Today we were working for some old lady in Garrett. Right off, that sounds mean, but I heard her telling Dad she was 87 so come on, let's face it: she's an old lady.
Dad introduced me and Rich (my cousin) to her and although her face said "Oh, it's so nice to meet you" I could tell that in her heart she was saying, "More Mexicans."
Dad left Rich and I there while he attended to more business. Rich and I were in the back, scraping paint off the side of the house, innocently toiling away in the hot sun (like good Mexicans do). After about an hour or so the lady peeks her head out the back door and says, "Are you guys going to want any water?"
Now this isn't an odd request. The people we work for are usually very kind people and to have them give us a soda or water while we're working is never unusual. It's always a very kind gesture and is always very appreciated. So when this character asked us if we wanted any water, I am sure Rich thought nothing of it when he politely answered, "Sure, I'll have a glass." But I remembered sensing the evil in her soul earlier and knew it was too good to be true.
She responded to Rich by pointing beside us and saying, "The hose is right there."
No lie. She said the hose was right there.
She then added, "Here are a couple of glasses for you" and handed Rich two plastic cups. She then popped back in and closed (and locked) the door.
I don't know why, but I found that little gesture extremely humorous. We weren't good enough to have People Water, but doggonit, we were gonna use cups to drink from.
I turned to Rich and said, "I'm blogging about this tonight."
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Name That Artist
My brother works for the post office but isn't a full-time employee (yet). On his days off he comes to work for Dad and today was one of those days. It's always a lot of fun when the Rayman is about. Today Ray, Rich (my cousin), and I were playing the game of Name That Artist while we had on the radio. We made up the rules as we went along, but here's the basic outline:
* When a song comes on the radio, the first person to name the singer gets 1 point (the song is voided if the DJ says the artist before one of the players can)
*If no one can name the artist, the person in last place gets 1 point.
*At any point in the game, you can say "the next song is worth 2 points." Each player can only use this once per day.
*At the start of the day, you each name 1 artist. The first person's predeiction to be played receives 3 points.
*The game ends at 4:00. At 3:00, the next song played is worth 10 points if you are in last place, 5 points if you are in 2nd, and only 1 point if you are in first.
We had a blast playing throughout the day and it really helped to pass the time (you need to find something to do when you're stripping and refinishing hardwood floors). I ended up winning and Rich came in a close second, although I think Ray cheated. He tried to convince me that Train sings that new song "Bad Day." I told him I knew that was wrong, but couldn't think of the correct name. He insisted it was Train and claims we gypped him out of 2 points (it played twice today and each time he tried to convince me it was a Train song). Turns out I was right, but I'm not saying who it is in case Ray reads this and saves the info for a later date.
I don't think Ray is working with us for the rest of the week, but it was fun to have him pop in. If you've spent any time with me (especially on a car trip), then you know I love to come up with stupid games to play. Ray and I are kings at that. Tuesday we played the "Name an actor and then we have to come up with said actor's best--and worst-- films" game. It brought on some great discussion, rather heated exchanges (all in good fun), and rehashed the old "Who's the better actor, Kurt Russell or Steven Seagal?" debate Ray and Dad have been waging for years.
All in all, a good time. My brother is fun.
* When a song comes on the radio, the first person to name the singer gets 1 point (the song is voided if the DJ says the artist before one of the players can)
*If no one can name the artist, the person in last place gets 1 point.
*At any point in the game, you can say "the next song is worth 2 points." Each player can only use this once per day.
*At the start of the day, you each name 1 artist. The first person's predeiction to be played receives 3 points.
*The game ends at 4:00. At 3:00, the next song played is worth 10 points if you are in last place, 5 points if you are in 2nd, and only 1 point if you are in first.
We had a blast playing throughout the day and it really helped to pass the time (you need to find something to do when you're stripping and refinishing hardwood floors). I ended up winning and Rich came in a close second, although I think Ray cheated. He tried to convince me that Train sings that new song "Bad Day." I told him I knew that was wrong, but couldn't think of the correct name. He insisted it was Train and claims we gypped him out of 2 points (it played twice today and each time he tried to convince me it was a Train song). Turns out I was right, but I'm not saying who it is in case Ray reads this and saves the info for a later date.
I don't think Ray is working with us for the rest of the week, but it was fun to have him pop in. If you've spent any time with me (especially on a car trip), then you know I love to come up with stupid games to play. Ray and I are kings at that. Tuesday we played the "Name an actor and then we have to come up with said actor's best--and worst-- films" game. It brought on some great discussion, rather heated exchanges (all in good fun), and rehashed the old "Who's the better actor, Kurt Russell or Steven Seagal?" debate Ray and Dad have been waging for years.
All in all, a good time. My brother is fun.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Hello Again
Wow, look at that. Almost 20 days since my last blog. So much has happened yet I feel to lazy to encapsulate all of it. But for you, dear reader, I shall try.
I'm now in my own little upstairs apartment in Auburn, IN. It's about 3 miles from Garrett, the little town I grew up in. It's a neat little apartment, one bedroom, nothing fancy, yet just the way I like it. It'll give me a chance to save money and that's always a plus.
I've been working for Dad as the radio gig here didn't pan out. But it's cool. I'm not at all upset or bitter about it. I know I'm back home again for a reason and now I'm just trying to figure out what that reason is.
In the meantime I've had a blast hanging out with my brother Ray, his wife Piper, and their little girl Valencia. I've really missed having the chance to see them on a regular basis. One of the things I was determined to do while I was here was work on filming and editing and Ray and I have been able to make that happen.
Back in 1992 before I moved away from home we filmed a silly little movie called TEROCUS about a superhero who has the power to make hammers appear out of nowhere. Since my return to Indiana we've decided to turn TEROCUS into a series, and we began filming the first season (which will be 6 episodes). The original Terocus and first episode of the new season is here on my YouTube website. Check it out, and enjoy the inanity.
By day I've been working with Dad painting houses and what-have-you and it's given me some good time to think all day about story ideas for other films, plotlines, et cetera. I'm also looking forward to working with a buddy of mine on an idea for a film. He lives on the other side of the country, but I've done that kind of long distance co-writing before with my good buddy Ed Doney with pretty impressive results, and I'm looking forward to collaborating again.
The point is, I'm able to keep my creative juices flowing while I'm back in Hoosier country. I'm still getting used to the Indiana slang and phrasing. "Pop" instead of "soda" (although I think I'll stick with "soda"), "sack" instead of "bag" (neither one of these words is really much more appealing than the other), and that God-awful phrase, "couple-three" (as in "Did you pick up some apples?" "Yeah, I got a couple-three.").
One of the Indiana sights that I had totally forgotten about and it brought back a huge rush of nostalgia is the fogger truck. Every summer this huge truck drives around town spewing this cloud of anti-mosquito spray into the air and this thick cloud just kind of hangs in the air. Kind of like an ice cream truck. Just creeping along, spraying this mystery chemical around. Just like ice cream trucks do. I recall, very much against our parents' wishes, rushing out into the street into the cloud of spray to make sure we would be protected against the wretched bugs. How none of us ever got tagged by a moving car while we pranced in the thick vapor is still a mystery to me.
And that's where I am for now. Things are good. I'm not where I thought I would be a year ago, but when I stop and think about it, I can pretty much say that for every stage in my life and I have no real complaints. The adventure continues, and we can either drag our heels and let it pull us against our will or we can buckle up, throw our hands into the air, and enjoy the ride.
Let's do this.
I'm now in my own little upstairs apartment in Auburn, IN. It's about 3 miles from Garrett, the little town I grew up in. It's a neat little apartment, one bedroom, nothing fancy, yet just the way I like it. It'll give me a chance to save money and that's always a plus.
I've been working for Dad as the radio gig here didn't pan out. But it's cool. I'm not at all upset or bitter about it. I know I'm back home again for a reason and now I'm just trying to figure out what that reason is.
In the meantime I've had a blast hanging out with my brother Ray, his wife Piper, and their little girl Valencia. I've really missed having the chance to see them on a regular basis. One of the things I was determined to do while I was here was work on filming and editing and Ray and I have been able to make that happen.
Back in 1992 before I moved away from home we filmed a silly little movie called TEROCUS about a superhero who has the power to make hammers appear out of nowhere. Since my return to Indiana we've decided to turn TEROCUS into a series, and we began filming the first season (which will be 6 episodes). The original Terocus and first episode of the new season is here on my YouTube website. Check it out, and enjoy the inanity.
By day I've been working with Dad painting houses and what-have-you and it's given me some good time to think all day about story ideas for other films, plotlines, et cetera. I'm also looking forward to working with a buddy of mine on an idea for a film. He lives on the other side of the country, but I've done that kind of long distance co-writing before with my good buddy Ed Doney with pretty impressive results, and I'm looking forward to collaborating again.
The point is, I'm able to keep my creative juices flowing while I'm back in Hoosier country. I'm still getting used to the Indiana slang and phrasing. "Pop" instead of "soda" (although I think I'll stick with "soda"), "sack" instead of "bag" (neither one of these words is really much more appealing than the other), and that God-awful phrase, "couple-three" (as in "Did you pick up some apples?" "Yeah, I got a couple-three.").
One of the Indiana sights that I had totally forgotten about and it brought back a huge rush of nostalgia is the fogger truck. Every summer this huge truck drives around town spewing this cloud of anti-mosquito spray into the air and this thick cloud just kind of hangs in the air. Kind of like an ice cream truck. Just creeping along, spraying this mystery chemical around. Just like ice cream trucks do. I recall, very much against our parents' wishes, rushing out into the street into the cloud of spray to make sure we would be protected against the wretched bugs. How none of us ever got tagged by a moving car while we pranced in the thick vapor is still a mystery to me.
And that's where I am for now. Things are good. I'm not where I thought I would be a year ago, but when I stop and think about it, I can pretty much say that for every stage in my life and I have no real complaints. The adventure continues, and we can either drag our heels and let it pull us against our will or we can buckle up, throw our hands into the air, and enjoy the ride.
Let's do this.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
To Make a Short Story Long...
