can sing, but confident in saying I sure do because I knew they wouldn't ask me to sing. I can sing a little bit, but there's a reason I do improv and not musical theater.
Where was I? Oh yea, can I sing, and I said I sure do. So the guy responds with "Well, you're very funny, your improv is great, you used "Yes and...," you listen well, and you're funny off the cuff. But you're going to have to work on your singing because they do a lot of shows there with 8-bar songs and you know, it's Florida, so they're all really good."
Huh? But wait, you didn't even hear me sing! And when you asked me if I sang, I said I sure do!!
And since when is Florida the improv singing capital of the world? I've seen your improv shows at Pleasure Island, bub, and they weren't all that.
Kind of like on American Idol (wow, it kind of calls back my post from yesterday, huh?) if they want to see more of you they gave you a yellow piece of paper and I did not get one. So yeah, it was weird.
But I'm not really too disappointed. I didn't want to have to leave New York City to work because if you're out of town working, no one in town sees your stuff. And I am glad I'll be able to stick with the NCT for now.
Until, you know, they find out how well I actually sing.
So I went in and did it. And there was much laughter in all the right parts. Then they asked me to improvise a character and I did the homeless guy I play as part of Accomplice NY. And again there was much laughter.
Then one of the guys asked me if I sang. I was confident when I said "I sure do." Not confident because I can sing, but confident in saying I sure do because I knew they wouldn't ask me to sing. I can sing a little bit, but there's a reason I do improv and not musical theater.
Where was I? Oh yea, can I sing, and I said I sure do. So the guy responds with "Well, you're very funny, your improv is great, you used "Yes and...," you listen well, and you're funny off the cuff. But you're going to have to work on your singing because they do a lot of shows there with 8-bar songs and you know, it's Florida, so they're all really good."
Huh? But wait, you didn't even hear me sing! And when you asked me if I sang, I said I sure do!!
And since when is Florida the improv singing capital of the world? I've seen your improv shows at Pleasure Island, bub, and they weren't all that.
Kind of like on American Idol (wow, it kind of calls back my post from yesterday, huh?) if they want to see more of you they gave you a yellow piece of paper and I did not get one. So yeah, it was weird.
But I'm not really too disappointed. I didn't want to have to leave New York City to work because if you're out of town working, no one in town sees your stuff. And I am glad I'll be able to stick with the NCT for now.
Until, you know, they find out how well I actually sing.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
My First Celebrity and Disappointment
One of the things that excited me about living in Manhattan was the fact I knew I would eventually run into a celebrity on the street. Who would it be? Where would it be? When would it be? I have heard rumors of SNL actors frequenting my grocery store, but alas, nothing. I have also heard that Steve Buscemi still rides the subway with his son. Nada. So who would be my first New York celebrity sighting???
Today I found out.
As I left for work this afternoon, it was a dark, rainy day. Everyone had their umbrellas and, like myself, those who didn't had the hood on their jacket pulled up to protect them. It wasn't a real rain, more of a heavy mist. You may not know this about me, but I have adapted very well at becoming a New Yorker in that I walk fast. I zig and zag down the sidewalk with the best of them, and just before I entered the subway station on 42nd street I hit a crowd of people and someone in front of me walking too darn slow. They were short and round and all bundled up and I thought nothing of them except for the fact that they were walking too slow.
Just then this guy who was hanging around outside the Hilton Theater ran up to her and shouted, "Frenchie!!!! Are you Frenchie??!!"
Frenchie, to refresh your memory, was the blond-haired black girl who got kicked off American Idol and went on to appear on Broadway in Rent.
And all I could think was, Frenchie is my first celebrity????!! What a freakin' ripoff!!! Booooooooooo!!!
I want a do-over.
Today I found out.
As I left for work this afternoon, it was a dark, rainy day. Everyone had their umbrellas and, like myself, those who didn't had the hood on their jacket pulled up to protect them. It wasn't a real rain, more of a heavy mist. You may not know this about me, but I have adapted very well at becoming a New Yorker in that I walk fast. I zig and zag down the sidewalk with the best of them, and just before I entered the subway station on 42nd street I hit a crowd of people and someone in front of me walking too darn slow. They were short and round and all bundled up and I thought nothing of them except for the fact that they were walking too slow.
