To Make a Short Story Long...

If you've read any of the short stories I've posted up here, you know I'm a big fan of the back story. If you're telling me a story I'll interrupt you to gather information that's honestly not pertinent to the story but it's information I feel I need to know to get an exact mental picture in my head (wait, did this happen in your car before or after your CD player broke?). In fact, this whole paragraph could easily be deleted as it adds nothing to the blog you're about to read except to re-affirm my affinity for rambling. And, just to warn you, this blog will have rambling.
Some names have been changed to protect the guilty.

My story starts back in high school. There was a guy named Chazz (not his real name) who was always kind of a goofball. I never minded him much. I'd say hi in the halls and what have you, but we never really hung out; he was just a guy in most of my honors English classes.

After high school he was in some sort of accident, I forget what exactly, but I know that he conked his head and since then has been a little nuts. He emailed me back in the early 90s trying to get me to convert to communism. He showed up at our 10-year high school anniversary with these huge copies of a thesis he wrote on communism that he wanted to use as literature to get all of us to join his ranks en masse. The weird thing is, he wrote a thesis on Communism and he wasn't even in school. So you know, stuff like that. Just a general weird guy.

At some point, I heard about him marrying some girl from Mexico. I don't know what the deal was, if she was a mail order bride or just looking for a green card, but I remember it was something like that and he wasn't trying to hide the fact that the whole situation was a little hinky. They had like 5 kids (maybe she already had a couple before they met, I'm not sure).

Because she is Mexican and so is my Dad's side of the family (partnered with the fact that my family lives in a really small town) it wasn't long before this girl (I'll call her Isabella...not her real name) met one of my relatives. She started hanging out with my Aunt Ella (again, not her real name) and they became inseparable.

I met Isabella a few times at family reunions and such, but I know I couldn't point her out in a lineup. I don't think it was the fact that I was married and I never had a wandering eye, I just don't think she made that much of an impression on me. I remember the last time I was home my Aunt Ella telling me that Chazz was being mean to Isabella and they were probably going to split up. I also remember a mini-reunion and Isabella was there and, since I was a married man at the time, I thought she was being a little too eager and friendly. There's flirting and then there's desperation, and she was opting for the latter.And yet, I still don't even remember what she looks like. Now that's leaving an impression.

Fast forward a few years. Isabella and Chazz get divorced. I get divorced. I move back to town.

And the first time my aunt Ella sees me, she starts singing the praises of Isabella and I know exactly where it's going. "Oh, Eddie, I took my son to meet Isabella and he said 'Oh mom, she's so cute' and 'Oh mom, she's such a good cook.'" I didn't even try to mask my disinterest. I changed the subject without asking any follow-up questions and life went on.

A few days later I got an email from Isabella telling me she wants to have me over to her house for a "welcome home" dinner. She also tells me that if I need to find a place to stay in town, I can live with her. I politely let her know I've already got a place to stay.

When I moved to town I brought Homer the cat with me and have been having a heckuva time finding a place for him to stay while I find an apartment. In the meantime, he was staying in the basement at the house where my dad, Aunt Ella, and my grandmother live. Then one day I get a call from Ella. She said Isabella was over at the house and wanted to know if she could take Homer home with her and take care of him until I find a place. I said sure, whatever, that's great. It'll help me out and get the cat out of my dad's hair. Because I don't have a car, I was giving my brother Ray some money each week to go over and make sure Homer had food and his litter box was cleaned out. Ella told me Isabella was bringing the cat home that night, so I sent Ray an email letting me know he didn't need to clean out the box any more.

A week later I get a call from Ella to complain that Homer is going to the bathroom outside of his litter box. I was a little thrown off. "He's still there? I thought Isabella was going to take him home."

"Well she was going to, but he didn't seem like he wanted to go and we didn't know if we had his permisison to put him in his carrier."

You don't need his permission, he's a freaking cat! I screamed in my head. So now my cat is crapping in my grandmother's basement. GREAT. Ella then went on to inform me that I should probably take the cat over to Isabella's house myself. They could come and get me and then I could stay at Isabella's house for a few days "so the cat could get used to being in a new place." Or so Isabella can rape me I added to myself. Stop trying to set me up with her! I did some fast talking and told her I would have Ray swing by there, put the cat in his carrier, and Isabella can take him home.

"Just a minute," Ella said.

Don't put Isabella on the phone, don't put Isabella on the phone.

"Hi Eddie!"

I assumed it was Isabella.

And it was.

"Hi."

"You can live with me if you want to."

"Thanks, but I'm already staying here at my Uncle's"...you know, the place where you called me.

"Oh, OK. Well I can come and get you and you can bring the cat over. I have a trampoline. You can come over and we can play."

I might sound a little immature when I say this, but I don't want to play with you, Isabella! I'm sorry, but I'm not interested. I wasn't interested in you when I was married, and now I'm not interested in you when I'm not married. I don't want to support you. I don't want to be your American Dream and pick up where your crazy brain-damaged husband left off, and I'm certainly not looking to go from no kids to five kids. I'm not a bellhop, and you have a little too much baggage for me to handle.

I told her there's no need for me to go over, as Ray is packing up the cat for her and he'll be all ready to go. I forgot to mention that the more she and my aunt try to push her on me, the more I want to put drywall nails in my eyes.

Yesterday I received an email from her (I have to be sure to thank my aunt for giving her my email address) and here's a little portion for your enjoyment:

"Maybe you don't know too much about mexicans*, we are very hospitality people and I say this because when I offer you my home is an real offer**. And listen, any time you need a ride let me know, I will be very happy taking you any place you need to***, I will have somebody to talk while driving."

* You're right, maybe I don't. Growing up with a Mexican Dad and his 12 Mexican brothers and sisters and all of their kids and my grandparents and what have you....I don't know a thing about Mexicans. PS: Your best friend (you know, my Aunt) is Mexcian.

** To rape me.

*** Like your bed

She then goes on:

"I don't want you to feel I am buging you* is just the way mexicans are**. And the memory I have of you is... A guy playing with the family having a good time***. That's the reason I told you last night we could play on the trampolin we have, I enjoy jumping there like a little girl****... he, he, he you most see us jumping he, he, he...***** "

* Too late. You are.

** Speak for yourself.

*** Um...I know you and my aunt are bosom buddies, but you're not my family.

**** What's that supposed to mean? What is it about me that makes you think I'm into little girls on trampolines, you sick [bleep].

***** He he, you're psychotic. Leave me alone, he he he he.

Now let's remember, none of this is my fault! I didn't go out with this girl and have sex with her and then disappear the next morning. I didn't date her and then dump her. I didn't even ask for her number. I have no relationship with her whatsoever. This all came about because my aunt decided to play matchmaker.

Maybe I'm being unnecessarily cold. Maybe I'm being thoughtless and I'm just not realizing it. Maybe I should placate her and just go out with her once to get her off my back.

Nah. I'm staying the freak away.

My Life As A Sitcom

No, really. It's a sitcom. Last night my uncle told me I should make my life into a TV show and I don't think it's a half-bad idea. Here's the premise:

*Guy gets divorced and moves back to his hometown to take a job at a local radio station.

* Guy arrives in town and finds that the job isn't actually available yet, so he goes to work for his dad painting houses.

* He has come from New York where cars weren't needed, thus he has no car. He also has no place of his own yet, so he is staying with his aunt, uncle, their two daughters, and his aunt's mom (I'm not complaining about this. They have a huge place and I have great accommodations. I just thought the situation itself was pretty funny).

* His other aunt decides to try to fix him up with a friend of hers, a Mexican immigrant with 5 kids, and won't take no for an answer.

Gotta love it.

Coming to a Theater Near Me: Me

I was watching TV tonight and saw another preview for the new Vince Vaughn/Jennifer Aniston romp, The Break Up. For those of you who have been faithful readers of my blog for any amount of time (or at least since last July) you'll recall that this is the movie on which I did some extra work while I was in Chicago.

The movie opens this weekend so if you happen to go out to see it, keep an eye peeled for me. There are 3 opportunities for you to see me (actually more like two, the third is a long shot).

1. Jennifer Aniston and the girl who plays her sister are walking along the boardwalk on Lake Michigan. They are walking directly toward the camera (camera man was walking backwards) and I and some other guy (as you look at the screen I will be the blader on the left) are behind them roller blading, also going toward the camera and after a short bit, we stop to rest. This is probably the scene with the highest probability of seeing me, so if you blink and miss it, kindly ask the projectionist at your local theater to rewind it.

2. The "Jennifer Aniston's sister" character is on the beach with a small child (I forget now if it was a little boy or girl) and there are a bunch of people in the background lounging. Me and another guy walk by in the background, moving from right to left as you look at the screen. I have on red shorts. Ladies, please, at least pretend like you don't recognize my legs immediately.

3. The other scene I worked on was at a ball game at Wrigley Field. I wasn't even near the camera. There's no way you're going to see me in this one.

So hey, while we're on the subject, if anyone reading this is in Indiana, wanna go to the movies Friday night?

Eat Your Heart Out, John Cougar Mellencamp

I was born in a small town...

...and then I moved away and lived in a bunch of big towns and then moved back to a small town and am really getting a kick out of it. So many things I probably saw a million times but never noticed. Just a completely different outlook.

I was talking to my buddy Dan in NYC and he told me he was getting visions of Doc Hollywood in his head. It's not that bad, but you can see it from here.

First of all, everyone waves. After spending time driving in LA traffic and walking the streets of New York I have grown accustomed to making eye contact with no one. And now all of a sudden people want me to wave at them. I don't want to wave at them. I just want to go.

So, Indiana friends, if you see me in a car and wave at me and I don't wave back, don't take offense. Chances are, I didn't even see you.

I also found out that the tousled just-got-outta bed look that was so prevalent in NY and Nashville is just that here in Indiana. It looks like you just got out of bed. And that's not a good thing.