If you've read any of the short stories I've posted up here, you know I'm a big fan of the back story. If you're telling me a story I'll interrupt you to gather information that's honestly not pertinent to the story but it's information I feel I need to know to get an exact mental picture in my head (wait, did this happen in your car before or after your CD player broke?). In fact, this whole paragraph could easily be deleted as it adds nothing to the blog you're about to read except to re-affirm my affinity for rambling. And, just to warn you, this blog will have rambling.
Some names have been changed to protect the guilty.
My story starts back in high school. There was a guy named Chazz (not his real name) who was always kind of a goofball. I never minded him much. I'd say hi in the halls and what have you, but we never really hung out; he was just a guy in most of my honors English classes.
After high school he was in some sort of accident, I forget what exactly, but I know that he conked his head and since then has been a little nuts. He emailed me back in the early 90s trying to get me to convert to communism. He showed up at our 10-year high school anniversary with these huge copies of a thesis he wrote on communism that he wanted to use as literature to get all of us to join his ranks en masse. The weird thing is, he wrote a thesis on Communism and he wasn't even in school. So you know, stuff like that. Just a general weird guy.
At some point, I heard about him marrying some girl from Mexico. I don't know what the deal was, if she was a mail order bride or just looking for a green card, but I remember it was something like that and he wasn't trying to hide the fact that the whole situation was a little hinky. They had like 5 kids (maybe she already had a couple before they met, I'm not sure).
Because she is Mexican and so is my Dad's side of the family (partnered with the fact that my family lives in a really small town) it wasn't long before this girl (I'll call her Isabella...not her real name) met one of my relatives. She started hanging out with my Aunt Ella (again, not her real name) and they became inseparable.
I met Isabella a few times at family reunions and such, but I know I couldn't point her out in a lineup. I don't think it was the fact that I was married and I never had a wandering eye, I just don't think she made that much of an impression on me. I remember the last time I was home my Aunt Ella telling me that Chazz was being mean to Isabella and they were probably going to split up. I also remember a mini-reunion and Isabella was there and, since I was a married man at the time, I thought she was being a little too eager and friendly. There's flirting and then there's desperation, and she was opting for the latter.And yet, I still don't even remember what she looks like. Now that's leaving an impression.
Fast forward a few years. Isabella and Chazz get divorced. I get divorced. I move back to town.
And the first time my aunt Ella sees me, she starts singing the praises of Isabella and I know exactly where it's going. "Oh, Eddie, I took my son to meet Isabella and he said 'Oh mom, she's so cute' and 'Oh mom, she's such a good cook.'" I didn't even try to mask my disinterest. I changed the subject without asking any follow-up questions and life went on.
A few days later I got an email from Isabella telling me she wants to have me over to her house for a "welcome home" dinner. She also tells me that if I need to find a place to stay in town, I can live with her. I politely let her know I've already got a place to stay.
When I moved to town I brought Homer the cat with me and have been having a heckuva time finding a place for him to stay while I find an apartment. In the meantime, he was staying in the basement at the house where my dad, Aunt Ella, and my grandmother live. Then one day I get a call from Ella. She said Isabella was over at the house and wanted to know if she could take Homer home with her and take care of him until I find a place. I said sure, whatever, that's great. It'll help me out and get the cat out of my dad's hair. Because I don't have a car, I was giving my brother Ray some money each week to go over and make sure Homer had food and his litter box was cleaned out. Ella told me Isabella was bringing the cat home that night, so I sent Ray an email letting me know he didn't need to clean out the box any more.
A week later I get a call from Ella to complain that Homer is going to the bathroom outside of his litter box. I was a little thrown off. "He's still there? I thought Isabella was going to take him home."
"Well she was going to, but he didn't seem like he wanted to go and we didn't know if we had his permisison to put him in his carrier."
You don't need his permission, he's a freaking cat! I screamed in my head. So now my cat is crapping in my grandmother's basement. GREAT. Ella then went on to inform me that I should probably take the cat over to Isabella's house myself. They could come and get me and then I could stay at Isabella's house for a few days "so the cat could get used to being in a new place." Or so Isabella can rape me I added to myself. Stop trying to set me up with her! I did some fast talking and told her I would have Ray swing by there, put the cat in his carrier, and Isabella can take him home.
"Just a minute," Ella said.
Don't put Isabella on the phone, don't put Isabella on the phone.
"Hi Eddie!"
I assumed it was Isabella.
And it was.
"Hi."
"You can live with me if you want to."
"Thanks, but I'm already staying here at my Uncle's"...you know, the place where you called me.
"Oh, OK. Well I can come and get you and you can bring the cat over. I have a trampoline. You can come over and we can play."
I might sound a little immature when I say this, but I don't want to play with you, Isabella! I'm sorry, but I'm not interested. I wasn't interested in you when I was married, and now I'm not interested in you when I'm not married. I don't want to support you. I don't want to be your American Dream and pick up where your crazy brain-damaged husband left off, and I'm certainly not looking to go from no kids to five kids. I'm not a bellhop, and you have a little too much baggage for me to handle.
I told her there's no need for me to go over, as Ray is packing up the cat for her and he'll be all ready to go. I forgot to mention that the more she and my aunt try to push her on me, the more I want to put drywall nails in my eyes.
Yesterday I received an email from her (I have to be sure to thank my aunt for giving her my email address) and here's a little portion for your enjoyment:
"Maybe you don't know too much about mexicans*, we are very hospitality people and I say this because when I offer you my home is an real offer**. And listen, any time you need a ride let me know, I will be very happy taking you any place you need to***, I will have somebody to talk while driving."
* You're right, maybe I don't. Growing up with a Mexican Dad and his 12 Mexican brothers and sisters and all of their kids and my grandparents and what have you....I don't know a thing about Mexicans. PS: Your best friend (you know, my Aunt) is Mexcian.
** To rape me.
*** Like your bed
She then goes on:
"I don't want you to feel I am buging you* is just the way mexicans are**. And the memory I have of you is... A guy playing with the family having a good time***. That's the reason I told you last night we could play on the trampolin we have, I enjoy jumping there like a little girl****... he, he, he you most see us jumping he, he, he...***** "
* Too late. You are.
** Speak for yourself.
*** Um...I know you and my aunt are bosom buddies, but you're not my family.
**** What's that supposed to mean? What is it about me that makes you think I'm into little girls on trampolines, you sick [bleep].
***** He he, you're psychotic. Leave me alone, he he he he.
Now let's remember, none of this is my fault! I didn't go out with this girl and have sex with her and then disappear the next morning. I didn't date her and then dump her. I didn't even ask for her number. I have no relationship with her whatsoever. This all came about because my aunt decided to play matchmaker.
Maybe I'm being unnecessarily cold. Maybe I'm being thoughtless and I'm just not realizing it. Maybe I should placate her and just go out with her once to get her off my back.
Nah. I'm staying the freak away.
Some names have been changed to protect the guilty.
My story starts back in high school. There was a guy named Chazz (not his real name) who was always kind of a goofball. I never minded him much. I'd say hi in the halls and what have you, but we never really hung out; he was just a guy in most of my honors English classes.
After high school he was in some sort of accident, I forget what exactly, but I know that he conked his head and since then has been a little nuts. He emailed me back in the early 90s trying to get me to convert to communism. He showed up at our 10-year high school anniversary with these huge copies of a thesis he wrote on communism that he wanted to use as literature to get all of us to join his ranks en masse. The weird thing is, he wrote a thesis on Communism and he wasn't even in school. So you know, stuff like that. Just a general weird guy.
At some point, I heard about him marrying some girl from Mexico. I don't know what the deal was, if she was a mail order bride or just looking for a green card, but I remember it was something like that and he wasn't trying to hide the fact that the whole situation was a little hinky. They had like 5 kids (maybe she already had a couple before they met, I'm not sure).
Because she is Mexican and so is my Dad's side of the family (partnered with the fact that my family lives in a really small town) it wasn't long before this girl (I'll call her Isabella...not her real name) met one of my relatives. She started hanging out with my Aunt Ella (again, not her real name) and they became inseparable.
I met Isabella a few times at family reunions and such, but I know I couldn't point her out in a lineup. I don't think it was the fact that I was married and I never had a wandering eye, I just don't think she made that much of an impression on me. I remember the last time I was home my Aunt Ella telling me that Chazz was being mean to Isabella and they were probably going to split up. I also remember a mini-reunion and Isabella was there and, since I was a married man at the time, I thought she was being a little too eager and friendly. There's flirting and then there's desperation, and she was opting for the latter.And yet, I still don't even remember what she looks like. Now that's leaving an impression.
Fast forward a few years. Isabella and Chazz get divorced. I get divorced. I move back to town.
And the first time my aunt Ella sees me, she starts singing the praises of Isabella and I know exactly where it's going. "Oh, Eddie, I took my son to meet Isabella and he said 'Oh mom, she's so cute' and 'Oh mom, she's such a good cook.'" I didn't even try to mask my disinterest. I changed the subject without asking any follow-up questions and life went on.
A few days later I got an email from Isabella telling me she wants to have me over to her house for a "welcome home" dinner. She also tells me that if I need to find a place to stay in town, I can live with her. I politely let her know I've already got a place to stay.
When I moved to town I brought Homer the cat with me and have been having a heckuva time finding a place for him to stay while I find an apartment. In the meantime, he was staying in the basement at the house where my dad, Aunt Ella, and my grandmother live. Then one day I get a call from Ella. She said Isabella was over at the house and wanted to know if she could take Homer home with her and take care of him until I find a place. I said sure, whatever, that's great. It'll help me out and get the cat out of my dad's hair. Because I don't have a car, I was giving my brother Ray some money each week to go over and make sure Homer had food and his litter box was cleaned out. Ella told me Isabella was bringing the cat home that night, so I sent Ray an email letting me know he didn't need to clean out the box any more.
A week later I get a call from Ella to complain that Homer is going to the bathroom outside of his litter box. I was a little thrown off. "He's still there? I thought Isabella was going to take him home."
"Well she was going to, but he didn't seem like he wanted to go and we didn't know if we had his permisison to put him in his carrier."