Just then this guy who was hanging around outside the Hilton Theater ran up to her and shouted, "Frenchie!!!! Are you Frenchie??!!"
Frenchie, to refresh your memory, was the blond-haired black girl who got kicked off American Idol and went on to appear on Broadway in Rent.
And all I could think was, Frenchie is my first celebrity????!! What a freakin' ripoff!!! Booooooooooo!!!
I want a do-over.
Monday, November 14, 2005
In Case You Were Wondering....
Just to keep you posted (as I promised I would), I haven't heard anything back from The Jekyll & Hyde Club so I guess I didn't get it.
Bollocks!
Bollocks!
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Is it 2:00 already??
Last night I once again went out to watch the shows at the NCT. Afterward we hung out and, again, it was a great time. Talking, laughing, and general goofing around and I looked at my watch and suddenly it was 2 am. And I wasn't even drinking!
Nothing like having so much fun you lose total track of time. A good bunch of people they are. Improvise well, they do. *
I'm thinking about heading back tonight. One can never have too much laughter.
*This is a direct quote from Yoda in The Empire Strikes Back.
Nothing like having so much fun you lose total track of time. A good bunch of people they are. Improvise well, they do. *
I'm thinking about heading back tonight. One can never have too much laughter.
*This is a direct quote from Yoda in The Empire Strikes Back.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Happiness is Doing Improv
Had another great evening of rehearsal at the NCT. Can I just tell you how much fun I'm having doing improv once again? I know how few people actually get a chance to do what they love to do the most (or even find out what that thing is) so I'm very aware of how fortunate I am. I find myself anticipating Wednesdays more and more each week. Last night I was discussing with Luke, a fellow improv-er who auditioned when I did and is always cracking me up, how quickly the 2 hours fly past each week. And then after Wednesday is over I look forward to the weekend when I can go and watch the shows. And then the cycle starts all over again. Can't wait for Wednesday!
You may ask if there is a downside to doing what I love to do so much, and my answer to you is yes. When you're doing something you've always strived for and you really get a rush from doing, when you're at your job calling people with mutual funds asking them to vote on proxies and shares...well...it gets old really quickly and you realize "Wow...this is so not what I want to do."
Long story short: I just arrived at work (I'm a few minutes early so don't come down on me for blogging at work; I'm not on the clock yet), and I already want to leave.
I feel guilty. Sorry, mutual fund place. I already find you tedious. I'm a bad bad boyfriend.
You may ask if there is a downside to doing what I love to do so much, and my answer to you is yes. When you're doing something you've always strived for and you really get a rush from doing, when you're at your job calling people with mutual funds asking them to vote on proxies and shares...well...it gets old really quickly and you realize "Wow...this is so not what I want to do."
Long story short: I just arrived at work (I'm a few minutes early so don't come down on me for blogging at work; I'm not on the clock yet), and I already want to leave.
I feel guilty. Sorry, mutual fund place. I already find you tedious. I'm a bad bad boyfriend.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Dating Tony Soprano
I was at a Starbucks today and had the pleasure of sitting next to a couple that had me completely enthralled. I would say they were in their 50s or so. He was a complete goombah that looked like he had come straight from the set of The Sopranos and she was a tiny little Japanese woman that looked like she came straight from the cover picture of Memoirs of a Geisha.
I had a good time trying to figure out their relationship. At first I thought maybe husband/wife because I noticed he had on a wedding band. A few minutes later when I noticed the wedding band had mysteriously disappeared (he was good) I thought perhaps they were co-workers. But then I was able to figure it out. It was a small Starbucks and not very busy so it was easy to overhear their conversation, and I listened. Boy, did I listen.
Apparently they were on a first date, as I heard him compliment her that "she looked just like her online picture." She was either new to the country or some sort of mail-order bride, because he talked down to her like she had never heard of anything (or anyone) and therefore must have been a little dim. She had a bit of an accent but she talked so softly it was hard to make out exactly how much of an accent was there. His accent was, of course, Mafia.
They sat down. She was enjoying her tea, he his Frappacino and muffin. He began to ask her about movies and what she liked. I couldn't hear what she said, but he then declared that romance movies were his very favorite. I knew it would have been impolite to shout out BAH-LONEY so I refrained. He then went on to declare that the greatest movie of all time was Love Story. I gagged a little. She hadn't heard of it, so he made her get a pen and paper and write it down. He didn't suggest she get a pen and paper and write it down. He made her.