This morning as I walked outside to head to work with Dad he said "You look terrible!"

"I do?" I asked.

"You look like you just woke up! You didn't shave! And why don't you comb your hair!" (Granted, without being able to hear his inflection he probably comes off sounding like a grumpy old man and that's totally not who he is; we Placencias are known for giving each other a hard time for anything we can think of).

We then went to have breakfast at a small local restaurant and the Police Captain (an old friend of the family) came in. Dad said, "You remember my son Ed, don't you?"

And without pausing, the guy looked at me and said, "Sure I do. It looks like you shaved with a Hershey bar."

And people wonder why this smalltown kid grew up and got into comedy.

Scared and Tan

So far, so good.

My time back home in Indiana has been very enjoyable. Yesterday I got straight to work helping out Dad with the business (although that sentence makes it sound like we have mob ties (I wish) I'm actually assisting with his painting business). That's right. No slouch here. I was up bright and early, ready to go, and ready to scrape and prime.

After a hard day's work Dad and I went home, cleaned up, and headed over to Auburn to catch my brother Ray's softball game. It was good to see him, his wife, and my little niece again. Afterwards Dad took us out to eat at my aunt's restaurant and I got to see my cousin Glen there working (or as close as he gets to actual work).

We closed the place down and then made our way to Ray's house. My lifelong buddy Todd showed up (we've known each other since we were 5) and we all had a nice time reconnecting and reminiscing.

Today I went in to the radio station for a bit of a meet and greet sort of thing. Apparently the guy there who told them he was leaving (he told them he was out the door about a month ago) still hasn't left, so the position I am waiting to fill isn't open yet. I had a great talk with the PD, though, and he had me go into the studio to record some test liners and what-have-you. He seemed very interested in my production work and even took me back into his office so he could re-watch all of my videos that I have online. So that was kinda cool. I ended up being there for over an hour. So right now the radio thing is on a wait-and-see basis, but he assured me as soon as the guy leaves and the slot is open, it's mine.

I wasn't too disappointed to not have a definite time frame. At least I'm working and making some money and that was definitely part of the plan when I moved here. I'm hoping to be able to move into an apartment soon (crashing at Dad's in the meantime, but Ed needs his dancing space) and also still on the lookout for a cheap car so any money flow coming in is good.

Today at work I faced my fear of heights again. For those of you who dont know, it's pretty bad. I'm good on a 6-foot stepladder but anything higher than that is pushing it. And today I faced the 24-foot scaffolding.

Good night was I freaked out. Fortunately Dad knows how paralyzing my fear is so he was cool about it. He had to go run some errands and left me to prime some spots on this house on the scaffolding. "Just get what you can and I'll get the rest," he told me. I tried to get a lot. But I didn't.

Climbing up there was no problem. I was zipping up like nobody's business. The problem was when I finally got to the top and had to sit up there and do work. The slight wobbling with every move; the constant inner thoughts reminding me how high I was; I totally psyched myself out. I was really angry with myself for being so freaked out, but my fear was stronger than my anger and it won out. I only got a pathetic amount done before climbing back down and I knew it was lame.

Stupid fear of heights.

Oh well. At least I'm getting tan.

Great Way To End The Week

Well, my week-long stay in Pennsylvania has been a most enjoyable one, I must say. It's been so much fun to see old friends again.

John and Lisa have been such gracious hosts during my stay here and it was nice to hang out with their son Alex and have a genuine excuse to act like a kid again. Thursday night Stacey, Ann, Mindy, Tom & Mel came over and we had a great time playing karaoke and DDR Max (and we also watched the episode of Without A Trace which, I am sad to report, you couldn't see me in).

Last night I got to visit with my Radio Friend Phil and then went to Ethan & Aubrey's house for dinner and conversation. Aub's parents and her little brother were there -- great people-- and it was really nice to see them again. After eating we watched some of the videos Ethan and I had been putting together and then just talked about life, love, and other mysteries.

Today was a great day to cap off a great week. Beautiful weather outside, and while Alex played in the backyard with a friend of his, John and I sat on the back porch and talked about life. Ethan and I went to a big barbecue the radio station was at, said hello to the whole gang, and then went to a little Irish pub called Wahtley's (which, I was sad to learn, is closing its doors soon). After that we went to see a comedian and then Ethan dropped me off back at John and Lisa's. John, Lisa, and I stayed up and watched some TV and did more talking.

I love these people here. They were what made it so hard to leave PA the first time.

Today while I was hanging out with Ethan he asked me if this week felt like a vacation or if I was sort of nervous about the big move back home. I told him neither. I definitely wasn't nervous. And it also didn't really feel like a vacation. It was kind of like I was taking care of unfinished business. I haven't seen these friends for about four and a half years, and that was wayyy too long. It was good to get back and do some real catching up.

I told myself it wouldn't be another 4 years before I saw them again. I ask you, Blog Reader, to help hold me to that.

On The Air Again

Had a really nice day yesterday. Got up bright and early at 4:30am to go in to the radio station with Lisa and see the gang at WJTL again. It was really great to see everyone. Fred, general manager of the station, co-hosts the morning show with Lisa and although I had originally gone in to just watch and hang out, he asked me to hop on the mic with them and it was fun to be back on the air. We even got a couple of really nice emails from listeners who remembered me from back when I worked there and it was encouraging.

I also got a chance to visit with most of the rest of the gang. It was fun getting to catch up with Stacey, Ann, John, and Darlene. I saw Stacey last year on my way into town as I journeyed to NYC, but hadn't seen the others in like 4-1/2 years.

On Wednesdays Lisa usually does the morning show alone, so I am going in today to co-host with her. Just like old times. When I first started at the station I was co-hosting the AM show with Lisa and it's been fun going back and hanging out again. John, Lisa, and Alex have been such great hosts and I am looking forward to a couple of evenings getting together with the gang and reconnecting.

Good times.

Movin' Right Along

Well, my journey to Indiana is underway.

My good buddy Ethan from Lancaster was able to pick me up yesterday afternoon and bring me back to Pennsylvania.

It was really good to get to spend some time with Ethan again on the ride home. Originally Ethan was going to bring me to John & Lisa's house, where I will be staying this week until Dad is able to make it out here and drag me the rest of the way back to Indiana. After realizing we wouldn't make it back to Lancaster until late, Ethan was kind enough to let me crash at his place so we wouldn't keep John & Lisa up late.

Ethan and I rolled into town around midnight and then we stayed up with his wife Aubrey talking until 4 in the morning. It was a great time to catch up and reconnect with some friends I very dearly missed. We all woke up today around noon and pitched in to create a mondo breakfast: strawberries, pancakes, omelettes, potatoes; it was great.

Ethan and I arrived here at John and Lisa's around 3:30 or so, unloaded all of my stuff, and it's been great getting to be with the Blowers' and their son Alex again. I am returning to WJTL tomorrow with Lisa and am very eager to see the gang at the radio station again. I'm looking forward to spending time with my PA buddies, many of whom I haven't seen in about 4 years.

I already miss my NY gang terribly but if there's any way to numb the pain of missing friends, it's by spending time with more friends.

Catch Ed this week in NYC, PA, and on CBS

Three ways to get your fill of Ed this week. Don't say I never gave you options.

1. It's my last weekend performing at the National Comedy Theatre before my move back to Indiana. I'm playing at all four shows this weekend, so come on out and have a laugh (or two). If I remember correctly, I will have just over 80 performances with NCT under my belt after this weekend. Not too bad, seeing as how my first performance with them was at Christmas. 80 shows in 5 months? Sweet.

B. Before I land in Indiana I will be spending a few days in Lancaster PA and will be co-hosting the Get Up and Go Show on WJTL with Lisa Landis Wednesday morning. If you're going to be up from 6 to 9AM, tune in. You can listen here.

4. Finally, the season finale of Without A Trace I worked on a couple of weeks ago is airing Thursday night at 10pm on CBS. I've never ever seen the show, so if you watch it and it turns out to be a lame series, sorry about that. There's a scene where someone shoots a gun and/or pulls a fire alarm at the FBI building. I am one of the evacuating FBI employees (wearing a grey shirt with sleeves rolled up and yellow tie). Depending on which takes they decide to use, I could either be walking right behind Anthony Lapaglia, or you see my back in the distance walking away from the camera. Who knows. Continuity didn't seem to be a major concern for them.

And that's where I'll be this week. Keep an eye on my YouTube site. I'll be adding a couple more videos there in the coming weeks, so stay tuned. They're guaranteed to be as cheesy and as hokey as what's already there.

Talk to you soon!

Yuppies Can't Wait

Today I went to the library to return the last of the books/DVDs I borrowed. As usual, there was a small line to return things, but it usually moves fairly fast and I wasn't there more than 5 minutes. As I was leaving I saw this guy get in line, shake his head, and then head for the exit.

He was your basic snooty-looking yuppie type (think James Spader in any movie from the 80s). You have to go through security on your way out of the library to ensure you're not stealing books. You give them the books you checked out, they check your receipt, look in your backpack, and that's it.

This guy started to walk through the detector things and then held up a plastic bag and said, "I have CDs."

"Did you get them from here?" the guard asked.

"Well," said Yuppie, "I was going to return them, but I'm not going to wait in that line."

"Do you have your receipts with you that you check them out?"

The yuppie got really mad and took his You-Don't-Know-Who-You're-Dealing-With stance. "No."

"Then you'll have to return the books. I can't let you leave with them without a receipt."

"I'm not waiting in line."

"Sir, you need your receipt, otherwise anyone could give me a story and just walk out with anything."

The Yuppie now took his How-Dare-You-Suggest-I-Wait-In-Line pose and said the most awesome line ever:

"This is preposterous."

What made it awesome was the fact that he didn't say it loudly or like he was upset. There was no exclamation point at the end of his sentence. He said it softly like he was giving someone the time or asking for a slice of cheese.