You don't need his permission, he's a freaking cat! I screamed in my head. So now my cat is crapping in my grandmother's basement. GREAT. Ella then went on to inform me that I should probably take the cat over to Isabella's house myself. They could come and get me and then I could stay at Isabella's house for a few days "so the cat could get used to being in a new place." Or so Isabella can rape me I added to myself. Stop trying to set me up with her! I did some fast talking and told her I would have Ray swing by there, put the cat in his carrier, and Isabella can take him home.
"Just a minute," Ella said.
Don't put Isabella on the phone, don't put Isabella on the phone.
"Hi Eddie!"
I assumed it was Isabella.
And it was.
"Hi."
"You can live with me if you want to."
"Thanks, but I'm already staying here at my Uncle's"...you know, the place where you called me.
"Oh, OK. Well I can come and get you and you can bring the cat over. I have a trampoline. You can come over and we can play."
I might sound a little immature when I say this, but I don't want to play with you, Isabella! I'm sorry, but I'm not interested. I wasn't interested in you when I was married, and now I'm not interested in you when I'm not married. I don't want to support you. I don't want to be your American Dream and pick up where your crazy brain-damaged husband left off, and I'm certainly not looking to go from no kids to five kids. I'm not a bellhop, and you have a little too much baggage for me to handle.
I told her there's no need for me to go over, as Ray is packing up the cat for her and he'll be all ready to go. I forgot to mention that the more she and my aunt try to push her on me, the more I want to put drywall nails in my eyes.
Yesterday I received an email from her (I have to be sure to thank my aunt for giving her my email address) and here's a little portion for your enjoyment:
"Maybe you don't know too much about mexicans*, we are very hospitality people and I say this because when I offer you my home is an real offer**. And listen, any time you need a ride let me know, I will be very happy taking you any place you need to***, I will have somebody to talk while driving."
* You're right, maybe I don't. Growing up with a Mexican Dad and his 12 Mexican brothers and sisters and all of their kids and my grandparents and what have you....I don't know a thing about Mexicans. PS: Your best friend (you know, my Aunt) is Mexcian.
** To rape me.
*** Like your bed
She then goes on:
"I don't want you to feel I am buging you* is just the way mexicans are**. And the memory I have of you is... A guy playing with the family having a good time***. That's the reason I told you last night we could play on the trampolin we have, I enjoy jumping there like a little girl****... he, he, he you most see us jumping he, he, he...***** "
* Too late. You are.
** Speak for yourself.
*** Um...I know you and my aunt are bosom buddies, but you're not my family.
**** What's that supposed to mean? What is it about me that makes you think I'm into little girls on trampolines, you sick [bleep].
***** He he, you're psychotic. Leave me alone, he he he he.
Now let's remember, none of this is my fault! I didn't go out with this girl and have sex with her and then disappear the next morning. I didn't date her and then dump her. I didn't even ask for her number. I have no relationship with her whatsoever. This all came about because my aunt decided to play matchmaker.
Maybe I'm being unnecessarily cold. Maybe I'm being thoughtless and I'm just not realizing it. Maybe I should placate her and just go out with her once to get her off my back.
Nah. I'm staying the freak away.
Monday, June 05, 2006
My Life As A Sitcom
No, really. It's a sitcom. Last night my uncle told me I should make my life into a TV show and I don't think it's a half-bad idea. Here's the premise:
*Guy gets divorced and moves back to his hometown to take a job at a local radio station.
* Guy arrives in town and finds that the job isn't actually available yet, so he goes to work for his dad painting houses.
* He has come from New York where cars weren't needed, thus he has no car. He also has no place of his own yet, so he is staying with his aunt, uncle, their two daughters, and his aunt's mom (I'm not complaining about this. They have a huge place and I have great accommodations. I just thought the situation itself was pretty funny).
* His other aunt decides to try to fix him up with a friend of hers, a Mexican immigrant with 5 kids, and won't take no for an answer.
Gotta love it.
*Guy gets divorced and moves back to his hometown to take a job at a local radio station.
* Guy arrives in town and finds that the job isn't actually available yet, so he goes to work for his dad painting houses.
* He has come from New York where cars weren't needed, thus he has no car. He also has no place of his own yet, so he is staying with his aunt, uncle, their two daughters, and his aunt's mom (I'm not complaining about this. They have a huge place and I have great accommodations. I just thought the situation itself was pretty funny).
* His other aunt decides to try to fix him up with a friend of hers, a Mexican immigrant with 5 kids, and won't take no for an answer.
Gotta love it.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Coming to a Theater Near Me: Me
I was watching TV tonight and saw another preview for the new Vince Vaughn/Jennifer Aniston romp, The Break Up. For those of you who have been faithful readers of my blog for any amount of time (or at least since last July) you'll recall that this is the movie on which I did some extra work while I was in Chicago.
The movie opens this weekend so if you happen to go out to see it, keep an eye peeled for me. There are 3 opportunities for you to see me (actually more like two, the third is a long shot).
1. Jennifer Aniston and the girl who plays her sister are walking along the boardwalk on Lake Michigan. They are walking directly toward the camera (camera man was walking backwards) and I and some other guy (as you look at the screen I will be the blader on the left) are behind them roller blading, also going toward the camera and after a short bit, we stop to rest. This is probably the scene with the highest probability of seeing me, so if you blink and miss it, kindly ask the projectionist at your local theater to rewind it.
2. The "Jennifer Aniston's sister" character is on the beach with a small child (I forget now if it was a little boy or girl) and there are a bunch of people in the background lounging. Me and another guy walk by in the background, moving from right to left as you look at the screen. I have on red shorts. Ladies, please, at least pretend like you don't recognize my legs immediately.
3. The other scene I worked on was at a ball game at Wrigley Field. I wasn't even near the camera. There's no way you're going to see me in this one.
So hey, while we're on the subject, if anyone reading this is in Indiana, wanna go to the movies Friday night?
The movie opens this weekend so if you happen to go out to see it, keep an eye peeled for me. There are 3 opportunities for you to see me (actually more like two, the third is a long shot).
1. Jennifer Aniston and the girl who plays her sister are walking along the boardwalk on Lake Michigan. They are walking directly toward the camera (camera man was walking backwards) and I and some other guy (as you look at the screen I will be the blader on the left) are behind them roller blading, also going toward the camera and after a short bit, we stop to rest. This is probably the scene with the highest probability of seeing me, so if you blink and miss it, kindly ask the projectionist at your local theater to rewind it.
2. The "Jennifer Aniston's sister" character is on the beach with a small child (I forget now if it was a little boy or girl) and there are a bunch of people in the background lounging. Me and another guy walk by in the background, moving from right to left as you look at the screen. I have on red shorts. Ladies, please, at least pretend like you don't recognize my legs immediately.
3. The other scene I worked on was at a ball game at Wrigley Field. I wasn't even near the camera. There's no way you're going to see me in this one.
So hey, while we're on the subject, if anyone reading this is in Indiana, wanna go to the movies Friday night?
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Eat Your Heart Out, John Cougar Mellencamp
I was born in a small town...
...and then I moved away and lived in a bunch of big towns and then moved back to a small town and am really getting a kick out of it. So many things I probably saw a million times but never noticed. Just a completely different outlook.
I was talking to my buddy Dan in NYC and he told me he was getting visions of Doc Hollywood in his head. It's not that bad, but you can see it from here.
First of all, everyone waves. After spending time driving in LA traffic and walking the streets of New York I have grown accustomed to making eye contact with no one. And now all of a sudden people want me to wave at them. I don't want to wave at them. I just want to go.
So, Indiana friends, if you see me in a car and wave at me and I don't wave back, don't take offense. Chances are, I didn't even see you.
I also found out that the tousled just-got-outta bed look that was so prevalent in NY and Nashville is just that here in Indiana. It looks like you just got out of bed. And that's not a good thing.
This morning as I walked outside to head to work with Dad he said "You look terrible!"
"I do?" I asked.
"You look like you just woke up! You didn't shave! And why don't you comb your hair!" (Granted, without being able to hear his inflection he probably comes off sounding like a grumpy old man and that's totally not who he is; we Placencias are known for giving each other a hard time for anything we can think of).
We then went to have breakfast at a small local restaurant and the Police Captain (an old friend of the family) came in. Dad said, "You remember my son Ed, don't you?"
And without pausing, the guy looked at me and said, "Sure I do. It looks like you shaved with a Hershey bar."
And people wonder why this smalltown kid grew up and got into comedy.
...and then I moved away and lived in a bunch of big towns and then moved back to a small town and am really getting a kick out of it. So many things I probably saw a million times but never noticed. Just a completely different outlook.
I was talking to my buddy Dan in NYC and he told me he was getting visions of Doc Hollywood in his head. It's not that bad, but you can see it from here.
First of all, everyone waves. After spending time driving in LA traffic and walking the streets of New York I have grown accustomed to making eye contact with no one. And now all of a sudden people want me to wave at them. I don't want to wave at them. I just want to go.
So, Indiana friends, if you see me in a car and wave at me and I don't wave back, don't take offense. Chances are, I didn't even see you.
I also found out that the tousled just-got-outta bed look that was so prevalent in NY and Nashville is just that here in Indiana. It looks like you just got out of bed. And that's not a good thing.
This morning as I walked outside to head to work with Dad he said "You look terrible!"
"I do?" I asked.
"You look like you just woke up! You didn't shave! And why don't you comb your hair!" (Granted, without being able to hear his inflection he probably comes off sounding like a grumpy old man and that's totally not who he is; we Placencias are known for giving each other a hard time for anything we can think of).
We then went to have breakfast at a small local restaurant and the Police Captain (an old friend of the family) came in. Dad said, "You remember my son Ed, don't you?"
And without pausing, the guy looked at me and said, "Sure I do. It looks like you shaved with a Hershey bar."
And people wonder why this smalltown kid grew up and got into comedy.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Scared and Tan
So far, so good.