Then, as he was making her write things down, he began talking about The Graduate. It, too, was the best movie ever made and he became a cross between Roger Ebert and a mafia guy who knew nothing about movies because he began barking out to her the spelling of The Graduate as he continued to make her write:
""G"...it's "G"...no, it's a capital "G"...there's a "the" in front of it. Dustin Heffmen." That's not a typo. That's what he said. And he went on to spell it for her. "H-E-F-F-M-E-N. And Rian O'Neil. R-I-A-N-O-apostrophe-N-E-I-L." I was dying to give him the IMdB website, but again refrained. I didn't want to get whacked.
She then mentioned something about her son and he declared, "Oh yea, you mentioned him in your profile. I bet he's a smart kid..." I so thought he was going to finish the sentence by saying "because he's Asian" and he paused like he actually might, but nothing. Just a weird pause where he wanted to say "because he's Asian" but caught himself at the last minute. He asked her what he's studying and her answer made him ask, "Did he wanna go to MIT?" She said yes, he did, but he was very shy.
And it was at this point that his Mr. Nice-Guy facade began to melt away.
"Shy? So he's friggin' shy, since when does that keep you out of MIT?"
I couldn't hear her complete response, but it was something to do with the fact that he wasn't much of a leader.
"Listen, Karen, (so that was her name!) since when does not bein' a leader keep you out of MIT?"
He was getting louder and angrier and I knew if I stuck around long enough I might get to see a good beating. He asked what kind of grades he got, and she said "mostly A's."
"They don't give lettah grades in college, they give numbahs. You find out what his grades are. You find out what his--"
And he grabbed the pen and paper and read out loud as he wrote, like someone in a movie narrating their own writing--
"--accumalive* grade score is. You ask him that. He'll appreciate it. Come on. It means you love him."
*This word was pronounced "ah-KOOM-ah-liv"
And then, ladies, it came. This man said the line I know you all hope to hear on a first date. He put down the pen, and pointed at her. And as he spoke, him pointing at her turned into him shaking his finger in her face. He said, like James Caan out of The Godfather would say to someone who owes the family money, and I quote, "When I ask you somethin' and you don't know the answer, you can say "I dunno." You dont make somethin' up, you hear me?"
This guy was good.
I had a good time trying to figure out their relationship. At first I thought maybe husband/wife because I noticed he had on a wedding band. A few minutes later when I noticed the wedding band had mysteriously disappeared (he was good) I thought perhaps they were co-workers. But then I was able to figure it out. It was a small Starbucks and not very busy so it was easy to overhear their conversation, and I listened. Boy, did I listen.
Apparently they were on a first date, as I heard him compliment her that "she looked just like her online picture." She was either new to the country or some sort of mail-order bride, because he talked down to her like she had never heard of anything (or anyone) and therefore must have been a little dim. She had a bit of an accent but she talked so softly it was hard to make out exactly how much of an accent was there. His accent was, of course, Mafia.
They sat down. She was enjoying her tea, he his Frappacino and muffin. He began to ask her about movies and what she liked. I couldn't hear what she said, but he then declared that romance movies were his very favorite. I knew it would have been impolite to shout out BAH-LONEY so I refrained. He then went on to declare that the greatest movie of all time was Love Story. I gagged a little. She hadn't heard of it, so he made her get a pen and paper and write it down. He didn't suggest she get a pen and paper and write it down. He made her.
Then, as he was making her write things down, he began talking about The Graduate. It, too, was the best movie ever made and he became a cross between Roger Ebert and a mafia guy who knew nothing about movies because he began barking out to her the spelling of The Graduate as he continued to make her write:
""G"...it's "G"...no, it's a capital "G"...there's a "the" in front of it. Dustin Heffmen." That's not a typo. That's what he said. And he went on to spell it for her. "H-E-F-F-M-E-N. And Rian O'Neil. R-I-A-N-O-apostrophe-N-E-I-L." I was dying to give him the IMdB website, but again refrained. I didn't want to get whacked.
She then mentioned something about her son and he declared, "Oh yea, you mentioned him in your profile. I bet he's a smart kid..." I so thought he was going to finish the sentence by saying "because he's Asian" and he paused like he actually might, but nothing. Just a weird pause where he wanted to say "because he's Asian" but caught himself at the last minute. He asked her what he's studying and her answer made him ask, "Did he wanna go to MIT?" She said yes, he did, but he was very shy.