"This is preposterous. You know, but not preposterous enough for me to do anything about it."

The Yuppie was then made to go back into the library and return his CDs. Two points for the good guys.

New York friends: STOP BEING COOL

Tonight was yet another great night at the National Comedy Theatre. We had a couple of "preview" shows to kind of give the newbies a feel of running through an actual show and afterwards we all hung out a bit.

And doggonit if I didn't have a blast. I know I should be enjoying this time together but at the same time I find myself hating having fun because I know our time is limited and I don't want even more good times I'll look back on and miss. It's almost like I wish everyone would be a jerk to me so it would be easier to leave. But they're not. They're staying cool.

I know it'll be easier once I'm home and around my family again...Reconnecting with old friends...my brother and I already have some plans for our next video creation (stay tuned to my YouTube site!) so I'll kind of have that distance to help with missing my NYC friends. But right now everyone is still too close.

After we left the theater tonight a couple of people went to hang out at a bar and asked me to join but I declined because I knew I would have fun. I know, that doesn't make sense. I should be loving the fact that I'm having a blast my final week in New York. What kind of weird neurosis is this? I think I became a Jew without realizing it.

Woody Allen, eat your heart out.

Pros And Cons

I've moved around a lot in my life (as is evident by the many scribbled out entries under "P" in your address book) but never have I made a harder decision than the one I made this week.

I have a very nice opportunity at a radio station in Indiana and I am returning back to good ol' Dekalb County to pursue my radio chops once again (and there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth).

I haven't kept silent about how much I love New York and the friends I've made here in my blog and that certainly hasn't changed. Each time I leave a place, it's always the people I've met there that make it hard to go. Today, before I officially told anyone about my decision to leave NYC, Cohen from the National Comedy Theatre asked me to hang out with him. We called Jeff, another buddy from the theater to see if he wanted to hang out with us, and then Kevin, yet another NCT-er, called to see what we were doing and the four of us hung out in the Village for a bit. And it was such a cool, cool time. I was just kind of like Wow, thanks guys, for giving me an awesome time and making it even harder to leave.

Not that I'm not excited to make the journey. I'll be back in my home town in Indiana (quite a change from the Big Apple) and again near my friends and family. I am excited to hang out with my brother again. Definitely a highlight. It'll be nice to be nearer to Piper (his wife) and my awesome niece Valencia. And of course, hanging out with Dad again will be a great time. I am envisioning nights of The Great Dalmuti and Euchre. And of course, there are my cousins Glen and Jim and our buddy Kevin, with whom we formed Cousins Productions and would make goofy home movies (what's that? you haven't seen our stuff at YouTube ? And you haven't requested to be my friend so you can see secret videos not available to the general public? Well get going!). So that'll be fun.

But man, I'm gonna miss being at the theater each week and doing shows.

But I'll be able to get some footing financially and start saving some money.

But man, those guys at the theater are a blast to be around.

But I'll be able to see my grandmother on a regular basis, something I don't want to take for granted.

But man, I love my pals in New York.

If you know me, nothing is ever permanent and set in stone. I mean sheesh, since I moved away from Indiana in 1992 I've moved ELEVEN times. So who knows. Never say never, right?

Amy, Chris, Christine, Cohen, Dan, JT, Jacob, Jason, the other Jason, Jeff, Kevin, Magee, Paulie...(I'm forgetting some, I know and I apologize)...I know I'll cross paths with them some time . I just kinda wish I knew when.

Letterman and Tarantino

What a weird day today was.

This afternoon I went to my first taping of the Late Show with David Letterman. It was actually a lot of fun and I think what impressed me most was the band (of all things!). You get to hear a little bit of them in and out of commercials but these guys are actually really good! Dave was hilarious and I didn't have to fake any laughter. Until the guests came out.

Rosie Perez and some female Indy race car driver. Rosie Perez showed us all how stupid she really is, and the girl race car driver showed us how arrogant she was. I think the audience loathed her. I know I did. A lot of fun, though. I'd like to do it again sometime. Once the show got started, it really flew by.

After that I went to an audition for a showcase of monologues and scenes from various Tarantino movies. Dan, Jacob, and Jason from the National Comedy Theatre came along and we did a scene from Four Rooms. It went really well. A weird experience, though. It was hard to make out what this Italian guy running the auditions was saying. Afterward we kind of mutually agreed that we didn't know what to think.

Weird, huh? Fun, though. I enjoyed it.

Without A Number

Yesterday I worked on the season finale of Without A Trace here in downtown Manhattan. I've never seen the show, so I wasn't crazy stoked about being on the set, but I was definitely glad to get in more work.

It took place at a Chase bank that they had altered a bit to make look like an FBI building. They were only shooting the outside of the building and the rest of us were FBI employees evacuating the building.

It was a very efficient crew and we were on the set and working very quickly (comparatively). While on the set I met a really cool girl named Taisha from New Zealand. We had a good time chatting together but then we got separated and I didn't get a chance to get any more info from her to keep in touch. So...that was weak.

If by any chance you run into a kiwi artist named Taisha, tell her I said hey.

Virginia and the Jumper

Yesterday was a beautiful day in the neighborhood. So beautiful, in fact, that I decided to skip the subway and walk all the way from my place on 45th to my audition on 19th.

And it happened again! Twice in one week! I was at the audition and ran into Virginia there (another buddy from the National Comedy Theatre). It's starting to become fun running into friends while I am out and about.

The audition was quick and painless. Virginia had to work in the area at 6:00 so she asked if I'd kill some time with her. We walked up to 32nd so we would be in the general area of where she had to be and I noticed a bunch of people across the street looking up into the air. Some of them were pointing and their attention was drawn to the Empire State Building.

It didn't take long before we heard people murmuring...someone was going to jump! We looked up but couldn't see anything. Soon, though, a guy beside us told us that he wasn't trying to commit suicide up there, he was a base jumper who goes onto places that are illegal to base jump off of and...well...he base jumps off of them. He was the guy who, in the not-too-distant past, jumped off of the Eiffel Tower. I recalled hearing about it.

The Guy said the Base Jumper had been up there for about 45 minutes, so he probably wasn't going to make it. He pointed out to us where to look and we could see a small crowd gathered in one part of the top of the building. Apparently the authorities nabbed him as soon as they saw him scaling the protective railing (which I guess goes to show the security in NY is better than in Paris).

Virginia asked the guy how he knew what was going on and the guy was really coy and finally admitted his friend was part of the Base Jumper's "crew". Whatever. I wasn't 100% sold on the guy's story but it turns out it was true. There are a couple of articles about it here.

About 10 minutes later the crowd on the top of the building disappeared and the Base Jumper's plot had been foiled. While we were there, a heavy set guy (he looked kind of like the live action version of the Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons) walked by and declared "It's a human life, people, not entertainment." How wrong he was. If the guy has a parachute, it is entertainment. I realize he thought the guy was going to commit suicide, but the crowd still loathed him. Party pooper.

So I didn't get to see someone jump off the Empire State Building but I did feel like I was in a movie. The crowd on the street below looking up at the building, the confusion...I was soooo waiting for Spider-Man to swing in and save the day.

But he didn't.




From the New York Daily News:
Cops stop fall guy
Foil Empire State jumper
BY CELESTE KATZ, OREN YANIV and LEO STANDORADAILY NEWS STAFF WRITERS

A dopey daredevil hellbent on parachuting off the Empire State Building was plucked from the brink of disaster yesterday in a breathtaking drama that played out on a narrow ledge more than 1,000 feet above city streets.

As scores of tourists watched in stunned disbelief, TV stunt show star Jeb Corliss ripped off an old fat man disguise - and scaled the 10-foot security fence around the 86th-floor observation deck.

He was precariously perched on a ledge far above 33rd St. and ready to jump, when security guards and cops reached through the fence and handcuffed the dodging dodo to the bars as witnesses gasped, cameras clicked and videotape rolled.

"Dude, you guys are going to kill me!" Corliss screamed as he tried to wriggle free. "You guys are going to kill me right now.

"Let me go!"

The 30-year-old Californian wore a helmet fitted with a camera, likely hoping to film his 1,050-foot plunge - with no regard for the safety of people on the streets below - for "Stunt Junkies," a Discovery Channel show he hosts.
But cops and security guards, who had been tipped the death-wish scheme by someone claiming to be worried about Corliss, weren't going to allow his latest attempt at twisted glory.

He had snuck into the storied skycraper around 4:30 p.m. wearing a $15,000 fat suit, a gray wig and a latex mask with a gray beard.

But once on the observation deck, he went into a bathroom, tore off the suit to reveal a parachute underneath, dashed to the curled railing and climbed it.

But he was slowed down by security guard Kevin Downes, who had chased him from the bathroom, giving cops and other security personnel precious seconds to leap into action.

"He was resistant. He tried to push off with his feet. He was fighting with us to get off," said Timothy Donohue, a building manager.

One unidentified woman was so upset she thrust a fistful of cash at Corliss and tried to bribe him to come back.
Donohue and others finally got a good grip on Corliss' harness before cuffing him.

"He wasn't going without me and I really didn't want to go for the ride," said Donohue. "It's New York City, it's rush hour. It is not the time to jump off buildings."

ESU cops with bolt cutters eventually snapped the cuffs, removed a portion of the fence and pulled Corliss back to safety, ending a 15-minute struggle. He kept his latex mask on until it was clear the only way he was reaching terra firma was in an elevator.

Outside the building, Corliss was grinning like a fool as cops - who had rushed to the top terror target - hauled him away. Meanwhile, Downes was taken to Bellevue Hospital with head and ankle injuries.

Corliss charged last night with a number of crimes including reckless endangerment, assault and resisting arrest.
"I wouldn't describe him as a daredevil," said NYPD Deputy Inspector James McCarthy. "I would describe him as an individual who obviously showed a depraved indifference for human life.