My time back home in Indiana has been very enjoyable. Yesterday I got straight to work helping out Dad with the business (although that sentence makes it sound like we have mob ties (I wish) I'm actually assisting with his painting business). That's right. No slouch here. I was up bright and early, ready to go, and ready to scrape and prime.
After a hard day's work Dad and I went home, cleaned up, and headed over to Auburn to catch my brother Ray's softball game. It was good to see him, his wife, and my little niece again. Afterwards Dad took us out to eat at my aunt's restaurant and I got to see my cousin Glen there working (or as close as he gets to actual work).
We closed the place down and then made our way to Ray's house. My lifelong buddy Todd showed up (we've known each other since we were 5) and we all had a nice time reconnecting and reminiscing.
Today I went in to the radio station for a bit of a meet and greet sort of thing. Apparently the guy there who told them he was leaving (he told them he was out the door about a month ago) still hasn't left, so the position I am waiting to fill isn't open yet. I had a great talk with the PD, though, and he had me go into the studio to record some test liners and what-have-you. He seemed very interested in my production work and even took me back into his office so he could re-watch all of my videos that I have online. So that was kinda cool. I ended up being there for over an hour. So right now the radio thing is on a wait-and-see basis, but he assured me as soon as the guy leaves and the slot is open, it's mine.
I wasn't too disappointed to not have a definite time frame. At least I'm working and making some money and that was definitely part of the plan when I moved here. I'm hoping to be able to move into an apartment soon (crashing at Dad's in the meantime, but Ed needs his dancing space) and also still on the lookout for a cheap car so any money flow coming in is good.
Today at work I faced my fear of heights again. For those of you who dont know, it's pretty bad. I'm good on a 6-foot stepladder but anything higher than that is pushing it. And today I faced the 24-foot scaffolding.
Good night was I freaked out. Fortunately Dad knows how paralyzing my fear is so he was cool about it. He had to go run some errands and left me to prime some spots on this house on the scaffolding. "Just get what you can and I'll get the rest," he told me. I tried to get a lot. But I didn't.
Climbing up there was no problem. I was zipping up like nobody's business. The problem was when I finally got to the top and had to sit up there and do work. The slight wobbling with every move; the constant inner thoughts reminding me how high I was; I totally psyched myself out. I was really angry with myself for being so freaked out, but my fear was stronger than my anger and it won out. I only got a pathetic amount done before climbing back down and I knew it was lame.
Stupid fear of heights.
Oh well. At least I'm getting tan.
My time back home in Indiana has been very enjoyable. Yesterday I got straight to work helping out Dad with the business (although that sentence makes it sound like we have mob ties (I wish) I'm actually assisting with his painting business). That's right. No slouch here. I was up bright and early, ready to go, and ready to scrape and prime.
After a hard day's work Dad and I went home, cleaned up, and headed over to Auburn to catch my brother Ray's softball game. It was good to see him, his wife, and my little niece again. Afterwards Dad took us out to eat at my aunt's restaurant and I got to see my cousin Glen there working (or as close as he gets to actual work).
We closed the place down and then made our way to Ray's house. My lifelong buddy Todd showed up (we've known each other since we were 5) and we all had a nice time reconnecting and reminiscing.
Today I went in to the radio station for a bit of a meet and greet sort of thing. Apparently the guy there who told them he was leaving (he told them he was out the door about a month ago) still hasn't left, so the position I am waiting to fill isn't open yet. I had a great talk with the PD, though, and he had me go into the studio to record some test liners and what-have-you. He seemed very interested in my production work and even took me back into his office so he could re-watch all of my videos that I have online. So that was kinda cool. I ended up being there for over an hour. So right now the radio thing is on a wait-and-see basis, but he assured me as soon as the guy leaves and the slot is open, it's mine.
I wasn't too disappointed to not have a definite time frame. At least I'm working and making some money and that was definitely part of the plan when I moved here. I'm hoping to be able to move into an apartment soon (crashing at Dad's in the meantime, but Ed needs his dancing space) and also still on the lookout for a cheap car so any money flow coming in is good.
Today at work I faced my fear of heights again. For those of you who dont know, it's pretty bad. I'm good on a 6-foot stepladder but anything higher than that is pushing it. And today I faced the 24-foot scaffolding.
Good night was I freaked out. Fortunately Dad knows how paralyzing my fear is so he was cool about it. He had to go run some errands and left me to prime some spots on this house on the scaffolding. "Just get what you can and I'll get the rest," he told me. I tried to get a lot. But I didn't.
Climbing up there was no problem. I was zipping up like nobody's business. The problem was when I finally got to the top and had to sit up there and do work. The slight wobbling with every move; the constant inner thoughts reminding me how high I was; I totally psyched myself out. I was really angry with myself for being so freaked out, but my fear was stronger than my anger and it won out. I only got a pathetic amount done before climbing back down and I knew it was lame.
Stupid fear of heights.
Oh well. At least I'm getting tan.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Great Way To End The Week
Well, my week-long stay in Pennsylvania has been a most enjoyable one, I must say. It's been so much fun to see old friends again.
John and Lisa have been such gracious hosts during my stay here and it was nice to hang out with their son Alex and have a genuine excuse to act like a kid again. Thursday night Stacey, Ann, Mindy, Tom & Mel came over and we had a great time playing karaoke and DDR Max (and we also watched the episode of Without A Trace which, I am sad to report, you couldn't see me in).
Last night I got to visit with my Radio Friend Phil and then went to Ethan & Aubrey's house for dinner and conversation. Aub's parents and her little brother were there -- great people-- and it was really nice to see them again. After eating we watched some of the videos Ethan and I had been putting together and then just talked about life, love, and other mysteries.
Today was a great day to cap off a great week. Beautiful weather outside, and while Alex played in the backyard with a friend of his, John and I sat on the back porch and talked about life. Ethan and I went to a big barbecue the radio station was at, said hello to the whole gang, and then went to a little Irish pub called Wahtley's (which, I was sad to learn, is closing its doors soon). After that we went to see a comedian and then Ethan dropped me off back at John and Lisa's. John, Lisa, and I stayed up and watched some TV and did more talking.
I love these people here. They were what made it so hard to leave PA the first time.
Today while I was hanging out with Ethan he asked me if this week felt like a vacation or if I was sort of nervous about the big move back home. I told him neither. I definitely wasn't nervous. And it also didn't really feel like a vacation. It was kind of like I was taking care of unfinished business. I haven't seen these friends for about four and a half years, and that was wayyy too long. It was good to get back and do some real catching up.
I told myself it wouldn't be another 4 years before I saw them again. I ask you, Blog Reader, to help hold me to that.
John and Lisa have been such gracious hosts during my stay here and it was nice to hang out with their son Alex and have a genuine excuse to act like a kid again. Thursday night Stacey, Ann, Mindy, Tom & Mel came over and we had a great time playing karaoke and DDR Max (and we also watched the episode of Without A Trace which, I am sad to report, you couldn't see me in).
Last night I got to visit with my Radio Friend Phil and then went to Ethan & Aubrey's house for dinner and conversation. Aub's parents and her little brother were there -- great people-- and it was really nice to see them again. After eating we watched some of the videos Ethan and I had been putting together and then just talked about life, love, and other mysteries.
Today was a great day to cap off a great week. Beautiful weather outside, and while Alex played in the backyard with a friend of his, John and I sat on the back porch and talked about life. Ethan and I went to a big barbecue the radio station was at, said hello to the whole gang, and then went to a little Irish pub called Wahtley's (which, I was sad to learn, is closing its doors soon). After that we went to see a comedian and then Ethan dropped me off back at John and Lisa's. John, Lisa, and I stayed up and watched some TV and did more talking.
I love these people here. They were what made it so hard to leave PA the first time.
Today while I was hanging out with Ethan he asked me if this week felt like a vacation or if I was sort of nervous about the big move back home. I told him neither. I definitely wasn't nervous. And it also didn't really feel like a vacation. It was kind of like I was taking care of unfinished business. I haven't seen these friends for about four and a half years, and that was wayyy too long. It was good to get back and do some real catching up.
I told myself it wouldn't be another 4 years before I saw them again. I ask you, Blog Reader, to help hold me to that.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
On The Air Again
Had a really nice day yesterday. Got up bright and early at 4:30am to go in to the radio station with Lisa and see the gang at WJTL again. It was really great to see everyone. Fred, general manager of the station, co-hosts the morning show with Lisa and although I had originally gone in to just watch and hang out, he asked me to hop on the mic with them and it was fun to be back on the air. We even got a couple of really nice emails from listeners who remembered me from back when I worked there and it was encouraging.
I also got a chance to visit with most of the rest of the gang. It was fun getting to catch up with Stacey, Ann, John, and Darlene. I saw Stacey last year on my way into town as I journeyed to NYC, but hadn't seen the others in like 4-1/2 years.
On Wednesdays Lisa usually does the morning show alone, so I am going in today to co-host with her. Just like old times. When I first started at the station I was co-hosting the AM show with Lisa and it's been fun going back and hanging out again. John, Lisa, and Alex have been such great hosts and I am looking forward to a couple of evenings getting together with the gang and reconnecting.
Good times.
I also got a chance to visit with most of the rest of the gang. It was fun getting to catch up with Stacey, Ann, John, and Darlene. I saw Stacey last year on my way into town as I journeyed to NYC, but hadn't seen the others in like 4-1/2 years.
On Wednesdays Lisa usually does the morning show alone, so I am going in today to co-host with her. Just like old times. When I first started at the station I was co-hosting the AM show with Lisa and it's been fun going back and hanging out again. John, Lisa, and Alex have been such great hosts and I am looking forward to a couple of evenings getting together with the gang and reconnecting.
Good times.
Monday, May 15, 2006
Movin' Right Along
Well, my journey to Indiana is underway.
My good buddy Ethan from Lancaster was able to pick me up yesterday afternoon and bring me back to Pennsylvania.
It was really good to get to spend some time with Ethan again on the ride home. Originally Ethan was going to bring me to John & Lisa's house, where I will be staying this week until Dad is able to make it out here and drag me the rest of the way back to Indiana. After realizing we wouldn't make it back to Lancaster until late, Ethan was kind enough to let me crash at his place so we wouldn't keep John & Lisa up late.