And it was at this point that his Mr. Nice-Guy facade began to melt away.
"Shy? So he's friggin' shy, since when does that keep you out of MIT?"
I couldn't hear her complete response, but it was something to do with the fact that he wasn't much of a leader.
"Listen, Karen, (so that was her name!) since when does not bein' a leader keep you out of MIT?"
He was getting louder and angrier and I knew if I stuck around long enough I might get to see a good beating. He asked what kind of grades he got, and she said "mostly A's."
"They don't give lettah grades in college, they give numbahs. You find out what his grades are. You find out what his--"
And he grabbed the pen and paper and read out loud as he wrote, like someone in a movie narrating their own writing--
"--accumalive* grade score is. You ask him that. He'll appreciate it. Come on. It means you love him."
*This word was pronounced "ah-KOOM-ah-liv"
And then, ladies, it came. This man said the line I know you all hope to hear on a first date. He put down the pen, and pointed at her. And as he spoke, him pointing at her turned into him shaking his finger in her face. He said, like James Caan out of The Godfather would say to someone who owes the family money, and I quote, "When I ask you somethin' and you don't know the answer, you can say "I dunno." You dont make somethin' up, you hear me?"
This guy was good.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Shiver Me Timbers
News story I found....
Pirates attack luxury liner off Somalia
SAN FRANCISCO (MarketWatch) -- A luxury liner sailing off the coast of Somalia fended off an attack by gunmen in speedboats early Saturday morning in an area notorious for piracy.
None of the mostly American passengers aboard the Seabourn Spirit were harmed but one crew member was lightly injured as they repelled the attackers without returning fire.
OK, the article goes on from there but first of all, there's still pirates? How the freak is that even possible?
Second of all, I want to know how the hell a crew member was "lightly injured repelling attackers without using gunfire." I keep picturing in my head a schoolyard bully in a big puffy winter coat slamming his chest against people and saying "What ya gonna do? What ya gonna do?"
Pirates attack luxury liner off Somalia
SAN FRANCISCO (MarketWatch) -- A luxury liner sailing off the coast of Somalia fended off an attack by gunmen in speedboats early Saturday morning in an area notorious for piracy.
None of the mostly American passengers aboard the Seabourn Spirit were harmed but one crew member was lightly injured as they repelled the attackers without returning fire.
OK, the article goes on from there but first of all, there's still pirates? How the freak is that even possible?
Second of all, I want to know how the hell a crew member was "lightly injured repelling attackers without using gunfire." I keep picturing in my head a schoolyard bully in a big puffy winter coat slamming his chest against people and saying "What ya gonna do? What ya gonna do?"
Summing Up
A nice weekend, I must say (thank you Ed Grimley). Friday night I went to the National Comedy Theatre (heretofore referred to as the NCT) to watch the two shows. As Dane Cook would say, I had a blasty-blast. Not only are the people there hilarious but it's been cool to see all of the different games they play and also get a chance to hang out with them and get to know them.
I worked Saturday and then had to run to KMart on the way home to pick up a random item (you don't wanna know). When I was finished there (OK I had to pick up one of those dish-washing scrub things that you put the dish soap in with the detachable sponge head...see, I told you you didn't want to know but you had to be all nosy, and now you're all up in my face) I noticed the time and thought, Hey, it's 7:25. And the NCT is just a couple of blocks away. I'll think I'll go see more shows!
I watched a couple more shows and again, laughed like a crazed ninja. Afterward I got to hang out a little more with some of the gang/crew/posse and it was a splendid time indeed.
Yesterday I pretty much stayed in most of the day. I made a quick jaunt to the Drama Book Shop and then we ordered pizza and chilled out.
I just got back this morning from my callback at the Jekyll and Hyde Club. There were about 12 (?) people there and it was pretty fun. Did a couple quick warm-up games, then played an improv game called Freeze Tag, although when we went on stage we were given one of the different characters from the restaurant to play. Finally, we paired up and we had to read a script. There were two characters, a Southern guy and a French guy. We were going to read the script and then we would switch characters and do it again. I did the French guy on the first round, got some nice laughs, and then before everyone switched it up the casting guy Dave said he was good and thus the callback endeth.