"In the worst case scenario, his parachute doesn't open and he kills a number of people walking by."
Still, the afternoon drama at New York's tallest building gave visitors a show they'll never forget.

Dennis Hook, 68, an English tourist, said, he thought the nail-biting spectacle "was a joke at the beginning. There was someone in a King Kong suit walking around so it looked like a show. It was unbelievable."

Dutch tourists Edu De Neve, 57, his wife, Garda, and sons Mattijs, 27, and Guido, 25, were stunned by the sight of about 20 cops racing onto the observation deck to help subdue Corliss.

"It was something to see," said Garda De Neve, 57, shaking her head in wonder.

Although she had been reluctant to come to the U.S. due to terrorism fears and the incident yesterday was less than a treat for the Dutch family, she said of her first visit to New York, "I love it here."

Corliss is no stranger to risky business.

He's chuted off the Palace Hotel here, the Skylon Tower in Niagara falls as well as the giant Petronas Towers in Malaysia.

His antics on the Empire State may have been timed to bring attention to the 102-story building's 75th birthday Monday.

"It was absolutely unreal," said a visibly shaken Mark Skelton, who is chaperoning a high school band from Cleveland, Ga. on a visit here. "You'd never think this kind of thing would happen."

Skelton's daughter, Erin, 15, couldn't help but giggle: "I think it all was pretty cool."


Towering legacy

The Empire State Building, which turns 75 Monday, has seen its share of triumph, tragedy - and stunts.
Here's a look at some key events:
MAY 1, 1931 - The world's tallest building opens, reaffirming American ingenuity in the depths of the Great Depression.
MARCH 2, 1933 - The blockbuster film "King Kong" seals the skyscraper's place in the world's imagination.
JULY 28, 1945 - A B-25 bomber plows into the 79th floor of the building in dense fog, killing 14 people.
APRIL 24, 1986 - Two British men parachute from the 86th floor observation deck. One got into a taxi, chute and all, but another was caught when he got snagged on a traffic light.
FEB. 23, 1997 - A gunman opens fire on the observation deck, killing one person and wounding six others before turning the weapon on himself.
OCT. 24, 1998 - Two daredevils escape after they parachute from the observation deck.
At least 35 people have killed themselves by plunging from the observation deck.

SAUL FRIEDBERG AT THE APOLLO - A short story

Fortunately, my writer's block has ended. I went into my room and just cranked this out. I don't know, after reading it, perhaps I should have used the word UNfortunately.
Anyhow, enjoy.

Ed



SAUL FRIEDBERG AT THE APOLLO

It was a Thursday evening and Saul Friedberg was as nervous as he'd ever been. All his life led up to this moment. The endless hours of watching videotapes of past Apollo performances would now prove to be worth his while.

He stood in the wings as a young woman sang an Alicia Keys tune that brought the crowd to its feet. Hands waved back and forth in unison as her voice did a number of impressive runs.

Saul knew what would happen when it was his turn to walk on stage. People were going to laugh at him. Not with him -- at him. But he was ready for it. Although his mother continually insisted watching and re-watching episodes of "Showtime At The Apollo" was a waste of time, the repeated viewing had mentally prepared him for what was about to happen. Regardless of the clothes they wore, the style of their hair, or the spring in their step it never failed. If the contestant was white, they were laughed at.

The immediate conclusion-jumping always confused Saul but at the same time only served to fuel his passion and drive. He would show them once and for all that white accordion players have soul, too.

Saul missed the days of Sinbad and Steve Harvey hosting the Apollo. They seemed like nice guys and their non-threatening comedy always put Saul at ease. Not like the much-grittier Mo'Nique. She reminded Saul a little too much of the girls who were always standing on the corner of his block. They yelled a lot and Saul had to admit he was a little afraid of them. While Saul thought Sinbad and Steve Harvey were so nice they could be Caucasian (a comment he was smart enough never to say aloud), he knew Mo'Nique would have none of it. Saul had to be good. He wasn't a quick thinker on his feet and was naturally shy so he know Mo'Nique would probably tease him during the interview portion of the show.

That was OK with Saul because he'd watched his tapes. Often times the host would make jokes at the contestants' expense and the audience would have a good laugh. But once the ribbing was over and it was time to get down to business the novice entertainer would turn to the tree trunk on stage and rub it for good luck (and also to acknowledge the history of the Apollo Theater).

Saul wasn't exactly sure how the tradition of the stump rubbing (as he often referred to it) came to be. He imagined a lively and compelling story filled with lumberjacks and unity and the thought of it always calmed him. In times of stress when Saul would find his "happy place" he thought of The Story of the Apollo Stump.

When Saul's name was announced and he stepped on stage, even his years of intense training couldn't prepare him for the instant laughter that swept through the theater. There was whooping. Some people pointed while others repeatedly stood up and sat back down as if they were the largest collection of Jack-In-The-Boxes witnessing the most hilarious sight they could imagine.

Saul raised a hand to ensure his yarmulke was still firmly in place. He hugged his accordion for security, completely forgetting this was what triggered the instrument's sound and the pathetic note that droned from the squeezebox completely upstaged Mo'Nique's diatribe about his thick spectacles.

Mo'Nique introduced Saul and he turned to rub the sacred wooden stump. The accordion clunked against the tree trunk and the crowd quickly inhaled as one. Saul shrugged his shoulders and shook it off as he made his way to center stage.

By this time the audience had regained their collective composure and the giggling commenced again. In the front row three women were standing. Saul hadn't played so much as a single note and already they were making broad, sweeping, get-off-the-stage motions with their arms.

Saul took a deep breath. He looked to his left. There waiting in the wings was The Guy Who Danced. If the crowd's booing and hissing became too loud a siren would sound and The Guy Who Dances would jump on stage, flitter around, and make you leave. Then he would dance a little more and the audience would go nuts.

Saul nodded to The Guy Who Dances. The Guy Who Dances mouthed "Fuck You" in return and shot him the bird.

It didn't phase Saul. Even The Guy Who Dances would soon be eating his words. Saul took another breath and began playing the opening notes of "I Heard It Through The Grapevine."

Saul wasn't sure if it was a cell phone or an iPod but whatever it was, when it struck his face the pain was incredible. Something else whizzed past his head (a compact case?), barely missing him. The Man Who Dances rushed out with a mop handle and began to beat him. As Saul crumpled to the ground Mo'Nique was already there waiting for him (she sure moves fast for such a big girl was Sauls first reaction). She began to lay into him with one of her cream-colored stilettos.

As Saul lost control of his bowels and began to black out all he could think was "I told you I'd make it, Ma." For a few brief moments all eyes were on him and he was the star of the Apollo.

It was the greatest moment of his life.

The Big Blank Page

Last night was a little frustrating. Sometimes I want to write but I don't know what. It's been almost a year since I've written anything new (my series of short stories are still on this blog if you're bored and want to do some digging) and I wanted to put something new on paper.

So I got out my pad and my favorite pen and just stared at the blank page and nothing came. I started to doodle and it made me think about someone telling me about this guy who had an art exhibit based solely on doodles and I wondered how good my doodles would have to be to get an exhibit of my own and then I got mad that I had been doodling this really elaborate doodle but had nothing--nada--to write.

So I just fell asleep.

This morning the itch is still there but I can't figure out how to scratch it.

A Surprise on the Corner

Yesterday I went to the bank to make a deposit (I felt awesome depositing a $6.00 check!) and on the way back I experienced another New York first: I ran into someone on the street that I knew! It's pretty goofy how happy it made me feel. Maybe because it was JT and Amy (fellow improvisers at the National Comedy Theatre), two people I really like being around. It was just really cool and made me feel like I belonged in the city.

They were on their way to get some dinner and asked me to join them. I felt a bit awkward because I didn't want to intrude on their hang time but it's been a long time since I've even seen Amy so they didn't have to ask twice if I wanted to come along.

We ate at a nice Mexican place called Arriba Arriba where our waitress was friendly and cute (it was her first day) and they even had a scary gap-toothed DJ spinning tunes like "It's Raining Men" and other such tunes that were a little less than subtle (a DJ in a restaurant? That was weird).

Without trying to come across as too sappy it was a really nice time. Every time I'm with Amy I realize how cool she is and it makes me bummed we don't get to see her more often. And of course, JT is just the man. Needless to say, many laughs were shared.

After dinner we went to the theater for rehearsal (it was a great rehearsal...we've recently recruited a new bunch of people onto the team and they're all great peoples) and afterward the whole gang--or most of us--went out for drinks. It capped off a really nice day, but when I look back I am grateful for having such great people in my life who, when I bump into them in the street, make me count my blessings.

Um...This Might Be Controversial. But Not On Purpose

My sister Jaime was in town this weekend and we had a great time hanging out. I told her to bring her walking shoes, and it's a good thing I did as we covered a lot of ground. When I showed her a map of how far we actually walked, she couldn't believe it.

I picked her up Saturday morning around 10:30. Her bus arrived at the Port Authority bus terminal which is only about 3 blocks from my place. We dropped off her stuff and began our journey.

We took off for Times Square and from there headed north. We did a quick walkthrough of Toys R Us and went by the Letterman theater. We walked all the way up Broadway and into Central Park. We only got about a third of the way into the park and then turned around (I'm not extremely familiar with the rest of the park and didn't want to get turned around). We headed back south and stopped for lunch at the Jekyll & Hyde Club near 57th. It was a good time, the characters were amusing (almost to the point of being annoying) but all in all it was a lot of fun.

We continued to head south, this time via 5th Avenue so we could pass Trump Plaza, 30 Rock, and get a good view of the Chrysler Building. We zigged to go by Radio City Music Hall on 6th and made our way to Bryant Park. We circled around the park so we could go by the Historic Library and also the home of the original Soup Nazi place.