Ethan and I rolled into town around midnight and then we stayed up with his wife Aubrey talking until 4 in the morning. It was a great time to catch up and reconnect with some friends I very dearly missed. We all woke up today around noon and pitched in to create a mondo breakfast: strawberries, pancakes, omelettes, potatoes; it was great.
Ethan and I arrived here at John and Lisa's around 3:30 or so, unloaded all of my stuff, and it's been great getting to be with the Blowers' and their son Alex again. I am returning to WJTL tomorrow with Lisa and am very eager to see the gang at the radio station again. I'm looking forward to spending time with my PA buddies, many of whom I haven't seen in about 4 years.
I already miss my NY gang terribly but if there's any way to numb the pain of missing friends, it's by spending time with more friends.
My good buddy Ethan from Lancaster was able to pick me up yesterday afternoon and bring me back to Pennsylvania.
It was really good to get to spend some time with Ethan again on the ride home. Originally Ethan was going to bring me to John & Lisa's house, where I will be staying this week until Dad is able to make it out here and drag me the rest of the way back to Indiana. After realizing we wouldn't make it back to Lancaster until late, Ethan was kind enough to let me crash at his place so we wouldn't keep John & Lisa up late.
Ethan and I rolled into town around midnight and then we stayed up with his wife Aubrey talking until 4 in the morning. It was a great time to catch up and reconnect with some friends I very dearly missed. We all woke up today around noon and pitched in to create a mondo breakfast: strawberries, pancakes, omelettes, potatoes; it was great.
Ethan and I arrived here at John and Lisa's around 3:30 or so, unloaded all of my stuff, and it's been great getting to be with the Blowers' and their son Alex again. I am returning to WJTL tomorrow with Lisa and am very eager to see the gang at the radio station again. I'm looking forward to spending time with my PA buddies, many of whom I haven't seen in about 4 years.
I already miss my NY gang terribly but if there's any way to numb the pain of missing friends, it's by spending time with more friends.
Friday, May 12, 2006
Catch Ed this week in NYC, PA, and on CBS
Three ways to get your fill of Ed this week. Don't say I never gave you options.
1. It's my last weekend performing at the National Comedy Theatre before my move back to Indiana. I'm playing at all four shows this weekend, so come on out and have a laugh (or two). If I remember correctly, I will have just over 80 performances with NCT under my belt after this weekend. Not too bad, seeing as how my first performance with them was at Christmas. 80 shows in 5 months? Sweet.
B. Before I land in Indiana I will be spending a few days in Lancaster PA and will be co-hosting the Get Up and Go Show on WJTL with Lisa Landis Wednesday morning. If you're going to be up from 6 to 9AM, tune in. You can listen here.
4. Finally, the season finale of Without A Trace I worked on a couple of weeks ago is airing Thursday night at 10pm on CBS. I've never ever seen the show, so if you watch it and it turns out to be a lame series, sorry about that. There's a scene where someone shoots a gun and/or pulls a fire alarm at the FBI building. I am one of the evacuating FBI employees (wearing a grey shirt with sleeves rolled up and yellow tie). Depending on which takes they decide to use, I could either be walking right behind Anthony Lapaglia, or you see my back in the distance walking away from the camera. Who knows. Continuity didn't seem to be a major concern for them.
And that's where I'll be this week. Keep an eye on my YouTube site. I'll be adding a couple more videos there in the coming weeks, so stay tuned. They're guaranteed to be as cheesy and as hokey as what's already there.
Talk to you soon!
1. It's my last weekend performing at the National Comedy Theatre before my move back to Indiana. I'm playing at all four shows this weekend, so come on out and have a laugh (or two). If I remember correctly, I will have just over 80 performances with NCT under my belt after this weekend. Not too bad, seeing as how my first performance with them was at Christmas. 80 shows in 5 months? Sweet.
B. Before I land in Indiana I will be spending a few days in Lancaster PA and will be co-hosting the Get Up and Go Show on WJTL with Lisa Landis Wednesday morning. If you're going to be up from 6 to 9AM, tune in. You can listen here.
4. Finally, the season finale of Without A Trace I worked on a couple of weeks ago is airing Thursday night at 10pm on CBS. I've never ever seen the show, so if you watch it and it turns out to be a lame series, sorry about that. There's a scene where someone shoots a gun and/or pulls a fire alarm at the FBI building. I am one of the evacuating FBI employees (wearing a grey shirt with sleeves rolled up and yellow tie). Depending on which takes they decide to use, I could either be walking right behind Anthony Lapaglia, or you see my back in the distance walking away from the camera. Who knows. Continuity didn't seem to be a major concern for them.
And that's where I'll be this week. Keep an eye on my YouTube site. I'll be adding a couple more videos there in the coming weeks, so stay tuned. They're guaranteed to be as cheesy and as hokey as what's already there.
Talk to you soon!
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Yuppies Can't Wait
Today I went to the library to return the last of the books/DVDs I borrowed. As usual, there was a small line to return things, but it usually moves fairly fast and I wasn't there more than 5 minutes. As I was leaving I saw this guy get in line, shake his head, and then head for the exit.
He was your basic snooty-looking yuppie type (think James Spader in any movie from the 80s). You have to go through security on your way out of the library to ensure you're not stealing books. You give them the books you checked out, they check your receipt, look in your backpack, and that's it.
This guy started to walk through the detector things and then held up a plastic bag and said, "I have CDs."
"Did you get them from here?" the guard asked.
"Well," said Yuppie, "I was going to return them, but I'm not going to wait in that line."
"Do you have your receipts with you that you check them out?"
The yuppie got really mad and took his You-Don't-Know-Who-You're-Dealing-With stance. "No."
"Then you'll have to return the books. I can't let you leave with them without a receipt."
"I'm not waiting in line."
"Sir, you need your receipt, otherwise anyone could give me a story and just walk out with anything."
The Yuppie now took his How-Dare-You-Suggest-I-Wait-In-Line pose and said the most awesome line ever:
"This is preposterous."
What made it awesome was the fact that he didn't say it loudly or like he was upset. There was no exclamation point at the end of his sentence. He said it softly like he was giving someone the time or asking for a slice of cheese.
"This is preposterous. You know, but not preposterous enough for me to do anything about it."
The Yuppie was then made to go back into the library and return his CDs. Two points for the good guys.
He was your basic snooty-looking yuppie type (think James Spader in any movie from the 80s). You have to go through security on your way out of the library to ensure you're not stealing books. You give them the books you checked out, they check your receipt, look in your backpack, and that's it.
This guy started to walk through the detector things and then held up a plastic bag and said, "I have CDs."
"Did you get them from here?" the guard asked.
"Well," said Yuppie, "I was going to return them, but I'm not going to wait in that line."
"Do you have your receipts with you that you check them out?"
The yuppie got really mad and took his You-Don't-Know-Who-You're-Dealing-With stance. "No."
"Then you'll have to return the books. I can't let you leave with them without a receipt."
"I'm not waiting in line."
"Sir, you need your receipt, otherwise anyone could give me a story and just walk out with anything."
The Yuppie now took his How-Dare-You-Suggest-I-Wait-In-Line pose and said the most awesome line ever:
"This is preposterous."
What made it awesome was the fact that he didn't say it loudly or like he was upset. There was no exclamation point at the end of his sentence. He said it softly like he was giving someone the time or asking for a slice of cheese.
"This is preposterous. You know, but not preposterous enough for me to do anything about it."
The Yuppie was then made to go back into the library and return his CDs. Two points for the good guys.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
New York friends: STOP BEING COOL
Tonight was yet another great night at the National Comedy Theatre. We had a couple of "preview" shows to kind of give the newbies a feel of running through an actual show and afterwards we all hung out a bit.
And doggonit if I didn't have a blast. I know I should be enjoying this time together but at the same time I find myself hating having fun because I know our time is limited and I don't want even more good times I'll look back on and miss. It's almost like I wish everyone would be a jerk to me so it would be easier to leave. But they're not. They're staying cool.
I know it'll be easier once I'm home and around my family again...Reconnecting with old friends...my brother and I already have some plans for our next video creation (stay tuned to my YouTube site!) so I'll kind of have that distance to help with missing my NYC friends. But right now everyone is still too close.
After we left the theater tonight a couple of people went to hang out at a bar and asked me to join but I declined because I knew I would have fun. I know, that doesn't make sense. I should be loving the fact that I'm having a blast my final week in New York. What kind of weird neurosis is this? I think I became a Jew without realizing it.
Woody Allen, eat your heart out.
And doggonit if I didn't have a blast. I know I should be enjoying this time together but at the same time I find myself hating having fun because I know our time is limited and I don't want even more good times I'll look back on and miss. It's almost like I wish everyone would be a jerk to me so it would be easier to leave. But they're not. They're staying cool.
I know it'll be easier once I'm home and around my family again...Reconnecting with old friends...my brother and I already have some plans for our next video creation (stay tuned to my YouTube site!) so I'll kind of have that distance to help with missing my NYC friends. But right now everyone is still too close.
After we left the theater tonight a couple of people went to hang out at a bar and asked me to join but I declined because I knew I would have fun. I know, that doesn't make sense. I should be loving the fact that I'm having a blast my final week in New York. What kind of weird neurosis is this? I think I became a Jew without realizing it.
Woody Allen, eat your heart out.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Pros And Cons
I've moved around a lot in my life (as is evident by the many scribbled out entries under "P" in your address book) but never have I made a harder decision than the one I made this week.
I have a very nice opportunity at a radio station in Indiana and I am returning back to good ol' Dekalb County to pursue my radio chops once again (and there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth).
I haven't kept silent about how much I love New York and the friends I've made here in my blog and that certainly hasn't changed. Each time I leave a place, it's always the people I've met there that make it hard to go. Today, before I officially told anyone about my decision to leave NYC, Cohen from the National Comedy Theatre asked me to hang out with him. We called Jeff, another buddy from the theater to see if he wanted to hang out with us, and then Kevin, yet another NCT-er, called to see what we were doing and the four of us hung out in the Village for a bit. And it was such a cool, cool time. I was just kind of like Wow, thanks guys, for giving me an awesome time and making it even harder to leave.