If I make it to the 2nd round of callbacks, we will spend our time in the booth operating the animatronic voices, as well as cueing the music and working the puppets. I am pretty stoked. I felt it went well today (I feel much better than I did after my first audition) so we'll see. I may have sucked big time and am still unaware of it.
So yea, that's my last few days. What have you been up to, children?
I worked Saturday and then had to run to KMart on the way home to pick up a random item (you don't wanna know). When I was finished there (OK I had to pick up one of those dish-washing scrub things that you put the dish soap in with the detachable sponge head...see, I told you you didn't want to know but you had to be all nosy, and now you're all up in my face) I noticed the time and thought, Hey, it's 7:25. And the NCT is just a couple of blocks away. I'll think I'll go see more shows!
I watched a couple more shows and again, laughed like a crazed ninja. Afterward I got to hang out a little more with some of the gang/crew/posse and it was a splendid time indeed.
Yesterday I pretty much stayed in most of the day. I made a quick jaunt to the Drama Book Shop and then we ordered pizza and chilled out.
I just got back this morning from my callback at the Jekyll and Hyde Club. There were about 12 (?) people there and it was pretty fun. Did a couple quick warm-up games, then played an improv game called Freeze Tag, although when we went on stage we were given one of the different characters from the restaurant to play. Finally, we paired up and we had to read a script. There were two characters, a Southern guy and a French guy. We were going to read the script and then we would switch characters and do it again. I did the French guy on the first round, got some nice laughs, and then before everyone switched it up the casting guy Dave said he was good and thus the callback endeth.
If I make it to the 2nd round of callbacks, we will spend our time in the booth operating the animatronic voices, as well as cueing the music and working the puppets. I am pretty stoked. I felt it went well today (I feel much better than I did after my first audition) so we'll see. I may have sucked big time and am still unaware of it.
So yea, that's my last few days. What have you been up to, children?
Sunday, November 06, 2005
La Dee Freakin Dah
The other night I was making a phone call at work to a party who lives in Connecticut and instead of reaching anyone I got this message:
The number you are trying to reach is not in service. Please check the number and then dial again.
And then, all of a sudden, the automated voice got cocky and said in this tone dripping with the essence of conceit:
Connecticut now has two area codes.
Well gee, Connecticut, good for you, ya pompous, bragging-for-no-reason state. You say it like you're the first state to get 2 area codes. I mean sheesh, it's not like I'm from Rhode Island or something. You don't need to talk down to me. I've never been to Connecticut and just for that, I never want to go there.
Show-offs.
The number you are trying to reach is not in service. Please check the number and then dial again.
And then, all of a sudden, the automated voice got cocky and said in this tone dripping with the essence of conceit:
Connecticut now has two area codes.
Well gee, Connecticut, good for you, ya pompous, bragging-for-no-reason state. You say it like you're the first state to get 2 area codes. I mean sheesh, it's not like I'm from Rhode Island or something. You don't need to talk down to me. I've never been to Connecticut and just for that, I never want to go there.
Show-offs.
Friday, November 04, 2005
Insane!
Look at me!! I'm blogging while I'm at work! Look how crazy I am, sticking it to the man! I'm crazy!!
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Phase 2
Well, I told you if I heard anything I'd keep you posted....
I just got a phone call from Dave, the Entertainment Director at the Jekyll and Hyde Club that I mentioned in my last post. He has called me in for a callback Monday morning at 9! I'm really stoked! I'm off to round 2! I didn't think I would hear from him until at least tomorrow sometime since the secound group of auditioners probably just finished up a few hours ago, so cool! Again, I will keep you posted and let you know what happens. I'm already eager to go and can't wait for Monday to get here! To celebrate, I shall now go pick up my paycheck and then stop by the library. Because I'm crazy like that.
I just got a phone call from Dave, the Entertainment Director at the Jekyll and Hyde Club that I mentioned in my last post. He has called me in for a callback Monday morning at 9! I'm really stoked! I'm off to round 2! I didn't think I would hear from him until at least tomorrow sometime since the secound group of auditioners probably just finished up a few hours ago, so cool! Again, I will keep you posted and let you know what happens. I'm already eager to go and can't wait for Monday to get here! To celebrate, I shall now go pick up my paycheck and then stop by the library. Because I'm crazy like that.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Look at me! Look at me!