We continued south and soon made our way to 34th street. We got a great view of the Empire State Building and also went by Madison Square Gardens. We hopped on the subway at Penn Station and made our way south to go to Ground Zero, the former home of the World Trade Center/Twin Towers.

And this is where things may get controversial, depending on who's reading this. Just a disclaimer to let you know I'm not being funny or sarcastic or trying to be controversial. This is just the way I (and it turns out Jaime) felt.

I'd never been to Ground Zero before. A lot of people from out of town ask me if I'd been to see it and to be honest I never had an inclination to go. I'm not a native New Yorker, I'd only visited the city a couple of times briefly before, and prior to my move here in July really felt no connection to the city. Yes, September 11 was a tragedy, but it didn't affect me the same way that it would have had I lived here at the time or if I knew someone who was directly involved.

When Jaime and I arrived at Ground Zero it...well...it just looked like one of a zillion construction projects going on in the city. Had I not known where we were, I probably wouldn't even have noticed. Needless to say, it wasn't an incredibly moving experience. It was just a bunch of bulldozers and cranes and without trying to be crass, I see that on my walks in the city every day.

Is that cold to say? Maybe it would have been different had I been there right after it happened and the rubble and debris was still there but as it was, I just felt guilty. When people would ask if I've been to Ground Zero it would make me feel guilty that I hadn't. And now I feel guilty that I have and, for lack of a better phrase, it didn't do anything for me.

I can't help but feel it will be different after they have finished completing the memorial buildings and structures. I'd like to go back after it's finished where I can learn a little more about the history, read stories, and feel like I experience it a little more.

Jaime (who was in Iraq in the Army just a couple of months ago) and I talked about this and we talked about the fact although it was a terrible day, things like this happen all over the world every day of the year and we (Americans) could care less. But when it happens to us, then it's important. We weren't belittling people whose lives were lost on 9/11 but found it a little dreary that most Americans only seem to care about it when that happens in the US. I don't know. I would probably have to babble on for much longer than this to really express everything, but I'm already bored, I can't imagine how you, Dear Reader, must feel.

After that we walked South to get a look at the Statue of Liberty and then returned back to the apartment, eager to get out of the rain for an hour or so. That night Jaime went to the theater with me to watch the improv show and she had a great time. She said during the intermission of the first show the guys in the seats next to her were talking and were convinced that we were performing memorized scenes, so I guess that's a pretty good compliment.

All in all, a fun weekend with Jaime. It was her first time in NYC and I asked her what the biggest surprise was about the city. She said it was a lot cleaner than she expected. I don't know if she meant the city or my apartment.

Even though it rained pretty much the whole time she was here, it didn't dampen our spirits or keep us from cracking each other up the entire time. Today she and her family are moving to Seattle so I am glad she was able to visit before they end up on the Left Coast. Good times.

How Sex Simplifies Things

I have a friend who just slept with a guy for the first time. They've only just recently met, never went out together but it didn't take long for the two of them to hook up. She really likes the guy and is crushing on him., but she mentioned to me the other day that she wished she had the guts to ask him out on a date.

Yes, you read that correctly.

I remember when people went on dates hoping to have sex instead of the other way around.

Coffee Idiots

Coming home from the library today I passed the corner of 7th and 42nd. At that corner is one of the smallest Starbucks I've ever seen. I never go there because there's always a line and nowhere to sit. It's very wee.

As I approached I saw a long line of people stretching out the door and around the corner. Bear in mind there were no special promotions going on, people just wanted coffee. And also bear in mind I am in New York city, not back home in Garrett where the nearest starbucks is like 20 minutes away. In the city the nearest Starbucks is like 20 paces away.

On the way home I passed 4 (count 'em, four) other Starbucks locations. And it only took me about 6 or 7 minutes to get home. I can't imagine needing coffee so bad that I'd wait in a 30-minute line but also being so lazy that I won't walk across the street to get it.

But wait Ed, you might think, maybe they were tourists and didn't know where the nearest Starbucks was.

Maybe they were tourists. In that case, let them stand in line. The longer we can keep them diverted in Starbucks instead of standing in the middle of the sidewalk blocking traffic the better.

Return of the Vampire

I think maybe I've seen the sun a total of 5 or 6 hours this week. I've been living the night life (complete with glo-sticks) and partying all week long. Either that, or I've been standing around the last couple of nights on a movie set waiting for the cameras to roll.

Just finished a 4-day shoot on the movie August Rush. The shoots were all overnight shoots, meaning I had to be there each night at 6:30PM and we got done each day around 6 or 7am. I would get home, watch TV for an hour or so, go to bed, get up at 4, and repeat the process.

I was told by my agent that Robin Williams would be there and good times would be had by all. I forgot that agents are LIARS. Not only was Robin Williams not there but I also wasted 75 dollars on my Mork costume.

In attendance was Jonathan Rhys-British guy (from Match Point), Keri Russell (from Felicity who, in person, looks like a clenched fist) and Freddie SomethingOrOther, the kid from Finding Neverland and the Tim Burton version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

We spent all four nights in Central Park shooting a scene as audience members at a NY Philharmonic performance. And I must admit, I was really impressed with the kid. He had to play like he was conducting the orchestra and in between shots he was the most professional, well-behaved robot of a kid you could ever imagine. My parents could only dream that I would have been that well-mannered when nothing was going on and we had to wait around for the crew to set themselves.

The highlight of the shoot was befriending a girl named Joan. We had a good time making sarcastic comments and remarks about everyone else in attendance who drove us nuts (or just looked funny).

During the shoot I was also able to read Dennis Miller's The Rant Zone. If you're a fan of Dennis Miller and his sense of humor, then you'll really enjoy it. If you're not a fan, then...well...you're dumb.*

All in all, a good week. But man, if my sleep schedule was screwed up before....

























*This book review brought to you by Ed as his 12-year-old self.

That's A Very Specific Group of Protesters

Today in my adventures I passed by the Historical Library on 40th & 6th. Outside were 8 or 9 elderly ladies all wearing dark trenchcoats. They were holding a sign that read
WOMEN IN BLACK AGAINST THE WAR

Man, I miss my camera.

No Longer An Accomplice

Weird stuff.

Those of you who have been regular readers of my blog may recall me working with an improvisational tour guide scavenger hunt thing last season. I had a great time playing the role of "homeless guy on the Brooklyn Bridge" and after each show it was fun hanging out with the people who came through and getting to meet them.

In November shows stopped for the winter and I was excited, as the Guy In Charge said he was excited to have me back in the spring. Well, spring has sprung and I saw that last weekend was their return to shows. Since I'd heard nothing from them, I assumed they weren't going to ask me back, which was fine. That happens sometimes. I liked them a lot, and sent them an email wishing them a great season.

I got an email in return stating they were sorry they didn't ask me to return, but I just didn't fit in with the group. I laughed out loud. Definitely not expecting to hear that, especially since they never once came to the Bridge to see my interaction with the people or my performance. So all I could assume is that after the show, hanging out at the bar, I didn't fit in because I usually had Pepsi instead of alcohol. All I ever heard was how well people who took the tour said I was doing, so it seemed to be a little out of left field.

Oh well. Not the first time that's happened, right (hello, Nashville, is this thing on)? Although this time didn't bother me at all. Why? I'm sure you already know the reason. I'm having too much fun at the National Comedy Theatre to let anything else rub me the wrong way. It's kinda like saying, "Hey Ed, you can't have any more Raisin Bran."

"I can't?"

"Nope."

"Oh. Ok, whatever. Can I still have Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch?"

"Oh yea, as much as you want. And now, due to magic, even though it's still going to taste exactly the same, it'll actually be healthy for you."

"Cool. So what's the downside? I don't see it."

In my opinion, you can't ever get enough breakfast cereal metaphors.

ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz.......

Went to bed last night around 10:30, 11:00. Woke up again at 1. Went back to sleep at 3. Woke up again at 5. And I'm still up.

I wonder if I could get into one of those sleep studies. I might as well make some money from my screwed up sleep schedule.

On the bright side, while I was up I downloaded the latest podcast by Ricky Gervais and laughed my silly head off. So that was cool.

The Wedding Album

My first time on a film shoot in a while and it was nice to be back in the saddle again. Today I was on Wall Street shooting some scenes for a new television pilot (I believe for FOX) entitled The Wedding Album. If I am correct, its a romantic comedy about the ongoing adventures in love of a wedding planner.

We shot in a huge building (used to be a bank, I don't know what they use it for now) that was all set up and decorated for a wedding party. Call time this morning was 7am. YIKES.

I got up extra early to ensure I would find my way there. They gave us the address to check in at but didn't tell us that the actual address was a block and a half away on a different street. Good thing I left early.

The last few times Ive been on a shoot Ive played attendees of high-class occasions so I had to wear a suit and tie. It was nice today to be playing an electrician so I could wear the same crappy jeans and T-shirt Id wear on any other day.

It was an interesting psychological study to see people dressed in cool hip clothing playing floral designers gathering together in one clique and looking down on the people dressed as caterers or servers. The guy who was chosen to be the head Floral Attendant, with his gaudily bleached hair and Im-Jonathan-from-Bravos Blow Out attitude, believed he had been cast as the King of the World (or, more appropriately for him, the Queen) and began to prance about the set ordering people around. I enjoyed watching people roll their eyes at him and defying his power.

The first half of the morning was a little boring, as I didn't do anything. Usually I dont mind doing nothing as its a movie set and nothing is usually what happens, but they had us waiting on set away from the holding area, which means away from my Soduko puzzle book Id brought along.

We broke for lunch and imagine my horror when they announced they werent providing lunch for us. That was a first. And, of course, the reason for my horror was I was carrying zero money. So during the lunch hour I did Soduko puzzles and secretly wondered why the lady in charge of the extras was in such a bad mood.

After lunch they put me in the background of a scene featuring a rigged table that crashed to the floor (with wedding cake on top of it). I don't care if I am ruining the storyline or giving something away by revealing the cake doesn't make it to the end of the show. Maybe next time they'll think twice about not getting me a sandwich for lunch.