Not that I'm not excited to make the journey. I'll be back in my home town in Indiana (quite a change from the Big Apple) and again near my friends and family. I am excited to hang out with my brother again. Definitely a highlight. It'll be nice to be nearer to Piper (his wife) and my awesome niece Valencia. And of course, hanging out with Dad again will be a great time. I am envisioning nights of The Great Dalmuti and Euchre. And of course, there are my cousins Glen and Jim and our buddy Kevin, with whom we formed Cousins Productions and would make goofy home movies (what's that? you haven't seen our stuff at YouTube ? And you haven't requested to be my friend so you can see secret videos not available to the general public? Well get going!). So that'll be fun.
But man, I'm gonna miss being at the theater each week and doing shows.
But I'll be able to get some footing financially and start saving some money.
But man, those guys at the theater are a blast to be around.
But I'll be able to see my grandmother on a regular basis, something I don't want to take for granted.
But man, I love my pals in New York.
If you know me, nothing is ever permanent and set in stone. I mean sheesh, since I moved away from Indiana in 1992 I've moved ELEVEN times. So who knows. Never say never, right?
Amy, Chris, Christine, Cohen, Dan, JT, Jacob, Jason, the other Jason, Jeff, Kevin, Magee, Paulie...(I'm forgetting some, I know and I apologize)...I know I'll cross paths with them some time . I just kinda wish I knew when.
I have a very nice opportunity at a radio station in Indiana and I am returning back to good ol' Dekalb County to pursue my radio chops once again (and there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth).
I haven't kept silent about how much I love New York and the friends I've made here in my blog and that certainly hasn't changed. Each time I leave a place, it's always the people I've met there that make it hard to go. Today, before I officially told anyone about my decision to leave NYC, Cohen from the National Comedy Theatre asked me to hang out with him. We called Jeff, another buddy from the theater to see if he wanted to hang out with us, and then Kevin, yet another NCT-er, called to see what we were doing and the four of us hung out in the Village for a bit. And it was such a cool, cool time. I was just kind of like Wow, thanks guys, for giving me an awesome time and making it even harder to leave.
Not that I'm not excited to make the journey. I'll be back in my home town in Indiana (quite a change from the Big Apple) and again near my friends and family. I am excited to hang out with my brother again. Definitely a highlight. It'll be nice to be nearer to Piper (his wife) and my awesome niece Valencia. And of course, hanging out with Dad again will be a great time. I am envisioning nights of The Great Dalmuti and Euchre. And of course, there are my cousins Glen and Jim and our buddy Kevin, with whom we formed Cousins Productions and would make goofy home movies (what's that? you haven't seen our stuff at YouTube ? And you haven't requested to be my friend so you can see secret videos not available to the general public? Well get going!). So that'll be fun.
But man, I'm gonna miss being at the theater each week and doing shows.
But I'll be able to get some footing financially and start saving some money.
But man, those guys at the theater are a blast to be around.
But I'll be able to see my grandmother on a regular basis, something I don't want to take for granted.
But man, I love my pals in New York.
If you know me, nothing is ever permanent and set in stone. I mean sheesh, since I moved away from Indiana in 1992 I've moved ELEVEN times. So who knows. Never say never, right?
Amy, Chris, Christine, Cohen, Dan, JT, Jacob, Jason, the other Jason, Jeff, Kevin, Magee, Paulie...(I'm forgetting some, I know and I apologize)...I know I'll cross paths with them some time . I just kinda wish I knew when.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Letterman and Tarantino
What a weird day today was.
This afternoon I went to my first taping of the Late Show with David Letterman. It was actually a lot of fun and I think what impressed me most was the band (of all things!). You get to hear a little bit of them in and out of commercials but these guys are actually really good! Dave was hilarious and I didn't have to fake any laughter. Until the guests came out.
Rosie Perez and some female Indy race car driver. Rosie Perez showed us all how stupid she really is, and the girl race car driver showed us how arrogant she was. I think the audience loathed her. I know I did. A lot of fun, though. I'd like to do it again sometime. Once the show got started, it really flew by.
After that I went to an audition for a showcase of monologues and scenes from various Tarantino movies. Dan, Jacob, and Jason from the National Comedy Theatre came along and we did a scene from Four Rooms. It went really well. A weird experience, though. It was hard to make out what this Italian guy running the auditions was saying. Afterward we kind of mutually agreed that we didn't know what to think.
Weird, huh? Fun, though. I enjoyed it.
This afternoon I went to my first taping of the Late Show with David Letterman. It was actually a lot of fun and I think what impressed me most was the band (of all things!). You get to hear a little bit of them in and out of commercials but these guys are actually really good! Dave was hilarious and I didn't have to fake any laughter. Until the guests came out.
Rosie Perez and some female Indy race car driver. Rosie Perez showed us all how stupid she really is, and the girl race car driver showed us how arrogant she was. I think the audience loathed her. I know I did. A lot of fun, though. I'd like to do it again sometime. Once the show got started, it really flew by.
After that I went to an audition for a showcase of monologues and scenes from various Tarantino movies. Dan, Jacob, and Jason from the National Comedy Theatre came along and we did a scene from Four Rooms. It went really well. A weird experience, though. It was hard to make out what this Italian guy running the auditions was saying. Afterward we kind of mutually agreed that we didn't know what to think.
Weird, huh? Fun, though. I enjoyed it.
Monday, May 01, 2006
Without A Number
Yesterday I worked on the season finale of Without A Trace here in downtown Manhattan. I've never seen the show, so I wasn't crazy stoked about being on the set, but I was definitely glad to get in more work.
It took place at a Chase bank that they had altered a bit to make look like an FBI building. They were only shooting the outside of the building and the rest of us were FBI employees evacuating the building.
It was a very efficient crew and we were on the set and working very quickly (comparatively). While on the set I met a really cool girl named Taisha from New Zealand. We had a good time chatting together but then we got separated and I didn't get a chance to get any more info from her to keep in touch. So...that was weak.
If by any chance you run into a kiwi artist named Taisha, tell her I said hey.
It took place at a Chase bank that they had altered a bit to make look like an FBI building. They were only shooting the outside of the building and the rest of us were FBI employees evacuating the building.
It was a very efficient crew and we were on the set and working very quickly (comparatively). While on the set I met a really cool girl named Taisha from New Zealand. We had a good time chatting together but then we got separated and I didn't get a chance to get any more info from her to keep in touch. So...that was weak.
If by any chance you run into a kiwi artist named Taisha, tell her I said hey.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Virginia and the Jumper
Yesterday was a beautiful day in the neighborhood. So beautiful, in fact, that I decided to skip the subway and walk all the way from my place on 45th to my audition on 19th.
And it happened again! Twice in one week! I was at the audition and ran into Virginia there (another buddy from the National Comedy Theatre). It's starting to become fun running into friends while I am out and about.
The audition was quick and painless. Virginia had to work in the area at 6:00 so she asked if I'd kill some time with her. We walked up to 32nd so we would be in the general area of where she had to be and I noticed a bunch of people across the street looking up into the air. Some of them were pointing and their attention was drawn to the Empire State Building.
It didn't take long before we heard people murmuring...someone was going to jump! We looked up but couldn't see anything. Soon, though, a guy beside us told us that he wasn't trying to commit suicide up there, he was a base jumper who goes onto places that are illegal to base jump off of and...well...he base jumps off of them. He was the guy who, in the not-too-distant past, jumped off of the Eiffel Tower. I recalled hearing about it.
The Guy said the Base Jumper had been up there for about 45 minutes, so he probably wasn't going to make it. He pointed out to us where to look and we could see a small crowd gathered in one part of the top of the building. Apparently the authorities nabbed him as soon as they saw him scaling the protective railing (which I guess goes to show the security in NY is better than in Paris).
Virginia asked the guy how he knew what was going on and the guy was really coy and finally admitted his friend was part of the Base Jumper's "crew". Whatever. I wasn't 100% sold on the guy's story but it turns out it was true. There are a couple of articles about it here.
About 10 minutes later the crowd on the top of the building disappeared and the Base Jumper's plot had been foiled. While we were there, a heavy set guy (he looked kind of like the live action version of the Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons) walked by and declared "It's a human life, people, not entertainment." How wrong he was. If the guy has a parachute, it is entertainment. I realize he thought the guy was going to commit suicide, but the crowd still loathed him. Party pooper.
So I didn't get to see someone jump off the Empire State Building but I did feel like I was in a movie. The crowd on the street below looking up at the building, the confusion...I was soooo waiting for Spider-Man to swing in and save the day.
But he didn't.
From the New York Daily News:
Cops stop fall guy
Foil Empire State jumper
BY CELESTE KATZ, OREN YANIV and LEO STANDORADAILY NEWS STAFF WRITERS
A dopey daredevil hellbent on parachuting off the Empire State Building was plucked from the brink of disaster yesterday in a breathtaking drama that played out on a narrow ledge more than 1,000 feet above city streets.
As scores of tourists watched in stunned disbelief, TV stunt show star Jeb Corliss ripped off an old fat man disguise - and scaled the 10-foot security fence around the 86th-floor observation deck.
He was precariously perched on a ledge far above 33rd St. and ready to jump, when security guards and cops reached through the fence and handcuffed the dodging dodo to the bars as witnesses gasped, cameras clicked and videotape rolled.
"Dude, you guys are going to kill me!" Corliss screamed as he tried to wriggle free. "You guys are going to kill me right now.
"Let me go!"
The 30-year-old Californian wore a helmet fitted with a camera, likely hoping to film his 1,050-foot plunge - with no regard for the safety of people on the streets below - for "Stunt Junkies," a Discovery Channel show he hosts.
But cops and security guards, who had been tipped the death-wish scheme by someone claiming to be worried about Corliss, weren't going to allow his latest attempt at twisted glory.
He had snuck into the storied skycraper around 4:30 p.m. wearing a $15,000 fat suit, a gray wig and a latex mask with a gray beard.