Yesterday I had an audition at the Jekyll & Hyde Club in Manhattan. When I was living in Pennsylvania and came up to visit friends here in the city, they took us there to eat. I'd never heard of it before, and it was a blast. Even now when I mention it, I am surprised at how many people haven't heard of it. Don't be fooled. The website almost makes it look like a haunted house attraction like every other scary website you see at Halloween time. It's so much more than that.
If you've been to the Adventurer's Club on Pleasure Island at Disneyworld, then you will be familiar with the concept. The Jekyll & Hyde Club is a 4-story restaurant that, legend has it, was opened by the infamous Dr. Jekyll as a place for him and his friends to gather and share their adventures. In fact, your meal will often be interrupted by the appearance of some of Dr. Jekyll's more noted friends and acquaintances.
The club was holding auditions for improv actors, who spend much of their time lingering with the patrons, doing shows, and also working the animatronic puppets scattered all over the place. The concept is actually very similar to what I am already doing with Accomplice NY. I would be given a back story and a few bits of information to pass along, but most of the time is spent riffing and improvising with the diners.
I got there and the front door was locked. Hm. The guy on the phone didn't say what to do in that case. There was a guy hanging out in front of the building who told me he thought the side entrance was opened. I thought he was there for the audition as well, but it turns out he was just a guy hanging out. I made my way downstairs toward the kitchen area and saw some stairs that looked like they headed up into the main lounge. Can I just tell you how creepy it is to be walking through a place that has been designed to look creepy and you have no idea where you're supposed to go and it's totally quiet and deserted? I would be lying if I said a few chills didn't tickle my spine. And on Halloween no less.
I eventually made it up to the main floor and found the rest of them there in the dining area in front of the stage. There were about 15 or so people at the audition. Apparently the director of entertainment received more than 300 headshots from people who wanted to audition and he had it narrowed down to our group and another group of about 20 that is auditioning Thursday morning. He said he's looking to hire about 7 or 8 people.
We started out by doing a simple improv exercise and then played a game of "Freeze Tag." It was a little weird. Kind of like when you're playing volleyball and you realize that most of the people on your team don't really know how to play volleyball, and you end up getting slaughtered by the other team. I'm not trying to sound pompous, those of you who know me know that's really not my style, and there were some people there who were really good and made me laugh. But it was my suspicion that not everyone was as adept at improv as they may have indicated on their resume ("Hey, I took a class once, so sure I can do improv just as good as anyone else!" If you're new to improv and have indeed taken a class, you know it takes a bit of time to really get it down and be able to make the rest of the team look good).
When I auditioned for the National Comedy Theatre, the founder and Guy in Charge Gary said it best. As an actor, when you go to an audition your natural inclination is to want to get up on stage as much as possible and show off all of the crazy characters you can do and prove how funny you are. But that's not what improv is about. It's about making the whole bit work and giving the other people up there a chance to shine as well. So, as you can see, the concept of improv at an audition is an interesting dichotomy. The best way to look good is to make others look good. And sometimes the best thing to do is realize you shouldn't enter the scene at all. If a new character isn't called for, then hang back and wait for your chance, not unlike jumping rope Double Dutch style (like I've ever done that).
I realize this blog has taken a weird turn and has suddenly become a lesson on improv, but I'm just trying to explain that it's hard to have a good improv audition if the person you're up there with isn't right there with you. If I go to a basketball tryout, the 4 other schmucks who get stuck with me on their team are going to look bad because I don't know what the heck I am doing and it'll throw a monkey wrench into the whole thing.
So, I guess it's needless to say, I'm not sure how well the audition went. Maybe I'm making excuses, but that's not my intent. You know, I'm just saying. After doing a few rounds of Freeze Tag I wasn't feeling on top of the world.
Thankfully, the next phase of the audition had us go onto the stage individually where we commenced with "10 characters in a minute." You basically get up there and start doing a character. As soon as they got an idea as to the character you were doing, their traits, et cetera, they would yell CHANGE and you had to start doing a totally different character. The object was to see how many different characters you could create in a minute; the goal was to try to get to 10. I got six (most of us got 5 or 6...there were two people that got in 7). It was a lot tougher than I expected...even if you go up there with characters planned out that you want to do, when you're up there doing one of them, the others all magically escape out the back door. It was a fun exercise, though. My first time doing that one.