After that, they grabbed me out of the bunch to carry some flowers in a scene. According to the onlookers I got some good screen time in that scene so that was nice. After that they had me in a scene working on a speaker and in another scene working on a table.

All in all it was a good day. I was a little grumpy for a bit because I was hungry but I still enjoyed myself. I was on the set until 8:30PM and I didn't mind a bit. A lot of people were ready and eager to leave, but since we get paid overtime I didnt see what the big rush was.

Needless to say I came home exhausted. I have a 3-day shoot coming up next week for the new Robin Williams movie, August Rush. I don't know if hell be in any of the scenes were shooting but they are overnight shoots and take place in Central Park. I wonder if anyone will be there to walk me home.

Fair Warning

If you're going to walk through Times Square holding someone's hand, I guess that's OK.

If you're going to walk through Times Square holding someone's hand and take up the entire sidewalk during rush hour, that's annoying.

If you're going to walk through Times Square holding your spouse's hand who is holding your child's hand who is holding your cousin's hand who is holding their friend's hand and you're going to take up the entire sidewalk and refuse to step aside for the oncoming foot traffic, then someone is going to get a glare from me followed by the mean shoulder nudge as we pass.

KCB

Wow, suddenly I'm just full of blogs, ain't I?

I wanted to mention the Kids Cookie Break hosted by my dear friend Lisa Landis. If you're looking for something fun and new to listen to, Lisa hosts this kids show and is now available to listen online 24 hours a day! It's awesome!! And even though it's a show for kids, like most Pixar movies, you can enjoy it no matter what age you are. Lisa is an amazing host and it's no mystery how a brief once-a-week segment on her morning show turned into it's own weekly show and now an internet phenomenon.

So swing by the link above and listen. Your family might like what they hear. And hey, if you listen really closely, you might hear one of more than a few contributions by Yours Truly.

Til You Weep

When is the last time you actually laughed so hard, you cried? If it's been too long, then I highly suggest the podcasts by Ricky Gervais. For those of you who don't know, Gervais is the genius behind the original British version of "The Office" (as writer, producer, and star and also producer and sometimes-writer of the American version).

I was listening to the podcasts while at work and literally sat at my desk crying. I can't recommend this too highly.

Now stop reading this and go get your laugh on.

Long Time No Blog

Wow, I can't believe it's been so long (12 days) since my last blog. Time definitely can get away from you, can't it? I know the old adage of "out of sight, out of mind" can often be true and I didn't want you to think I haven't been up to anything. I guess I just haven't taken the time to document any of it. Here's a brief recap:

Meridith and Nathan visit
My dear friend Meridith and her boyfriend Nathan came up to visit from Columbus, Ohio. It's always good to see dear friends again and I was glad to have a chance to reconnect and catch up. It was Meridith's first time to NYC and I had fun showing her a small bit of the city.

Painting the Lava Lounge
Some of us at the National Comedy Theatre have really taken it under our wing as our fearless leader Kramer has been out of town. The green room down in the basement was just a big empty room and we've gotten carpeting, a sofa, a Playstation, and are in the processing of applying a new coat of paint. It's really bringing everything together and making it feel like a place we want to hang out and call our own. The enthusiasm has been infectious and nice to see everyone band together.

No Books For Me
I haven't read anything for some time. All of my free time at the library has been spent checking out comedy albums. I also got the film Continental Divide with John Belushi and Blair Brown. After reading the Belushi bio I wanted to check it out as it raved about his stellar performance in a serious role. I thought it was ok. Kinda bored with it, though. Just because someone isn't mugging for the camera, I don't think that makes them a dramatic genius. But that's just me. A cute film, just not a dramatic tour de force.

And I guess that's it.

"The Ha-Ha"

Back in July I blogged about a little bookstore back in Indiana that was giving away free books; they were advance copies and I loaded up on a few of them and felt like a bandit. I just finished reading one of those books, The Ha-Ha by Dave King and let me tell you, I really feel like a bandit now.

This book was amazing. Incredible. And I've heard nothing about it at all. Pity, really.

Ha-Ha tells the story of Howard, a man who returned home from the Army scarred (literally and figuratively) and unable to speak, read, or write. Besides that, he is a man of "regular intelligence" who has carved out a regular routine in life...until his close friend and former love interest Sylvia goes into rehab and leaves him to care for her son Ryan while she is in recovery.

It's hard enough adapting to life with an 8-year-old boy; you can imagine how much harder it would be when you have no way of communicating with him except for gestures. With the help of his three roommates, Howard is more than willing to accept the task (mostly because he is still in love with Sylvia and despite his handicap, dreams of spending his life with her and Ryan).

What unfolds is a story that draws you in and has you rooting for Howard the entire time. You understand his wants, his longings, and his frustrations. His highs are invigorating and his heartbreaks are truly heartbreaking.

The time spent with Ryan changes the lives of everyone involved in a variety of ways and when I got to the end of the book, I was sad to have to say goodbye.

The Ha-Ha gets my highest recommendation. Check it out at a local library or bookstore near you. Thumbs up!

John, Lisa, Times Square, and Snowboarding

Yesterday I got to visit with my dear friends John and Lisa from Pennsylvania. They were up in New York City for a few days for their honeymoon and I was glad they etched out some time in their schedule for us to hook up!

Since I had to work that afternoon we met in Times Square. Lisa interviewed me for the radio/internet show she does, "The Kids Cookie Break" and told me about other interviews she'd gotten while she'd been in town.

In the middle of Times Square the Mountain Dew people had erected a huge snowboarding ramp with two individual lanes and complete with a huge truck blowing artificial snow on it. I'm not sure what the big event was for (we were told it wouldn't officially begin until 4:00) but it was pretty cool to see. You just never know what you're gonna see when you're walking down the street in this town!

John and Lisa both lived in New York many moons ago (Lisa had even worked at NBC for a short bit and had fun SNL stories to tell) so there was no pressure to show them all the cool stuff in town and impress them. Instead we just walked around and concentrated on catching up.

We grabbed some lunch at a great little French cafe (Maison was the name, I believe) and after that we made our way to Sam Ash Music stores so Lisa could get another disc for her recorder. While there she interviewed one of the employees about ukuleles and it was a great time.

Always good to see the Blowers!! Nothing like good friends and good conversation.

Tomorrow my dear friend Meridith is coming into town with her boyfriend Nate and I am looking forward to catching up with her (and meeting him)! This is the week of reconnecting! Yeeeeee!

Layer Cake

I've just finished reading a book that was recommended to me by my new friend from Down Under, the lovely Lena. Actually, she recommended the film to me. I went online to search for it at the New York Public Library and found it was a book first that had been made into a movie. I reserved them both, and the book is the first one that arrived.

Layer Cake by JJ Connolly is a fast and fun journey into the seedy underbelly of the crime syndicate in London. It's basically Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels meets Snatch meets Elmore Leonard (author of Get Shorty, Be Cool, and Out of Sight). In other words, it's a guy movie in book form. And I loved it.

It took me a bit to figure out some of the British slang (cozzer, apparently, is another word for a cop) but it didn't take long to get involved in the story of our unnamed hero who is twenty-nine years old and has decided to retire from a life of crime when he turns thirty. As is usually the case in such stories, it is much easier said than done. Connolly parades before us a long line of colorful characters, one more interesting and sneaky than the next.

When I had reached the third-to-last page, everything is pretty much wrapped up in a neat little bow....but a lot can happen in three pages. That's all I'm gonna say.

A fun read and highly recommended. Makes me wanna get in a car and drive really fast.

Remote Control

Last night was my first time performing at a remote show with the National Comedy Theatre. I rode along with JT, Amy, and Dan to East Brunswick, New Jersey to perform in the fancy schmancy Hilton Hotel for the New Jersey Association of Gifted Children or something like that.

We did a soundcheck in the ballroom where we would be performing and then they gave us directions to what they described as our "green room in a secured location." Or, what you and I would call a hotel room.

It was actually a very nice setup. They had taken out pretty much all of the furniture and instead brought in 4 tables and some chairs and set up them up around the room. They had also supplied a nice little craft services table with fruit and granola bars. It was pretty cool.

We were scheduled to perform for an hour and it went amazingly well. At first I wasn't sure how it would go, since about 3/4 of the people in attendance were kids but JT, who was running the show, did a really great job of keeping things under control (especially while getting suggestions from the crowd) and everyone seemed to have a great time.

The laughter kept coming at a steady rate and the hour flew by. Afterward we mingled for a bit and then got some free ice cream (we laughed at how, seeing it was a convention for gifted children and their families, they were offering free ice cream sundees).

We arrived back at the theater and hung out with the gang who performed at the theater for a few hours and all in all, it was a good night. I am scheduled to do another remote in a couple of weeks and am looking forward to that as well.

Good times.

I Think I Just Peed A Bit

So I'm watching the amazingly funny (and inexplicably underrated) Scrubs tonight and they said a line that made me laugh so hard I had to stop the VCR and blog about it.

For those of you who don't know, it's basically a younger, hipper, funnier ER in a sitcom format. (And, for those of you who don't know, Grey's Anatomy, a really good new show, is also a younger and hipper version of ER). I now take you to a scene from tonight's episode of Scrubs:

JD (played by the brilliant Zach Braff) and Eliot (played by the brilliant-and-lovely Sarah Chalke) are strolling down the halls of the hosipital.

ELIOT

JD, I really don't wanna do this. Can't we just go home, put on our PJs, and watch "Grey's Anatomy?"

JD

Oh, I do love that show. It's like they've been watching our lives and then...just put it on TV.



Brilliant.

Have Carpet, Will Travel

I don't think I mentioned it earlier, but JT and I had quite an adventure the other day. The gang at the National Comedy Theatre has been steadily working to improve the basement/green room at the theater. We were able to snag another piece of carpet from someone off of Craig's List and last Friday we went to pick it up.