But once on the observation deck, he went into a bathroom, tore off the suit to reveal a parachute underneath, dashed to the curled railing and climbed it.
But he was slowed down by security guard Kevin Downes, who had chased him from the bathroom, giving cops and other security personnel precious seconds to leap into action.
"He was resistant. He tried to push off with his feet. He was fighting with us to get off," said Timothy Donohue, a building manager.
One unidentified woman was so upset she thrust a fistful of cash at Corliss and tried to bribe him to come back.
Donohue and others finally got a good grip on Corliss' harness before cuffing him.
"He wasn't going without me and I really didn't want to go for the ride," said Donohue. "It's New York City, it's rush hour. It is not the time to jump off buildings."
ESU cops with bolt cutters eventually snapped the cuffs, removed a portion of the fence and pulled Corliss back to safety, ending a 15-minute struggle. He kept his latex mask on until it was clear the only way he was reaching terra firma was in an elevator.
Outside the building, Corliss was grinning like a fool as cops - who had rushed to the top terror target - hauled him away. Meanwhile, Downes was taken to Bellevue Hospital with head and ankle injuries.
Corliss charged last night with a number of crimes including reckless endangerment, assault and resisting arrest.
"I wouldn't describe him as a daredevil," said NYPD Deputy Inspector James McCarthy. "I would describe him as an individual who obviously showed a depraved indifference for human life.
"In the worst case scenario, his parachute doesn't open and he kills a number of people walking by."
Still, the afternoon drama at New York's tallest building gave visitors a show they'll never forget.
Dennis Hook, 68, an English tourist, said, he thought the nail-biting spectacle "was a joke at the beginning. There was someone in a King Kong suit walking around so it looked like a show. It was unbelievable."
Dutch tourists Edu De Neve, 57, his wife, Garda, and sons Mattijs, 27, and Guido, 25, were stunned by the sight of about 20 cops racing onto the observation deck to help subdue Corliss.
"It was something to see," said Garda De Neve, 57, shaking her head in wonder.
Although she had been reluctant to come to the U.S. due to terrorism fears and the incident yesterday was less than a treat for the Dutch family, she said of her first visit to New York, "I love it here."
Corliss is no stranger to risky business.
He's chuted off the Palace Hotel here, the Skylon Tower in Niagara falls as well as the giant Petronas Towers in Malaysia.
His antics on the Empire State may have been timed to bring attention to the 102-story building's 75th birthday Monday.
"It was absolutely unreal," said a visibly shaken Mark Skelton, who is chaperoning a high school band from Cleveland, Ga. on a visit here. "You'd never think this kind of thing would happen."
Skelton's daughter, Erin, 15, couldn't help but giggle: "I think it all was pretty cool."
Towering legacy
The Empire State Building, which turns 75 Monday, has seen its share of triumph, tragedy - and stunts.
Here's a look at some key events:
MAY 1, 1931 - The world's tallest building opens, reaffirming American ingenuity in the depths of the Great Depression.
MARCH 2, 1933 - The blockbuster film "King Kong" seals the skyscraper's place in the world's imagination.
JULY 28, 1945 - A B-25 bomber plows into the 79th floor of the building in dense fog, killing 14 people.
APRIL 24, 1986 - Two British men parachute from the 86th floor observation deck. One got into a taxi, chute and all, but another was caught when he got snagged on a traffic light.
FEB. 23, 1997 - A gunman opens fire on the observation deck, killing one person and wounding six others before turning the weapon on himself.
OCT. 24, 1998 - Two daredevils escape after they parachute from the observation deck.
At least 35 people have killed themselves by plunging from the observation deck.
And it happened again! Twice in one week! I was at the audition and ran into Virginia there (another buddy from the National Comedy Theatre). It's starting to become fun running into friends while I am out and about.
The audition was quick and painless. Virginia had to work in the area at 6:00 so she asked if I'd kill some time with her. We walked up to 32nd so we would be in the general area of where she had to be and I noticed a bunch of people across the street looking up into the air. Some of them were pointing and their attention was drawn to the Empire State Building.
It didn't take long before we heard people murmuring...someone was going to jump! We looked up but couldn't see anything. Soon, though, a guy beside us told us that he wasn't trying to commit suicide up there, he was a base jumper who goes onto places that are illegal to base jump off of and...well...he base jumps off of them. He was the guy who, in the not-too-distant past, jumped off of the Eiffel Tower. I recalled hearing about it.
The Guy said the Base Jumper had been up there for about 45 minutes, so he probably wasn't going to make it. He pointed out to us where to look and we could see a small crowd gathered in one part of the top of the building. Apparently the authorities nabbed him as soon as they saw him scaling the protective railing (which I guess goes to show the security in NY is better than in Paris).
Virginia asked the guy how he knew what was going on and the guy was really coy and finally admitted his friend was part of the Base Jumper's "crew". Whatever. I wasn't 100% sold on the guy's story but it turns out it was true. There are a couple of articles about it here.
About 10 minutes later the crowd on the top of the building disappeared and the Base Jumper's plot had been foiled. While we were there, a heavy set guy (he looked kind of like the live action version of the Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons) walked by and declared "It's a human life, people, not entertainment." How wrong he was. If the guy has a parachute, it is entertainment. I realize he thought the guy was going to commit suicide, but the crowd still loathed him. Party pooper.
So I didn't get to see someone jump off the Empire State Building but I did feel like I was in a movie. The crowd on the street below looking up at the building, the confusion...I was soooo waiting for Spider-Man to swing in and save the day.
But he didn't.
From the New York Daily News:
Cops stop fall guy
Foil Empire State jumper
BY CELESTE KATZ, OREN YANIV and LEO STANDORADAILY NEWS STAFF WRITERS
A dopey daredevil hellbent on parachuting off the Empire State Building was plucked from the brink of disaster yesterday in a breathtaking drama that played out on a narrow ledge more than 1,000 feet above city streets.
As scores of tourists watched in stunned disbelief, TV stunt show star Jeb Corliss ripped off an old fat man disguise - and scaled the 10-foot security fence around the 86th-floor observation deck.
He was precariously perched on a ledge far above 33rd St. and ready to jump, when security guards and cops reached through the fence and handcuffed the dodging dodo to the bars as witnesses gasped, cameras clicked and videotape rolled.
"Dude, you guys are going to kill me!" Corliss screamed as he tried to wriggle free. "You guys are going to kill me right now.
"Let me go!"
The 30-year-old Californian wore a helmet fitted with a camera, likely hoping to film his 1,050-foot plunge - with no regard for the safety of people on the streets below - for "Stunt Junkies," a Discovery Channel show he hosts.
But cops and security guards, who had been tipped the death-wish scheme by someone claiming to be worried about Corliss, weren't going to allow his latest attempt at twisted glory.
He had snuck into the storied skycraper around 4:30 p.m. wearing a $15,000 fat suit, a gray wig and a latex mask with a gray beard.
But once on the observation deck, he went into a bathroom, tore off the suit to reveal a parachute underneath, dashed to the curled railing and climbed it.
But he was slowed down by security guard Kevin Downes, who had chased him from the bathroom, giving cops and other security personnel precious seconds to leap into action.
"He was resistant. He tried to push off with his feet. He was fighting with us to get off," said Timothy Donohue, a building manager.
One unidentified woman was so upset she thrust a fistful of cash at Corliss and tried to bribe him to come back.
Donohue and others finally got a good grip on Corliss' harness before cuffing him.
"He wasn't going without me and I really didn't want to go for the ride," said Donohue. "It's New York City, it's rush hour. It is not the time to jump off buildings."
ESU cops with bolt cutters eventually snapped the cuffs, removed a portion of the fence and pulled Corliss back to safety, ending a 15-minute struggle. He kept his latex mask on until it was clear the only way he was reaching terra firma was in an elevator.
Outside the building, Corliss was grinning like a fool as cops - who had rushed to the top terror target - hauled him away. Meanwhile, Downes was taken to Bellevue Hospital with head and ankle injuries.
Corliss charged last night with a number of crimes including reckless endangerment, assault and resisting arrest.
"I wouldn't describe him as a daredevil," said NYPD Deputy Inspector James McCarthy. "I would describe him as an individual who obviously showed a depraved indifference for human life.
"In the worst case scenario, his parachute doesn't open and he kills a number of people walking by."
Still, the afternoon drama at New York's tallest building gave visitors a show they'll never forget.
Dennis Hook, 68, an English tourist, said, he thought the nail-biting spectacle "was a joke at the beginning. There was someone in a King Kong suit walking around so it looked like a show. It was unbelievable."
Dutch tourists Edu De Neve, 57, his wife, Garda, and sons Mattijs, 27, and Guido, 25, were stunned by the sight of about 20 cops racing onto the observation deck to help subdue Corliss.
"It was something to see," said Garda De Neve, 57, shaking her head in wonder.
Although she had been reluctant to come to the U.S. due to terrorism fears and the incident yesterday was less than a treat for the Dutch family, she said of her first visit to New York, "I love it here."
Corliss is no stranger to risky business.
He's chuted off the Palace Hotel here, the Skylon Tower in Niagara falls as well as the giant Petronas Towers in Malaysia.
His antics on the Empire State may have been timed to bring attention to the 102-story building's 75th birthday Monday.
"It was absolutely unreal," said a visibly shaken Mark Skelton, who is chaperoning a high school band from Cleveland, Ga. on a visit here. "You'd never think this kind of thing would happen."
Skelton's daughter, Erin, 15, couldn't help but giggle: "I think it all was pretty cool."
Towering legacy
The Empire State Building, which turns 75 Monday, has seen its share of triumph, tragedy - and stunts.
Here's a look at some key events:
MAY 1, 1931 - The world's tallest building opens, reaffirming American ingenuity in the depths of the Great Depression.
MARCH 2, 1933 - The blockbuster film "King Kong" seals the skyscraper's place in the world's imagination.
JULY 28, 1945 - A B-25 bomber plows into the 79th floor of the building in dense fog, killing 14 people.