The final phase of the audition was character voices, and I was glad they had saved that for last, because I was feeling really confident (and those who know my radio background will understand why I was ready to get it on: I love doing voices!!).
We had to do read some lines as a Wolfman Jack-type voice, Peter Lorre, a guy from Jersey, and a crazy clown. I had a lot of fun doing those and think it went well.
So who knows. I felt like I killed at the voices and did pretty good with the characters (got some good laughs), but the improv is the main part of the job and that didn't go so well for me (or at least I didn't feel like it did...maybe that's just me. I was second-guessing my audition at the National Comedy Theatre as well, and here I am). They are having callbacks on Monday morning and then they will have a second round of callbacks from there. I'd like to at least make it to the first round of callbacks but again, who knows. I did what I did and that's about all I can do.
If I sounded at all egotistical in this post, that wasn't my intention, and I apologize. But if I still came across as a know-it-all, feel free to call me out on it. Gotta keep myself in check, right?
I am thinking, since the other audition is Thursday morning, that maybe I'll hear something on Friday about the Monday callbacks. I'll let you know. And, if Monday comes and goes and I haven't posted anything about getting called back, then we all know what that means, too.
If you've been to the Adventurer's Club on Pleasure Island at Disneyworld, then you will be familiar with the concept. The Jekyll & Hyde Club is a 4-story restaurant that, legend has it, was opened by the infamous Dr. Jekyll as a place for him and his friends to gather and share their adventures. In fact, your meal will often be interrupted by the appearance of some of Dr. Jekyll's more noted friends and acquaintances.
The club was holding auditions for improv actors, who spend much of their time lingering with the patrons, doing shows, and also working the animatronic puppets scattered all over the place. The concept is actually very similar to what I am already doing with Accomplice NY. I would be given a back story and a few bits of information to pass along, but most of the time is spent riffing and improvising with the diners.
I got there and the front door was locked. Hm. The guy on the phone didn't say what to do in that case. There was a guy hanging out in front of the building who told me he thought the side entrance was opened. I thought he was there for the audition as well, but it turns out he was just a guy hanging out. I made my way downstairs toward the kitchen area and saw some stairs that looked like they headed up into the main lounge. Can I just tell you how creepy it is to be walking through a place that has been designed to look creepy and you have no idea where you're supposed to go and it's totally quiet and deserted? I would be lying if I said a few chills didn't tickle my spine. And on Halloween no less.
I eventually made it up to the main floor and found the rest of them there in the dining area in front of the stage. There were about 15 or so people at the audition. Apparently the director of entertainment received more than 300 headshots from people who wanted to audition and he had it narrowed down to our group and another group of about 20 that is auditioning Thursday morning. He said he's looking to hire about 7 or 8 people.
We started out by doing a simple improv exercise and then played a game of "Freeze Tag." It was a little weird. Kind of like when you're playing volleyball and you realize that most of the people on your team don't really know how to play volleyball, and you end up getting slaughtered by the other team. I'm not trying to sound pompous, those of you who know me know that's really not my style, and there were some people there who were really good and made me laugh. But it was my suspicion that not everyone was as adept at improv as they may have indicated on their resume ("Hey, I took a class once, so sure I can do improv just as good as anyone else!" If you're new to improv and have indeed taken a class, you know it takes a bit of time to really get it down and be able to make the rest of the team look good).
When I auditioned for the National Comedy Theatre, the founder and Guy in Charge Gary said it best. As an actor, when you go to an audition your natural inclination is to want to get up on stage as much as possible and show off all of the crazy characters you can do and prove how funny you are. But that's not what improv is about. It's about making the whole bit work and giving the other people up there a chance to shine as well. So, as you can see, the concept of improv at an audition is an interesting dichotomy. The best way to look good is to make others look good. And sometimes the best thing to do is realize you shouldn't enter the scene at all. If a new character isn't called for, then hang back and wait for your chance, not unlike jumping rope Double Dutch style (like I've ever done that).
I realize this blog has taken a weird turn and has suddenly become a lesson on improv, but I'm just trying to explain that it's hard to have a good improv audition if the person you're up there with isn't right there with you. If I go to a basketball tryout, the 4 other schmucks who get stuck with me on their team are going to look bad because I don't know what the heck I am doing and it'll throw a monkey wrench into the whole thing.