And when I say pick it up, I mean it in every literal meaning. It was a fairly large piece of carpet (I believe 10' x 12') and after lugging it down 4 flights of stairs, we then proceeded to carry it from the corner of 3rd & 11th to the theater at 36th and 9th.

I don't know how I don't have a huge red rug-burn on my shoulder, but I escaped without any physical marks of our journey through midtown Manhattan (but it's still a little bit sore). Surprisingly enough we were able to make it the whole way without bumping into anyone or causing a huge ruckus.

Why? Because we freakin rock.

Belushi

I just finished reading the John Belushi biography, appropriately titled Belushi. Wow. Amazing.

I'll be the first to admit that although I am a huge fan of Saturday Night Live, I wasn't always necessarily a huge Belushi fan. Not that I didn't like his work, but there were always other cast members I was more into. His only films I've seen are Animal House (how can you not have fun with this one) and 1941 (a film I always loved, despite the fact no one else did).

I was just a few years too young to be aware of him during his heyday (I was only 5 when SNL came on TV and was much more preoccupied with Sesame Street) so my only real knowledge of him was more of how he died than how he lived. You might ask me who John Belushi was and the first thing that would come to mind is Died of overdose and then oh and he was on SNL and in Animal House.

Belushi does a great job of capturing how he lived. Because I am an SNL geek, I've read a few books on the history of SNL and they always cover the Belushi saga, but Belushi captures every facet. In the forward, Dan Aykroyd comments there are stories and anecdotes in the book that even he had never heard before.

This book is many things at once: informative, inspiring, and illuminating. I have really come to admire the man and his drive for comedic perfection. I stopped for a few minutes before reading the final chapter to mentally prepare myself because I knew what was coming. This is the part where he dies and I don't know if I want to read about it just yet.

I come away a little surprised at how emotionally attached I felt to the goings-on. It would have been nice if he'd been with us a little longer, if only so I could have enjoyed more of his work.

I'm Proud Of You

Just because the majority of my blogs are about my adventures and what I have been up to, don't think I don't have my eye on you (and the rest of my buddies). Right now when I think of my buds, I feel a deep sense of pride. I'm proud of all of my friends. Allow me to brag on a couple of them.

I'm proud of

Kevin. He had a show tonight with his group The Steagles.

Timmy. The comedy troupe he is in has been kicking butt and they're getting reay to leave for the Aspen Comedy Festival.

JT & Chris: They've been doing an amazing job at keeping things at the theater running smoothly while the cat's away.

Jerusha: She moved to the big city to chase her dream, and it's well within her grasp.

Of course, there are a lot more friends I am proud of right now, but if I start going into a huge big list, then people accidentally get left out and it gets ugly.

I love all my children equally.

The Truman Show

I actually made it out to the movies yesterday afternoon. I went with Cohen to see Capote starring Phillip Seymour Hoffman (hey, look at that, the two people I'd like to see get the Oscar this year have very similar names: Hoffman & Huffman).

I really enjoyed it. I thought Hoffman did a great job and, although I wasn't 100% sure what the film would be about going into it (I didn't know if the film focused on Truman Capote's entire life story or just a segment of it) I really enjoyed how the story unfolded.

Even though it was fairly serious material, the only real knowledge I had of Truman Capote beforehand was the fact that he was in the slapstick movie classic Murder By Death with Peter Sellers, Alec Guiness, Peter Falk, and James Coco. True, seeing that older movie helped me appreciate just what a dead-on job Hoffman did, but it also kept me giggling as I remembered Capote cavorting around as the character Lionel Twain in what was basically the movie Clue ten years before Clue actually came out.

Capote: Check it out if you can.
Murder By Death: Netflix it. Punny and cheesy, but it was supposed to be. In my opinion, a classic. Why this isn't mentioned in the same breath as Blazing Saddles is beyond me.

Sleep Schedule of the Dead

I don't know what's up with me, but lately I can't seem to get myself on a regular human sleep schedule. As much as I love to sleep I just haven't wanted to go bed (or been tired).

Saturday night I actually got to bed around 2:00am (early for me). Last night I managed to nod off about 1:30 or so. I woke up and felt well-rested and glad for having gone to bed so early. I looked at the clock and couldn't believe I had slept for thirteen hours. And then I realized I hadn't slept for thirteen hours. I slept for about 45 minutes. That's right. I woke up at 2:15am and felt completely rested. Completely. To quote Justin McRoberts, not even tired.

So I got up and re-watched the first 7 episodes of this season's Arrested Development and around 6am I was tried again and went to sleep.

Maybe I need drugs. I guess it's a good thing I live in NYC. Be right back. I gotta run to visit the shady man in Times Square.

Oh yea, I just finished reading a book called Unexpected Development. I think this is the first time I'd read something I would qualify as "chick-lit" and it was horrible. Absolutely horrible. I only finished reading it because it was just 160 pages and I knew I could finish it in one sitting. I'm not sure who this book was intended for. Teenage girls? Any age girls? It's the story of a high school senior girl who hates her life because she has developed early and oh sweet Heaven she whines about it for the next 159 pages.

I hated, hated, hated this book. So much that it made me angry. I can't even go into any more detail about the plot because I get mad just thinking about it.

The good news? Will Smith's "Switch" just came on the MP3 player and all is well again on Waltons Mountain.

Read All About It

Another Friday and Saturday night and another weekend of throwing down some fun shows at the National Comedy Theatre. Last night we had two packed houses and they were a ton of fun.

We didn't find out until after the first show on Friday night, but there was a reporter in the crowd from The Daily News for the 7:30 show and word on the street was he loved it. He had come to the shows because he heard about the NCT taking a few members overseas to Iraq to do USO shows for the troops (they're leaving on Tuesday and of course best wishes go out to them!). It seems the reporter enjoyed the show so much, he sent a photographer to the theater last night to take some pictures and do a full-blown feature story.

The photographer showed up last night before the first show and got some shots of us in the green room and then was going to stay around for the first ten minutes of the show to get some "in action" shots (he couldn't stay for the whole show because he had another appointment). But as it turns out (and as he later conveyed to Kim, producer/house manager) he was enjoying the show so much he ended up staying the entire hour and a half to watch the whole show.

We also had a film crew there last night to capture the show as part of a documentary they are filming on the USO tour they are about to embark upon. One of the cameramen ended up apologizing to Kim and Gary for not being able to hold the camera still the whole time because he was laughing so hard. So that was encouraging to hear as well!

If you're in the New York area and haven't seen the show yet, come on by! And if you're in the area on Tuesday pick up a copy of The Daily News and read all about it.

Hidden Treasure

I'm not bragging when I say I have a lot of stand-up comedy albums, I'm just stating it to let you know I have a pretty good knowledge of what's out there. Today while my MP3 player (God bless MusicMatch!) was on random, a track came up from an album that hardly anyone ever mentions when they talk about great classic comedy albums. That's right: It's Dennis Miller's The Off White Album.

I first heard this recording (on cassette) back in high school in the 80s and it's just as biting and relevant today as it was then (and maybe for me even more so, since I understnd a lot more of Miller's endless references than I did back then).

On a side note, I have a particularly soft spot for this album as it brings back a great memory of me and my Dad. Comedian Steven Wright was performing in Fort Wayne (I forget the name of the theater but I remember Wright commenting that the theater was so intricate and ornate he felt that if someone were to rub the outside of the theater we would all go shooting up out of the top in a wisp of smoke and start granting wishes). It was my first time seeing stand-up live (especially someone whose tape I owned!) and Dad and I listened to the Dennis Miller album the whole way there (and back).

Dennis Miller. The Off White Album. I think his brief disastrous stint doing NFL commentary made people forget that this guy's good.

Blizzard Shmizzard

So that was the dreaded blizzard everyone was going on and on about?

I mean yeah, we got some snow, and I am sure the news channels did their best to find the craziest pictures of snow they could to broadcast to the rest of the world but I mean come on. It's New York. We're supposed to get snow.

Seeing as how we haven't really gotten any snow this entire winter, I'd hardly say we were in a state of emergency. Getting heavy snowfall for about 12 hours and then having it turn 50 degrees for the following 4 days does not a blizzard make.

But I did get to see a lady fall down, so it was kind of worth it.

DOGGONIT

On my way home from work today I had to stop by TKTS (for those of who you don't know, that's a ticketing place in the middle of Times Square). I have to swing by there about once every other shift I work but today was the first time there was soemone there from The Late Show with David Letterman.

"Free tickets to tomorrow's show," she was calling out and I was was surprised that no one was crowding around her. I mean come on, it's freakin' Letterman!!

I missed my first chance to go see a taping last year, so I was determined not to miss chance #2. I approached her and asked her what time the taping is (I work tomorrow until 3).

She said the taping is at 5:30 (YES!), they start seating at 4:30 (YES!) but you have to check in by 3 at the latest (NO!).

So I missed it. Again. And here's the kicker. I know, I just KNOW, tomorrow is going to be a slow day at work and they're going to say "Hey Ed, you can go home early" and I'm going to be bitter.

So, no one tell me who's on Letterman tomorrow. I don't want to know what I missed. Unless it's like Burt Reynolds. Then it's all good.

Because I Am A Dork

Today on my way home from work I was crossing the street at 40th and 6th. As I neared the other side of the street I was approached by a beautiful woman.

Before I go any further, let me point something out. If you know me then you know that I've never been one to ogle girls or whoop and catcall; I like to think I'm a little more respectful than that. So when I say this woman was beautiful, I'm saying she was beautiful.

Across the street in Bryant Park is some kind of fashion show deal and there were a lot of models walking around so I wondered if perhaps she was a model.

So anyhow, this stunning woman approaches me. And when she spoke, she had an accent, Dutch or Swedish, which made her exponentially hotter.And she asked me which way was Broadway.