APRIL 24, 1986 - Two British men parachute from the 86th floor observation deck. One got into a taxi, chute and all, but another was caught when he got snagged on a traffic light.
FEB. 23, 1997 - A gunman opens fire on the observation deck, killing one person and wounding six others before turning the weapon on himself.
OCT. 24, 1998 - Two daredevils escape after they parachute from the observation deck.
At least 35 people have killed themselves by plunging from the observation deck.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
SAUL FRIEDBERG AT THE APOLLO - A short story
Fortunately, my writer's block has ended. I went into my room and just cranked this out. I don't know, after reading it, perhaps I should have used the word UNfortunately.
Anyhow, enjoy.
Ed
SAUL FRIEDBERG AT THE APOLLO
It was a Thursday evening and Saul Friedberg was as nervous as he'd ever been. All his life led up to this moment. The endless hours of watching videotapes of past Apollo performances would now prove to be worth his while.
He stood in the wings as a young woman sang an Alicia Keys tune that brought the crowd to its feet. Hands waved back and forth in unison as her voice did a number of impressive runs.
Saul knew what would happen when it was his turn to walk on stage. People were going to laugh at him. Not with him -- at him. But he was ready for it. Although his mother continually insisted watching and re-watching episodes of "Showtime At The Apollo" was a waste of time, the repeated viewing had mentally prepared him for what was about to happen. Regardless of the clothes they wore, the style of their hair, or the spring in their step it never failed. If the contestant was white, they were laughed at.
The immediate conclusion-jumping always confused Saul but at the same time only served to fuel his passion and drive. He would show them once and for all that white accordion players have soul, too.
Saul missed the days of Sinbad and Steve Harvey hosting the Apollo. They seemed like nice guys and their non-threatening comedy always put Saul at ease. Not like the much-grittier Mo'Nique. She reminded Saul a little too much of the girls who were always standing on the corner of his block. They yelled a lot and Saul had to admit he was a little afraid of them. While Saul thought Sinbad and Steve Harvey were so nice they could be Caucasian (a comment he was smart enough never to say aloud), he knew Mo'Nique would have none of it. Saul had to be good. He wasn't a quick thinker on his feet and was naturally shy so he know Mo'Nique would probably tease him during the interview portion of the show.
That was OK with Saul because he'd watched his tapes. Often times the host would make jokes at the contestants' expense and the audience would have a good laugh. But once the ribbing was over and it was time to get down to business the novice entertainer would turn to the tree trunk on stage and rub it for good luck (and also to acknowledge the history of the Apollo Theater).
Saul wasn't exactly sure how the tradition of the stump rubbing (as he often referred to it) came to be. He imagined a lively and compelling story filled with lumberjacks and unity and the thought of it always calmed him. In times of stress when Saul would find his "happy place" he thought of The Story of the Apollo Stump.
When Saul's name was announced and he stepped on stage, even his years of intense training couldn't prepare him for the instant laughter that swept through the theater. There was whooping. Some people pointed while others repeatedly stood up and sat back down as if they were the largest collection of Jack-In-The-Boxes witnessing the most hilarious sight they could imagine.
Saul raised a hand to ensure his yarmulke was still firmly in place. He hugged his accordion for security, completely forgetting this was what triggered the instrument's sound and the pathetic note that droned from the squeezebox completely upstaged Mo'Nique's diatribe about his thick spectacles.
Mo'Nique introduced Saul and he turned to rub the sacred wooden stump. The accordion clunked against the tree trunk and the crowd quickly inhaled as one. Saul shrugged his shoulders and shook it off as he made his way to center stage.
By this time the audience had regained their collective composure and the giggling commenced again. In the front row three women were standing. Saul hadn't played so much as a single note and already they were making broad, sweeping, get-off-the-stage motions with their arms.
Saul took a deep breath. He looked to his left. There waiting in the wings was The Guy Who Danced. If the crowd's booing and hissing became too loud a siren would sound and The Guy Who Dances would jump on stage, flitter around, and make you leave. Then he would dance a little more and the audience would go nuts.
Saul nodded to The Guy Who Dances. The Guy Who Dances mouthed "Fuck You" in return and shot him the bird.
It didn't phase Saul. Even The Guy Who Dances would soon be eating his words. Saul took another breath and began playing the opening notes of "I Heard It Through The Grapevine."
Saul wasn't sure if it was a cell phone or an iPod but whatever it was, when it struck his face the pain was incredible. Something else whizzed past his head (a compact case?), barely missing him. The Man Who Dances rushed out with a mop handle and began to beat him. As Saul crumpled to the ground Mo'Nique was already there waiting for him (she sure moves fast for such a big girl was Sauls first reaction). She began to lay into him with one of her cream-colored stilettos.
As Saul lost control of his bowels and began to black out all he could think was "I told you I'd make it, Ma." For a few brief moments all eyes were on him and he was the star of the Apollo.
It was the greatest moment of his life.
Anyhow, enjoy.
Ed
SAUL FRIEDBERG AT THE APOLLO
It was a Thursday evening and Saul Friedberg was as nervous as he'd ever been. All his life led up to this moment. The endless hours of watching videotapes of past Apollo performances would now prove to be worth his while.
He stood in the wings as a young woman sang an Alicia Keys tune that brought the crowd to its feet. Hands waved back and forth in unison as her voice did a number of impressive runs.
Saul knew what would happen when it was his turn to walk on stage. People were going to laugh at him. Not with him -- at him. But he was ready for it. Although his mother continually insisted watching and re-watching episodes of "Showtime At The Apollo" was a waste of time, the repeated viewing had mentally prepared him for what was about to happen. Regardless of the clothes they wore, the style of their hair, or the spring in their step it never failed. If the contestant was white, they were laughed at.
The immediate conclusion-jumping always confused Saul but at the same time only served to fuel his passion and drive. He would show them once and for all that white accordion players have soul, too.
Saul missed the days of Sinbad and Steve Harvey hosting the Apollo. They seemed like nice guys and their non-threatening comedy always put Saul at ease. Not like the much-grittier Mo'Nique. She reminded Saul a little too much of the girls who were always standing on the corner of his block. They yelled a lot and Saul had to admit he was a little afraid of them. While Saul thought Sinbad and Steve Harvey were so nice they could be Caucasian (a comment he was smart enough never to say aloud), he knew Mo'Nique would have none of it. Saul had to be good. He wasn't a quick thinker on his feet and was naturally shy so he know Mo'Nique would probably tease him during the interview portion of the show.
That was OK with Saul because he'd watched his tapes. Often times the host would make jokes at the contestants' expense and the audience would have a good laugh. But once the ribbing was over and it was time to get down to business the novice entertainer would turn to the tree trunk on stage and rub it for good luck (and also to acknowledge the history of the Apollo Theater).
Saul wasn't exactly sure how the tradition of the stump rubbing (as he often referred to it) came to be. He imagined a lively and compelling story filled with lumberjacks and unity and the thought of it always calmed him. In times of stress when Saul would find his "happy place" he thought of The Story of the Apollo Stump.
When Saul's name was announced and he stepped on stage, even his years of intense training couldn't prepare him for the instant laughter that swept through the theater. There was whooping. Some people pointed while others repeatedly stood up and sat back down as if they were the largest collection of Jack-In-The-Boxes witnessing the most hilarious sight they could imagine.
Saul raised a hand to ensure his yarmulke was still firmly in place. He hugged his accordion for security, completely forgetting this was what triggered the instrument's sound and the pathetic note that droned from the squeezebox completely upstaged Mo'Nique's diatribe about his thick spectacles.
Mo'Nique introduced Saul and he turned to rub the sacred wooden stump. The accordion clunked against the tree trunk and the crowd quickly inhaled as one. Saul shrugged his shoulders and shook it off as he made his way to center stage.
By this time the audience had regained their collective composure and the giggling commenced again. In the front row three women were standing. Saul hadn't played so much as a single note and already they were making broad, sweeping, get-off-the-stage motions with their arms.
Saul took a deep breath. He looked to his left. There waiting in the wings was The Guy Who Danced. If the crowd's booing and hissing became too loud a siren would sound and The Guy Who Dances would jump on stage, flitter around, and make you leave. Then he would dance a little more and the audience would go nuts.
Saul nodded to The Guy Who Dances. The Guy Who Dances mouthed "Fuck You" in return and shot him the bird.
It didn't phase Saul. Even The Guy Who Dances would soon be eating his words. Saul took another breath and began playing the opening notes of "I Heard It Through The Grapevine."
Saul wasn't sure if it was a cell phone or an iPod but whatever it was, when it struck his face the pain was incredible. Something else whizzed past his head (a compact case?), barely missing him. The Man Who Dances rushed out with a mop handle and began to beat him. As Saul crumpled to the ground Mo'Nique was already there waiting for him (she sure moves fast for such a big girl was Sauls first reaction). She began to lay into him with one of her cream-colored stilettos.
As Saul lost control of his bowels and began to black out all he could think was "I told you I'd make it, Ma." For a few brief moments all eyes were on him and he was the star of the Apollo.
It was the greatest moment of his life.
The Big Blank Page
Last night was a little frustrating. Sometimes I want to write but I don't know what. It's been almost a year since I've written anything new (my series of short stories are still on this blog if you're bored and want to do some digging) and I wanted to put something new on paper.
So I got out my pad and my favorite pen and just stared at the blank page and nothing came. I started to doodle and it made me think about someone telling me about this guy who had an art exhibit based solely on doodles and I wondered how good my doodles would have to be to get an exhibit of my own and then I got mad that I had been doodling this really elaborate doodle but had nothing--nada--to write.
So I just fell asleep.
This morning the itch is still there but I can't figure out how to scratch it.
So I got out my pad and my favorite pen and just stared at the blank page and nothing came. I started to doodle and it made me think about someone telling me about this guy who had an art exhibit based solely on doodles and I wondered how good my doodles would have to be to get an exhibit of my own and then I got mad that I had been doodling this really elaborate doodle but had nothing--nada--to write.
So I just fell asleep.
This morning the itch is still there but I can't figure out how to scratch it.
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