So, I guess it's needless to say, I'm not sure how well the audition went. Maybe I'm making excuses, but that's not my intent. You know, I'm just saying. After doing a few rounds of Freeze Tag I wasn't feeling on top of the world.
Thankfully, the next phase of the audition had us go onto the stage individually where we commenced with "10 characters in a minute." You basically get up there and start doing a character. As soon as they got an idea as to the character you were doing, their traits, et cetera, they would yell CHANGE and you had to start doing a totally different character. The object was to see how many different characters you could create in a minute; the goal was to try to get to 10. I got six (most of us got 5 or 6...there were two people that got in 7). It was a lot tougher than I expected...even if you go up there with characters planned out that you want to do, when you're up there doing one of them, the others all magically escape out the back door. It was a fun exercise, though. My first time doing that one.
The final phase of the audition was character voices, and I was glad they had saved that for last, because I was feeling really confident (and those who know my radio background will understand why I was ready to get it on: I love doing voices!!).
We had to do read some lines as a Wolfman Jack-type voice, Peter Lorre, a guy from Jersey, and a crazy clown. I had a lot of fun doing those and think it went well.
So who knows. I felt like I killed at the voices and did pretty good with the characters (got some good laughs), but the improv is the main part of the job and that didn't go so well for me (or at least I didn't feel like it did...maybe that's just me. I was second-guessing my audition at the National Comedy Theatre as well, and here I am). They are having callbacks on Monday morning and then they will have a second round of callbacks from there. I'd like to at least make it to the first round of callbacks but again, who knows. I did what I did and that's about all I can do.
If I sounded at all egotistical in this post, that wasn't my intention, and I apologize. But if I still came across as a know-it-all, feel free to call me out on it. Gotta keep myself in check, right?
I am thinking, since the other audition is Thursday morning, that maybe I'll hear something on Friday about the Monday callbacks. I'll let you know. And, if Monday comes and goes and I haven't posted anything about getting called back, then we all know what that means, too.
A sign from above
One of my favorite things to do on the subway is reading the advertisements (I guess that's why they put them there). But I like to read them because many times they are unintentionally hilarious (like the sign in Spanish for an injury lawyer whose number is 1-800-MARGARITA. What the heck?).
Last night I noticed a good one, and it's one I'd seen before. This was the first time I really read everything on it; all of the fine print. It was an ad for classes to learn to speak English. I think I read somewhere there are something like 137 different languages spoken in New York City, and so in a variety of different languages the sign read "Learn English" and on the left-hand side of the ad was a smiling blonde girl who obviously enjoyed the fact she has learned to speak English.
Listed in the fine print was a number of reasons why you should take this particular class:
MAKE FRIENDS! ACCENT REDUCTION! MS WORD CLASSES! AFFORDABLE PRICES!
And listed right along with the above, thinking no one would notice, was my favorite perk of the Speak English classes:
STUDENT FASHION WEEK!
Huh? Student fashion week? What the hell kind of school is this?
I told my wife about it last night and told her there was a joke in there somewhere, but she didn't think so. Am I the only one that finds that a little weird?
Student fashion week?
"All right, Hanz, your pronunciation was correct, but can I see you recite the word "do" in all of its participles while walking the runway and looking fabulous?"
Last night I noticed a good one, and it's one I'd seen before. This was the first time I really read everything on it; all of the fine print. It was an ad for classes to learn to speak English. I think I read somewhere there are something like 137 different languages spoken in New York City, and so in a variety of different languages the sign read "Learn English" and on the left-hand side of the ad was a smiling blonde girl who obviously enjoyed the fact she has learned to speak English.
Listed in the fine print was a number of reasons why you should take this particular class:
MAKE FRIENDS! ACCENT REDUCTION! MS WORD CLASSES! AFFORDABLE PRICES!
And listed right along with the above, thinking no one would notice, was my favorite perk of the Speak English classes:
STUDENT FASHION WEEK!
Huh? Student fashion week? What the hell kind of school is this?
I told my wife about it last night and told her there was a joke in there somewhere, but she didn't think so. Am I the only one that finds that a little weird?
Student fashion week?
"All right, Hanz, your pronunciation was correct, but can I see you recite the word "do" in all of its participles while walking the runway and looking fabulous?"
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