So I told her I was going that way, I'd show her. She laughed and threw her head back and said "Thanks!" and we ended up stopping for coffee and conversation and it was a wonderful time.

Oh no, wait. That's what would have happened if this blog was titled "Because I Am A Stud." And I'm not a stud, I'm a dork, so I must admit that's not what happened. What really happened, because I am a dork, is this:

I said, "It's that way" (as I point in the very direction I am walking!) and then keep walking and leave her standing there and the entire rest of the way home my self-hatred abounds.

Nothing important

I saw Saturday Night Live for the first time in like 8 months this past weekend. Steve Martin was the host and it wasn't a bad show. I laughed out loud on a few occasions and was glad to catch the groove again.

Today when I leave work I'm heading to the library to pick up a copy of "The Aristocrats" I reserved. Let the swearing begin!!

Wow...

I'm still a little buzzed from tonight. No, I haven't been drinking but with all humility I can honestly say that tonight at the National Comedy Theatre, we threw down a helluva couple of shows.

Also playing tonight was Kramer, Chris, Kevin, JT, and Dan (Dan is another newbie to the group and tonight was his first show! He did a great job!).

Both shows were clicking and everything fell into place. We had a couple of really good crowds and they were into it as well. We went up there with a great cockiness (the good kind of cockiness; we went up there knowing we could do no wrong and were guaranteed to have fun and bring the audience with us for a good ride) and we brought it home. Both shows, bam, bam, one right after another.

Once in a while you have a night where you can do no wrong and tonight was definitely one of them for us. It was such a good time and an amazing experience. I'm looking forward to another great show tomorrow night, too. Bring it on!

"Mirror Mirror"

A few posts ago I mentioned the book by Gregory Maguire, Wicked, and how much trouble I was having getting into it. Quite the opposite with his earlier book Mirror Mirror.

Just like Wicked is a re-telling of the story of The Wizard of Oz from the point of view of the Wicked Witch of the West, Mirror Mirror re-tells the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. To say that he re-tells the story so adults can enjoy it may be over-simplifying it, but truth be known that is exactly what Maguire does.

Where did the magical mirror come from? Why was Snow White a target of numerous attempts on her life? What if someone other than Disney got to name the Seven Dwarves? And what if there were eight of them?

I've never been a huge fan of "period" works but this one, much like The Princess Bride, was easy to get into. If you're looking for something new (and at the same time familiar) to read, put this one near the top of your list.

And The Award Goes To...

Last night was the Annual NCT Awards Banquet and it was a really good time. We met at El Quijote, a Spanish restaurant in The Village. The food was amazing (I had the red snappah...very tasty) and after we enjoyed our food Kramer gave out some mock awards to the gang. I walked away the proud recipient of the "Most Likely To Be Available For 208 Shows A Year" award (meaning every show, every weekend, because since I've joined up with the National Comedy Theatre I've been at every show). We all shared some good laughs and it was a pleasant evening to get dressed up, go out, and hang out with friends.

I Am Chita Rivera

At the National Comedy Theatre there is a game we play every show called 5 Things. One of our teammates will leave the room so they can't hear what's going on and the ref will get 5 activities from the audience (Olympic sports, team sports, extreme sports, household chores, etc). After getting those 5 activities the ref will then go back to the audience to get substituions for those activiities. For instance, a suggestion we get a lot is Football. And instead of the ball, we will ask for something completely unlike a ball, not even sporting equipment. For example, a toaster. Then instead of playing against a football team, the ref might ask for a famous group of people to replace the football team. And we'll get crazy replacements like that for each of the five activites. The player who left the room will then return and the rest of the team has to get the player to guess all five activities, with the replacement suggestions, but we can only use pantomime and gibberish to get the ideas across. So, we would have to get the person to play football but instead of a ball they're using a toaster and they are playing against N Sync and the Rolling Stones. Oh yea, and we have to get the person to guess all five things in three and a half minutes.

It's fast and furious, but it can be done. This week was a great week for 5 Things. I had a blast with it and surprised even myself at times. Friday night Chis and Virginia were on my team and Virgina was guessing. I'm not sure if I have the activity correct, but I believe we were trying to get her to guess that she was playing chess, the chess pieces were teeth, and she was playing against CHITA RIVERA. I don't know how in the world I got her to guess Chita Rivera (no one thought she'd figure it out) but Virginia came through and she nailed it. During the same show, Chris and I had to get her to figure out she was playing soccer and she was playing against the Mormons and the Amish. Chris and I were working like madmen and Virginia got that, too! It was a blast.

Saturday night I was playing on a team with Amy and Isaac. Isaac was guessing and Amy was trying to get him to guess "Liza Minelli." I had no idea how she was going to do it, but Amy did a great impression of Judy Garland having a baby and it was hilarious. Of course Isaac got it correct.

If you are in the NYC area on a weekend you should definitely swing by and catch a show. The upcoming schedule is listed on the front of my profile. There's also a Valentine's Day show coming up on the 14th and if you'd like to take some workshop classes they are coming quickly as well.

Saturday was my 20th performance with the team (I've been playing every Friday and Saturday night for a little over a month now) and I'm having a blast. Good times. :)

Oscar, Oscar

Today on my way to work I passed by this display advertising the upcoming announcement of Oscar nominees tomorrow morning. And in the window was a case FULL of Academy Awards.

It was glorious!

Point-of-View

It's funny how, when you're married and walking around in the big city you're surrounded by people walking around, chatting, drinking coffee, or sight-seeing.

And then when you're single again and walking around in the big city you're surrounded by couples walking around, chatting, drinking coffee, or sight-seeing.

Isn't it weird how your position in life alters your perspective?

"The Colorado Kid"

I just finished reading "The Colorado Kid" by Stephen King. King had come out a few years ago announcing his retirement but deep down I think all of his fans knew that was never gonna happen. As difficult as the writing process can be, when you have so many stories to tell I think it's harder to not tell them.

"Kid" was published by Hard Case, a crime-story book publishing company. If you think you know Stephen King, then this is proof that you don't. No gore. No guts. No demon-posessed anythings. Just the tale of two old newspaper men passing on to their new colleague a mystery that's had them stumped for 25 years.

A dead man was found on the beach of their small New England town and that's about all that is known for certain. Who was he? Why was he there? How did he get there? There are a lot of questions going into it and just to give you fair warning, King doesn't supply many answers. The story is less about the mystery than it is the relationship of the two men telling the story and the young reporter they are telling it to.

Because answers are so few and far between, I would have been upset had this been the standard 700-page King tome, but this story weighs in at a slim 184 pages and can easily be read in a weekend (or afternoon if you're really making good time). It's an easy read (most King books are) and he still knows how to tell a good story and draw you in. So sure, I'll recommend this one. Just know going into it that this book is a mystery, and mysteries are called that because not all of the answers are there.

"Which Lie Did I Tell?"

I just finished reading Which Lie Did I Tell? More Adventures in the Screen Trade by William Goldman. Much like the previous book I read, Truth by Al Franken, it's one of those books for a select demographic. If you're into politics and current events, you'll probably enjoy Truth. If you're into movies and how they get made, then you'll enjoy WLDIT.

The author may not be a household name, but you know his work. He wrote The Princess Bride (the book and the screenplay), Marathon Man (ditto), Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid, and the screen versions of Misery, Absolute Power, and Maverick.

The book is broken up into three sections. In the first part, Goldman talks about each of the scripts he wrote and what he was doing/going through when he wrote them and the process he went through to see it made into a film. He's very honest about who he liked working with (Mel Gibson, Rob Reiner) and who he didn't (Val Kilmer) so if you're into Hollywood gossip you might enjoy that as well. It's a really interesting look at what goes on behind the curtain of the great Hollywood machine.

In the second part, he reprints scenes from various movies (the zipper scene from There's Something About Mary and the orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally) and deconstructs them. Why did they work? What could have been different? What shouldn't have? He also interviews the authors of those scenes and tries to get into their headspace as well.

In the final section, Goldman presents you with an almost-complete new movie script he has written. He sent the same script to some fellow screen writers and asked them to "critique the shit out of it." He then reprints their comments, both good and scathingly blunt, and it's interesting to see the different point of views people come away with.

If you're into the whole movie world and behind-the-scenes scoop, you might want to give this a read. If, however, it's not your cup of tea, then don't feel bad about skipping over this one.

I had started reading Wicked by Gregory Maguire (yes, the book the big musical of the same name is based on) but to be honest, I'm finding it hard to get through. I'm not a big fan of the writing style and, quite frnakly, I'm bored. I've only just started it (I'm currently on page 55) but so far I don't care what happens next. I'm not eagerly devouring the pages. I'm just not hooked. I'm going to give it a break and try it again later. In the meantime I will be reading something else and hopefully when I come back to it with fresh eyes I'll be able to jump in with both feet.

As always, I will keep you posted on my literary adventures.

What I Almost Stepped In 2

[Ed's note: This blog is not for the weak of stomach. Don't say I didn't warn you]

Today I almost stepped in vomit. Three times.

I think.

I know the last time was definitely vomit. The first two I'm still not sure of.

This morning on my way to work I was crossing Broadway at 40th Street. As I got to the opposite sidewalk and was stepping up onto the curb I looked down into the gutter and saw this huge...the only word I can think of is mass. It was just an amazingly incredible amount of, of something. Which is the reason I doubt it was actually vomit. It was an actual pile. Regardless, I still took care to walk around it.

On my way home from improv rehearsal I came across suspicious speciman number two. As I got closer, I realized it may not have been vomit but actually was chili that someone didn't want and threw to the ground. At least, I told myself it was just chili. But I'm still not sure.

The last incident was right outside of Port Authority and this, my friend, was the real thing. Real vomit. And how do I know it was real? Because rats were eating it.

True story. Welcome to New York!